Jan 29, 2014
Mmm orgies.
seen from Netherlands
seen from Hong Kong SAR China
seen from China
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seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
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seen from Brazil
Mmm orgies.
You Should Be Hated Here
Part Five
1 Year Later.
"Harry why are you taking forever to chose the dog food? It’s a dog, it wants it’s usual kind, babe." Becca walked over to her boyfriend who was standing in the middle of the pet isle holding two different brands of the same dog food.
He smiled, eyes crinkling as he replied with a smug, “She’s pregnant! Only the best for my little lady.” Rolling her eyes all the way into her head Becca slapped Harry playfully on his bicep. He pretended to wince at the pain, causing the two to laugh a little loud. The old lady who was buying a large amount for what could only be explained as her multiple cats dinner, gave them a foul look.
"Harry she’s a pug. I don’t think she’ll order you to get any of her midnight cravings." Becca joked and threw in one of the packets he was holding. She pushed the trolled forward, looking at Harry as she did so. She didn’t notice the stranger in front of her as they clashed trollies.
"Oh! Sorry!" Becca said, wide eyed and apologetic. "L-Liam?" She stuttered, looking across to see Liam, his hair the same as he last saw her, his face the same. Becca had changed, however, her hair now dyed a pretty auburn colour, a little more meat on her bones and no more bags under her eyes. She was almost a different person, but she liked it that way.
"Becca. Sorry it was my fault." Liam replied quickly, trying to remove his trolley as he spoke.
"No, no! It was mine, I wasn’t actually looking. How- how’ve you been?" She asked with a smile on her face. It was weird to be smiling over Liam, because most memories of him weren’t the obvious best.
"Good thanks. I-I got my PT course done and now I’m opening up a gym with Andy. The markets big around here. Yourself?" He asked slightly dazed. Becca noticed that Harry was lingering over near the dog beds and thanked God he wasn’t present. That was the last thing she needed.
"Not too bad! I finished my degree to be a Kindergarten teacher. I start next week, actually." Harry walked over at this point, holding onto a large fluffy dog bed with the only explanation was ‘for Stella.’ He looked at Liam wearily and Becca knew an introduction was necessary. “Oh, Liam this is Harry. My boyfriend.” Liam outstretched a hand and Harry shook it.
"Becs told me all about you. It’s nice to finally meet you." Harry replied nicely and Becca wanted to kiss him for being so nice. Her biggest fear was another blow up between Harry and Liam like Zayn did.
"All bad I hope." Liam joked and Harry laughed shaking his head.
"No, she refers to you as the cool boyfriend. I’m the dork." Becca eased a little, delighted that Harry was being kind. It was something she loved about him, his ability to find a positive in anything.
"Oh is that so? Well, I really need to get a move on with my shopping, I have a nutrition class to teach in an hour. It was lovely seeing you Becca. Nice meeting you Harry. Or should I say dork?"
"It was great seeing you too, Liam! Hey wait, is your number the same?" Becca rushed I’ve to Liam who was walking away.
"Sure is." He replied with a smile.
"Great! We should go for coffee some time, maybe I could come to your gym. I really do need to lose a couple pounds!"
"No, no! You look lovely. However it would be nice to see a familiar face."
You Should Be Hated Here
Part Four
When Zayn returned he almost groaned having to sit next to Liam but complied after her received the rather demeaning look from his boyfriend. Louis decided it was time he spoke up, so with an encouraging voice he turned to Liam, “want to tell them what you planned to say?”
Liam nodded and looked at his palms, cheeks slightly reddening with the attention he was getting. “Well, I-I’m back.”
Zayn scoffed at Liam and stood, grabbing a cigarette from his pocket and heading outside. Louis followed him out the back door and ripped it from his hands, scolding his boyfriend with a mean look and dragging him back inside.
Liam was still staring at his hands but Becca was now looking at Liam with full attention. Louis took a spot next to Liam and Zayn almost jumped to sit next to Becca. “Continue, Liam.” Louis patted his shoulder and Liam nodded, straightening up a little.
"Well, I-"
Zayn interjected before the poor boy could speak and Louis knew that things weren’t going to be as smooth as planned. “Liam, what do you mean you’re back? Back for good? And let me ask you. Now that you’ve decided to be a complete gentleman and grace us with your presence, did you expect that life would just go back to the way it was a year and a half ago? Did you think that during your time of self growth, of finding yourself or whatever the fuck you were doing we just went on with out lives like it was no big issue? Because if you think that, then you’re more of an idiot than I assumed.” Louis almost yelled at Zayn for being side hurtful but part of him was just surprised at how confrontational Zayn was. He also was saying things that Louis wished to say, in a way better than Louis would have.
