map of belonging

artist educator short essays on picturing sense of belonging in everyday life.

[irrationalaesthetics]

From Classrooms to Galleries: The Case of Artsubs in 2024

Last year -- in 2024 I taught the Tinjauan Seni dan Desain (Art and Design Review - translated) course in the university I am working in. For an art teacher in Malang  like me, visiting Surabaya to experience a grand scale art event as big as ArtJog is a celebratory moment. Therefore I decided to invite my four class course consisting of 124 college students from the Visual Art Education and Psychology study program to go to  ARTSUBS. ARTSUBS was on from the 26th of October to 24th of November 2024. So we decided to make a trip just before they closed their doors to the public.

My students contacted the committee two weeks prior to our visit to announce that we will be visiting in a group and proposing for a session with the curators or artists. Thankfully, the committees were very facilitating and thankful for our visit, they also arranged a welcoming remarks and short discussion session with the curators. Some students dressed so impeccably for the occasion that it reminded me of Deleuze and Guattari’s concept of deterritorialization. Their efforts to embody the "art space" ethos highlighted the transformative nature of such settings, where identities and roles are fluidly redefined. Interestingly, ARTSUBS mirrors this idea, much like ArtJog or Biennales (Jakarta or Jogja) that are positioned beyond a fixed space. However, I will save that for another essay because, now, I want to focus on how crucial events like ARTSUBS are for art students in East Java, providing them with rare and valuable opportunities for engagement and reflection.

ARTSUBS was monumental—both literally and metaphorically. The exhibition space was divided into five zones, each showcasing around 20 works, with the fifth zone featuring fewer pieces due to its focus on large-scale installations. The sheer scale of the event, with over 200 artworks fro 154 artists in a single expansive venue, was one of its key attractions. This grandeur was emphasized multiple times during the welcoming speech, as one of the curators proudly highlighted it.

The curators who introduced us to the history and vision of ARTSUBS were Asmudjo Jono Irianto and Nirwan Dewanto, renowned figures in the art world, though unfamiliar to some of my students. At exactly 10:14 a.m., just 14 minutes after the exhibition opened to the public, my students and I gathered in the discussion room located beside the main entrance. Heti Palestina, the public relations coordinator for ARTSUBS, greeted us warmly, expressing gratitude for our long journey to Surabaya and emphasising the significance of being part of a historic moment in contemporary Surabaya’s art scene.

She then handed the floor to Nirwan Dewanto and Asmudjo Jono Irianto, the head curators, who began sharing their perspectives and curatorial philosophy. For many of my students, it was their first encounter with what I can only describe as a "curatorial sermon," an eye-opening experience that set the tone for the rest of the day.

Dewanto started first by explaining the motivation behind the initiation of doing an exhibition as big as ArtJog (even the name is very similar, ArtJog, Art Jakarta, ARTSUBS!) in Surabaya. He then continued with mentioning the stupendous amount of artwork that were included in the exhibition, not to forget the spectacular sizes as well, and underscores ARTSUBS’ significance as being the first of its kind in Surabaya.

As my students listened with excitement, Dewanto tested their knowledge of contemporary art by quizzing them about artists featured in ARTSUBS, particularly those they might recognize. In his welcoming remarks, Asmudjo added that art students today must be more proactive in seeking knowledge about contemporary art, both locally and globally. Emphasising even more for visual art educators designates, because it is very important for art teachers to have professional references. He then invited the students to name Indonesian contemporary artists they knew. However, having struggled with Dewanto’s earlier quiz, many of my students hesitated, too shy to risk giving the wrong answer.

This interaction shows a noticeable gap of knowledge about the Indonesian contemporary art scene between the curators and the students. It is also worth noting that ARTSUBS is the first of its kind in East Java, so it also marked many of my students’ first real encounters with contemporary art. Thankfully the quizzes and tests were merely an attempt from the curators to engage with my students. Afterward, they eased the tension by guiding the group on a brief tour of the exhibition in Zone 1, allowing the students to experience the artworks firsthand.

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It was a scorching Saturday, bustling with activity as it was the day before the exhibition’s closing. Surabaya was a sweltering 36 degrees Celsius, though it felt closer to 45 inside the venue, with its vast halls and artworks packed tightly together. Entering the first exhibition zone, we were greeted by a piece from Gatot Pujiarto, an artist based in Malang. From there, the space unfolded with a mix of paintings in various mediums, interspersed with sculptures and installations placed closely together.

Zone One aimed to provide the audience with a glimpse of everything ARTSUBS had to offer, a preview of the broader exhibition. According to the narrative in the catalog, the curators organized ARTSUBS into 11 thematic scopes, each representing a model of Indonesia’s contemporary art development. These scopes included: (1) Abstraction and Beyond; (2) Contemporary Landscapes; (3) Post-Tradition and Post-Orientalism; (4) Pop Currents and “Lowbrow”; (5) The New Persona; (6) Art Collectives; (7) Ecological Reach; (8) Architectural Intersections; (9) Materiality and Medium Breakthroughs; (10) Photography and Printmaking; and (11) Objects and Materiality. For more details, the catalog offers a comprehensive guide.

The crowded atmosphere that day made the exhibition space at Pos Bloc, Surabaya feel even more cramped and stifling. It wasn’t just the bustling visitors or the sweltering Surabaya heat, it was also the sheer density of artworks packed into Zone 1. In a space no larger than a football field, more than 50 large-scale works were displayed. These included numerous paintings and other two-dimensional pieces, a single sculptural installation, several pedestal sculptures, and four installation rooms.

Image 1. Queue in Zone 1 to move to Zone 2 of ARTSUBS (Photo: Agnisa Wisesa)

The following zones felt more spacious and open, as they began to follow a thematic structure that eliminated the feeling of being “forced” to understand. This was where many intriguing artworks could be examined more closely, especially with the introduction of new media representations that had never before been displayed in East Java. These included printmaking with gumoil on paper, drypoint prints on fabric, and the use of acid on steel or brass. These innovative media broadened the reference points not only for me and my students but also, I’m sure, for all visitors, whether the general public or art practitioners in particular.

However, as I made my way through the exhibition zones, I found that only a handful of artists from East Java were represented. According to the catalog’s narrative, the curators and the director designed the exhibition this way to provide access to information about the mapping of contemporary art in Indonesia (or rather, in major cities) and to showcase it in Surabaya. In fact, Rambat (the Director of ARTSUBS) clearly stated in the catalog that inviting artists from outside East Java was one of the ways to synchronize the region’s economic development with its cultural growth.

This represents the lack of exposure from artists from East Java who may not have yet entered the radar of broader contemporary art discourse. Or also the incomplete ecosystem Surabaya -- or rather East Java has compared to Jogjakarta and Jakarta, makes the artists from East Java prefers to set out elsewhere other than their own towns. For example, the selection of Koeboe Sarawan’s work, which felt somewhat atypical for him, and then the absence of Djoeari Subardja—who just recently held a solo exhibition, from the exhibition, and the choice of only Gerobak Hysteria (from Semarang) instead of inviting Waft Lab (from Surabaya) as part of the collective artwork presentations, all seemed to limit the representation of local talent.

Undoubtedly, from the perspective of diversity and innovation within the Surabaya art scene, and East Java in general, The exhibited works not only enriched my references as an art educator, but also did the same for my students. Some of the artworks were completely new to them. The advantage of increasing the diversity of non-local, out-of-East Java artists is that it provides visual references beyond the students’ local knowledge. For instance, the installation work by Eko Nugroho, the playful ceramic pieces by Argya Dhyaksa, and the unconventional use of ceramics by Bonggal Hutagalung, works that defy the traditional function of ceramics as known by my students. There were also various printmaking techniques such as drypoint on fabric by Theresia Agustina Sitompul, lithography by Henryette Louis, and prints with gumoil by several other artists, including Cecil Mariani, Devy Ferdianto, and Garis Edelweiss.

