#coconuttery

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Trying something juuuuust a little different...

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So, the last few weeks have been a little more difficult for me than normal. Because of stress I have grown very quiet and been rather distant from people. My writing ground to a halt, I had to call off the game I was supposed to DM for the week before last, and in general I was a mess that swung from anxiety to eerie calm to anxiety.

I don’t particularly know if a lot of my tumblr folks were affected. I know a few were. If you were, I apologize.

On Saturday I finally cut ties with my mother entirely. I told her that she has been and continues to be abusive to me and that I no longer want her in my life. I told her this in person, to her face.

It both went better than I expected and exactly as I expected. I am surprised she didn’t interrupt me, but at the same time, she didn’t listen aside from just enough to figure out what she needed to protect herself from and how.

But I spoke for myself. I stood up for myself. My best friend was with me but I didn’t need to rely on him for the strength to do what I needed to and that… means a lot.

Now that I no longer have a countdown to one of the more stressful conversations of my existence, I think things should go back to normal. Hopefully my creativity will return and I’ll be able to continue crafting detailed stories. And hopefully I can continue to move forward and grow now that there’s no longer this weight surrounding me.

I’m alive. I’m safe. I continue to ensure the people around me are the people I want and can rely on. It feels nice to breathe.

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MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

I LOVE THE UNSTABLE EMOTIONS THAT COME WITH NOT HAVING MY REGULAR MEDS.

S’GREAT

SUPER.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

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So I sent out some writing prompts to people earlier. You don't have to do them, I just thought it might be nice to send them. Cheers!

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I HAVE MY MEDS!

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I present to you, the glory of my hair in the morning. I'm not entirely awake so I apologize for whatever expression that is.

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*slowly starts picking away at a DnD plotline* 

*realizes I can’t talk to most of my DnD buddies about it because I don’t know who would want to be in on this campaign and talking would mean spoilers.* 

*needs talking in order to flesh out story and possibilities.*

Fuck.

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BOY! Do you know what’s just the most fun thing ever??? Trying SUPER hard not to cry at work and failing for the most part and HOPING no one notices! It’s great when you’re trying to keep your voice from warbling even when it’s becoming thick! It’s FANTASTIC not being able to breathe out your nose!

And I love it when I have to keep hoping that someone won’t show concern for me because I know that the moment that happens all of my effort is going to be useless because I’ll instantly burst into tears!

Today’s great! I’m fine!