"You know, for the benefit of your ignorance, I’ll fill you in on what happened for the last 18 months. Becca felt responsible for everything. You know that? She’d cry herself to sleep every night wondering what she did to fuck up. Do you know what it’s like to feel someone sleep on your chest after crying so hard their rib cage aches and their cheeks sting? No, I don’t think you do, Liam. I don’t think you know what it’s like to watch someone you love be eaten away by some stupid easily preventable disease. It’s horrible, disgusting, unimaginable and yet Lou and I have had to experience it all. She was happy, bubbly girl with a core of just love and selflessness and now she can’t even function properly. You did this to her Liam. You hurt her. And now you’re back and you think that it’s all gone away? Well I can speak for Becca when I say it hasn’t, Liam."
"I- Becca I didn’t think it would be this… I didn’t think it would…I didn’t want to hurt you." Liam stuttered, taking in large breaths as he spoke. It was the makings of a panic attack and Louis cursed himself for feeling bad. Although everything Zayn said was painfully true, Louis also felt bad for Liam. Louis knew Liam better than most and knew that whatever Liam did in those 18 months, for what ever reason, he probably didn’t mean to hurt Becca like he did.
"Liam, take a deep breaths." Louis said calmly, shuffling over on the couch and resting a warm hand in Liam shoulder. Becca went off for a moment but Louis was preoccupied with Liam. Zayn was pacing the room, taking sharp quick breaths in an attempt to release his anger. It was like a juggling act and Louis wished that he never had the stupid idea in the first place. Becca returned with a glass of water for Liam and Louis felt a little weight off his shoulders. Liam took it great fully and skulled it within a few seconds.
She then went over to Zayn and took him outside, cigarette in hand and calm words prepared.
Louis turned to Liam who seemed to have calmed down slightly, “just, I’m sorry for that outburst, but you had to hear it Li.”
"No. You’re right. But, I want him to hear everything I have to say as well." Louis decided that Liam seemed to be collected enough to be left alone, so with a quick mention he went outside to see Zayn who was halfway through a cigarette. Becca opted not to, which was slightly different for her but then again, what could he expect when his boyfriend who never fights just yelled out to a weak person?
"Zayn, are you alright babe?" Louis asked putting his hand on the small of Zayn’s back, calming him down more than Becca could. He nodded politely.
"You want me to hear his side now." Louis just sighed and looked out into the horizon. It was a nice night, the wind barely strong enough to make them shiver but just enough to be a constant reminder. The sun was almost set, early nights the norm in the beginning of winter.
"Yes please." Louis mumbled and Zayn sighed. Louis could tell that Zayn was uncomfortable.
Making his way back inside Zayn mumbled to Louis his distaste in sitting near Liam so he made sure that there was some from of space between the two of them. Liam seemed okay, but still incredibly nervous and anxious. For once, Louis didn’t need to worry about Becca. She seemed to be holding it together better than all of them.
"Becca, you know I didn’t want to hurt you." Liam addressed Becca properly for the first time that night, looking directly at her and not at his hands. She looked back as well, their first eye contact in 18 months.
"Liam, I just want to know why."
Liam looked as stunned as Louis and Zayn were. Becca hadn’t spoken sincerely to Liam at all until this moment. Louis was just surprised she spoke in such a calm manner. “I- It wasn’t your fault. I started to lose my hair, I was always tired and I lost weight in crazy amounts. I went to the doctor and it turned out that I was stressed. They said it was best that I took some time off.”
"From training?" Becca asked but Louis and Zayn had no clue about this specific training. Liam was Liam! Sure he didn’t drink much, but neither man knew about this specific training thing.
"Yeah. Becs you know how much that meant to me. And I got a little depressed, so mum sent me to live with my aunt and got me a therapist. I wanted to write to you but they said I needed to focus on my own recovery. I’m really sorry Bec."
"Liam. I could have helped you." Rebecca replied, looking at him with admiration and love. Louis was so confused. He went from watching this girl mope around about Liam, cry for him, to be pleasant. The only explanation Louis had was that Liam was Becca’s light. And it sucked because she shouldn’t be this comfortable with him. She should have reacted like Zayn, but it was nice.