Image 2. Kelahiran Kembali - Theresia Agustina Sitompul (Tere). 2024. Drypoint print and embroidery on fabric. (Photo: Agnisa Wisesa)

Image 3. Numinous Distortion. Henryette Louise (2024) Drypoint, Carborundum Print on gypsum. (Photo: Agnisa Wisesa)

The 3900 m² space with its multi-storey building was truly overwhelming for both my students and me. The weekend crowds added to the challenge, leaving us with little energy to engage in deeper discussions during our visit. However, despite this, my students left the exhibition with a wealth of new references and plenty of topics to discuss related to aesthetics and art review. They began to look beyond the visible elements of the artworks, questioning their context and meaning. They sparked real-time dialogues while reviewing the art and actively engaged with the exhibition guides to explore the pieces more thoroughly. These interactions, both with the art and the guides, provided invaluable learning experiences. For visual art education students, such moments are essential, as they help develop the critical thinking and reflective skills necessary for their future careers as art educators. These experiences equip them not only with knowledge but with the ability to foster meaningful conversations about art, something they can carry into their teaching careers, bridging the gap between conventional visual art curricula and contemporary artistic practices. Hopefully, not only from the students’ perspective, but also for the art management. 

In conclusion, attending a large-scale exhibition like ARTSUBS is an invaluable experience for art education students, particularly those from regions like East Java, where access to contemporary art may be limited. The exposure to diverse media, artistic approaches, and global practices that these exhibitions offer is critical in bridging the expectations of visual art curricula to the real situation. By providing students with an opportunity to engage with works and those who work around the works other than the artists - like curators, art managers and exhibition guides, challenge their perceptions and introduce new artistic and aesthetic points of view. These experiences foster critical thinking and visual literacy, which are essential in the development of future art educators.

Moreover, large-scale exhibitions can serve as a catalyst for broadening students' perspectives, exposing them not only to established contemporary artists but also to the innovative practices of younger or lesser-known creators from outside of East Java, while taking into consideration that local artists also have significant impact as accessible role models. In the case of ARTSUBS, despite the limited representation from East Java, the exposure to artists from outside the region allowed students to confront the diversity and dynamism of Indonesian contemporary art. However that may be, I am personally grateful that ARTSUBS was able to provide platforms of learning for soon-to-be art teachers around East Java.

For students who may have otherwise remained confined to the classroom or local art scene, such exhibitions provide a tangible connection to the broader art world, helping them recognize the importance of staying engaged with the global art community. Thus, attending events like ARTSUBS is not only beneficial for personal artistic growth in the artists’ perspective but also vital for enriching art education in Indonesia, and in addition preparing future educators to teach the evolving landscape of the Indonesian art sphere.

[irrationalaesthetics]

Decentralisation and Distribution of Artistic Practice

This article is the result of a performative dialogue by Benny Widyo and Agnisa Wisesa on Saturday, February 5, 2022 virtually and aired via the YouTube channel Biennale Jatim

Session 1: BJIX Artistic Work Portion

Benny Widyo: In this first session, we will talk about the artistic work portion of the 9th East Java Biennale (BJIX). In your opinion, what are the roles and functions of the artistic directors of the East Java Biennale?

Agnisa Wisesa: I think its function is quite ideal. From a theoretical point of view, the position of the artistic directors of the East Java Biennale IX (BJIX) has a lot of influence as a trigger for local social issues. This can be the foundation to continue the artistic and aesthetic process in each area involved in the event that is (in particular) the directors, in this context the East Java region.

BW: It's actually quite complex if we talk about the director's function. In BJIX there are 3 directors: main, program, and artistic directors. We haven't discussed exactly what the director's function is, including for all teams. In the Panca Rembug section, all directors get a share to manage a series of Rembug classes. Until the completion of BJIX, all the teams involved in BJIX, be it directors, coordinators or division members, carried out many tasks in their division of labor. Of course, in this case, the artistic directors are responsible for artistic matters, which in this East Java Biennale includes many things. First on the issue of the persona or appearance of BJIX. Then the second is also related to issues and discourses that are the focus of BJIX. And the last one is about themes and curatorials that involve many parties, because here the artistic director is responsible for formulating the decentralized format that is conceived.

AW: The tasks and functions in the organization are certainly complex. From the very beginning of the BJIX planning process until after BJIX it is the professional responsibility of the artistic director of BJIX. The artistic director's portion is very large, and in theory, from the theme to the practice of artistic work related to the delivery of art to the audience is the professional responsibility of the artistic director. With such a large portion of work, in practice, of course, there are various challenges that will arise during the process until the finalization of the work. Then from this problem, the problem asked is, if theoretically the responsibilities and work area are so large and wide, how significant is the portion of the artistic director’s workload in this biennale?

BW: This point finally needs to be evaluated, how big and significant the artistic director's work is. This pattern of decentralization involving many people requires work that must be interconnected, both between programs and artistic. The Syuro Curator Council (DSK) initiative was created to bridge the process involving an area of ​​38 cities and regencies.

AW: The DSK is also a unique step, as well as a peculiar strategy in this decentralized artistic process. The first initiation of their formation is as a bridge or an extension of the directors board. This is also one of many strategies developed this year to echo the true meaning of decentralization. This is what gave birth to the DSK initiative. But then there is a separate reflection about the DSK system that was created. The initial hope was that the 9 members of the DSK would become an agency, but later on, it was the relationship of artistic power that eventually became a problem that often appeared at this BJIX event.

BW: Power relations are important, we need to be aware of that. In practice what has happened, structurally the director is above the DSK. Although in the process we try to make it equal. However, it is difficult because we have different understanding and capital from each DSK involved. Adaptive is the only strategy used in the program coordination and negotiation process. So, I realize that this power relation must exist, but how is it not hegemonic. Avoiding the symbolic violence that is always a reminder. So that the work that happens is also not lame later.

AW: The problem that arises when adopting a horizontal (hopefully) work system is indeed full of intrigue. The nine DSKs representing the nine territorial divisions approach his residency, doing extraordinarily extensive artistic work as well. They are directly involved from the work process and artistic process of the artists in their respective areas. But here it needs to be underlined, it doesn't mean that the role of artistic director will be replaced, but indeed the evaluation that emerges is when a decentralized performance like this begins, perhaps the position, proportions and prepositions of work as well as the title of artistic director may not be essential. There was my wish then, why not DSK is also the artistic director or artistic director is DSK. In this case it's actually DSK works more than its title, and in practice, the ranks of DSK coordinate a lot in areas that stop at the managerial realm. This case happened in many ways, DSK as curator, manager, and speaker. But definitely come back again. This is the beginning of a reflection on the artistic director's work process that has taken place in the IX portion of the East Java Biennale. The artistic director is important in an event like the Biennale, but then there are many things that determine the achievement of the artistic director, namely the person, the discourse, and of course the area.

BW: The importance of this should not be judged by us. Because ultimately this artistic director is the name of a job. The significance is the responsibility of us, Agni and I, as those who carry out the work. There are many ways that are worth trying. Its existence is indeed important, but its portion needs to be clarified. Maybe we don't need an artistic director and leave it entirely to DSK. Or maybe even, the artistic director divides his duties, internal and external. Or many other simulation possibilities that are worth discussing and testing.

Session 2: Festival Model, Decentralization and Capital Redistribution

BW: In this second session we will talk about festivals, decentralization, and redistribution of capital. The first question that arises from this decentralization offer is “is it possible for new spaces to emerge?

