congrats on your graduation!! please don't feel pressured to post stuff until you feel better, please take your time!!
its not about chapter 23, which is honestly and possibly one of the most enjoyable parts of cat to write so far (second only to the “glass” chapter set) but just
I’ve made so many mistakes in cat, so many, and im only now realizing them all at once and its hitting me so hard
I’m 24 chapters into my draft and I can’t change it. I can’t do anything about it anymore. the time to change the writing of cat is past and it kills me and I dont want to feel all of this now when im so, so close to an ending and I feel so bad that ive done this essentially to myself
but I cant just stop, can i? I have the obligation to myself and to others to finish the story and I want to but im freaking out so much, I cant imagine myself finishing when all my mistakes are glaring me in the face
you know, as an author you want your world to be popular, for whatever reason it may be, and its not selfish to want that success but now I can’t help but wonder if its okay that cat gets any popularity when so much is wrong with it
I know im being way hyper critical of my own work, and that all creators are, but its so hard for me to separate myself from that criticism right now. I’ll get over it, I always do, but its just,,,,, its so heavy on my heart now, I love cat and I cant help but wish I had just done it right from the start no matter how irrational it is to expect things to always be right
I guess what I’m trying to say that right now I kind of wish the story of cat had been written by someone else and had been written right and I know its wrong of me to say because im probably not doing EVERYTHING wrong but it’s,,,,, it feels like so much, like im letting everyone down and im tricking people into thinking im clever when im not
its like imposter syndrome, “I don’t deserve to be where I am because I can see all the flaws from the inside out”