"I know. Becca if I could have had my time again things would be different. I just wanted to let you know that I really didn’t want to hurt you."
"I get that Liam, but, Like what Zayn said, you returning doesn’t fix things. And I was quite broken when you left. I didn’t know why you were gone or why you left half the things in my- our house. I tried calling you, emailing, then one day I got a call from your mother telling me to leave you alone. I thought you didn’t want me anymore Liam. I thought you were over me. For the longest time, even know, I believe that it was my fault. That I pushed you away." She stopped and took a long breath, trying to steady herself. It was the longest time Louis had ever seen her composed and he decided to not break it.
"The thing is, what we had won’t come back. And it pains me to say it, fuck, it kills me to. We’re older, we’ve experienced so many things in the time we were apart. It’s now up to us to say whether or not that it’s worth fighting for. I love you, Li. You know that, but I don’t think this is worth the fight."
"Why not?" Liam asked head shooting up at her comment. He was obviously expecting a different outcome. Not something along these lines, Louis thought.
"Because Liam, were different people. I’m not the Becca I was when I met you. I’m not the girl I became when we were dating. And I’d like to think that after today I won’t be the shell that I was before today. You’re a great guy but you’re not my Liam anymore. If we were to date, to salvage anything we had left, it would only be emotionally tiring on either side of the relationship."
"I understand." Liam whispered, looking to Louis for reassurance.
"I’m glad you do, Liam. Listen in a few months time if I saw you out of the blue, hey maybe we could start things over. But right now, I’m happy as is. Really. I only want the best for you, Liam. I still do love you."
"I love you, too.
You Should Be Hated Here
Part Three
Tuesday rolled around a lot quicker than anticipated and Louis got so carried away at work he left 45 minutes later than he needed. Sure, the extra time gave him more money but this not only put him far behind schedule but gave the possibility of Liam finding Zayn. Or worse, a reunion between Becca and Liam.
Turning on his phone Louis got a couple of messages from Zayn, saying that he was held back from work and wouldn’t be home until 6:30. Louis almost cried with relief, knowing that he had 30 minutes to prepare Liam before Zayn got home with Becca. (It was decided that Zayn would pick Becca up after work to give Louis time to prepare dinner without making a mess, he wasn’t as brilliant as Zayn in the kitchen but with enough time he could make a mean dinner.)
Arriving home he spotted Liam sitting in the doorway, scrolling mindlessly through his phone. Louis grabbed his briefcase and a bag of food he picked up from Tesco. “Liam!” Louis almost cheered. It was the most happy he was to see Liam. Sure he was 15 minutes early but that was Liam. He looked good too, his black jeans matched the light grey shirt he had on, slightly unbuttoned with a darker grey tee-shirt underneath.
Trust Liam to cover up.
"Hey Lou." He said happily, standing up and taking one of the bags from Louis hands. Louis almost laughed at how little Liam’s changed, and opened the door. He offered Liam a seat on the couch whilst he began to put things away.
If there was one thing Louis was horrible at, was time management. Somehow he always seemed to arrive late to things and forget about time completely. If Zayn was brilliant at something, it was being on time to places. So when Louis began dinner, talking away to Liam he didn’t understand why Liam stopped talking. Leaving the steaks on the grill he walked into the room to see his boyfriend halt from his spot at the front door, a protective arm wrapped around Becca who was behind him, trying to see past his tall stature.
"Liam." Zayn grunted, making Liam feel incredibly small. Zayn was terrifying when he was angry, his usual calm features expressed into rage. His jaw was clenched incredibly tight, body stiff like a statue. Any light that usually graced his gorgeous eyes were now gone. Becca seemed to fight against Zayn’s grasp on her waist, complaining of the pain he was causing her. Gently, Zayn snaked his arm away from her and turned around. With a hushed tone he changed Becca’s mood. The look on her face was morphed into the same look a deer has when about to be run over.
"Zayn, you’re… you’re early." Louis mumbled, feeling like a husband who’s just seen his mistress and husband meet for the first time.
"Care to explain?" He asked, with Becca still behind him. Louis nodded and walked over, telling Liam to stay where he was. Becca stood still, her hands shaking. She was trying to hold back her tears, but a few dropped onto her reddened cheeks. Louis led Zayn outside the open door kicking it shut with his foot.
