citrusina replied to your post:there were a few times when several polish blogs...
Why do you feel uncomfortable?
it's stupid but some things on tumblr hit me personally, i mean i'm usually fine/neutral with posts/photos related to views, opinions, systems that are opposed to mine because like 99% of bloggers share those views and i usually don't bother arguing over it
but there are other things. i always were kind of an 'underground' blog, getting little reblogs or follows due to different reasons i guess (e.g. the proportions between art and other things like personal text posts - probably too much art for a regular blogger to follow me and too much other things to get a follow from art bloggers) and a lot of them are from people i got to know on the internet before i joined tumblr. that's why when i get several followers in a short time i feel like i'm observed and that something has happened without me knowing about it. last summer i even installed a google analytics script on my blog and for example that led me to find out that one day i got 3 or 4 followers because someone posted a link to my blog on their ask.fm page.
the other thing is unfollowing. because as i said before i get litle followers, i consider a 'follow' as a 'proof of trust' and when i get unfollowed by someone i feel like i let them down, just like i do with most of people in real life. i guess it's because for a half of my life my only achievements were related to studying and as they're gone since i was in high school, there are little achievements in my life, mostly disappointments and failures and keeping up with the 'normal course of events' is usually the best i can do. this year uni and most of personal things go even worse than they used to so i'm totally oversensitive about every failure of mine in any field, incl. tumblr.
and as for polish blogs making me even more unconfortable it's in the first place because of what i wrote in tags under that post and also because of that 'being observed' thing, i won't ever meet any of those polish bloggers in person but in the physical sense they're closer than my followers from australia or usa so the feelings are more intense.
to conclude: like in everything else, i don't know what i really want when i'm here, i want to get followers to prove i've got a taste in things and at the same time i don't want to be followed because i don't want to be observed and let anyone down. i want some kind of privacy and at the same time i write dozens of personal text posts. i envy bloggers that have got a lot of interaction with their followers and i feel anxious even when i write to mutual followers.
