What Are They Thinking?
So call me slow, but I just now read about the 'gender creative' boy and his family who proudly support their "little rainbow." Really, folks?
I work with children. I worked with young children, 3-5 year olds, for 20 years before moving on to the middle schoolers I currently teach. Dress-up play was always a favorite activity among my preschool boys. They always wanted to put on the princess dresses, strings of beads, and little plastic pumps. They looked at themselves in the mirror in the play area and clunked around the classroom carrying pink plastic purses. This is a perfectly normal activity for children as they grow up and has never, until now in our hyper-sensitive society, meant that a child was anything more than an average, everyday, normally- developing human being enjoying some innocent childhood play.
Not that there's anything wrong with anyone's self-ascribed sexuality...I, for one, am over the whole thing at this point. Most of us simply don't care about anyone else's sexuality, and frankly, we're tired of hearing about it. The only people who don't feel as though the issue is getting enough attention are those that are more worried about their right to express their own personal sexuality than they are about any other of the myriad of social issues facing our country today . The hell with our trillion - dollar national debt...not providing gender - appropriate restrooms...now THAT'S the real travesty!
Listen, folks, this boy at the age of 3 isn't gender-creative. HE'S A KID! I have a 9 - year old student who has stated different times that he thinks he "may be gay" or "identifies with the LGBT community." We listen to him, nod, affirm that we heard what he said, and move on. What we don't do is hand him a dress, make a poster calling him our "rainbow student", and parade him around the school. Kids try things on...they experiment. This has long been accepted as part of normal childhood development. What's the big deal?
In my opinion, we have just completely gone around the bend. In our efforts to be progressive and enlightened, we are ascribing motives to our children's behavior that simply aren't there. How do I then explain a young boy's prolonged interest in dress-up past preschool age? Positive reinforcement. Attention. It's simple behavior theory. Any behavior that is rewarded will continue. Any behavior that is not rewarded will not continue. Children want to please their parents,and if they think their parents want them to be little rainbows, they will be.
At 3 years old, it is just poor judgment on the part of parents to promote or deter any particular type of gender play. Let your boys play with dolls...it helps them learn to nurture. And if your little girls want to play with trucks, don't sweat it. It doesn't MEAN ANYTHING. It is a child's job to play and try things on.
I'm reminded of the Adam Sandler movie,"Big Daddy", where Sandler ' s character, an immature man who can't commit decides to impress his ex-girlfriend by taking in a little 5 year-old boy who lost his mother. Being an individual who rejects any kind of adult behavior, Sandler decides to let this kid, among other things, wear whatever he wants. The boy chooses a metal spaghetti strainer for a hat, wraps a necktie Rambo - style around his head, slops around in man - sized galoshes, and wears a myriad of other strange items around the neighborhood, to school...you get the picture. In a comedy film where one would expect to laugh, this is funny and even cute. In the real world, endorsing or, God forbid, promoting odd behavior in your child is foolish at best. Creativity can take any one of a thousand forms. In this day and age of bullying and cyber-suicides, wouldn't it be better to encourage a form of creativity that won't place a target on your child's back? Or cause him embarrassment later on when his sexuality is fully developed and he realizes he is a garden-variety heterosexual? Why not allow your child to distinguish himself in ways that won't set him up for a hard road at a time in his life that's already challenging enough?
Take your son to the boys department at Walmart and show him a selection of outfits that he can choose from. Teach him how to match his clothes, practice rounding up and estimating, addition and budgeting. Help your daughter choose outfits that fit your wallet and allow her to express and respect herself at the same time. If by chance your child expresses a desire to dress in clothing designed for the opposite gender more than a few times, it might be time to take a look at things a little closer, and that's okay, too.
It's also okay to just be a kid. It's okay as a parent to have a life and be messy sometimes. It's not a catastrophe if you make a mistake and slip off the 'Perfect Parent' list once in a while. It's alright if your kid falls down and cuts his knee on the driveway learning to ride his skateboard. And it's alright to ask them to wear gender - appropriate clothing until they are of an age where they can independently declare their sexuality. Kids aren't made of glass unless we teach them to be...it is our job to teach them to be resilient and thoughtful adults , rather than self-absorbed, entitled ninnies. It won't stunt any child's creativity to ask them to adhere to some simple guidelines in their wardrobe choices. Your young son wants to put on you lipstick? Let him try it, plant a kiss - print on your cheek, and send him on his way. He'll in all likelihood forget about it.
It's just not that hard, people. Relax.