"I was going to explain to you but everything got out of whack and I couldn’t. Please just don’t get angry with me, but Zayn a few weeks ago I got a call from Liam. He was back in town. As part of his ‘recovery process’ he needed to come back, he’s…" Louis paused noticing that Zayn wouldn’t budge. "He hasn’t told me anythign about where he was or why he left, but he still loves her babe." Zayn scoffed and rolled his eyes.
"He loves her so much that he makes her life shit? Some boyfriend he is."
"Play nice, then after dinner you can interogate him. But be gentle, he’s, he’s not like the old Liam. He can’t take hurtful comments."
"For you babe, I’ll be nice during dinner. Can’t say much about afterwards." Zayn said as he unlocked the door and went back inside. From what they could tell Becca hadn’t moved from her position and Liam was now looking at his feet. Dinner would be interesting.
Rushing to the kitchen Louis salvaged the steaks and offered, well, commanded Liam to help him to divert the situation of Liam alone with Zayn and Rebecca. Whilst Liam cut up the vegetables for the salad, Louis popped out to check up on Becca, who was watching TV with Zayn. She smiled at Louis hello, and complimented the smells from the kitchen. He couldn’t help but stare at how skinny she looked in the over-sized navy blue knitted jumper she had on. Her dark purple jeans were slightly big for her little legs and he felt oddly maternal towards her and decided that she needed the biggest portion of dinner.
After dinner was made, and a quite awkward seating arrangement, (seriously it was really difficult having to try and get overprotective Zayn to not leave Becca’s side, let alone make sure that she wasn’t facing Liam in any direct manner.) they began their dinner. Louis sat opposite to Liam who had Becca to his right. Zayn sat to Liam’s left and kept a constant eye on him, like an overprotective father watching his daughters boyfriend. Surprisingly Becca seemed okay, she was eating her dinner nonchalantly and was the first person to bring up conversation.
"Well. This is nice" she spoke with a sarcastic tone. Louis had to hide back his laugh at Liam and Zayn’s expression. Liam looked as though his toys just came to life and Zayn looked like he had just seen a ghost.
"Compliments to our Chef." Louis added, and Becca giggled lightly. Sure, the mood wasn’t 100% uptight but the barriers were slowly coming down. With a smile, Becca continued, "yes, I especially love the perfect symmetrical shapes of the vegetables. Did you do that Lou?"
"No, Liam did. Didn’t you, Liam?" Louis turned his attention to Liam who shot his head up rather quick. God the kid gave Louis whiplash just looking at him.
"Y-Yeah. Thank you." He mumbled, not daring to look anywhere near Becca nor Zayn. Especially not Zayn.
"You’re welcome, Liam" Becca exaggerated his name a little, like she used to. Louis wondered exactly what game she was playing but he liked it, the whole sarcastic undertones to compliments, the cryptic messages. It was all very Louis and he felt like a proud father.
They sat in observable silence for a while, with a few rather basic “how was your days?” and basic conversations expressed. It wasn’t as awkward as it was to begin with, but it didn’t go out the way Liam or Louis had hoped it would. From what Louis could tell, Zayn wasn’t delighted with the silence, and wanted a fight. God Louis could kiss sex goodbye.
Liam offered to help Louis with the washing up, but was hushed by Louis who explained the ‘one cooks, the other cleans’ rule in their house and forced him to sit down in the lounge room with Becca and himself. Louis opted to sit on the larger grey couch, with Liam on the two seater to his immediate left. Becca sat on Louis right and Louis silently groaned at being the brick between two fighters. This wouldn’t be pretty.
You Should Be Hated Here
Part Two
When Louis returned, he didn’t dare to tell a soul about his conversation with Liam until he knew exactly when it was right to. He felt guilty, but he knew that it was for the best. When he was asked, he just lied and said that he was out seeing Stan. It was believable enough and Zayn hated Stan so much that he wouldn’t even ask him about the day the two spent.
Becca stayed for dinner, and seemed a little more chirpier than she was that morning (or afternoon, Becca did have horrible sleeping patterns) and Louis enjoyed it, so he didn’t question it. What shocked him was that she even stayed after dinner, not opting for them to go out. The three of them watched some movie Zayn picked, with big budget actors and a brilliant plot taken straight out of a comic book but Louis wasn’t paying attention like he usually did. He was too caught up in everything Liam said to him.
"Liam." Louis grunted as the younger boy approached the table, hands in his pockets with a look of guilt spread across his now mature features. He looked so much more older, his cheek bones more defined and no longer surrounded in puppy fat. His eyes still held his boyish charm, but seemed to be encased in sadness. His hair, although hidden underneath a red snap back was styled and gelled into a nice quiff which even Zayn could be envious of.
