Love As Self Destruction
I’m reading this book
about a stalker
and I’m falling in love with him
in spite of every bit of foreplay
enticing the inevitable conclusion
his love turned rage will be
her murdered end
he’ll kill her, his love
like he did his last one
like you did me
but with blood and bodies
instead of hearts and hope
All this love and obsession
is shining lights in
places I keep dark for a reason
my entire life a battle
against obsessive thoughts
addictions to storylines
making it so that
nothing is more romantic
than for someone to be
completely and utterly
spun out, upside down
hooked on me
like you were
in the beginning
The self hate flowing through
that craving peeks
through the blinds
me looking in on me
for I know from experience
that obsession runs both ways
love of that variety
doesn’t just dissipate
into nothingness
not once you’ve allowed
it to consume you altogether
nothing left to transmute
itself into
but nocuous hate
And so then
I only fall for men
a part of me knows
will hate me in the end
- C. Ivy