AW: In my view, new spaces and new collectives have flourished in the last four years, especially in East Java, one interesting example to look at is the Pena Hitam group. In fact, the collective movement has thrived in areas that have accessibility to artistic work. Notes on collectives in Jakarta and Yogyakarta have become solid references on collectivism1. In contrast to East Java, the art groups formed have sporadic artistic patterns. The record of collectivism and decentralization of art access is hoped to be a breath of fresh air in growing an ecosystem for art workers in East Java. Either to develop their artistic discourse or to form their respective collectivities.

BW: In my opinion, the new spaces are the intended impact. This decentralization is a mapping effort as well as a trigger for cultural arts actors in the regions. The smallest ecosystems need to be built. The arena of production of spaces needs to be presented as a result of negotiations on the wants and needs of the agents involved in it. We have many different cultures that need to be accommodated. Decentralization is a format, which I think is the most appropriate to accommodate a wide arena with diverse practices and cultures. This decentralization is appropriate as the format for the East Java Biennale, although  there are still many improvements that need to be made. Then the actual impact is no longer decentralized, but distributed. The network needs to be expanded again without having to be an umbrella. The ease of information technology certainly fills a gap that was difficult to imagine 10 years ago. Now, the doors of opportunity and collaboration possibilities are opened. Destroyed the walls that limit it. Various parties in East Java are expected to be able to build relationships with each other without having to go through a platform called the East Java Biennale again. Especially with information technology that has filled the gap, to create opportunities for various collaborations. 

One of the results of the initial mapping that we can read is that there are gaps. Be it practice or activity. One example is that we continue to find gaps, some cities in East Java are submitting more programs than other regions. But with decentralization, we can get raw data that can be managed, which can be studied further. After marking; reading; and mapping out, what should we do after this? Of course doing a study and processing all the data that has been obtained to make it more conical.

AW: From the symposium activities in the nine regions, there were also interesting findings from the discussion. As previously explained, the trend of discussing the symposium is similar to the distribution of incoming program. There are significant differences from several areas of the symposium in discussing or raising the theme. In the areas of Malang, Pasuruan, Batu, then Surabaya, Mojokerto, Sidoarjo, there is a similar tendency to discuss progressive trends of contemporary art, while in other areas, the emerging discourses have similar common threads, which is to identity and balance between contemporary art and tradition. Regions such as Jember, Probolinggo, Kediri, Blitar, and several other regions discuss the balance between traditional and contemporary arts, but then there are also symposiums and program discussions in areas with accessors.

A more intense exposure to contemporary art creates a discourse on the context of art in society. This does not mean that the discussion about tradition is not progressive, but the pattern formed from the discussion is different. Actually this is also interesting because, why should it be negated when both (traditional art and contemporary art) can go hand in hand? The relationship between contemporary and tradition can actually synergize with each other because this becomes the importance to develop art in their respective areas. I think this is also one of the influences of the distribution of art capital in this area within the scope of East Java.

BW: In the end that's what we find out from this dialogue. Whether we realize it or not, this distribution is the next step of decentralization, so mapping is one of the outcomes of this BJIX decentralization format. But this data is still raw, in the sense that we already know the gap, but there are questions how and why it can happen. That should be the next step of this East Java Biennale. Because we can't just dream about it without making it a study and determining the strategic steps that can be offered. We can't just dream about it without any concrete data. Now we already have the data, don't let the data be left raw, useless and pass you by.

AW: We want all regions to have their own cultural (and artistic) programs. This conversation then reminded me of the conversation I had with the Co-Curator of the East Java Biennale 2 in early 2021 and then in May2. At that time there was also an attempt to create an art event with this decentralized model, but it was always confused with the statement “then what's the difference with a festival? Biennale must have prestige value!” said art practitioners, especially art writers in East Java.

BW : I don't think there is any difference, there is a construction that has been built from the name of the Biennale so that the format of this festival looks "lower". We often talk about the identity of the East Java Biennale, or even what identity (art) is in East Java. Although we don't really need to be burdened by that, if that is the main goal, this festival format is the right way because it will involve the community and the wider public. Specific local identities and issues must be shared with the public. So, this active participation must be present. Decentralization should not make actors and territories as objects, they are active subjects who are aware and have wants and needs that need to be accommodated. Although we often talk about East Javanese artistic identity in Biennale forums, we don't need to make it a burden. It will be very difficult to formulate the identity of East Java. We have multiple locales. One of the clearest examples is that we can divide East Java into sub-imaginary areas of Mataraman, Madura, and Horseshoe. Not to mention, the Mataraman language is also divided into several parts. Not to mention the other diversity that is lived in a small community. Maybe there are things that don't need to be enforced uniformly. It may be distribution and networking work that needs to be tightened to allow wider community involvement and participation. This decentralization should not only make actors and regions as subjects, but there are also other needs that need to be accommodated.

AW: I also think that it is also important to keep in mind that Garner and Green3 analyzed the differences between art exhibitions in general, and events such as the Biennale, Triennale and Documenta, that these major exhibitions focused on the development of existing art (or also challenged the development of art) discourses. Art in the city or region where the event is happening. However, they specifically discussed how the art could continue. The format of the Biennale is not an identity, but how the discourse continues. It is true that the implementation of this decentralized approach is similar to a festival, but the mapping and sustainability offered from the data that has been collected in BJIX is what challenges the festival model itself. There is a continuous process, or continuity, which does not only take the form of physical cleaning but also contexts and concepts. While the climax of the festival is the party activities, in the process of BJIX's work, it is significant before and after. The challenge is then how all of these programs can continue, how then these programs develop into bodies, into even fields. Not only about the format of the performance of a Biennale, but also the discussion we have about the parties involved in the arts. How can we not negate contemporary and traditional, young and old generations, so that a healthy discourse space on collectivism is formed in the art field in East Java?

BW: Autonomous. A few days ago I read the journal results from the Bucharest Biennale Conference4. The editorial introduction talks about biennales around the world that are becoming wheels, but they are also trying to manage things specifically. Yogyakarta and Jakarta have very striking biennials. And how they (Yogyakarta) manage, using the common thread of the curator. Which is finally global, and in practice the program can be spread in several places. For example, the Jakarta Biennale uses a parking lot, using public spaces. The biennale responds to the history that has occurred in their area, in a sense, the format of the biennale pattern is highly adaptable to the insight of each region. That's ultimately what needs to be looked at in particular. It is important to return outcomes and results to the programmer. The East Java Biennale is igniting, trying to meet the initial needs. If this can be interpreted as an entry phase, then in the process the existing spaces must actively participate. The types of works, issues discussed, managerial work patterns, to the final form of presentation are the outputs of the inputs that can be given by the actors in those specific spaces. We need to come up with a post-biennale where various arts and culture practitioners can continue to work independently.

Session 3: Imagining space. Utopia and Reality

AW: In this final session, we need to give a statement (or question) about regional distribution and art emancipation in each region. Like what is appropriate and distinctive to be able to support the sustainability of the development of the art body so that it is intact?

BW: Again back to each region. There's nothing wrong with testing each pattern, it's part of the process too. But don't forget that in every process there needs to be reflection and evaluation. Maybe not all regions have to build their market. Not all of them have to regularly hold exhibitions. Program forms such as discussions, workshops, curatorials, performances, archiving, site-specific projects, and many other options can be more appropriate to become art practices for a region. So go ahead and keep evaluating!

AW: It is undeniable that each region has its own characteristics. From the East Java Biennale, there is potential for each region to be able to expand into its own independent art habitat, as Benny previously explained, the process and method of art can take many forms. Even Malang and Pasuruan, which are close by, already have different art distribution patterns in different art markets. From BJIX there is potential for each region to develop it. This means that an action is needed to fulfill the position, proportion and preposition of artistic work in the East Java art practices. So we also have to open our eyes that artwork is not only in the form of exhibitions, or art discussions but can take other intangible (relational) forms. Then what should always be remembered when doing art activities, artists do have a role as a beacon for the surrounding community, but the lighthouse also needs to be built by other workers. So in the arts, not only artists, curators, gallery owners, but many others, such as writers, critics, academics and artisans have an important role in building an ecosystem. Not everyone needs to be an artist, there are always positions that need to be filled. Then the performers of the arts may also not really need the East Java Biennale structurally. More need a complete and supportive ecosystem. That is when the needs of art workers can be met. Art ecosystems and art fields can be present in their respective areas. This kind of distribution could fill the void in the art world of East Java.

