when you start anew
Here's my gift for @wanderingjedihistorian for the Star Wars Fun in the Sun Exchange!!! Thank you so much to @lilhawkeye3 for hosting this, I had an absolute BLAST @starwarsfandomfests
Commander Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi/Quinlan Vos
Warnings for mentions of alcohol, trauma, nightmares, slave labor (re. the clones), and shitty contracts being used to justify said labor. Don't worry, this is a no-Order 66 AU, so it's all about the recovery and healing here.
(Ao3 Link)
Cody is not going to call Rex.
Really. He isn't. It's obscenely late where he is, obscenely early for Rex, and he's not going to wake Rex up. He isn't. He really, really isn't. While it would be nice to talk to Rex, he doesn’t need to, so he’s not going to.
The night sky is clear, and it’s warm enough out that Cody isn’t cold, not really. He’s just… alone on the balcony, and it’s a bit brisk out, and--
Yeah, he’s not even convincing himself. It's warm out. It's more than warm out. He shouldn't be cold. He's out of the hotel room that has the AC blasting, and if he was cold, he should've noticed that while inside, should've grabbed a jacket when it made sense to need one, when he finally was able to make himself move from the blankets he’d gotten himself twisted up in while asleep. He should not be cold now. He knows it's warm out. He should-- make his brain work, maybe, and recognize that it's hot out, or even better yet, just go back in and go to sleep. Because he can do that. He can. The sliding glass door behind him is unlocked. Through the small gap in the curtains, he can faintly see Obi-Wan and Gen-- Quinlan on the bed, both asleep. It’s a rare sight, seeing Obi-Wan like that, and it’s one that would make his lips twitch up if he hadn’t mastered a sabacc face years ago.
But he can go inside. He can go in and lie back down, can try and close his eyes and fall back asleep.
He doesn’t.
The dream wasn’t… new, exactly. It’s one he’s been having variants of for years, and he’s honestly lost count of how many times he’s woken up to it. Usually, it happens when he’s overheating, but he’s almost certain that wasn’t the case tonight. Cody’s learned, through years of working together as well as this little trip they’re on, that Obi-Wan prefers it cooler, will ruthlessly abuse the AC the moment it gets anything vaguely close to being hot out. It’s a preference that Quinlan seems to either know or share, considering how he’d been the one to set the temperature the moment they got into their hotel room for the night.
So he almost definitely wasn’t overheating. Which… kriffing sucks, if he’s being honest about it, because that means it was just a osik dream done by his osik brain for no good reason. And that thought has a bitter aftertaste to it, because he thought he was getting better, and life doesn't work that way, but--
Cody shakes his head, ignores the way he shivers. He knows how this works. He knows how his brain works. He knows it will never be a linear progression of things being better, knows that one bad night isn’t a horrible setback, and that’s a weight off of his shoulders even if his brain doesn’t want to accept it.
Once, it would've weighed him down regardless. Once, that bitter taste in the back of his throat would've lingered, lingered and built until it was a beast of its own.
But Cody-- Cody's not tired now, per say, but he's older. Wearier. Used to picking his battles, making concessions where he must. Doing the horrible math of human sacrifice. He's-- he's not numb to it now, but he's better at applying a numbing agent, at pushing off the pain until he can afford to let it hit.
Of course, he doesn't have to do that now, though. A bygone skill for a bygone time unless he's about to go looking for another army to join, and although at times he aches with missing the close companionship his vode and him would build in the trench, he doesn't want to go back. Usually. When it's not three in the morning, when he's not out on the balcony of a formerally-Separatist planet while Obi-Wan and Quinlan sleep away the night inside.
He-- he doesn't really want to go back though. He doesn't. He's just overtired and missing his brothers, unmoored without his life's purpose driving him--
Kriff it.
Cody gives in and calls Rex.
+++
"Rise and shine, sunshines," Vos-- Quinlan says next morning, bedhead ridiculous as he grins at both Obi-Wan and Cody, and Obi-Wan hits him in the face with a pillow before Cody can even consider asking him to.
(Truly, they make a good team, even now, even off the field in territory they aren’t familiar with, on a mission with no set endpoint.)
Fact-- Jedi General Quinlan Vos wasn't actually supposed to be on this road trip at all-- not until a few days ago, at least, when a call from General Secura had interrupted their dinner, and they'd found themselves on a surprise rescue mission.
Cody would've been more irritated about it, except for the fact that Quinlan Vos is both uniquely talented at getting on Obi-Wan's nerves without truly angering him, and Cody...
Well, while Cody might not have worked with Quinlan closely during the war, but they did work together. And they did so often enough that Quinlan grew on him. Similar to a somewhat rude, partially-telepathic flirty fungus, which is a description he hates the moment he thinks of it. Great job, self.