"Lou, I’m glad you came." Liam said, taking his hands out of his jumper and onto the table. On the side of his hand was a small tattoo, one that looked like Zayn’s; a little bird. Louis merely grunted to his response, hiding away his mean reply as he took a long drink of his tea. "You’ve, you’ve uh changed since we last saw each other." Liam wasn’t ever good with words, unlike Louis he could never think of the right things to say, nor how to divert from an incredibly awkward situation. Louis usually used to laugh at Liam’s rather naive nature but today he wasn’t in the mood.
"As have you." Louis said, putting his tea down and checking his phone. It was incredibly awkward between the two of them and the first thing Louis wanted to do was yell at Liam for just leaving without saying at least a goodbye or giving them a reason why.
Liam must have sensed the elephant in the room and decided it was right to speak, so speak he did. “Louis, I wanted to let you know that well, I’m back.”
"Back from where, Liam?" Louis almost spat. He was eager and intrigued all at the same time because he just wanted to know where this fucker was. He wanted to know the reason why he left even though he admitted to himself a year back that Liam wouldn’t ever come home. Now that he was here, he didn’t know what to think, but quite frankly he just wanted clarity.
"Lou… It’s complicated." Liam began but caught the nasty stare from Louis which made him pause. Looking down at his hands, which wouldn’t stop shaking he decided to continue. Louis always was a brilliant persuader. "Lou, I’ve been away, to find myself."
"To find yourself?" Louis asked, almost laughing. It was one of the worst responses he’s heard. God he would have believed that no-drink-Liam was back from rehab than ‘finding himself!’
"Yes. See it’s hard to explain." The waitress returned before he could continue and took their orders, both content with just their drinks she came back with a small plate of doughnuts, their old favorite. Liam used to opportunity to stuff his face to prevent the inevitable conversation he was going to have. "Lou, I just need more time to explain. They’ve only told me this much. They didn’t even think I could come back. Let alone talk to you."
"Stop being so cryptic, Liam. Who are ‘they?’ Just tell me that."
"Fine. My psychologists. I had one, she got pregnant so I went to another. I vary between them until I settled on one. I go twice a month to see her now. I’m getting better, Lou. Better enough to be here. They said I wouldn’t be able to talk to you, but I’m here, aren’t I? I really want to see her, fuck, it kills me not to but I will. Someday Lou, I’ll go and see her."
Louis just stared back. For once he had nothing to say, his mind completely blank. Liam must have noticed Lou’s unease so he changed the topic to something about football which got Louis back into a talking mood. They sat like that, reminiscing and talking about every day topics until both of them had to go their separate ways.
"Earth to Louis!" Zayn threw a pillow at him midway into the movie, breaking his train of thoughts. Becca laughed then resumed to watching the television and Zayn have him the ‘are you okay?’ look. Louis just shrugged him off and resumed to watch the movie, focusing on all the special effects and trying his hardest to not think about his conversation with Liam.
That night in bed, as Louis suspected Zayn told Louis a bit about his conversation with Becca which consisted of her crying into his chest about not knowing if she lost feelings for Liam or losing the hurt she had from him. She also was confused that she didn’t have any feelings to the departure of her father. Louis only nodded and hugged Zayn closer, letting the younger boy find comfort in the familiar warmth. He didn’t expect to hear the next fe words come out of his mouth, “You’re not yourself today. Want to talk?” Louis just shook his head and thanked God that Zayn wasn’t the type to pry.
***
"Louis?" It was Liam, again. It had been the third time he called since Louis last saw him two weeks ago. They had only seen each other once after that occasion, Louis’ not having to lie to Zayn because it was within work hours. Today, he was on one of his days off, loading the shopping into the correct cabinets and fridge.
"Yes, Liam?" Louis grunted. He was having a bad day today, Zayn woke up in a fowl mood from a shitty day at work the day before, and the pair had an unnecessary fight over in Zayn’s words "you’re shitty, sneaky behavior."
"Oh, is it a bad time? I… I can wait." He stuttered and Louis felt instantly guilty for his tone. Louis just shrugged it off and told Liam to continue as he packed away Zayn’s favourite type of steak; his apology dinner.
"Louis, I spoke to Heather, you know, my psychologist? And well, she said that I need to break ties off with Becca properly, or fix things between us. She also said to do it with you and Zayn there, because doing it in private might be bad for me, you know?" Louis just agreed and finished putting away the groceries.
