𝐓𝐨 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤, 𝐑𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭? 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 : 𝐒𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐮𝐧 𝐱 𝐅!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 : 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭 𝐓𝐖 : 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 ; 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭-𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 ; 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐞𝐬 ; 𝐚𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐨𝐥 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐦 ; 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐱𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 ; 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : 𝟓.𝟕𝐤
“I love you to the moon and back…” He cooed as he leaned over you on the couch. You had been perfectly positioned between his legs, your head resting against his chest as you both reveled in each other's company. It felt like it had been forever since you had seen him last, but the truth be told, it had only been about a week, which seemed to be the longest the two of you could stand to be away from each other.
You cringed at the cheesy sentiment, your nose scrunched up as he pressed quick kisses across your forehead. “You’re so corny.” You playfully whined, trying to move away from the onslaught of affection that didn’t seem like it would let up anytime soon. “And your kisses are so sloppy!” You squealed as his hands slowly slipped from around you, the thought in your mind that he was about to let you get up, but instead they attached to your hips, tickling you ruthlessly as his own laughter sounded from above your head.
“You never complained about it before!” He teased back, his fingers still working at your sides as you tried to wiggle and squirm your way down the couch in an attempt to escape, but his own body seemed to move with yours, every inch you moved, he seemed to move as well. “Are you trying to avoid my love!” His portrayal of shock was over dramatic and adorable, his hands finally moving away from your sides to fly up to his heart, his head falling back loosely to the arm of the couch.
“No…” You said in between the breaths that you struggled to catch, rolling over onto your stomach now and laying on top of him, your own lips creating a trail of kisses along his jaw and across his cheek until you reached his nose, pecking it swiftly before craning your neck to look down at him. “You just kept missing the target.”
He gasped loudly, immediately flipping you over and pinning you beneath him, a sly smile on his face as he slowly moved closer to yours until his lips were hovering just above your own. “I guess I shouldn’t keep you waiting, right?” In response you shook your head no, puckering your lips to meet his, but as if it had all been strategically planned, he quickly moved his head to the side to press a wet kiss to your cheek causing you to groan in teasing disgust.
“Ruuuude!” You whined, weakly pushing against him, although there was nowhere else you’d want him to be than where he was right now. “You say you love me sooo much, but you won’t even kiss me.” You pouted up at him, dropping your hands from his chest to cross over your own and he didn’t even try to hide the smile as he looked down at you.
“You’re so cute, sweetie…” He cooed, finally kissing you the way you both had wanted, a soft hum escaping his lips as they moved against your own. “I just love teasing you… You can have all the kisses you want.”
Oh how the times change, and it doesn’t even take that long to change either. Everything seemed perfect, everything was perfect, at least in your mind, that’s the way he had made it seem. You love Seunghun, and he never gave you any reason to think that the feeling wasn’t mutual. He’d show up to your apartment with flowers and an endless foray of kisses as if you were the only girl in his life, the only person in his world.
You thought that you were, you really did… There had been no sign of change, no red flags that everyone warns of, he was the same Seunghun that you had fallen in love with, and you didn’t think that you had changed, you were the same girl that he said he loved and adored and wanted to spend forever with. There was no lying in his voice, none that you could pick up on at least, so where had it all gone wrong?
A visit to his dorm, it was something that you always did, something that he always welcomed, you were always invited. He had told you to come over for dinner, it had been planned out a week in advance so that the both of you knew that your schedules would be clear. You had been expected, so you didn’t understand why…
Why had you walked into the dorm to find all the lights off, which wouldn’t have been a problem if you hadn’t tripped over the shoes that had been so carelessly taken off right in front of the door. With a flick of a lightswitch, you saw that the shoes weren’t his, they weren’t any of the other members either, they were red high heels, clearly not your own, but you wrote it off as another member having someone over. If you had turned back there, would it have made any difference in the grand scheme of things?
You’d never know though, walking further into the dorm, the emptiness was so obvious, it felt like you were the only person in there. You were quiet, trying to listen for the sound of anything or anyone, and that’s when you heard the low moans coming from the bedroom, a bedroom that you had become all too familiar with.