BW: That's what the East Java Biennale did in the last 2 episodes. Starting with spreading the program, then asking again, "why the program?". If we look at how other biennales focus on a space for work, this East Java Biennale chooses to carry out decentralization activities. Trying to provide space for cultural arts actors in East Java to initiate programs. Whether it's archiving projects, performances, discussions or cultural gatherings, for example. If that example is more appropriate, we will finally find it in this process. It is also related to the artistic side and the program side, as well as the other side, whether it's managerial or publication, which are interrelated in one unified work system, which the East Java Biennale had to do. Some time ago, during a conversation, I thought, "Oh, maybe we don't need a biennale, do we? Or is this biennale becoming an activity format too quickly, in 2 years we haven't been able to really mark the developments in aesthetics and artistic work in this ecosystem. It's also possible that it has to do with working time, like the triennale offers: first year of research, year the second for the program, and the third year for conducting studies. Because we can always try it out, maybe the triennale is still too soon, maybe we can try to do it every 5 years, like Documenta.

AW: One of the outputs and responsibilities of BJIX is in archive form. Not only mapping, so after collecting data, it is also analyzed. What is mapped now, there is a distribution gap, different agencies in each region can fill each other. But in one area itself it builds its own ecosystem. It doesn't matter, just try it first, after that you can evaluate, analyze and continue.

BW: But when it comes to the distribution pattern, what is the ideal distribution pattern for East Java decentralization from the Biennale Jatim IX laboratory?

AW: My hope is that in the future, the meaning of the Biennale is also not restrictive, but it could become a structure that buckles art workers to develop artistry in their respective areas. Maybe art workers don't need the East Java Biennale structurally, but rather need artists who fulfill vacant roles in East Java's artistic work, for example writers, researchers, archivists, and art handlers in their respective artistic habitats. I think this distribution of understanding is suitable, maybe not ideal, but it is suitable for creating a progressive art discourse in East Java. It is not the activities that are reconstructed, but if the main purpose of the biennale is to create an aesthetic accountability for an area or challenge aesthetic accountability, but with this massive scope of structure, the hope is that this structure does not dictate how art workers behave or act.

BW: The decentralization pattern is only appropriate when the East Java Biennale is “organized”. But a more distributed pattern must be cared for in the arts and culture ecosystem in East Java. This ecosystem is filled by many agents who try to provide their respective functions. Provide an understanding or work of each. Effective or not it goes back to the work done. However, it is necessary to strive to build an ideal space for a local and specific arena. It is a form of resistance to the unequal patterns of artistic work. We have to manage what is near us first

AW: We are now at the end of the conversation. Discussion of the model, content and evaluation of the implementation of the IX East Java Biennale, of course, must bring us to a conclusion. The vacancy in infrastructure has indeed provided a visible gap in the artistic mapping of the IX East Java Biennale. To achieve the ideal of a space or even an art ecosystem, this mapping that is being carried out ideally provides a little picture of how to generalize the distribution of access. By way of understanding that in an artistic activity, not only the artist is involved. There are vacant positions whose roles must be distributed. Implementing and motivating these programs to run is an effort from BJIX to shape the field itself. It is not perfect yet, but there is always the prospect to fill vacant positions in these art spaces, so that they become an ecosystem. The ecosystem must be supported by a qualified infrastructure. East Java Art Councils (Dewan Kesenian) are very active and have a role in building a more massive and broad discussion in their own respective areas. However, the proportion of the Arts Council's role in art discourse in East Java also needs to be reconstructed by its agency. Ideally, the artist should not be doing five different types of work at the same time.

BW: It's hard to define, because the ideal concept cannot be generalized. But if BJIX is a laboratory, then what needs to be started is to build spaces that support “behind the scenes' ' work and appreciate it. Making work outside of production not only a supporter, but the position of each of these work practices is equal. Not also by having to meet all the needs of ecosystems and infrastructure, but find out for yourself what kind of ecosystem and space that needs to be built. Starting from the smallest ecosystem, which is closest to us. Managing local potential to find its position on more global issues. Because, it is each local cell that forms the body of a complete artistic ecosystem.

This essay is published in the BJIX Catalogue Book, 2022.

[irrationalaesthetics]

biasa aja

Berawal dari lihat sebuah tweet tentang betapa penuhnya transportasi di Jakarta, jadi ingat banyak hal. Salah satunya,

Dulu, semasa SMA, pemandangan mengenai betapa penuhnya sebuah bus kota adalah sarapan sehari-hariku. Rumahku 50km jauhnya dari sekolahku, sehingga pergi subuh bukanlsh pilihan, tapi keharusan. Aku lupa mengapa aku sangat ngotot untuk sekolah di SMA Negeri populert tersebut, mengindahkan jarak yang tiap hari harus kutempuh. Tapi ya dulu kujalankan saja. Biasa saja.

Pagi, jam 3.30 biasanya alarmku pasti bunyi. Ponsel Nokia tahan bantingku dulu menemaniku tiap pagi dengan radio Prambors siap terpasang mengalir di telinga. Atau terkadang majalah Provoke yang tersedia gratis di sekretariat ekstrakulikuler yang biasanya ku pinjam untuk kubaca selama perjalanan pulang ataupun pergi. Keren banget lah, ala anak sekolahan Jakarta yang ada di televisi pada umumnya.

Jam 5.30 sudah siap di terminal bus Tangerang-Jakarta bersama ratusan pengejar rejeki lainnya. Begitu Bus nomor 45 itu muncul, aku bersiap untuk naik. Biasanya ada temanku juga, satu sekolah aku masih ingat namanya. Bagaimana kabarnya ya? Semoga baik.

Perjalanan selama satu jam biasanya kulalui dengan tidur lagi. Haha, lumayan, setelah bayar 5.500 rupiah ke pak kondektur, kalau beruntung dapat duduk ya aku tidur. Kalau tidak yasudah, berdiri saja sambil baca Provoke atau lihat jalanan, yang penting Prambors pagi masih berbunyi di telinga. Jam 6.20 biasanya sudah sampai dekat gerbang sekolah. Sekolahku tidak jauh dari terminal Blok M. Belakang Kejaksaan Agung, jadi masih untung. Jalan dari tempat pemberhentian Bus ke sekolah tidak jauh. Pernah sewaktu musim hujan, saat turun di halte hendak menyeberang jalan, ada mobil terlewat kencang melewati halte yang depannya penuh genangan. Alhasil basah semua sekujur tubuh. Karena masih SMA dan tidak tahu harus marah ke siapa, alih-alih melanjutkan tetap ke sekolah, aku menyeberang jalan untuk menunggu di Bus pulang di halte seberang. Hahaha. Seru juga kalau diingat.

Anyway, sesungguhnya banyak yang bisa diceritakan dari waktu tiga tahun, 20 hari dalam sebulan perjalanan sekolah antar-provinsiku. Tapi hal ini membuatku tersadar, aku memiliki orang tua yang mendukung. Bersekolah di SMA Negeri populer tersebut bukanlah pilihan orang tuaku, tapi pilihanku. Berjuta kali mereka mendapatkan ejekan dari saudara-saudaranya yang bilang, “orang tua macam apa kalian?! Anak perempuannya dibiarkan bersekolah jauh?! Tidak sayang anak!” Atau, “Tega banget sih, Bu, Pak. Anaknya emang ngga capek?”. Ya pasti jadi gentar lah berjuta kali diterjang omongsb kaya gitu. Tapi hal ini baru ku ketahui dalam lima tahun terakhir setelah aku mendapatkan berita bahwa aku terpilih untuk berangkat studi ke luar negeri gratis. Kalau kata ibukku, “worth it, lah.”.