Regardless of that, Quinlan is here now, and sputtering at Cody's general in mock-offense as Cody contemplates actually getting up to check his comm.
And last night, he'd finally gone to bed and actually gotten a few more hours of sleep after he gave in and talked to Rex, after setting up the call so that they could talk until they fell asleep without hanging up. It’s a luxury Cody normally wouldn't allow himself, but they're currently travelling on the Republic's bill, and he's feeling a bit spiteful. A bit thrilled that he can just spend money and not have it feeding back into that kriffing contract that's been hovering over his head for years now, that kriffing contract that he never thought he'd escape until--
Until, well. He did. They all did. It's been months, and it still doesn't feel quite real. It still feels like everything he does is going to feed into a bill he could never hope to pay, going to loop him in further--
But it won't. And calling Rex last night had been a good decision. Had been a good, no shit decision, a fact he can recognize now that he's actually gotten some sleep, now that he isn't tied up in his own 1am melodrama.
"Nice shot," Cody says dryly as he finally forces himself to sit up and look for his holocomm. Knowing Rex, the situation is probably that Rex woke up already and ended the call upon doing so, but knowing Cody's luck, the situation might be that Fox somehow got ahold of Rex's comm and is recording blackmail material this very moment. Cody looks around, and grabs his comm, and--
Knowing Rex wins out this time, thank the Force. Cody lets out a sigh of relief as he sees that while there's a message waiting for him from Rex's number, the call is over, and his phone is off.
"Thank you, Cody," Obi-Wan replies, perfectly polite in a way that Cody knows-- mostly from observing his General's interactions with General Skywalker-- is intended to aggravate the listener, and Cody presses his lips together tight as Quinlan starts sputtering once again. "I try."
A moment of silence. Then-- "Bullies," Quinlan declares. "Bullies, the both of you, the 212th is led by bullies, and I hate you both."
"You're the one who decided to stay with us, s-" Cody stops midword, winces faintly. Yeah, there's no good way to play that one off, Force. “Well, you chose this.”
Sith hells. He's gotten better at actually calling Obi-Wan by name, at leaving off the honorifics, but… he's been on the road with Obi-Wan for weeks, and he's been with Quinlan for days.
Which means that little slip is… understandable, even if it's irritating to kark it up. Even if the mistakes are human and all. After all, he’s been expected to be better than that for years, so messing up burns, even though doing so isn't really a matter of life and death anymore.
Maturely, Quinlan grins and sends him a rude gesture in response. Cody doesn't snort, but it's close. The nerve of him, really.
(And he only winces a little with how close that snort was to actually getting out-- with the realization of just how little control over his own reactions he has these days-- which is progress. Hell, it’s good progress, and he has to remind himself of that, because his brain still automatically flips to panic when he thinks of how much his actions would terrify his younger self. When he thinks of the consequences these same actions could’ve had years ago. Would’ve had years ago.)
+++
Fact-- Quinlan likes Arthuria. Really likes it.
It's not hard to understand why. A society where there's almost always a layer of fabric preventing psychic echoes from being formed on objects must be a breath of fresh air to him, doubly so because of the societal custom of wearing gloves. Quinlan stands out here, sure, but not for the usual reasons. Not because he had to choose personal safety over blending in.
Back when they were cadets, Rex had enjoyed fitting in as well-- it was a novelty for him, with a physical mutation while on Kamino. While the rest of them had been desperate to stand out, Rex had never had the option of doing anything different.
And Coruscant is a more forgiving place than Kamino, the Jedi kinder than their trainers ever had been, but being a Jedi is enough to make one stand out when out of the Temple, and Quinlan-- if what Faie has told him is correct, at least-- is an oddity among the Jedi.
So it's understandable, even though it's not personally relatable for Cody. And Quinlan's comfort is infectious, enough so that it has both Obi-Wan and Cody himself relaxing.
Which is good, especially because it’s only after a few more minutes that Cody makes another observation.
Fact-- Obi-Wan doesn't like it here.
Or-- not that exactly, not quite dislike, but-- there’s something here that’s making him tense, something that has the line of his shoulders straight and his High Coruscanti accent more pronounced than usual. And it’s not like Cody isn’t a bit more aware of his manners right now, as they walk through crowds in a city built off of them, but for once, he’s more comfortable than Obi-Wan. And that’s rare-- off the top of his mind, the Citadel is the only time he can think of Obi-Wan being more rattled than he was, and the Citadel was a known Jedi killer, one of their monsters underneath the bed.
He bumps shoulders lightly with Obi-Wan as they take a turn, questioning but not quite prodding, inquisitive but not demanding, a damn sight softer than he’d ever been during the war. Requesting information the civilian way was something he was... getting better at, thankfully. He’s been dealing with Gree’s obscure rants for years now, of course, but even when compared to Gree civvies talk a kriffing ton, about half a dozen things that don’t matter said for every question answered.