"Say, next week? Zayn finishes work early next Tuesday so we can have you then. Becca should be free too. Say 6?" Louis asked and Liam agreed. A week gave Louis enough time to prepare himself and try to think about a way to break it all to Zayn. Then again, he was already in the dog house so he decided that it was best to keep it from him for a little longer. He hoped.
You Should Be Hated Here
Part One
“Why does everyone leave, Lou?”
Becca mumbled into the bottle of Jack Daniels they were sharing, taking a large drink of the beverage to ease her soul. She blinked rapidly, trying to hide the tears that threatened to fall. Part of her knew that if she began to cry, she might never actually stop. Another piece of her told her not to cry because he wouldn’t want that.
“I’m still here.” Louis confirmed taking the drink away from her and settling it down on the table. Usually, he’d be forcing the drink into her hands, but Louis knew that the equation formed between emotions and alcohol never had a happy ending.
“My dad’s gone. Didn’t leave a note either.”
Louis knew the story all too well. He knew exactly the feelings that Becca felt because the same thing happened when he was 6, although back then he didn’t know what alcohol was or it’s effectiveness. He could see the look of despair in her eyes, and the slight quiver in her lips when she spoke. He knew the feeling of wanting to scream and cry at the same time.
“Becs, who needs him?” Louis walked over to where she was sitting on the floor and wrapped an arm around her cold and fragile body. She tensed at his touch, like any form of affection that wasn’t being kissed was foreign and taboo. “Just remember that Zaynie, who should be here by now, and I love you. God and who needs anyone else, okay?” He regretted the later part of his conversation knowing that Becca desperately needed someone to rely on.
“You’re right,” she sniffed, a small smile appearing on her face “Zayn should be here by now.” She smiled but it didn’t’ reach her eyes. Louis wanted to know what was going on in her head, but she was so introverted. He would have a better chance taking blood from a rock than getting an answer from her.
“Lou, do you think it’s me?” Becca asked, looking up at him with her wild green eyes.
Liam once made a comment on how they were like a forest and Louis couldn’t agree more. Her eyes were a beautiful green and were once full of life. Although, like a forest, they enclosed much more than meets the eye. Behind their beauty enclosed a brain that worked and clicked different to you and I. Louis knew that when Liam said it, he meant it out of pure endearment but Becca would have decoded the sentence just like he did. Possibly more critically.
“No.” Louis announced, looking her dead in the eye. He was 100% serious and hoped that it came across that way.
“No? What do you mean, Louis? Liam left, my dad’s gone. Sooner or later my mum will just pack up and leave too. Fuck and I hate to admit it but you and Zayn will leave too.”
“That’s bullshit. Zayn and I could never leave you. Like it’s physically impossible for it to happen. One: we all have matching tattoo’s which we’re incredibly dodgy to get and hurt like a bitch but it didn’t matter because it represents our friendship. It’s permanent. Two: Zayn and I love you more than your parents ever could. No disrespect but the two of them can be so rude to you, whereas Zayn and I are only rude to the people who hurt you. See the difference? Three: Zayn and I know you better than you know yourself. Lastly, you’re like a magnet. If I wanted to get rid of you, I couldn’t because something will always draw me back.” Zayn arrived in the middle of Louis long speech, silently padding over to sit next to Rebecca who had her eyes closed to prevent the inevitable crying session. “And plus, you’re the one who brings the best alcohol. What would we do without you?!”
Becca nodded and opened her eyes, looking over to Zayn for reassurance. Louis gave him a rather fierce ‘just-agree-because-she-needs-this-reinforcement’ look and he agreed, taking over from Louis to give her a warm hug.
In Louis eyes, this felt way too similar to the day Liam left; the abundance of love shared between two people who rarely let their guard down or show any form of affection. The cold eerily quiet room only filled with sniffles and the sound of glass being picked up gently with tweezers. Only this time, he didn’t have the same feeling of abandonment like Rebecca did.
“Zayn?” Becca looked up to Zayn with what Louis could only explain as the same manipulative look children do, “Can we talk in private, please?” Louis heart broke a little at the question but he knew that it wasn’t personal.
Zayn and Becca were always instinctively closer to each other due to their similar personalities and had been since the day they met each other. Honestly he remembered how much Zayn spoke to Rebecca when he first met her, an alarming amount considering she was just a mutual friend at the time.