Stres? Ya iyalah! Tapi itu pilihanku, aku cuma diberikan pilihan, kalau mau lanjut, bagus, kalau mundur, kalah. Alhamdulillah ternyata memang mampu.

Berawal dari lihat foto bus kota penuh malah jadi teringat aku punya privilege berupa orang tua yang supportive dan strong willed.

I have to admit, having a pair of parents that have strong conviction is a privilege that comes with a price. Aku jadi pribadi yang kokoh, tapi juga penuh dengan tekanan. Tapi toh sekarang aku bisa cari bantuan profesional untuk mengatasi itu, lagipula mobilitas sosial yang kulakukan bukan paksaan, tapi dibangun berdasarkan kesadaran diri. Maka terkadang jadi berpikir, ingin jadi orang tua yang seperti apa aku? Aku tidak mau sebenarnya kalau anakku harus berjuang sekeras aku SMA dulu. Tapi cara orang tuaku menanamkan tanggung jawab, patut dijadikan rekomendasi resep dalam mengedukasi generasi yang lebih sadar diri. Nanti ini akan kujadikan lain cerita saja, deh.

Untuk sekarang, aku hanya mau bersyukur. Terima kasih perjalanan tiga tahun dalam bus kota antar provinsi yang kemudian mengantarku sekarang ke sini. Masih belum jauh memang, tapi kuharap itu sudah membawa perubahan.

[irrationalaesthetics]

I probably am ungrateful, I have a family that loves me, I have a pretty good career, pretty good appearance, and a pretty good life. But sometimes I just feel worthless, like I don't have any value. Sometimes I feel like nothing, insignificant and not enough. Probably I will never be enough. I tried to stop my breath just ago, it felt good. I felt peace, there's no blood rushing, everything was silent. It's a perfect situation, a serene feeling that I've been longing forever. Maybe I have issues that I myself can't comprehend, I don't want to die, but the silent felt like a bliss. I liked that. I want that silence. I need that silence. I am tired. I'm exhausted. I felt tired fighting, what's going to happen anyway. Death is so sure and complete. I'd like to be complete. I'd like to meet my Creator, but they said that I can't meet my Creator if I decided to, only Him that can decide when I can meet Him. But I'd like to try. But I'm also afraid. So...

[irrationalaesthetics]

A Trip To The Unknown

Have you ever feel like so out of place, you just want to move out in hoping to find something that suits you more? I have, often even. In those times I was trying so hard to feel comfortable in the situation I was in, yet I was never satisfied with whatever I ended up with. Mostly because I was expecting things to happen my way, rather than go through the situation, learning about it and then somehow adapt with it. It was frustrating.

The peak was when I did my master degree. I studied in a place that was significantly different from what I’ve always known. I boarded a 14 hours plane trip more than 14,000 miles from home - a place where familiarity and comfort have always resided. The first few months was the hardest, I came to realise that my body wasn’t really built for the weather, my intelligence was none compared to my peers, my ability to communicate wasn’t elaborate enough to convey exactly what I wanted and my mental health was constantly tested. I was crushed to the very atom of my existence. It was devastating, I cried every night, I rarely sleep well, once I did, I always had nightmare even in daytime. I almost gave up, I wanted to, but I didn’t.

I remembered my thesis supervisor said something like this,

‘you were never not know before. You were never this uncomfortable Once you are now, you’re panicking about the end, whether you are able to go to finish line or not, meanwhile unseeing what’s surrounding you. You are in the unknown, not in the void.’

I didn’t know what it meant back then, right after my thesis spv told me. I just knew that I don’t know anything at that moment. But my supervisor mentioned a point that I never thought of at those crucial times. Was I really not able or was it just my inability to let go of my tendency to control things around myself? It was true at the very first phrase, I never not get an answer when I ask questions, so when I did at that moment and nobody seemed to understand it in my spectrum, it became an obstacle. Settling in, questions were with me 24/7, yet rarely answered. I broke down because I wasn’t used to unanswered inquiries.

This is where I learnt about the unknown. I had several colleagues (who become one of my most valuable and treasured friends now) who helped me to navigate my tendency to control situations, which for them, was kinda kinky. The theory was that even human has no agency of themselves, it was never human who controls destiny or the future, kind of like the internet series titled Bandersnatch. It’s true some of human action causes things to happen, but destiny or future is mostly unpredictable. There are more than a handful of agents that shape situations and conditions. Thus, human must make peace with unfamiliarity, discomfort, a sense to be out of control - the unknown. My unknowing-ness was not being able to control being uncomfortable in a new, more advanced situation. I was not used to be the one who understand nothing in class and consistently needed assistance to navigate through pile of new readings. I was not used to speak in other language for the whole day, weeks, months, all the time to be able to express my feelings and my ideas because sometimes I would get lost in the middle of the sentences trying to fit some unknown vocabularies in. I was afraid of not being accepted as I was constantly struggling to fit in, it was excruciating in and out. I simply did not know what to do, feel or think. It was the wholesomeness of unknowing my own situation.

Long story short, I have been in an on and off, love and hate relationship with the unknown. My capital wasn’t allowing me to be out of control and somehow hating the unfamiliar, but as the time passed by, more surprises and out of expectation things happen more frequent than how it used to. Most probably because I’m trying to pilot my own agency, and the universe is contesting me about it. I still hate the feeling to not being able to forecast my future, but the course of my life had never been this obnoxiously entertaining. The whole experience is sort of overwhelming sometimes but reflective.

So what is the unknown now? How did I get into this point of unknowing? 

At the very moment, I don’t know yet, that is why I’m writing this now so probably in the future when I look at this short essay again I will be able to map my journey through. I am struggling with a new kind of feeling and an urge to do a new kind of adventure which I was never experienced in. In a new place, with new people, different interest, most importantly a distinct socio-political dynamic. I’m doing the trip now to the unknown.

Tell me, have you consider exploring the unknown? If yes, do it, don’t wait.

[irrationalaesthetics]

Vulnerability

Tell me what’s going on your mind right now.

Is it fragments of your memories?

or is it plans for your future?

Now tell me how does it feel.

Is it joyful?

or is it painful?

Memories brings us such excitement when we remember anything pleasurable. Like walking 5 miles under the moonlight going nowhere while having deep conversation about love and existence, or sitting comfortably watching movies while holding hands. Lightens up the atmosphere. Our cheeks turn red-ish, while our lips make a crescent-like shape. You like the view, don’t you?

Until we realise those were not meant to last. Those crescent turns upside down, and what’s that coming out of your eyes? Let it drip down while inside of you is ripped and torn, shredded into pieces.

”What a sore sight!” you shout. But honestly, have you ever seen that kind of freedom?

Deep dark purple tints bags under the eyes, cheeks glossed by rain-like tears that drops mercilessly from two dark-brown fading sun, eyes decorated by streaks of dark red fine lines. While the tongue tries to assemble words, the lungs pump faster, and the heart beats rapidly and relentlessly. Body trembles like earthquake, head spinning uncontrollably, while throat and mouth wails nonsensical arguments.

Until

the whole system surrenders to the chaos and the body lose it’s control. It falls down. Eyes both shut, cheeks drenched, the body curls because it feels safe to bring head closer to chest. Why? do we want to hear our heart beat, or do we want to protect it?

inhale.

exhale.

Slowly the body tries to sync. Breathing starts slow and steady, heartbeat makes soothing rhythm. Voices in the head starts to clear up while mists in the mental images begins to fade along with woes.