And taking that into account, it’s certainly a good thing he’s stuck so close to his General in the aftermath of the war, as Obi-Wan is the only non-vode he’s met who can get horribly off-topic without annoying the osik out of Cody, which is almost certainly a large part of why he’s gotten rather good at softening his questions so quickly.
(Threepwood has not. Threepwood really, really has not. Wooley’s been forwarding him updates, and each one is somehow worse than the last. He probably should not find that quite as amusing as he does, but-- both Obi-Wan and Quinlan had laughed when last night’s message popped in, so… he’s giving himself a pass.)
“I’m fine,” Obi-Wan starts, apparently deciding to answer his silent inquiry, and while Cody restrains himself from rolling his eyes at the obvious lie, Quinlan is not quite as courteous. ‘Really, I am. I just came here as a Padawan once. I was… remembering, I suppose.”
Cody and Quinlan exchange a glance, and Cody inclines his head briefly, letting him take the lead. This is a subject Quinlan knows more about than Cody does, and he’s fully aware that hes probably way out of his depth here.
“Well, your remembering looked quite a lot like moping to me,” Quinlan says, bringing his arm around Obi-Wan’s shoulders just to ruin the moment by leaning all of his weight onto Obi-Wan, causing them both to lurch to the side.
“Vos!”
“-- and moping is not allowed in my presence.”
“Vos you bastard you are causing a scene--”
“Oh, you want me to cause a scene? Because I can show you a scene, baby.”
“Vos!”
Cody steps neatly out of the way of the two, glances at them, then glances away. It’s good to see his General like this, even if a small part of him is currently cringing away as the secondhand embarrassment threatens to creep in. He pushes it away with pure force of will, because for kriff’s sake, he fought in a war, he’s faced worse than a little breaking of societal norms.
(Determinedly, Cody thinks about that, and not about the fact he just realized that Quinlan might be joining Obi-Wan on the list of natborns I actually enjoy hearing talk about dumb things, because the implicatons of that revelation are implications Cody feel are better processed when drunk and with Ponds there to act as the voice of reason. Or at least the voice of sobriety. Reason might be too much to ask of Ponds.)
+++
The ship they've been travelling in is a small thing-- not unbearably so, in that Cody has dealt with worse, but bad enough that he’s certainly not complaining about the breathing room the hotels they’ve stayed in grant him. The hotel rooms grant him distance, privacy, and that’s something Cody values more than most clones, but--
There’s something about the cramped quarters of the ship that has been growing on him. Not as a permanent residence, but-- maybe another trip, another time. He doesn't hate the thought of it. He’s more… neutral to it. Neutral, leaning towards positive.
He told Rex last night that there was a chance he might call again, if Rex didn’t mind, and Rex had called him a dumbass, which… okay, fair. If Rex was unsure about if it was okay to call Cody in the middle of the night for reassurance, Cody would be saying that he’s a dumbass too. Lovingly, of course. But an absolute dumbass.
So while he’s considering texting Rex and telling him that he’s fine, that they don’t need to call tonight, it’s not for the same reasons he was hesitant last night, See, he doesn’t really need to and the lack of privacy here means there's no way he could hide the call from the Jedi, but--
Well, he doesn’t need to hide it either. Obi-Wan and Quinlan know he’s been in contact with multiple members of the 212th, with his batchmates and his former squadmates and his fellow Command Class.
Point is, he doesn’t have to mask his care anymore, doesn’t have to maintain the level of distance he did in the war. It might even be a net positive if he called, as Obi-Wan would probably enjoy talking to Rex, honestly, the two of them have always gotten on well. And Quinlan-- well, he’s got no idea if Quinlan knows Rex or not, but there's a traitorous part of his brain that wants Quinlan to know Rex. That wants Rex to like Quinlan, wants Rex to look at him and approve of--
Force kriffing hells, he’s so pathetic, it’s almost laughable. The war ends, a few possibilities open up, and suddenly his brain is taking everything to the kriffing max.
But-- it’s a tempting idea, now that he’s had it. A persistent one too, and he finds himself thinking of it as he sits at the small breakfast bar in the kitchen, as Quinlan cooks and Obi-Wan banters with him and Cody tries to deal with the fact that Obi-Wan’s arm is pressed up against his own, tries to deal with the fact that their hands are just inches apart--
Oh, Rex is going to give him so much osik for this. So much osik.
For some reason, he doesn’t hate that thought as much as he probably should. The opposite, really, and kriff it, kriff it, he wants to do it and he knows if he waits he’ll just talk himself out of it--
“So, I was thinking about calling Rex…”