The first thought that came to mind was that he was just… watching something, passing the time until you were supposed to show up, unaware that you were already there. It made you giggle quietly, your body vibrating as you walked closer to the door, your hand reaching out for the knob and turning it slowly, not wanting to surprise him too much.
You wished that you hadn’t, you wished that you would have turned around right then and there, given him the peace that he wanted, at least you wouldn’t have had to walk in on it, walk in on him, you wouldn’t have had to see the undeniable proof. You could have stayed in denial, it most likely would have been better than what you were dealing with right now.
They weren’t even under the blankets, ballsy, cocky, and arrogant enough to perform on top of the comforter, a show for all those who might have accidentally walked in. You couldn’t even make a sound as you looked at your boyfriend underneath the woman who… who wasn’t you. “Uhm… Who’s that?” The girl whispered, pausing as she looked between you and Seunghun. She didn’t even know about you, which is more likely than the opposite considering you didn’t know about her either.
His head craned around the woman’s body, his eyes finally landing on you as you stood in the doorframe, and you could only imagine how pathetic you looked with your glossy eyes and your trembling boot lip, your look of shock at what you thought would never happen, could never happen. “It’s… Y/N, hey… I thought… Because you weren’t supposed to be here until… Shit.” He practically pushed the girl off, and amazingly, she had the nerve to look just as insulted as you felt as she landed face up on the mattress beside him.
“Please don’t… Don’t try to explain… This…” You motioned around the room before stepping back as he scurried off the bed, collecting his pants off the floor and struggling to put them on as he walked over to you. His hand reached out to grab yours, but you quickly swatted it away, shaking your head at him as you backed up against the wall, your knees buckling as you tried to hold yourself up. “Don’t… I don’t want you… I don’t… I need to go…” You stammered, shrinking into yourself as you walked past him, not even wanting to brush against him, the thought of any kind of contact with his body made you physically ill.
He called after you, his feet following behind you as you made your way to the front door which was thrown open, Byounggon, Jinyoung, Yonghee, and Hyunsuk rushing in, laughing amongst themselves, unaware as to what had just happened, but their laughter shortly faded when they felt the tension in the room. “What’s… What’s going on?” Jinyoung asked, looking between you and Seunghun questionably, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked at his hyungs bare torso and your teary eyes.
“Nothing is going on…” Seunghun muttered, looking at you with eyes full of pleas for you to listen to him, to stay with him. Jinyoung pursed his lips, the suspicion evident on his face, but Byounggon patted his back, shaking his head as if to tell the younger member not to question it right now. “Y/N… Just listen… I-” He cut himself off, running his hands through his hair, becoming more and more stressed as he tried to come up with an excuse for what you had just seen.
“I’d really rather not.” You stood your ground, not allowing him to get the better half of you, knowing that if you did stay and listen, you could potentially fall foolish to whatever he planned on saying and doing. “Plus, your girlfriend is waiting for you.” You motioned your head over to the doorway where the girl was standing, the blanket wrapped around her body to shield herself from the eyes of all the guys that were now whispering in the living room, most likely figuring out what was really going on. “Don’t call me, don’t text me… You don’t exist to me, and I’d rather not exist to you. Alright?”
You truly meant it, or at least, you felt like you did. It was like an internal game of tug of war with yourself, and it was hard to figure out which side was really winning. You never thought that he’d hurt you the way he did, but for some reason, your heart was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. It was only one time, it’s not like he would do it again… But would he? Listening to your heart was foolish, it only made it harder for you to try to forget about him, even after all the pictures and mementos were gone.
“I love you to the moon and back” His words would repeat in your mind on a loop, it was like they were haunting you, mocking you for believing such a foolish phrase. How far was the moon anyway when it came to love? Shouldn’t it at least be Mars, or maybe Jupiter to show that you were worth the extra distance? It was stupid. What did the moon have to do with it anyway?
