first writing in 2018
but it’s already mid-year.
This marks my one year teaching experience in a high school. I loved it, in love with it and will love it forevermore. But sadly, this June will be the last of it.
Decisions are uneasy, uncomfortable and bit challenging. having to move out of town, making my own way, meeting someone new and going outside of my comfort zone is one hella road.
I settled in this environment that I will left in a matter of weeks. Why? Why do we always seek something to bother us when we started to feel that we can rely on something? When we can actually rest? I thought this will be enough. But it isn’t, is it?
The fact that we - human, move everytime we feel secure, possess the idea that as an intellectual and emotional being, human can never rest assure. there is always uncertainty, unsureness, and uncomfortableness that will poke every inch of our human physique and soul. As bell hooks’ argued in her book Belonging : Culture of Space, the idea of our mind and body reacts specifically to the idea of space shapes us and attracts us to be closer to where or whom we feel we belong. In some way, we will search where and to whom do we belong as a body, a soul and as a person.
We responded differently as well to different person. When we meet with someone we particularly dislike, our brain refuses to make sense of the condition, as well as our body. Our hands will refuse to shake that person’s hand, our eyes will not comprehend to make eye contact, even our lips are sealed so it won’t spill any words or even shape a curve. But it is so much different when we are meeting someone we like or we particularly fancy. without hesitation, our brain will react positively in every conversation we had with them no matter how ridiculous they may sound. Our eyes will crave their gaze within the amount that will not be sufficient. As well as our body will dream to feel their warm skin against us in any kinds of touch, whether it is romantically or friendly. There, we feel accepted, we feel belonged.
In my humble opinion, to belong is very closely related to feel loved. When we found ourselves embraced by every elements that triggers our passion and compassion, we feel loved, we feel we are accepted in any form, physically and mentally. We keep searching of the place where we belong, but as our body and mind refresh, we must maintain that it is not the idea of being belong that is changing. It is our situation, condition and reaction that differs every time the table spun. That is why, human will forever seeks comfort but will never find one, but one must be able to feel comfort. To know that the uncomfortness isn’t there to bother, but to give the sense that there will be ease.
Keep looking, probably you’ll find a way, probably you won’t. Either way, you have proved yourself that you can make it that far. Like I made it this far.
But most of all, don’t stop.