It’s starting to clear up now, are you still not convinced of the freedom you just witnessed? Emotions are powerful, untamed and unpredictable yet delicate and real. It is poetic to feel emotions, but it is liberating to acknowledge the effects of it.

Go through it, don’t get lost. Because honestly, it is only your future onward.

[irrationalaesthetics]

Dualism | Otherness | balance

At certain point in our life sometimes we feel loneliness lies ahead of us like a bottomless pit. We can see it in a safe distance, while deciding to fall into that pit aimlessly or observe it thoroughly and see whether there’ll be a surface on that hole that we can land on to protect us from overcrowdedness. By time, we learn that loneliness could transform into solitude that safeguard us from uproars.

We follow society as we merge ourselves into it, when we become a part of it. The hardest part is not to get lost in society, not to lose ourselves in between the complexity that embodied inside it. It’s the same with loneliness, only in society we are inevitably in motion with differences that somehow walking (or sometimes running) towards the same direction. Either we follow the wave aimlessly, or learn to feel our own pace.

Walking or running with the flow of society teaches us to understand who we are in a bigger group of people. To comprehend our position, our roles. Only if we are able to embrace our own solitude then we are able to decide our part inside the society.

I think it is unwise to purposelessly follow the tide as well as dive straight into the abyss of solitary without deliberation. Everything needs to be in balance, in harmony as some say, to even out the dissonance and silence. The key is to see from both sides, even though there are two opposite sides but they exist simultaneously. It is very visible in eastern old teachings about way of living. Eastern philosophy if you’d like to call it. That is why eastern aesthetic concept tends to vocalise a dualism long before western aesthetic writes about it.

People who lives in eastern civilisation practice this dualism in a form that each side exist to compliment its counterpart, not as opposition like how western scholars argued. Take yin and yang for example, the each side has its counter part’s fragment in small portion. The white and black are also curls up to exhibit dynamic proportion as if each of its side can switch places. Thus, in eastern comprehension, opposition ideally does not display antagonistic antithesis, but rather equilibrium or stability. Meaning, opposition exists to do good for each other, not to corrode nor corrupt.

It is true that this understanding sounds hypothetical and extremely utopian, but a concept emerges from theorisation of habit or way of living. So, I believe harmony is achievable and not just a mere concept.

.

Harmony is extremely rare nowadays, I would argue that it can only be attainable if a person understands that differences are there to compliment their indifferences. Otherness exists to facilitate a sense of self. Dualism is substantial to achieve balance. Thus being able to take part in an overcrowd society while embracing solitude is not contradictory, but rather counterpoising. Or perhaps in a more utopian ideal setting, it can bring peace. First to self who practice it, then to people who are inspires by it.

.

Perhaps, harmony is ideal. complimentary is the key word. Hope is the infinite option.

[irrationalaesthetics]

27

today I woke up 27.

.

.

27

.

.

many celebs died at 27. 

I’m grateful that I’m not a celebrity.

looking back through time, I became a full time teacher at 25 back then. I was so grateful that I was given the opportunity to become one. I still am thankful for those times.

Today, I am a lecturer. In a decent state university. I have an awesome job, a full time one and an amazing working condition where I am challenged daily. Still learning to become a decent lecturer at some point, but I really am grateful.

.

Looking back through time, I decided to end a quite long romantic relationship at 17. It was ten years ago now. I was grateful that I ended up choosing a better education than maintaining an unsolid relationship.

Now that I am 27, I learnt the hardest heartbreak and rejection in a romantic situation. I was given the opportunity to feel the part of me that was asleep for ten years, and awaken with a slap. I never truly know that I had to be the one that loved me first before anybody else. So that, I am grateful to ever feel a heartbreak and a rejection just before 27.

.

In my 27, I am going to love myself unconditionally. I am going to challenge myself daily, also reward myself unapologetically.

In my 27, I am giving myself the time that I want and also the care that I need.

In my 27, I have to feel and see myself with pride, because God has given me that not shame.

In my 27, I am me.

Happy Birthday!

[irrationalaesthetics]

Dissection

dis·sectdəˈsekt,dīˈsekt/

verb

verb:

dissect

; 3rd person present:

dissects

; past tense:

dissected

; past participle:

dissected

; gerund or present participle:

dissecting

methodically cut up (a body, part, or plant) in order to study its internal parts.synonyms:anatomize, cut up/open, dismember; vivisect"the body was dissected"

analyze (something) in minute detail."novels that dissect our obsession with cities and urban angst"synonyms:analyze, examine, study, scrutinize, pore over, investigate, go over with a fine-tooth comb"the text of the gospels was dissected

this term usually appears in a medical situation, but nowadays I think more people has to realise dissection can also be used in all other field. Take an example from educational point of view. The term is equivalent with analyse or  examine. Both term are appropriate and correct, yet vague. Learning needs to be physical in order to materialise. Moreover in this era of practicality, the term analyse is often overused and insignificant. Dissecting however sounds brutal, physical and anatomical. Thus, in this writing, I am proposing to use the term to critically operate a learning process of a human.

.

In recent study about thinking, the highest capability of a human mind is the ability to create (Krathwohl, 2002). More educational institution (and non-institution) are competing to enable learners to be able to create. Yet, the question needs to be asked is, ‘what is more to create?’.

People often get lost when it comes to creation. creating needs to be new, innovative and unlike any other ever created. It’s getting harder these days to map out which and what is new and innovative. Originality became a privilege, new-ness is somehow a competing aspect. In my area of work, creativity became somehow banal and overused, it’s underwhelming. creativity is the term that needs to be embodied by art and design students, while the science and mathematics students are the ones whom don’t need creativity, it’s sickening.

I think creativity must be possessed and owned by every human being that is able to think. Our ancestors create the idea of science from engaging themselves with the world around them, dissecting slowly it then merging their crazy ideas with the result of that dissection. So creativity must exist in every human brain that claims to be able to think. It is not only a privilege for art or design students just because they are the ones that looked almost crazy, students of left-brain field needs to claim it as well.

Science needs to be mental if it wants to progress. Literature needs to be radical if it wants to move forward. All fields’ practitioners need to make peace with the term creativity in order to survive in the future! So the question now is not, ‘what is more to create?’, but ‘how does creativity works nowadays?’

You must have already known the term ‘multi-disciplinary’ by now, it’s the hypebeast of education. There creativity has to happen because to draw lines in between disciplines is not an easy work. People from different perspective needs to work together (and lower their intellectual egos) in order to achieve the higher order of collaboration. To collaborate is now the new challenge for creative people. The fun part is literally everyone can be participants as well as initiators. It is now the era where working together as a team and be crazy together becomes the highest achievement a human is able to do. In this era of bio-tech and visual-research, human needs to collaborate to create something new by amalgamating different work areas. Dissecting each professional settings, then blend it in however mad it would feel. Thus, I think, in order for the now people to accelerate forward, they (we) need to be humble but mental at the same time so that radical new composition can be created to give solution to also never-ending problems of the world.

.

Fashion is moving forward with less waste products by collaborating with scientists to minimise its destructive industry. Automotive industry push designers to collaborate engineers and environmental experts to produce a better (and safer for mankind as well as for the environments) transporting vehicles. More and more industries are ready to mix and match different professional fields to survive the creativity challenge of the future. Is educational institution ready to provide such resources? Are you as a learner and a teacher ready to dissect what you already know and embrace the uncomfortable truth of other disciplines and take on the creativity challenge?

I dare you.

[irrationalaesthetics]

Distortion and Disruption

I once saw a TV movie which the main character is a Doctor and doctor of heart. She’s a strong woman with exceptional intellectuality. She had a husband from military. You can watch the movie yourself it’s titled Annihilation on Netflix. There you go.

