#clem's aus

[jediknobi]

I just spent my entire afternoon going through you SSK AU and i was very confused when i realized i was all caught up and there wasn't any other post to read...

Also SSK!Anakin would be so offended that canon!Obi Wan who was switched with his Obi Wan isn't giving him all of his attention. Meanwhile Canon! Anakin is trying so hard not to die because his master is being so affectionate ?? And he's complimenting him ?? And he gets this very hungry look when he calls him Master now ?? He's not sure if he wants it to stop because he's one (1) compliment away from self combustion but also Obi Wan is calling him 'My Dear' and brushing his hand against his and also petting his hair AND THERE'S THIS ONE TIME HE GENTLY STROKE HIS CHEEK

Strangely, I got a notification from two years ago yesterday about an SSK post for absolutely no reason and that reminded me that I never finished cleaning the SSK draft to post it on ao3 😶 Maybe 2023 will be the year!

but yes, the combined SSK AU and canon is so goooood, canon Anakin would end up eating out of the palm of SSK's hand in less than two days, SSK would only have to say "my darling, would you like to join the dark side with me?" and Anakin's brain would make very loud static noise after 'darling' and dreamily reply "of course Master" and that would be it, SSK would win with a little pat on his shoulder and a "come along, then."

Meanwhile SSK!Anakin is absolutely desperate for any kind of attention, basically lying down on Obi-Wan's desk and pushing all the things on it, like "what do you mean you can't divert me because you have a job and responsibilities? you've never cared for anything but ME before!"

[jediknobi]

Just saw your tags on that an art post you reblogged and now I am down on my knees begging you to talk more about stoic female Obi-wan and ‘tall, dark and handsome’ anakin!!! A top tier combination!!!!!!!! (I say about every iteration of obikin ...)

it would look so neat, you know? here she is, this cool Jedi Master who looks very matter-of-fact and composed, all long hair elegantly tucked in a tight ponytail or bun. And right behind her, putting his elbow/chin on her shoulder, is her tall shadow dressed in dark colours and leather who's making an >:( face 80% of the time except when his master turns slightly towards him and makes a sarcastic comment about something and suddenly his whole face softens because his master only lets him see this side of her.

Also yes, I am absolutely thinking about Anakin taunting her by saying "Come on Master, I'm way stronger than I used to be when I was your padawan and I'm also so much taller than you now, you know I would win against you" and then immediately gets his ass whipped by Obi-Wan who ends up straddling him with her blade at his neck, confidently asking him to yield and he can barely utter the word because Obi-Wan is sitting on him and her hair is all messed up and beautiful and she's smiling at him playfully so there is no blood left in his brain but he's still planning on never leaving her and also if she wants to tie him up to her bed and sit on him again he could absolutely do that too

[jediknobi]

Working at a pet store. Thinking about Obi-Wan. Imagining a weird undercover mission where instead of pretending to be dead, Obi-Wan just works at a space pet store to try and find these missing people.

The only problem? Now that he’s working there, business is going really well. So well in fact that he can’t investigate because someone will ask how to care for a lothcat and he can’t let that poor kitten go unloved, can he?

(All other employees do this on purpose, btw. Even in disguise, Obi-Wan is hot.)

And somehow all this leads to the absolutely mortifying experience of Yoda walking in to ask if they sell feeder fish (a term for fish sold by stores to be fed to other fish, pretty much like aquatic crickets) but frogs and also space themed, and being distracted by Obi-Wan holding the alien equivalent to three hamsters, seeing Yoda, and immediately walking the other way

Obi-Wan is TRYING to complete his mission but all these animals are so nice and cute and people are asking him for help, so he can't really deny them, right?

But also I love the mental image of Obi-Wan seeing Yoda enter the store with a shit-eating grin on his face and immediately going 'nope, not going to get into the ridiculous demand he will make just to have a bit of fun so me, the veractyl gripping my leg, the two loth-cats on my shoulders and the three hamsters in my arms are out of this' before fleeing 👋

[jediknobi]

Can you imagine if, somehow, for an indeterminate amount of time, canon Obi and SSK Obi swapped bodies?

You’ve got canon Obi being disturbingly polite and being very confused as to how this works, exactly, Subira, was it? Could you help me file a report? Yes I know it’s the fifth time today, but as I said, I am quite literally not your boss.

Meanwhile SSK Kenobi just Struggling to Cope. First, this Anakin isn’t even his! Second, how the kriff has no one realized he’s dangerously close to the Dark Side? And thirdly…why does seeing this Anakin so broken over the guilt of it all hurt him so much more than it should?

canon Obi-Wan being thrown into another universe where he has a political career and is apparently good friends with Palpatine of all people (because he sends him private comms about things he doesn't really understand, so they must be really close, right?) must be his nightmare, poor man. Subira would be so disturbed by the change!