At least he hadn’t tried to get in contact with you, or… Maybe he did, you weren’t really sure considering your phone had been turned off from the second you walked through your front door in a fit of tears. It’s not like you needed to hear from him or read a text with some last minute, strung together excuse or apology that would be his attempt to get you back, you didn’t need it then and you sure as hell didn’t need it now. There was no excuse for what he did, no reason for him to have hurt you the way he did, and so blatantly too. He knew that you were coming over, he knew that he was expecting you… He really assumed that he’d be able to finish and get the girl out before you showed up, and that only made you question it more of how long something like this has been going on and how many times he had done it.
There was no real reason to question it though, there was no use dwelling on it or trying to figure out what was really going on or the frame of time that it had been happening. The past was just that, it was in the past, and you had seen enough with your own two eyes that you didn’t need any more answers than the ones that had been put right in front of you. There was nothing more for you to do than move on, or at least attempt to begin the process.
It was easier said than done though, with your trust absolutely gone, you couldn’t even begin to think of moving on with anyone in regards to romance or a relationship, but even going about your daily life seemed to resonate in some shape or form with him. There was a lot that you and Seunghun did together, and those were some of the best days of your life, some of the best memories that you had were with him, it was hard to just give all of those up no matter how hard you tried or how much you wanted to.
Time is the best medicine, it was something that you had heard before, that time could heal all wounds, time this and time that, but truthfully, there was no truth behind it. The more time that passed, the more you seemed to think of all the time that you could be sharing with him had he not fucked up. Time could maybe help the memories fade, but it could never completely get rid of what you had walked in on, of what you had seen. Time could never heal the wounds that you had gotten from him, so really… Was time the best medicine?
“Come out with us, it’ll be fun, really!” Your friend's attempts at persuasion weren’t the best, but you had sat in your apartment for what felt like eons and you didn’t want to be there anymore, the walls that surrounded you had begun to feel like a prison. “You can get all dressed up and you’ll look super sexy, you’ll find someone who might make you forget about him, at least for the night.” The thought of forgetting, the promise of being free from those memories for even a few short hours had you nodding your head fervently, pushing yourself up off the couch and heading straight for your room with your friends following excitedly behind you.
“Don’t go overboard or anything, I still want to be recognizable.” You joked, although there was a hint of seriousness thrown in that you hoped your friends would pick up on. The three of them worked diligently over you, trying to cover the bags that had formed under your eyes from sleepless nights spent up crying and sniffling into your pillow, tediously brushing out the knot that had formed in your hair and moisturizing your face so you didn’t look like the zombie that you had felt like for so long.
Your friend snorted loudly, swiping the blush brush under your nose in an attempt to try to get you to laugh, or at least smile a little as they worked on you. “Honey, everyone will recognize you, they’re gonna recognize how hot you are. You need this, you need some you time, some girl time!” The other girls all agreed, cheering in unison, and while you weren’t the type to get done up like this, you could see that they were trying, and you loved them for it, so you weren’t going to stop them, you’d enjoy the time that you had with them, the only time that it felt like you could really be free from your thoughts.
You felt like a completely different person when you stepped out of the back of the cab, the other girls scooting out right behind you, and while they all seemed to be used to dressing up this way and going out, you felt like someone else, someone new, and while that should have been scary, it would have been scary, but right now, it was almost empowering. You liked the feeling of being in this… different skin, this new look, and along with it, a new attitude. You were ready to enjoy the night, to walk into the club and just relax, which sounded almost contradictory, but you would finally be able to focus on yourself, on having fun again, and that was all the relaxation that you really needed.
Walking into the club was like walking into a new world, and it’s not that you hadn’t been out to a club before, it had just been so long, but the music and the smell of alcohol, it was freeing in a way that you couldn’t quite understand yourself. Your feet carried you to the bar and your friends followed behind you, your bodies moving to the rhythm of the music that pulsed through the floorboards beneath your feet. “First rounds on me!” Your friend shouted to you and the girls, trying to be heard over the music, and while neither of you could make out what she was saying, you all simply nodded, continuing to enjoy the music, your bodies rocking and swaying to the beat as you stood against the counter.
