Apr 26, 2020
Abed: Are you real?
Evil Abed: Are you?
Abed: This is really crazy, and inaccessible and a bit too dark.
Evil Abed: Maybe to them, but not to us.
Abed: Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
Evil Abed: Hot. Hot, hot, hot.
seen from Serbia
seen from United States
seen from Malta
seen from Malta
seen from Serbia
seen from Serbia
seen from United States
seen from Serbia
seen from Singapore
seen from Serbia
seen from Türkiye
seen from Russia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Kazakhstan
seen from Kazakhstan
Abed: Are you real?
Evil Abed: Are you?
Abed: This is really crazy, and inaccessible and a bit too dark.
Evil Abed: Maybe to them, but not to us.
Abed: Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
Evil Abed: Hot. Hot, hot, hot.
Chang: In England, fanny means vagina, right?
Duncan: In England, everything means vagina.
Shirley: I'd like to introduce myself to the group. Hello! I am a dwarf named Zippadeedoo.
Abed: Okay, I'm not the best at making up names.
Jeff: Oh hey, I'm Marrrrr. Boy, you weren't kidding.
Troy: Hello, Marrrrr. My name is Bing Bong the archer. I'm an archer and such.
Annie: I'm. . . ew! Hector the Well-Endowed? Abed!
Abed: I didn't know you were going to grab one at random. I made that one with Troy in mind.
Shirley: Yeah, I bet you did.
Britta: 'Kay, hi! I'm Lavernica! I have three armors, boots, belts, a torch.
Jeff: Wait, let her finish!
Chang: Worst introduction ever! Check it! I am Brutalatops the magician! Hahaha. Magic user, baby. What?!
Shirley: Britta, zoom in there. There's a clock on the wall.
Abed: Eight plus two times five--
Troy: Ten after eight.
Abed: I'm gifted in other ways.
Good morning. Many of you are halfway through your first week here at Greendale and, uh, as your dean I thought I’d share a few thoughts of wisdom and inspiration. What is community college? Well, you’ve heard all kinds of things. You’ve heard it’s loser college for remedial teens, twentysomething dropouts, middle aged divorcees, and old people keeping their minds active as they circle the drain of eternity. That’s what you heard, however, I wish you luck! Okay, you know, uh-oh, there’s more to this speech. There’s actually a middle card that’s missing.
Dean Pelton, Pilot
Britta: I wish to end all wars.
Troy: That's another rule. No wishes containing the word "all." Guaranteed ironic consequences.
Britta: I don't think anyone's gonna miss wars.
Troy: Uh, Star Wars, thumb wars. Wow, Storage Wars!
Chang: And then she yelled, "Screw you," or, "Screw education," or something like that, and then she stormed out of the room in her high heel boots like it was tampon time. If you know what I mean.
Jeff: Objection. I don't know what he means.
Duncan: Please don't encourage him.