In the movie there is a quote that still lingers and will forever disturb my mind and mental state. It goes like this, 

“Lena: Then I have to ask: why did my husband volunteer for a suicide mission?

Dr Ventress: So you're asking me as a psychologist?

Lena: Yes.

Dr Ventress: Then, as a psychologist, I think you're confusing suicide with self-destruction, and they're very different. Almost none of us commit suicide, whereas almost all of us self-destruct. Somehow. In some part of our lives. We drink, or take drugs, or destabilize the happy job... or happy marriage.

[Lena startles, uncertain whether this was targeted at her]

Dr Ventress: But these aren't decisions. They're impulses. And in fact, as a biologist, you're better placed to explain them than me.

Lena: What do you mean?

Dr Ventress: Isn't the self-destruction coded into us? Imprinted into each cell”

self-destruct.

After that movie, I began to think about all aspects of life I have had until today. Family, friends, job, wealth, health and so on. It’s uncountable and unmentionable, its vast and infinite. Yet, why are there still knots that are begging to be entangled? Spot of bother that is itching to either be scratched or medicated?

self-destruct.

My current self-destruct problem came exactly when I am so ready to accept myself as I am. I am enough and decent. I live. But then a self-destruct device came out of nowhere talking about the presence of another person in my life that probably has nothing to do with my life but might able to complete myself. The whole lot reading about love from my previous post crumbles down when I lost myself to a self-degrading situation where I am ready to be someone else for another person. Just because I truly want to be accepted by that person. Crushed and fell.

They’re impulse.

As just like another impulse, it happens, comes and goes. When you are ready to self-destruct, sometimes you ain’t ready to rearrange those pieces that crumbles. But as human being that has all those cells that decisively do something to our body with or without our consciousness, we also has the ability to self-built.

The movie didn’t really say much about that part about self-built. We do have the ability and capability to shape ourselves. However whatever we would like it to be. Still about reality, we are able to perceive reality how menacing or however encouraging it is. And sometimes we need other people to encourage us to be as hopeful as we are.

A crazy fool that hopes.

I don’t know where this is going really, my mind is still messed up from all of the self-destruct I have been doing to myself. Yet, weirdly I am pretty much encouraged to do it more in order to explore myself. Probably that is also the sole reason our body is equipped with the self-destruct impulse. To know oneself better, how hard you can be, how weak you can become, how far you can go. It is definitely uncomfortable and problematic for my mental health. But, I am a crazy fool that is very hopeful that I will evolve this self-destruct self to self-built impulse that every human heart and brain also possess.

[irrationalaesthetics]

first writing in 2018

but it’s already mid-year.

This marks my one year teaching experience in a high school. I loved it, in love with it and will love it forevermore. But sadly, this June will be the last of it.

Decisions are uneasy, uncomfortable and bit challenging. having to move out of town, making my own way, meeting someone new and going outside of my comfort zone is one hella road.

I settled in this environment that I will left in a matter of weeks. Why? Why do we always seek something to bother us when we started to feel that we can rely on something? When we can actually rest? I thought this will be enough. But it isn’t, is it?

The fact that we - human, move everytime we feel secure, possess the idea that as an intellectual and emotional being, human can never rest assure. there is always uncertainty, unsureness, and uncomfortableness that will poke every inch of our human physique and soul. As bell hooks’ argued in her book Belonging : Culture of Space, the idea of our mind and body reacts specifically to the idea of space shapes us and attracts us to be closer to where or whom we feel we belong. In some way, we will search where and to whom do we belong as a body, a soul and as a person.

We responded differently as well to different person. When we meet with someone we particularly dislike, our brain refuses to make sense of the condition, as well as our body. Our hands will refuse to shake that person’s hand, our eyes will not comprehend to make eye contact, even our lips are sealed so it won’t spill any words or even shape a curve. But it is so much different when we are meeting someone we like or we particularly fancy. without hesitation, our brain will react positively in every conversation we had with them no matter how ridiculous they may sound. Our eyes will crave their gaze within the amount that will not be sufficient. As well as our body will dream to feel their warm skin against us in any kinds of touch, whether it is romantically or friendly. There, we feel accepted, we feel belonged.

In my humble opinion, to belong is very closely related to feel loved. When we found ourselves embraced by every elements that triggers our passion and compassion, we feel loved, we feel we are accepted in any form, physically and mentally. We keep searching of the place where we belong, but as our body and mind refresh, we must maintain that it is not the idea of being belong that is changing. It is our situation, condition and reaction that differs every time the table spun. That is why, human will forever seeks comfort but will never find one, but one must be able to feel comfort. To know that the uncomfortness isn’t there to bother, but to give the sense that there will be ease.

Keep looking, probably you’ll find a way, probably you won’t. Either way, you have proved yourself that you can make it that far. Like I made it this far.

But most of all, don’t stop.

[vortexsophia-deactivated2022110]

[geekygothgirl]

I don’t know what we did to deserve Mr. Rogers but I’m so glad we had him. 

[irrationalaesthetics]

just because I want to share this with my students later. Thanks tumblr <3

[irrationalaesthetics]

25 Years Old Woman

I am 25 years old now.

I’m young I know, but not for some people around me.

There are several context that’ll make 25 sounds like 70 or sometimes feels like 10.

One time, there was a woman who work in a small company with 1:5 gender ratio with men. This woman was 25 years old, and because she had a degree, a qualification and an excellent communication skill, she was trusted to be one of the leader of the company. She was excited and worked her way up, when she was asked to work 100% she gave 1000%. She was overqualified. Until one day, one of her co worker started to point out one thing that her co worker think she was lacking.

“don’t you have any boyfriend or husband?”

‘No, why?’, she asked

“don’t you feel lonely? You are 25, right? One more year, it’s going to be a challenge for you to find partner! Aren’t you scared?’

The woman was silent. Was that statement true? If a woman passes her 25, she is going to lost her chance to meet her significant one. Does her significant one that she hasn’t met yet also has an expiration date? Can love expire?

She was lost in thought about what her co-worker said. It can be true, but she knew she had other things that she was proud of. She had a job, she had a loving parents, she had amazing friends, and also she was having fun with the job she was doing. She loved her job 1000%, but her respect to her co-worker fell into a bottomless pit. She loved the company less.

Another time, this same woman was working her way up to the top, she was given a chance by other company to work for them instead. She couldn’t resist the temptation but also she wanted to keep the love she had grown to her current job. She loved her job. Therefore, she made a bargain to both sides, the offering party agreed to her negotiations, she would be able to keep her job, with one requisite. She can be in the offering party’s company once in a week. She was ecstatic. Then it’s her current company’s turn to decide about her negotiation. She was offered to choose instead, whether she wanted to take the new job and leave or she wanted to stay and decline the offer. She sank. She said she loved her job, she did not want to lose any of the job. One of her superior said they still needed them, so the superior will consider other options. About a week later the superior came up with a decision, the superior still needed her. She would be granted a day in a week to work for the other company as long as she gave her current company information blast so the company she would work would aware of the current company’s existence. She was grateful. Then one of her co worker asked,

“How are you going to be able to juggle with your work here and there? You can’t even commit to this company. You still have lots to learn, you’re still too young before you can juggle things like a professional.”

‘I’ll manage.’, she thought.

“Just we see, you’ll need to learn more about commitment and professionalism.”

She stood still. Enraged and humiliated. She knew it was going to be hard to have two jobs at once, but she loved the job, and she knew the other job would give her a better chance of growing up. She still loved her job, and she would try to love her other job. But she was angry even more.

You see, a woman is a magnificent being. She can be both too young and too old at the same time. I’m not saying a man isn’t, a man can also be two things sometimes. And to end the story, to be angry is a blessing. Sometimes anger towards something can be a fuel to many great things. As I will quote Harris from his book Solitude, ‘a perfectly happy artist would be a failure’. I’m not fully agree on that, but you know, it’s not wrong neither correct. So, context matters.