Shot after shot was lined up and tipped back, the liquor strong, but not taking its full effect yet as you all continued to sit on the barstools. “Should we go out on the floor?” You asked, your body beginning to heat up, but you wrote it off to just the body heat of everyone else in the building. Without even waiting for your friends agreement, you got up from the stool, your feet almost giving out beneath you as the alcohol rushed through you at the sudden movement, but you were quick to catch your balance, smoothing down your dress and heading out into the sea of people that were dancing under the flashing lights.
You weren’t sure where you were going, it was like your feet were moving on their own, bringing you to the center of the floor with everyone surrounding you, and even when you were so enclosed, in such a tight area, you had never felt so free. You wouldn’t have been able to do something like this if you were still in a relationship, your reputation was just as important as Seunghuns when you were together. There was no issue of trust, you didn’t have to worry about getting your feelings hurt, you didn’t have to worry about commitment as you looked through the crowd, finding the first guy there that you could dance with.
You didn’t care, you just wanted to have fun, you wanted to forget. There were no strings that attached the man to you, and while he was attractive, there was nothing there except your drive to get over everything that had happened to you. The man’s hands held onto your waist as you danced against him, his body moving rhythmically with your own, keeping you close against him as it did. Your hands were held on top of his, keeping them where they were, the alcohol coursing through your system having you in a complete state of bliss as the warmth of the man’s body seeped through your clothes, only heating you up more.
“We came out to have fun, to get your mind off your own mistake, and you’re still sulking.” Yonghee said, leaning over the table that he, Seunghun, and Byounggon were sitting at. Byounggon had gone to the bar to grab more drinks, but Seunghun continued to sit in the booth, overlooking everyone and everything with a look of disinterest. He wanted no part of it even if he had agreed to go out, he was coming to the realization that it wasn’t as fun and mind clearing as he had hoped it would be. “Look, you guys broke up like… three months ago. You need to get over it, it was your fault anyway.” Seunghuns neck practically snapped as he turned to look at his younger friend who simply shrugged as if what he had said shouldn’t have pissed him off as much. “I’m sure she’s already over it.”
He didn’t want to hear it, he wanted to hope that you were holding onto the same hope that he was, that things would work out, that with time the relationship would be able to heal and come back together, but it had been three months and he hadn’t heard from you at all. “I made one mistake… I don’t know what happened… But I’ve regretted it every single day. I hurt her, I shouldn’t be having fun… This is bullshit.” Seunghun muttered just as Byounggon came back with the drinks, setting them out on the table in front of everyone before taking his own seat, his face contorted into one of deep thought and awkwardness.
“You would not believe who’s here right now…” He said, taking a swig of his drink before looking around at the others. It was an open ended question, one that was open for any array of answers that they could come up with, but neither of the guys seemed interested in what he had to say. “Come on… I’ll give you three guesses… If you’re wrong you have to take a sip.”
Yonghee sighed, shaking his head as he wracked his mind for the answer that Byounggon was potentially looking for. “I don’t know… The girl that Seunghun cheated on Y/N with?” He asked, and Seunghuns annoyance at the answer was palpable, his groan loud enough to be heard over the blasting music.
Byounggon shook his head, pointing his finger at Yonghee. “No… But you’re close, you’re super close.” He said, waiting for Yonghee to take a sip from his drink before looking at Seunghun who simply shook his head, not wanting to take part in the foolish game that his hyung was playing right now. “Fine, you don’t want to play… Alright. But, she’s here… Y/N’s here. I saw her.”
That was enough to have him perking up, his back shooting up straight as his eyes darted around the crowded club, trying to find you, and it was like trying to find a needle in a haystack. There were so many people, people that he had wanted to avoid this entire time, but now he found himself wanting to swim through them basically just to find you. “Where, where is she?” He asked impatiently, pushing away from the table to try to get a better view of everyone around.
“Well… Last I seen her…” Byounggon paused, bringing his bottom lip between his teeth, his sudden hesitation causing Seunghun to grow only more irritated and more impatient. “I don’t know man, she probably already left. Her and the guy were getting pretty close and… I…” His mouth snapped shut as he saw Seunghuns expression shift from worried, to blank, to pure anger in a matter of seconds. “You can’t be mad!” Byounggon tried to call after him, but Seunghun had already stormed off, pushing his way through everyone to try to find you.
