#commendations from hell

[serpentauri]

(this is a joke, me being silly, please don't yell at me I am sensitive)

graphic threat warning:

I will bite you. om the hamd. for the snack. I am. definitely human. and not a cat. mnom.

yeeeeouch! cat-like behavior for a non-cat I will say

[serpentauri]

We're pretty sure we're a collective by now. But what do we do about our aggressive one? He goes aggro really easily, and he gets violent. He's already told us that he doesn't like it, but we're not sure what to do.

Hmmm difficult one. Aggression is hard. We were a pretty angry kid and some of our headmates are more easily set off than others; we suspect our brain's sorta trying to confine certain emotions to different individuals to make it easier. Putting this under a cut cause it's long:

Honestly we've found helping certain headmates isn't much different from helping any individual? Everyone needs an outlet. Maybe his will be different from others in the system. A lot of us in the brain vent frustrations to each other and try to find what works. Make sure he feels heard, try to find him something that soothes him a bit. Try to distract, if all else fails. Just try not to outright encourage any harmful behaviors. That isn't to say you should belittle him either; he doesn't seem to like it himself. Reward his efforts when possible. Ex: one of our headmates gets easily irritated by lack of attention/being ignored, and I mean REALLY easily. Found out he likes rhythm games though, so we get him to play those a lot when he's upset. We've also made efforts to sorta pull him away from mass social interaction/the grand internet so he doesn't cause problems. We try to keep an eye on him. We also found out the source of his anger (more personal thing I won't really share for Tumblr masses) so we've been working on that with him, meeting his needs and all. This took years, we're still not fully there, it'll be a long process. But it's a process everyone in your head's gonna go through together, y'know?

Anger isn't anything to be ashamed about in general, and the goal isn't to erase it altogether, but the goal is to manage it and recognize it and make sure it doesn't hurt anyone. If he gets physically violent maybe he'd like to punch pillows? If he's been throwing things, try to work yourself down from it. Throw soft things that can't break maybe (again, pillows. Or stuffed animals, if that won't upset you). Break some pencils if you must, those are cheap. The goal is to someday break nothing at all obviously, but it may help a bit. Exercise can probably also be an outlet for some but we're too disabled for it so we wouldn't know lmao. Personally we resort to blasting loud music. Also angry writing tangents which we then get rid of later. Video games too sometimes (obligatory 'video games dont cause violence it's just a good distraction that requires muscle memory and focus' note). TL;DR find a source (or sources) of the anger, those are what you want to work on. Your brain's probably trying to tell you all something. In the meantime, you need to start slowly with healthier outlets. Try not to beat yourselves up for it too much; it's hard, it takes a long time, we've been unlearning anger for year. Recognize that it's normal and healthy to fear and inherently neutral, it's the actions following that are what need to be 'corrected' so to speak. One thing's for sure, though: trying to force him out of the system, belittling him, etc won't help, so I don't recommend it. It's easy to grow resentful of certain headmates (mistake we did years ago) but you gotta do your best to cooperate. Things get better, and headmates can too. I would try to meet a middle ground where said actions are carried out more privately though at the least. Try not to let outside people get in the crossfire, nor other headmates. No self-sabotage on the internet, that's a big no. Confide in friends if you think they'd understand, and try to seek accommodation, but this can be risky so I'd recommend making sure it'll work out fine/be safe for you/etc.

I hope y'all find something that works? Sorta spitballing here I'm a little tired lol so I hope this isn't total bullshit. Just remember he's likely trying his best (and if he isn't, that's something you gotta find out the 'why' to as well).

[serpentauri]

hellooooo :3 i took a lil break from tumblr cause it was so bad for my mental health but I'm back now :3

sucks how much discourse you seem to have been dealing with recently tho. some people need to stop being pissy about the world not revolving around them :/

IMP HELLO!!! Welcome back :) I hope the break was beneficial for you! Anyways yeah my anons have been awful as of late? Most of which I cannot even publish due to just how vile they are (You complain ONCE on this site and it breaches containment and suddenly you're getting misgendered and graphic threats in your inbox). Very normal response people are having to disabled guy existing on the internet and experiencing the feeling referred to as Anger. Anyways good to see you :)

[serpentauri]

it's us again, that weird A.Z kin. We've been thinking, and it's a solid maybe. The best way we can describe it is a council of three :/ Any relation y'all feel to that?

