#cleansingthoughts

[catswilleatyou]

wash

[achelei]

Affinity.

Was talking to one of my QA colleague during lunchtime about how boring life is recently as I had no one to talk to and the moment I decide to choose people, I end up saying no even before I even started. I told her I recently get some unsolicited opinions that I am treating people around me way too different that most of the times it is already perceived as a personal intention instead of just pure kindness and sincerity. Meanwhile, she trusts my personality as a genuine friendly human being and nothing wrong with how I move with my life and people around me should just stop being malicious or something. But then, she brought out your name again - felt that sly smile in my face. Because to me, at any point in my life that I don’t remember you, someone else is still bound to bring you back from the dead. She advised me to reconcile since you are no longer within physical territory but I know deep within my soul that what we had can never ever be repaired so I just told her to perish the thought and we went back to work.

Dinnertime came and I decided to eat out with my GP friend but this time I am the one who brought up your name. I miss your voice, I really do. And I just felt like I have to reminisce these fragments of memories I have of you to get me by - but for her, it is something I should not be doing because she thinks it pains me to do so. She strongly believe that remembering you can bring out that hatred again that she saw a few weeks ago. I keep telling her that your name doesn’t bother me that way anymore yet she must have marked in her mind that I am always that miserable person because I told the story in a way I was cut by you for no acceptable reason. This prove to me more that I should avoid talking details to people as they tend to keep their judgment more than what you say of as the truth. Anger and injustice at its finest, don’t you think?

Memories are bittersweet reminders that the person we once hold dear existed within our orbit - why in the world would I scrap that fact? Just let me hold on to these twisted emotions a little bit more and I’m sure if I say my story enough, you’ll soon be out of my system for good.