So there's this game on Buzzfeed wher you try to cancel your Comcast service. This thing is simultaneously annoying and hilarious.
Chat with Comcast Analyst at 11:01 PM
Brian R.: Hello, my name is Brian R. How can I assist you today?
You: I'd like to cancel my service.
Brian R.: You want to cancel your Comcast service. Is that correct?
You: Yes.
Brian R.: May I ask why you want to cancel your service?
You: I no longer am able to afford you service.
Brian R.: Please, tell us what we did wrong. We deserve an explanation, don't you think?
You: Your prices are too high for my current budget.
Brian R.: That wasn't very convincing. This will be a lot easier if you just cooperate with me here.
You: You are the one who is not cooperating. You are completely disregarding my statements.
Brian R.: I understand that you want to disconnect, but I need to ask a few questions. What are you wearing right now?
You: What does that have to do with this conversation?
Brian R.: Did you know Comcast can get you five or six times better service than any other company? Any. Other. Company.
You: Actually that's not true. There are plenty of companies who provide the same or better service than you at a price I can afford.
Brian R.: Is the #1 Internet service provider just not good enough for you?
You: Nope.
Brian R.: Look, I'm just trying to understand why you want slower Internet speeds when you could have the best service in the whole world.
You: You're actually not.
Brian R.: Wait... this is about that Internet service provider down the street, isn't it?
You: No. Can you please just cancel my service?
Brian R.: Are you honestly telling me that this new provider satisfies you more than the #1 ISP in the country?
You: Yes.
Brian R.: Does this other ISP make you laugh?
You: Yes.
Brian R.: I don't think you actually want to cancel your service. You don't really mean that.
You: Yes I do.
Brian R.: Listen, let's not say anything we'll regret. Let's just sleep on this and talk about it more later. Okay?
You: No. I want to cancel my service now.
Brian R.: Don't you remember all the good times we shared? All the pirated tv shows swept under the rug?
You: I still want to cancel my service.
Brian R.: Oh yeah? Well I heard that this new provider you love so much really gets around. They won't give you the same attention that Comcast does.
You: At least they actually listen to me.
Brian R.: Shhhhhhhhhhhh.
You: No. Cancel my service NOW.
Brian R.: Let me talk for one second. Have you ever, once, thought about Comcast's feelings in all of this?
You: Comcast is a company. It doesn't have feelings.
Brian R.: I'm sorry. I'm SOOOO sorry. This is my fault. I see that now. It's MY FAULT that you don't want to be with the fastest Internet service provider in the world. MY FAULT.
You: Right now yes, but you're not the only one.
Brian R.: Miley was so right... you came in like a wrecking ball.
You: I'd never hit so hard in love.
Brian R.: ~I CAME IN LIKE A WREEEECCKING BALL~
You: Yeah I just closed my eyes and swung.
Brian R.: ~ALL I WANTED WAS TO BREAK YOUR WALLS~
You: All you ever did was wre-e-eck me!
Brian R.: All you ever did was wreck me. You wrecked me.
You: Nice jam session. Can you cancel my service now?
Brian R.: Maybe everyone should know what you search for after work. And before work. And when your partner thinks you're sleeping.
You: Go ahead. I have no shame.
Brian R.: Fine. Like I even care. You're not exactly the greatest customer in the world, you know. Sometimes you have really bad breath.
You: Well, you have an annoying voice.
Brian R.: You know what? You don't even deserve the fastest Internet in the country. I hope you and this new provider are happy together. You're perfect for one another.
You: Thank you. We will be.
Brian R.: Is it okay if I keep in touch with your parents? We always got along really well.
You: Go ahead. They seem to like you anyway.
Brian R.: Can you just order one more pay-per-view movie? For old time's sake?
You: No.
Brian R.: We can still be friends, right?
You: I don't think so.
Brian R.: Please don't leave!!!
You: I'm leaving.
Brian R.: Please don't leave!!!
You: Good bye.
Brian R.: Please don't leave!!!
Source