Hello again!!!! Yeah, sounds about right for us. We first learned we were plural in I wanna say early 2021? And we were in pretty big denial for a bit, but generally, our headcount felt pretty small. I think we believed there to be about 5 of us at the time. I as an alter didn't personally exist yet, but generally we tend to have a few 'frequent fronters' I'd call it that sorta run the show in periods of our lives. Cycles out every once in a while. Feels a bit like a council even with a bigger headcount, yeah. (We realized a lot later as we came to accept plurality that it was a LOT bigger than 5 for us at the time, but of course it also got bigger with time and splits and stuff. We always had headmates sorta in and out, but a lot of em went dormant/fused over the years, and new ones would come along, and so on. Some systems are pretty small though! Whether it be 3 or 300. Personally we've got around 30ish active I think? We don't really keep too much track unless they're frequently around or worthy of note. Some of our oldest are even still around actually/came out of dormancy, so that's a thing that can happen too.) TL;DR definitely a feeling we relate too. Council may rotate around, sometimes people may feel missing or you may feel additions or they may switch all around, etc. Very confusing thing! But you work it out with time and all. Don't try to rush any realizations or force communication/acceptance/etc, cause that's gonna feel REAL bad, take it from me. Go easy on yourself as a collective (if you believe you could be one, I don't wanna make any assumptions on your behalf here) while you work things out if you can :)

[serpentauri]

Feel free to delete this if the question annoys you LOL but some invisible disabilities are physically disabling right? Do you include those as "physical disabilities"? For example if a type 1 diabetic called themselves physically disabled (while having an able body) would you say thats not correct? Maybe a term like chronically ill is more appropriate? But the diabetes also affects you on a physical level which is the part that confuses me... ehmm... anyway thank you for answering if you can, hope you have a nice month. :)

Hello! Chronic illness/chronically ill as a term covers conditions like that yes, but chronic illness 100% is a disability, invisible or not. It affects their body, and it's going to affect their body for the rest of their life; it may even get worse with time. Whether they use mobility aids or not, whether they can 'hide it' or not, whether they 'look disabled' or not, it's about them and their experience. It's about their physical health. Their condition affects how they have to navigate the world, and it prevents them from living life the way others do thanks to something physical. (For example, I'd hardly called one with Type 1 someone with an 'abled body'. An abled body wouldn't have a pancreas incapable of making insulin. They face symptoms non-diabetics wouldn't have to deal with.) If it affects the body rather than the mind, it's physical. If it impacts day to day life, it's a disability. Thank you for being polite anon and I hope this makes sense, hope you have a nice month too :)

[serpentauri]

So sorry if this offends or makes y'all upset in any way shape or form. How would one know if they are a system? Any sort of bullet list?

Thank you- that one weird Aziraphale kin who really is brewwing this idea in the Pot tm

Hello!!! Not offended at all, don't worry :) I'd imagine it's an experience that's different for everyone, and it can be a bit more confusing with therianthropy or being otherkin or fictionkin as well. Lines sorta blur. But generally, here's how it was for us (pretty long so I'm putting it under the cut):

(note that we prefer the term headmate for all of us but substitute it with whatever; alter, part, etc)

-We sorta had 'imaginary' friends when we were a kid, except it started to go way further than that. Sometimes, we felt they were with us. Other times, we felt we were them. This has followed us essentially as far back as we can remember (which isn't too far, thanks to amnesia), but I do remember bits and pieces. These headmates also remember the parts of our life they were around for better than I do haha. Some of em from when we were real little are still around though they don't often make themselves known.