"You're actually nicer, more polite and haven't called Senator Dulli a 'fucking mop on a stick who barely knows the difference between his asshole and his mouth' in the past 2 days," she says to him without blinking. "I hate it." "I'm... sorry?" Her mouth makes a weird twist as if he just insulted her.

Meanwhile SSK is like "a Jedi. I am a Jedi. Of all the things I could be. I would feel the urgent need to kill myself with my own lightsaber but it's blue now and it would feel wrong." He does feel a rush of exhilaration when he learns that Anakin was his padawan (12 different fantasies cross his mind at the same second) but then he's confused as to why Anakin isn't affectionate with him, doesn't even confide in him, and no, he doesn't even believe that Anakin would be in a... relationship with someone else, someone like Amidala, because it's outrageous and he won't let it stay that way. He seduced Anakin once, he knows he can do it again, especially if it means winning against Amidala. He could just quietly kill her and be done with it, but he absentmindedly calls him "darling" and Anakin trips over his own feet and cannot look at Obi-Wan in the eyes after that but the top of his ears is red, so Obi-Wan knows that all is not lost and he would greatly enjoy stealing him from her 😈

[jediknobi]

Oh man- I have binged your SSK series and I adore it to the ends of the world and back! It’s so lovely- I also adore your little sidebranching AU’s with canon Anakin and Obi-Wan meeting their SSK counterparts. Did you write about Canon Anakin interacting with SS Kenobi and I missed it? I just think that they would mesh together so well- what with their moral compasses more inclined towards murder as a love language. Love you writing so so much!!!!

I haven't written anything about the SSK AU meeting canon, no, but I do like to imagine them together!

I think canon!Anakin would be almost intimidated at first by SSK, because his own master might be stern sometimes but this Obi-Wan is just straight up ruthless, tactful but inflexible, and the steely edge to his demands with the intense focus of his eyes on Anakin flips a switch in Anakin's brain that makes him go "I cannot disappoint him I want to impress him I want him to like me so bad I need him to like me, like me like me" and of course it makes SSK goes "hmmmm 👀 interesting" until SSK makes a joke about getting rid of someone bothersome and canon!Anakin is immediately like "yeah I would kill him for you. .....I mean NO, killing is BAD, but if you asked me.... I mean if you wanted..." and SSK look at this huge mess of a Jedi and goes "oh, he's perfect"

[jediknobi]

Canon!Obi: Boga is the best girl but I cannot be selfish and take her from her natural environment.

SSK: Boga is MY best girl and I'm buying a special enclosure so she can stay with me on Coruscant. (Could he... transform a flagship? Perhaps the one Evil Grandpa makes him buy to be a proper Sep?)

SSK: all right, I guess I will get my own flagship then Dooku: great, now we can-- SSK: but ONLY if I get to have half of the ship turned into a giant terrarium and you can't ask me why

[jediknobi]

“For a second, Obi-Wan is certain that his lips will stretch in his usual smile, the blinding one, the one he keeps for long-awaited reunions after months apart, or when Obi-Wan lets something sweet and loving slip unconsciously. The one that makes his eyes sparkle and lights up his entire face. Obi-Wan’s favourite one. Anakin looks down instead.” thanks for the emotional murder, man!! 😩😩😩😩😭

I'm here to please 😌 big bad sith doesn't know how to handle Anakin refusing to be nice to him and might have feelings about this, might even feel sad (!) about it, how will he cope

[jediknobi]

In SSK AU, I just get the sense that there’s at least one poor Jedi + padawan who’s assigned to guard Padmé and walks in to discover Knight Skywalker talking about how great Senator Kenobi is in bed

The padawan shows up early because the Jedi has like a class or something and suddenly they’re learning some very spicy things about the Senator who looked at them like they were a singular maggot in a festering wound

And this padawan nearly tears out their own braid just to get out of this faster

oh the poor padawan who had to stand in the way of Senator Kenobi at the wrong time and had to hear him say "a child? here? you know I can't look at children, they make me so uncomfortable with all their big eyes and hopes and dreams." "It's a Jedi child, sir, he's—" "Two negatives won't make a positive here, Subira."

and since then, the poor thing (who's a teenager, thank you very much,) had nightmares about crossing his path again. So he's very happy to stay with Senator Amidala, who's nice and polite, until Knight Skywalker barges into her office without seeing him and starts saying "Padmé you won't believe what Obi-Wan just did to me, it was amazing—" "Anakin—" "I didn't even know I could bend that far! And the stretch was—" "Ani I don't think—" "—I didn't get why he paid so much for his ottoman, you know the one that looks a bit weird, but now, now I get it, it does feel so much better for my knees—"

and the poor padawan in the corner is like I don't! understand! basic! suddenly!!!! also I will jump from this window just to stop my brain from having thoughts