However, Louis also knew that his boyfriend had the most easy weakness and would tell him everything that happened that night when they were tucked away in the comfort of their own bed. It was Zayn’s bad habit to tell his boyfriend virtually everything, but when it came to the important things, he knew that Zayn would never tell a soul.
As the pair walked off, locking themself in Louis and Zayn’s bedroom, Louis turned the TV onto the first show he saw, some cooking show where the host’s voice was too soft and the food looks too perfect to be real. He was bitter, but he knew that whatever they were doing in the locked room was important and Becca needed to let her feelings pour.
He didn’t expect the phone call from an unknown number.
“Hello?” He said slightly doubtfully. It wasn’t every day that he got a call from an unknown number, let alone his mobile.
“Hi Louis… It’s Liam.” Louis eyes widened and before he knew it the phone crashed to the floor with a loud bang. He fumbled to try and pick it up, cursing under his breath as he did so. He was surprised and also amused at the coincidence of it all. God, what would have happened if Becca was present?
“Liam.” Louis almost grunted into the phone. Louis had a deep intense anger for Liam.
It was him who played Cupid and set Liam and Becca up. He was friend with Liam, who - even though he would constantly deny it- was incredibly lonely. Becca on the other hand was a reckless 17 year old who needed the someone like Liam Payne; wholesome, stable, and sensible. She didn’t need the assholes that she attracted.
They got on straight away and began to date within a few months of seeing each other. Louis used to brag and boast about his perfect paring and they’d always thank him. Becca went from wild to normal and Liam didn’t feel so empty anymore.
So when Liam left Louis felt instantly responsible for it and it killed him.
"Louis, I… I’m in town and I want to… I need to talk. Would you want to go out for coffee or something?” Liam asked with a small voice and Louis wanted to reach into the phone and strangle him.
“Oh, so you need to talk. Well, I need to talk to you too, Liam. About Rebecca. Or did you completely forget about her when you just decided to leave.” Louis looked around the corner to see the door still locked, and hopefully the occupants weren’t listening to Louis’ telephone conversation.
“Louis…” Liam began, but Louis wouldn’t allow his makeshift response.
“You’re pathetic, you know that?!” Louis was quick with his insults which he hoped hurt Liam.
“I do.” Liam said with an incredibly small voice.
“Well. I need to yell at you in person because I don’t want to hurt Becca any more than need be. Carlucci’s ten minutes.” It was their old familiar meeting spot; Carlucci’s, which also had the best booths for privacy. Grabbing his coat he announced his departure and left, hoping that he could get an explanation from Liam. Oh and to abuse him, too.
MIDNIGHT MEMORIES ISNT FUCKING INDIE OK. GO LISTEN TO ARCTIC MONKEYS OR FLUME OR BASTILLE. THEYRE INDIE OK NOT ONE DIRECTION
Nothing Good Happens After 3am
"Hey, this is Niall. I'm not able to get my phone at the moment, but leave a message after the beep." It was the third time today, and fourteenth time this week, that I had heard the same stupid message.
It used to be one of us together, we recorded it one night that he was drunk and I couldn't stop laughing. It was quirky and didn’t make much sense but it was us, and that's all that mattered.
But things happen and people change. I stopped trying to call after that because I knew he wouldn't pick up. I was surprised that he still had the same number, considering it had been a solid 8 months since I last saw him in the flesh. I wondered if I should have changed my number, because maybe then he'd decide to answer the phone. You see, I didn't exactly want to leave a message because how the fuck do you say, "Hey Niall, it’s me. Um, remember how you left me during my pregnancy? Yeah, I miscarried. Call soon!" I couldn't. I sat for what felt like hours and thought of a way to tell him. I thought about texting him, telling him that we needed to talk. I considered emailing him the news, but I decided not only was it inconsiderate but if I knew him well enough; I know he wouldn't check his emails. I had given up on ways to tell him and decided that this stress isn't good for my body and went to bed.
Few hours later, as I was dreaming about the little child I would never had I got a phone call. I fumbled for my phone, barely able to see the number as I swiped across to call. I propped myself up on the bed and mumbled a "Hello?"
"It's me." Was all the person said and I knew immediately who it was. In my half asleep state I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Part of me thought that the whole conversation was a dream itself.
"Niall, why are you calling me so late?" I replied back, yawning mid-sentence. It seemed to be quiet on his end, and I could be mistaken, but, I could have sworn I heard Harry's voice.