-We initially did not think we had any sort of amnesia. That was until we started logging. Note that I didn't know for a long time, amnesia can also be emotional. It is more commonly portrayed to forget entire events, and that happens too of course! But forgetting how you felt during them is also part of it. We will often become greatly upset (we assume) and not remember why what feels like a moment later, but actually hours have passed. We wouldn't even know we ever were upset if we weren't logging it, even though realistically, we can piece together that we sulked in our room, received bad news, etc. It's just this emotional numbness or barrier.

-Hearing 'commentary' or talking with others in the system. It doesn't sound to us like external voices; it can for some, but it doesn't have to. Our internal monologue sometimes will have these thoughts crossover in different voices. Everyone in the headspace tends to think (see: speak) in their own voice. Consistently. Again, this very much could be different for others, but that's how it goes for us. Most often it isn't even full on conversations (though these happen too, usually when we're alone or really need the comfort/the situation is stressful); it's typically just suggestions or light teasing, knowing this lot. Then again, we've been pretty busy these days.

-Sometimes you won't feel you have any sort of identity at all. This could mean you're blurry (dissociated), or it could mean your body's on autopilot. It's a pretty common experience to just sorta feel like you're drifting along from task to task. We usually sorta feel like nobody in particular when focused on important work things.

-Sometimes we'll feel emotions that doesn't feel like they belong to us, but to someone else in the system. Example: headmate of ours has a HUGE sweet tooth, and personally I am neutral at best in that regard. Another example: a lot of the fictives up here feel a lot more strongly about their sources/those within it than the rest of us, and tend to feel their emotions/get their thoughts/etc. Myself included, guilty as charged, et cetera. Great for writing purposes, terrible when Spotify shuffle decides to curse me and suddenly I've got a thousand yard stare and am skipping within the next five seconds because we've got commissions to work on and I don't need this right now HAHA

-Some fictives also have source memories, pseudomemories, exomemories, whatever term you prefer. Most of our really ultra specific headcanons will involve someone up here up in arms about it. We also despise being misinterpreted. Most annoying thing in the world when you're going "I'm right here, and ACTUALLY-". See also: homesickness. Oh SOMEBODY, there is homesickness. Either for people or for places or times or things. Anything, really.

-Sometimes emotions, thoughts, etc may blur between headmates. It's normal. If you feel like two people simultaneously, but you don't hear any conversation, or it doesn't feel like there's a divide, it could still be two headmates.

-We generally share tastes across all of us, but some of us have a few unique interests. Music taste tends to be the most notable example; we tend to collectively like music but there's always someone who likes it a LOT more than everyone else and a few who are sorta indifferent haha. Also, different fashion sense. Unfortunately for all of us we can't keep redyeing our hair every few hours to fit whoever's up here.

-We misplace things. A lot. Alternatively; "What was I doing just now? Why are we wearing this? Who wanted this food again?"

-Sometimes we remember things out of the blue, then can't again later, then can again, etc. Some of us have worse communication with others, some of us remember more or less, etc. If your emotions or recollection seems strange or erratic then it could be plurality and your brain trying to repress something.

-We didn't remember any of our trauma until we were 12 and others around us caught on to what was happening/happened to us before we did; it hit us like a TRUCK. We didn't fully accept it however until we were around 14 due to... instantly trying to forget it again and having all emotions thrown onto the trauma holder at the time. I don't even remember who holds those memories anymore, middle school is very vague for us. And everything before. Bits and pieces.

-Not really a 'how we knew' thing, but it is okay to not notice your switches. It is okay to not know who's fronting, who you even are, etc. It's okay to front very often or nearly all the time too! We don't know ourself half of the time because we get locked into work or are still masking so heavily for others. That's normal and doesn't invalidate anyone's plurality, nor does having doubts. It's okay if it all goes quiet sometimes. It's okay if not everyone has a set 'role'. I promise you, it's a very complex thing and a lot of rigid boxes just don't work with something this complex and fluid at all times. Easier said than done, but try not to worry about it.

-Communication will probably suck at first. This, too, is normal. If you can't get through to someone, or hear them any, it's pretty typical. It takes a lot of trust, time and acceptance and comfort to do that sorta thing.

