clive's love language is act of services. in this essay i will—
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clive's love language is act of services. in this essay i will—
sometimes i think about young clive. not necessarily ( only ) his fifteen year old self, but his first skip version as well. how i would have wanted someone to grab his shoulders and tell him it's not your fault. it's not your fault. it's not your fault.
looking back at the balcony scene where clive is young and unaware of whatever is bound to happen, his mannerism is so different to the one of when he's much older. obviously growing up allows one to change in all aspects, but when i look at it, it seems so distant — he looks so much more at ease under the moonlight, sitting on the balcony fence, he's a young boy through and through, his body seems relaxed even with all the responsibilities he carries. but he doesn't seem to sit in the same way anymore or even allow himself any of the similiar stances ( like the one he has when he's letting his arms rest on the balcony ) as he grows old; he actually has some similiar mannerism in the first skip still, when we see him sitting at the campfire, but it's totally gone in his thirties. i do not remember any that would recall him as a boy.
i feel like — it comes out in glimpses, sometimes. if you were to know him as a young boy, and then later on, it would be rare to see it but it's there, still, somewhere. he has completely lost the innocence and naiveté he once had, but he never truly killed the boy. and those moments you can be assured he can feel somewhat safe, or at home. he has built some self protective shield for what he used to be, buried deep within. he feels the same type of protectiveness towards him as if it was joshua; in some ways he can see the similiarities.
the truth of it all is that if you grow up with clive he will climb into your room through your window. his mother absolutely hates it and wishes on him to fall so that he'd stop doing it. he did fall few times, but it did not stop him at all. sneaky night boy!
i love thinking about modern verse clive and joshua's relationship so much. clive the young emo boy who listens to linkin park and joshua absorbing all his music taste. joshua emulating clive in all he does and likes because that's his big brother, and how cool is he. clive styles joshua's hair growing up, teaches him all that stuff a brother is in charge of. clive teaching joshua how to play games from a very young age and their mother being so upset with him because that's just a waste of time ( it's their favorite hobby nonetheless ). collecting cards? no problem. they will collect together and joshua will excitedly show a very tired clive who is unwinding from work what the duplicates he bought him got him traded at school to complete their collection. eventually clive starts to grow out of those common passions and joshua can tell: he has to focus on ' grown up things ' is what their mother likes to call, but in truth clive is just trying to work his ass off at double shifts and different jobs so that he can finally go live on his own and take joshua with him, away from the suffocating environment. so that they can play as many videogames as they want, stay up looking up guides online, watch cool anime and all of that jazz that clive had to leave behind to grow up fast and protect joshua.
breathe if you think joshua's first word was clive
take this as you will but modern verse clive would know every single piece of lore from dark souls and he will force you to listen to him ramble on about it for 2 hours
do you ever think about how feral clive can be. how raw his anger can become if he lets it get to him. i think he lets it rest for the most part of his life, he doesn't respond actively to it, like i said before — he surrendered to it. but once he regains consciousness over himself, once he's in tune with everything and especially himself, i can feel that feral feeling creeping up and feeling like it cannot be pushed aside anymore.