#condor journal

[baggietheadventurer]

Sitting in the desk shared with Nala, Baggie writes in a newly purchased journal, a new entry. For the first time ever unprompted by any educator. Now she simply wrote to wrote.

Summer is falling to dusk, and soon Autumn will rise to dawn. Then I will have observed another full cycle in my life. I’m not sure how many cycles exactly I have observed so far, it never really mattered before. Yet there are so many who seem to believe I haven’t observed enough of them. It’s quite silly really. How do they know I haven’t seen enough cycles if I don’t even know how many cycles I’ve seen? Before the start of this last cycle no one cared how many cycles I have observed, but then before the start of this cycle no one cared to think of me as a person.

Somehow I transformed for people in the span of this cycle. I transformed for myself in the span of this cycle. Before I wasn’t a person, I was just a scavenger, refugee, something they call a street rat. That’s a type of animal that looks like a person but is actually an animal. Uld’ah is full of them. I was one of them.

I lived survived in my little tent outside the city. I went out of Uld’ah gathered what I could, hunted what I could. I went into Uld’ah to sell what I could, buy what I could, and take shelter when I could. For five cycles I was there, and I spoke maybe a dozen words in that time. It was no wonder people didn’t see me as a person, because I wasn’t.

I had no dreams, except for the nightmares. I had no want, except to not die. I had no strong emotions except fear, despair, and curiosity. Somehow curiosity has been my longest companion. Before anything, and everything, I was curious. I still am. Other than curiosity I had nothing. I was nothing.

Now look at me. I’m a person. In a span of cycle I transformed from nothing to a person. Most of this transformation lies with my tribe. My condors. My family. Some of it lies with my teachers, Daniel and Alfy. Some of it lies within myself, sleeping fragments that lay inside of me waiting to wake up. The start of it, was Baby.

He’s been with me a full cycle now. I remember seeing the merchant sell exotic animals. I remember seeing him in the pen, then slipping out. I remember looking in his eyes, and seeing my own. Maybe that’s why I did it. We share the same gold eyes, the same wild look. Whatever the reason, he was the first I made mine, and that was the start of it.

I know this now, because it was the first time I did something that wasn’t a need. Before everything I did was for food, shelter, or protection. Every thought, every desire, every motion was just for those three so important things. Then suddenly there was a different thought. I thought of another living being other than myself.

Then everything changed. I met Lithi, and I became Baggie. I met Danyel and I learned to read and write. I met Arl, and I moved from a little tent for just me to a little apartment for a tribe to a grand house with a grand room for me and three of my sisters. I met everyone, and everyone changed me in their own way. Hima, Lyhi, Nala, Lia, Lani, Hal, Vesh, Aurmi everyone. Then I became T’rosia Arl.

If I changed this much in the span of a cycle, will I even be able to recognize me when the next summer sets? Maybe then I’ll have another name. I hope not.

[baggietheadventurer]

A journal entry

I knew I would miss Hima, However the extent of how much I miss her has taken me surprise. There is no one now to pop my random bombs, so no way I can show off what I filled them with. There is no one now that wants to do artistic projects like paint walls, or make the cloths for my clockwork dolls. There is no one to completely change the mood of a room. No one that surprises me every time I try to predict their actions. Baby even misses Hima, or at the very least the treats she spoiled him with.

She said she write, but there is a good chance she wont regardless. Some seem to think she’s not coming back, that’s she’s gone for good. I haven’t had the courage yet to face Kho and see what she thinks. I heard Xeala do blood feuds so avoiding her is best for now.  Most of the tribe don’t seem to notice her gone, or they are pretending anyway. I think Nala does though. I think that’s why she suddenly decided she should mess with my stuff, and started this prank war. At least that's what Hal called it. I’m not sure hiding my tools counts as a prank though.

I hope wherever she is, she’s able to think. I want her to come back, but I know if she doesn’t for her sake everything has to change. Or she has to change. Being a force of nature doesn’t mean much if you don’t know your own nature. With all the weight that was on her back, she can’t move or stand without a foundation. She needs to know what she is, who she is, and what she wants. She needs to know if she IS a she, or if she is really a he.