-You can still be in alterhuman spaces! Sometimes the collective can be a therian, otherkin, or even fictionkin too. Sometimes it's just a certain headmate, or a certain set of em. This is why it's so complicated, and I wouldn't really know how to word how we distinct the two, but it's okay to figure it out as you go. You learn something new everyday and all.

-Headmates can have different identities, pronouns, sexualities, etc! We collectively identify as genderfluid and queer, and we're also intersex, but some of us up here have different labels, pronouns, etc. Sometimes you'll all be the same thing though, that's alright too!

Point being, explore the idea in small and safe ways. Start logging things; journals or PluralKit or SimplyPlural works for us usually. Log anything, even if everything seems 'normal'. Who you think you are, how your day is going, how you feel, etc. It may be overwhelming or scary at first if something does click for you; happened to us, happens to a lot of us. But it gets a lot easier, you make a lot of peace with it. Feels less like something 'wrong' with you after a while and more like a support system to crash back on.

If you've got any specific questions let us know!!! :) good luck with the pot brewing

[serpentauri]

HELLO HELO

okay so im not exaclty the alter to talk about this but it's on my mind so well probably forget later

were not physically disabled anymore (we were once) but we wonder if we could stil be helped by a cane because we're very clumsy and its because of our balance problems

we keep googling it to reserach but we want to start asking actually physically disabled people... we don't know your physical disability and I honestly only just realized that so if this isn't your domain just sorta ignore? I guess? but we'll go look at cane users on here and ask them okay thank you if you read thid trash bye new griend

No worries!! TL;DR we benefit from mobility aids and I won't get more into it than that haha, not putting my diagnosis stuff on Tumblr dot com. Basically here's how I see it, I'm obviously not every disabled person on earth but I seem to be in agreement with a lot of my personal friends who are also disabled (and from what I've generally heard in disabled spaces): One, whether or not you're 'diagnosed' with anything, you can still have issues in your day to day life. The problems still persist whether a doctor is here to put a name on it or not, and it is very much possible mobility aids could help you with such. Your struggles are real, they should be addressed. It's really easy to think you don't have it 'bad enough', that is the devil speaking. Personally, I think anything regularly interfering with your day-to-day constitutes as disabled (and if you were to use a cane you'd be socially seen as disabled by plenty), but ultimately that's a title you'd personally have to look into and see if you feel part of it. I'm not you and I don't know the full extent of your experiences, take this with a grain of salt. Two, either way, canes specifically are very easy to obtain; you can just walk in a store and get one. There's plenty of them. It isn't something scarce in supply (ex: thick water), so I don't think you'd be taking from anyone to buy one. Especially if you think it would help you.

Try it out! If it helps, keep using it! There's nothing wrong with making your life a little easier. If it doesn't help, then at least you know! No shame in being wrong. (And make sure you get a cane at the proper height! If it's too tall or too short, it could make things worse for you).

Hope this was somewhat helpful/insightful/etc :)

[serpentauri]

So sorry if this is annoying for you ^w^"

Once you get this, you have to say five things you like about yourself, publicly. Then you have to send this to ten of your favourite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool~) 🌈 🌈

Oh I don't mind don't worry!!!

-I really like my art style these days! Art which I don't reblog to here because I'm not open about the whole fictionkin stuff over there and I don't want connections but y'know. It's good I like it :)

-I like my writing too! Gets less traction than my art stuff but I'm always improving more than I think. It's neat.

-I think I'm a good listener. Whenever I babysit or whatever they tell me that a lot. Which honestly if kids like me that's the best outcome here. Kids are blunt.

-My optimism maybe. It's very hard to stick to consistently for me, but I fight to cling onto it. It's a choice I make and I think that's cool of me.

-I've been happier with our appearance lately which is difficult given the whole [gestures to plurality and complex gender and other things] but it took me a lot to get here and I feel a lot better in my own skin than I did as a kid. Which is great.

Would send it back but I see you've already gotten it 🫡