“So this is either going to be super bad, or he’ll somehow get her back… I’m banking on really bad though.” Yonghee said, leaning back in his chair as he sipped on his drink, earning himself a look of disbelief from the oldest member. “What? Come on, do you really think this is going to work out in his favor? She couldn’t possibly want to see him again.” Byounggon knew that the younger member was only stating the facts as he saw them, but it didn’t annoy him any less. This was their bandmate, their brother in a sense, and the fact that he was acting so nonchalant about it all was getting under his skin.
Out on the floor, Seunghun could catch little glimpses of you through the people that seemed to purposely crowd around you the closer he thought he got. Calling out your name proved pointless with the sound of the music that deafened him and most certainly everyone else on the floor. With each little glimpse that he got of you though, it felt like his blood would simmer more and more, and he knew very well that he had no right to feel the anger that he was at the moment, but it didn’t change the fact that in his mind, you were still his, and the sight of any other man around you had him wanting to rip his hair out.
“Y/N!” He called out once more when he felt like you were within arms reach, and he knew that you could hear him with the way your eyes flickered up in his direction only to turn away once more. “Son of a-....” He didn’t finish his sentence, but his nostrils flared with rage. You hadn’t given him the opportunity to explain himself, and while there wasn’t much to really explain that would make what he did acceptable, the least you could have done was hear him out. “Hey!” He shouted once he was in front of you, loathing the way your body seemed to mesh with the man behind you, not just that, but it was bile inducing the way the man’s hands seemed to carelessly roam around your body as if you were his to touch.
“What… What are youuu doing here…? Huh?” You weakly sassed him, your speech slurring and your body wobbling from your obvious drunkenness. A pang of worry and guilt flitted through Seunghun as he looked at you, knowing that you were absolutely oblivious to what you were truly doing and he knew that the alcohol that you ingested was most likely just the chaser to the pain that he had caused you. “Shouldn’t you…” You hiccuped mid sentence, giggling lightly at the sound of it, and the man behind you laughed as well as he nuzzled his nose into your neck, the way you tilted your head to allow him to do it had Seunghuns stomach churning with anger and jealousy. “Mmn… Shouldn’t you be… Home… Banging your girlfriend or something.” You mumbled, an emotionless snicker escaping you after you had said it, your face completely devoid of emotion as well.
You had been hurt, and he knew that it was his fault, but it hadn’t been planned, he never wanted to hurt you, and he surely didn’t want to see you get hurt by doing something foolish and he felt like something like that would happen if you stayed where you were at, if he walked away from you right now. That’s why, as much you hated him, as much as you wanted him to leave you alone, he just couldn’t, so he grabbed your wrist and started dragging you towards the edge of the crowd. The man that you had been dancing with called after you once, but no more after the initial pull away. Once you were out of the man’s sight, it was like you didn’t exist anymore. If you had been sober, the thought alone would have been upsetting, but you were too intoxicated to care.
“What were you thinking? You don’t know that guy, you don’t know any of these people here. What if something had happened to you?” He sternly questioned you, his face so close to yours that you could feel the heat of his breath hit your face with every word he spoke. The closeness was excruciating because the last time you had been this close to him his arms had been around you, merely seconds away from your lips crashing against one anothers, but now he was angry, no, scratch that, furious at your carelessness. “Who are you even here with? Don’t tell me you came alone, you can’t be that reckless. Tell me you’re not that reckless.” There was an edge to his voice that even your fuzzy mind could pick up on, but you could only scoff in response, the warmth in your stomach giving you an edge of your own.
You rolled your eyes, taking a step away from him as you shook your head, your eyes glancing around the room that seemed to have a haze around the edges, although you were sure that was just your drunken visibility diminishing. “Don’t act like you care now, Seunghun… You never cared. You looove me to the moon and back? Huh? Well… Fuck you… And your lies… And your stuuupid moon.” He couldn’t tell if your eyes were glassy because of the drinks or if you were on the verge of crying, but in a second, the first tear fell, smudging the little bit of mascara that had coated your bottom lashes. “I never want to see you again.”
