ConflictNerd’s Content Conundrum
Let’s skip formality and get right to the point here - I’ve been awful at keeping plans and schedules for the last couple of months.
I’d love to say that my lengthy run of illness has come to an end and that I’m feeling a whole lot better, but honestly I’m not. While my illnesses are subsiding and I physically feel healed, I still feel mentally exhausted which is draining all of my enthusiasm for everything. Creating videos should excite me, going outside into fresh air should feel good, having a good sleep (which is rare) should feel excellent - but none of that actually happens. Recently, when I feel a burst of energy, I put it in to either a livestream or an episode of KOTOR, which I’ve fallen in love with playing and recording.
So what’s the problem? Well I think the current issue still stems from my bout of illness. While I was ill, I could barely move without being in pain and that resulted in me spending a lot of my time in bed and not really doing anything. Being ill so long allowed that to become a routine, which I’m struggling to break. My body was completely broken down as it was hit with sickness after sickness, which is why it became so easy for me to continually get worse. On top of that, my body was working so hard to fight everything off that I had very little energy to do anything else. Now that I’m not ill, the energy I would have had seems to have completely gone, with no real sign of returning - and that’s kind of crappy.
I’ve already spoken to my therapist about this issue and the advice I’ve been given, and that I’ve been thinking myself, is that I need to go outside a little more, eat better food, and spend a few more hours a day away from my PC. I’ve actually been trying the “time away from my PC” thing these last couple of days and it’s pretty great. The real world has decent graphics, and easily hits 60FPS, though the community is kind of shitty.
In conclusion, and joking aside, it’s going to be a little while before I’m back to my regular old self. The energy you’ll see on a livestream or in a video for the next while is something that I’m learning to cherish as opposed to taking for granted. Sometimes that energy is spent on something completely different, out in the real world. I’m already doing what I need to do to build myself back up to where I was, and I’m determined to get there. I’m sure you’ve all been able to work out that I’m pretty stubborn and don’t really let myself rest and recover as much as I should - but I am trying.
The message here is, essentially, there are still going to be gaps between videos and series that I would rather weren’t there at all. I’m still working on fixing that.
Thank ya’ kindly for understanding!
Dylan