Also, being angry does not mean growing hatred onto something or specific someone. Anger is a valuable emotion while hatred has a specific subject to feel upon. Anger, on the other hand, does not require subject, it requires context. Thus, if you are angry, then be thankful. Anger can lead you places and trigger many great things.

Stay angry, my fellow marginalised souls.

[irrationalaesthetics]

Long Time nO See 😜

This writing is actually from a month ago, on the exact same Thursday like today. The difference is just that I was in bed at that time, now I am rewriting it in my office desk.

yes, I got a job. As a teacher as I have been dreaming about, but not quite. It’s a new school so I don’t get to teach yet, but it’s been great so far. Speaking about education, the school I work with has a new approach in its curriculum. Here in Indonesia, it is not easy to be different and progressive. Pushing the limit, some brave education activators collaborate to establish a new school with design thinking as its core curriculum. See it from my perspective in a very conventional country, it’s a humongous deal.

As a person that has a chance and a privilege to study in the United Kingdom, I would say that the idea of critical pedagogy in Third world country is blatantly different from what the United Kingdom has been applying all this years in their education system. Many people would argue that there is not enough criticality in Indonesian's educational approach. As well as the term pedagogy in the whole circulation of educational platform is yet undiscoverable and foreign. Just as unreachable as the idea of higher education itself.

To begin the discussion, I would like to peel meanings of the term 'critical pedagogy' first before going deeper into its function. Critical pedagogy born to respond the modern era as a mean to provide a radical and revolutionary approach in learning. Inspired by the Marxist critical theory to imbue an idea of equality and nurture the possibility of students consciousness about knowledge they harvest.

But before that, I read an article in somebody's blog, mentioning that pedagogy is a process that needs to follow certain structure where probably, in some way would extend learning. While in other definition I have acquired, pedagogy emerges from an educator in order to support his [sic] students to be conscious about their position. If possible challenge the hierarchy within the structure. So, if a pedagogy extends only within the structure I would argue that, possibly pedagogy is the small phase of resistance to structure and hierarchy.

Then we talk about critical pedagogy. Criticality arise from constant exercise on consciousness from oppression about their position as the oppressed. Freire states that in order to educate the oppressed they must be reached by the oppressor to learn about the structure that they are in. In Ranciere's term, the role of schoolmaster is very critical to invite participation and emancipation that pedagogy is constantly idealise, so that the pupils realise not only the subjects that they are supposed to be learning within the curriculum but also to understand about their role and position as learner.

The problem about that view is that it is constructed in western environment, so culturally it is not as immersive as it would be if it's applied within the Indonesian environment. Historically we have been very much submerged to the idea that we were 'colonialised' by the Dutch for the mystifying 350 years long. And many Indonesians constantly think that in any way inferiority feeling is inherited from granddad's and granny's bedtime stories. The idea of criticality, to question the position as well as in search to find it is somehow pushed back but not forgotten.

Yet, I do not think that is the answer. To be able to confide within self should be everyone’s privilege. The problem is just that sometimes, some people do not have the idea how, where and why to start to plant their confidence. The key is of course, within the education system. A good education is where the educators are successfully conscious about their position as learners, which consequently will free the educans within the learning environment without disregarding ethical consequences. One of Indonesian’s pioneer in education theory, Ki Hadjar Dewantara always mention about a democracy in classroom, quoting Dewey and the fundamental principle of Republic of Indonesia, Pancasila. So, who are the educators? Are you learners? Doesn’t that mean that we are all can be learners as well as educators?

So, to end my rant, as always I have another question. Isn’t it the time to be conscious?

[irrationalaesthetics]

Might or might not be a relevant image for a rant about instagram ads that I will write as a caption. So, I see an ad in my instagram feed every now and then. I dont really mind ads actually sometimes I enjoy them as I enjoy the people's posts I'm following. But there are some ads that I find really discouraging and disgraceful. I can't remember the name because I've reported it as an annoyance (personl opinion). In the beginning I saw this ad, it was promoting facial reconstruction for medical reason which is cool and reasonable. But lately, it gets worse. It still promotes face and body reconstuction but with different reason. Yesterday the ad showed an image of a young woman struggling with her pants. And the ad showed that body reconstruction helps the girl to get into the pants. Which got me wondering, if the girl wasn't medically bothered by the shape of her hips-down, why reconstruct it for the sake of a pair of pants? Just ago was the peak of my outrage, the ad showed Princess Fiona (from Shrek) tried to get a liposuction with the title 'Get Ready for The New Fiona'. I mean... What the fluff? My first question was, did Fiona even look like she was trying to lose some weight in the movie?! And then why the heck Fiona wants to be skinny in the ad? And then how does losing-some-fat-belly considered as a rejuvenation of a person? And does the ad has the copyright for using the character Fiona? And the list of question goes on and on as I hit the report button. My point is, what happened to instagram? What's with the ads? What's with the contents of the ads? What happened? And why am I getting this kind of ads? There are actually loads of other stuff I'd like to address related to this ad but I'll continue it in my tumblr blog. It'd be great if you could check that question me as well (shameless promotion, i'm sorry) link is in my bio description. And if anyone of you know how this works please let me know 'cause I'm actually pretty terrified right now. If it's based on location then... Well... Because I'm sure that that's not the type of ads I received back then when I was in London. #instagram #rant #ads #ethics (at Jakarta, Indonesia)

[irrationalaesthetics]

What I learn today is that I can live without my phone, but I can not live without my watch.

[irrationalaesthetics]

Would it be..?

I haven’t posted for a while, have I?

the truth is I have been looking for work and spent a little bit too much time on video games. But never mind that, I am still thinking about the world and still asking questions, I hope.

My latest concern is not far from the previous posts, regarding personal consciousness and of course, human interaction. I know that tumblr has been a sanctuary for people (including me I suppose) who are not exactly fit in the majority of society’s standard. But then again, it’s 2017, what’s a standard?

With the end of 2016, a lot of things had happened in just one year, humanity had almost lost its own meaning and most human prefer to be sceptical and suspicious towards others. The love revolution that started about 50 years ago had to be restarted again it would seem?

But I’m not losing hope yet. I am still asking questions. Few weeks ago I had a beautiful conversation with my interviewer. He asked me if I would sometimes soon encounter a stubborn institution leader who is not ready to cooperate in making changes, in revolting, what would I say or do?

As an idealistic utopian fresh-grad, I had no idea how and what would I do or say. But I still think that there is a way to shift mind, to just tweak a little how people would think, not just about the situation, but first and foremost, about themselves as a person, as a human being and as a part of something bigger called society. I said to him,

“I wouldn’t know what or how would I say to someone who is not willing to change their mind. Yet, from every human conversation I have encountered so far, I noticed that humans can answer to questions. Therefore, rather how or what I would ask them to change, it would be far more beneficial for them and me obviously, to engage a conversation with a question. I would ask them what’s wrong? what’s changed? or how do they see all of the things these days? Maybe it would feel like an interrogation at first, I agree but it would not be one way questioning I promise you, I mean, Like what we’re doing right now, woudn’t you agree? If you don’t agree tell me what you think? If it’s still impossible, what are the factors? Something like this.”

It developed to a very interesting talk which I can’t really transcribed in this blog post, yet I believe it was worth to tell. Even though maybe (I hope not though, I kind of want that job) I will not be able to work with them, it was still worth the conversation.

But tell me what you think, I do like to think that idealism of mine is still going to work within this kind of chaotic environment, but again, this world is not mine only, and this question is not exclusively for me to ask or answer. Maybe we can’t really tell people to be forgiving, receiving and accepting. But can we ask about forgiveness, openness and acceptance?