Inside the mind
The Nest was filled to the brim with its usual crew. Drunk sailors and workers alike filling the tavern to the point they spilled outside. The atmosphere seemed especially jovial for reasons Theo couldn’t grasp. He saw sailors glued together in story and workers slapping the shoulders of others. Catcalls were exchanged between the men and women and it seemed almost like any other night, yet Theo couldn’t find it within himself to join in. Instead he sat within his corner.
The lamps that often shone brightly were extinguished; leaving him within his shadows. It also left him at peace. No one dared to walk up to the eccentric, but seemingly moody elf, especially so as he continued to drop a dagger, blade first, onto the table top. The methodical thumps lost in the din of noise, but the unmistakable gleam of light coming from the heavily polished blade was lost on nobody.
As much as he enjoyed the attention he normally received, tonight was different. His glass of whiskey sat untouched; all desire to drink was gone and had been so for several days now. Thinking back, he couldn’t remember the last time he had the drink in hand and actually drank it. Yet even now as his eyes turned to the amber liquid, the feeling of need that once washed over him was barely a cry from deep within. Something he smothered and undoubtedly for the best. He was no drunk, not anymore.
Theo’s mind was lost within new and distant memories alike. He grappled with emotions, fighting to dominate them lest they spill out. It was all new, especially after so many years of building up his walls it felt as if they were coming down.
It was the presence of the Kiss that threatened to tear down his walls. Each member had been nothing more than a way to earn himself a living. Replenish his coffers before slinking back into the shadows of retirement. Yet that was when he first signed onto the group, putting his name on the paper presented to him.
Now it felt as if everything changed. Everywhere he looked he saw friends, whether it be Cael, Kydin, Fal or the multitude of others. He knew, for the first time in a long time, that he could count of them. That sort of reassurance took weight from his shoulders and made him smile a little easier. Yet for his friendships with the select few, it was his relationship with Shae that confused him to no end.
At the simple thought of her, her face danced before his eyes and he felt a fire grow within. It wasn’t that he felt lust towards her or found any level of attraction between them, it was something else entirely. He found that he would go above and beyond whenever possible to impress her. That he always sought her attention like a puppy or lost boy. But then again, wasn’t he?
His actions were often not of his own mind, acting out on whatever whims he felt at the time and yet he found himself yearning for the same outcome – gratification from her. He enjoyed the praise and took to heart the scolding. Nothing she said was lost on him yet he knew his place and never encroached further than he thought was right. He toed a line of uncertainty and knew not where he stood.
With a sullen mood, Theo glanced around the room. There was a lot to himself he didn’t understand and thought that maybe he never would. He would just consider how he felt for those close to him another.
A sigh escaped his lips as he watched the knife vibrate back and forth after finding itself impaled within the wooden table. He watched the smoothed edge reflect what little light reached him and then he looked to his hand almost questioningly. Without hesitation he grabbed the knife, plucking it from the table and brought it down upon his bare, tattooed, hand. The blade pierced his hand with ease and Theo found himself mesmerized as he watched the red of his blood pool around the black of his hand.
“Oh.” He muttered after the blood began to seep down to the table, a full realization of what he did coming to him. “This hurts.” He pulled the dagger free from the table, his hand coming with it before he turned his hand over several times. Blood dripped slowly from the tip as it splattered against the dark cherry table. With a sigh, he pulled the dagger free, a chirp of laughter escaping him as he did.
Without the blade to hold back the blood it began to flow freely, the splattering captivating the rogue as he watched it pool on the table. Little did he know everyone else was watching him, having foregone their own festivities to fall into a shocked silence.
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