Letter 23: The last person I kissed
Dear Last Person Kissed,
I know that neither one of us, or the several people who know us and saw us, thought we'd ever end up in that situation. I know that alcohol played a part in my actions. I mean Jamie Foxx said it best "blame it on the alcohol." With that said, those my actions weren't out of character for me and my significant other; but you're not him. Thinking about that evening, I am not entirely shocked as we have been somewhat close to that in the past. But seriously, is this just a physical thing? That question has been bothering me ever since I woke up from my hangover. We both know that you can't give me what I desire, therefore aren't we just wasting our time? I'd like to say I'm game for having a little fun with you, but I'm not even sure if that's what you're up for. See, I know have a problem with self-sabotage. There's this great guy, well I told you about him, who's in love with me...mind, body, and soul. Then there's you who I think is more in love with me physically. I was planning to visit him to "test the waters" so to speak but ended up not going because I drank a heavy load and had a killer hangover; therefore ending up being slightly intimate with you. Since, that night I've been trying to process everything that happened and I'm realizing that to accomplish the things I want in the near future...more like now...I need to be with him, not you. When I'm with you I feel like it's so much more physical than I'd like and it overshadows any other connection we might be having. I am totally using you as a scapegoat because I am scared... scared of letting someone know that I trust them, scared of putting so much hope into something that could potentially tear me a part. But at this particular time in my life...I think that's what best for me. I can't deny how wonderful the whole night felt...being able to relax and just talk with you for hours as you held my hand. I've been smiling for days...thank you.
First Kiss May Be The Last,
My Lips/Heart