Your voice didn’t slur, it was the most composed thing you had said to him that night, it was as if you had sobered up completely just to hit him with the words he didn’t want to hear. “You don’t understand… It was a mistake… Y/N, believe me. She was part of the staff and… She came over, I don’t know what happened… I just know that… I-” His voice broke, the air hitching in his throat and his chest shaking with the breath he was trying to take. “I did it… But… It meant nothing… I swear to you, you’re the only person I love, the only girl I want to be with… Believe me.”
With narrowed eyes, you looked at him, studied him as if he were some sort of foreign object that you were trying to understand, and a part of that was true. You were trying to understand him, trying to understand how he can still so blatantly claim he loved you after what he had done. It was like his words had evaporated any trace of alcohol that was left in your system, and you wanted nothing more than to run back over to the bar to grab another one just to ease the pain that you were beginning to feel once again.
“That’s a shit excuse, Seunghun and you know it.” You mumbled, keeping your eyes from landing on him, not wanting to see the distraught look on his face as he continued to listen intently to you. “Does that mean I should be able to fuck everyone at work just because I’m close to them? I’ll just invite them over and let them rail me and then go to you and say ‘Sorry, didn’t mean it, try to understand’...” His head shook fervently, both denying and trying to shake the thought of anyone other than him being able to love you the way only he does. “But you would have never had to worry about that anyway… And I thought I wouldn’t have to worry about it either… I was wrong… I guess we were both wrong.”
His mouth opened and closed but no sound escaped, he looked like a fish out of water, gasping for air, trying to hold on to something that he was losing his grip on, he was trying to hold onto you. “No, no, I was wrong. I was wrong, Y/N. You are perfect, you’re amazing and you’re beautiful and… I messed that up. I messed everything up, but I want to try to fix things, I want to get us back because I feel like we can. We can start over, we can fix this… You know that I love you… You’re all that I want…”
The look in his eyes screamed that he was genuine, but he was also desperate, desperate to get back the one thing that had given him happiness in his life. He needed you, he needed you more than anything because you were everything to him. The entire world could fall apart around him, but he’d still find a reason to smile if you were on his doorstep, the center of the crumbling scene behind you.
One step closer, his eyes glanced down to look at your feet just to make sure he wasn’t imagining the closing space between the two of you, but he saw the toes of your shoes against his own, the closest the two of you had been in what felt like forever. Leaning in, your lips closer than ever to his, it was like he could feel them brush against his own if you had started talking, and you did, and he did, he could feel it, he could feel them. “No…” Was all you said, and that word, that two letter word that most would brush off felt so heavy, so crushing that he could fall to his knees and be swallowed up by the floor beneath him. Your lips pressed against his once, and he could feel it, a goodbye that held more meaning than the words themselves could carry. “I love… I loved… You…” You were having trouble finding the words to say, especially with the way he was looking at you, his bottom lip trembling, the gloss that you had left behind on his lips shakily reflecting the lights of them. “There’s nothing to fix, I’m over it… I can’t trust you… I don’t want to put myself in the position of being hurt again if I tried to trust you… So please… Just stop…”
The world was falling, crashing and burning in a universe that was filled with other planets that seemed to be doing fine. Maybe it wasn’t the world that was falling, maybe it was just his. Everything that he had built his entire life around, the thought of being with you forever was a dream he had held onto for what felt like a lifetime, and now it felt like nothing more than a silly wish that a kid would make while blowing out candles on a birthday cake. It’s not that someone had taken his dreams away, if that were the case he could have been angry, he would have been angry, but the only person he had to blame was himself. He had trashed everything just for a moment of lust, fueled by the cheap wine that he and the staff member had picked up on the way back to the dorms. He didn’t even know why he had done it. He would never really know why, but he did know the outcome of it, he knew that once you walked away from him it would be the last time you would and he could only hate himself for what he had caused.