"I'm on tour, remember?" He says, a little too professionally. My Niall never spoke to me like that. This Niall spoke to me as though we were strangers. I hated it so much. I decided that he deserved a response but I couldn't bring myself to say anything other than, "right." He hesitated for a moment, and then proceeded to ramble on, his words travelling as fast as a hummingbird.
"Listen, babe. Please stop calling me. I get it, I'm a jerk. I'm a real big jerk for doing what I did. I get that completely. I understand that you need to let your emotions out and explain to me about how I'm a massive cunt. You don't need to do that because I know." He paused, as if he were taking in his last breath. "I just... I just don't want you to care about me anymore. I don't want you to be hurting, that's the last thing I want. Please, stop loving me." I didn't exactly know how to react to this conversation, but I decided that he needed to know the real reason of why I called him, even if I was unprepared. I’ve already lost Niall before, so telling him the news now wouldn’t make a difference. I took a breath and began my well-rehearsed speech.
"Niall, it's okay, I don't mind my feelings over you. But Niall, that’s not why I've been calling you. This may hurt both of us, but...” I paused, giving him time to cut me off. When we were dating, I'd love his eagerness to listen to me. He'd constantly dote on each sentence I said as if it were carved in gold. Now he couldn't wait to hear the end of my sentences.
"Before you could go on, tell me, girl or boy?" Although I lost the baby, I did learn the sex prior to its expected birth.
When Niall's sister-in-law gave birth to her second child, Niall and I spoke about having children. We had both decided that if we were to have kids, we wouldn't want to know the sex, and leave it for surprise. I knew Niall had always wanted a boy, because he was petrified of having a girl. He, only having a brother didn't exactly know how to play tea parties or watch dance recitals, but he told me with his fear came undeniable love and affection. It pained me to break the news that it was a girl, because the knowledge would certainly bring up memories for the two of us.
"Girl" I muttered, trying to ignore the pain in my chest.
"Go on, please" he said eager to learn about his daughter.
"Niall, about a month ago, I went to my last visit prior to birth. The doctors were scared that she was unresponsive and her heart rate was too slow, so they decided to give me a quick Caesarean. When they got her out, her umbilical cord was..." I paused, trying to escape the horrifying memories of her birth. It all came flooding back to me so quickly I couldn’t escape the large sob I held down for so long.
I wished that he never called back. "She died Niall." I whispered the last part, my body not strong enough to control my emotions. The phone went silent on his end and I heard the loud crash of his phone falling onto the ground. I waited for his response but nothing came for a good few minutes. I wanted to hang up, and was preparing myself too when Harry's voice stopped me.
"Hello?" He called into the probably destroyed phone. In the distance I heard Zayn consoling Niall.
"Harry?"
"Oh, thank god you're still there. What just happened?! Niall is on the floor right now and won't talk to anybody. I've never seen him like this before. What did you say?" Harry wasn't the accusing type. He never picked sides in fights, nor did he ever partake in any. It surprised me when his usual calm tone changed to one more accusing and rude. I wanted to yell at him and tell him to put Niall on the phone so I could yell at him also. It was infuriating that Niall could act innocent towards his friends when he was the one who caused me pain and trauma.
"Harry, he left me months ago when I found out I was pregnant. A few weeks ago I went into premature labour and lost our child. You tell him to man the fuck up alright?!" I didn't mean to yell into my phone but the noise awoke my mother who found me in my bed, crying into the phone. I told her to go away, and she complied. Throughout my grief process, she learnt to stay away. It probably wasn’t healthy at all, but I didn’t care. I needed to be alone and deal with this myself.
"I'm... I... I'm so sorry." Harry, a person who was never and I mean never at a loss for words struggled to respond.
"Listen, I'll do whatever I can to make sure Niall comes to see you. He really does miss you. There isn't a week that goes by where he doesn't talk about you in some way. He really loves you. I kept asking why he wouldn't bring you on tour but he had a million excuses. I couldn't understand why until today. God I'm so sorry." I didn't want Harry's pity. My tears slowed down slightly and I told him my mother’s address with hope of Harry sticking to his promise.
When I told my mother about Niall's return, like any parent, she was opposed. All she wanted to do was yell and scream and tell me how bad of an idea it was but something in her, and I could notice that something told me she wanted it to happen. Niall had a beautiful ore that surrounded him, which made anyone he spoke to instantly happy. My mother adored him and this feature, and countlessly wished for its return. I secretly did too.