After All This Time
Conrad Fisher x Reader
Summary: A few nights before Belly and Jeremiah’s wedding, all Conrad can think of is his own greatest love - the one that got away, and the one that finds her way back to him.
Author’s Note: Hope y’all enjoy!! Am in the process of writing TWTW chapter three but this is just in the meantime whilst im still not totally happy with the new chapter hehe
“Okay, sorry, so let me get this straight,” Anika narrows her eyes, “You and Conrad dated for… two years?”
“Almost two, yeah.”
“And you broke up when he moved to California,” She continues, “And you haven’t seen him since then?”
“That’s right,” You sigh, dragging a brush through your hair.
“How is that possible?” She exclaims, hitting her hands against her legs to emphasise her point.
“Well, I moved to New York, he moved to California, he didn’t come home much and I guess neither did I,” You explain, “When we were dating we were both in Cousins, and then he was in Boston and I was in Cousins, and then he went to Brown for his first year of college and we were still together… but then he moved to Stanford and, I don’t know, the distance just didn’t work.”
“Isn’t it going to be weird to see him again?”
“I don’t know,” You shrug, readjusting your bikini as you stand in front of the mirror, “It wasn’t like some big angry break up, we just distanced, and we called and agreed that it was over.”
“What?!” Anika gasps, “After two years you ended it over the phone?”
“Correction,” You point your hairbrush in her direction, “He ended it.”
“And you were okay with that?”
“Well, it was mutual. He was just the one that said it,” You shrug, “Come on, you’re acting like this is the worst thing in the world, it’s been like almost four years now, we’ll just be… friends.”
“Girls!” Belly appears at the doorway, “The guys are back! And they have drinks.”
You were in Cousins this week for Belly and Jeremiah’s wedding. You’d grown up with your parents owning the house next to the Fisher’s in Cousins, meaning you spent your summers with the boys and the Conklins whenever you got the chance. You’d always been friends. And then, the Christmas before Conrad went to college, the two of you started dating. You dated through that summer, through year when he went to Brown, through everything that happened when he lost his Mom, the summer that followed, all up until he went to California and you went to college in New York. And suddenly this relationship that you thought was indestructible felt more fragile than ever. You didn’t communicate, your conversations were fragmented, it felt like neither of you had anything to say. And so it ended. It was easy to be distracted - college and New York and friends and things to keep you busy. Now, being back in Cousins, it all seemed to be hitting you like a wave. And soon, you’d be seeing him again. You felt four years younger, and every wall you’d built over those years now felt fragile and crumbling.
“Hey, are you coming?” Belly looks over to you, dressed in a white bikini with a veil hung over her hair.
“Yes, yeah, I’m coming,” You smile brightly, hurrying over to her and looping your arm with hers, “Let’s get this bachelorette started!”
You can already hear the bustle of the crowd growing downstairs - Taylor complaining at the guys for not getting enough seltzers, Steven arguing that they’d not bought enough snacks.
“You must be Conrad.”
It’s Anika who speaks the words, introducing herself to him.
“Yeah, yeah, it’s nice to meet you.”
At the sound of his voice, your feet falter on the steps, gripping the handle to stop yourself from tripping. Belly continues down ahead of you, oblivious to the way your heart twisted at the simplest words.
You take a deep breath, walking around the stairs and into the kitchen where the guys are unloading the bags of groceries.
Jeremiah grins when he sees you, stepping over and looping an arm around your shoulders, “Oh, guys, this is our friend from Cousins, the girl I was telling you about-“
“(Y/n).”
Conrad breathes out the word, like the air had been knocked from his lungs. Like your name wanted to linger on his tongue for just a moment longer.
Your eyes fall on him across the room, your lips parting but no words coming to mind.
He looked more handsome than ever - like he’d matured into his features. His eyes still just as piercing, his cheekbones defined. His shoulders seemed broader, his skin all the more sun kissed. You couldn’t explain it - he was every bit the man you’d known and every bit someone new.
“Hey! It’s nice to meet you!” A tall, brunette guy comes up in front of you, “I’m Redbird.”
“Redbird,” You repeat, clearing your throat, “It’s nice to meet you.”
“You too, I’ve heard a lot about you,” He grins, replacing Jeremiah’s arm with his own around your shoulders, “Let’s get you a drink.”
“Oh, um, sure,” You smile politely, “Just a beer please.”
“My kind of girl,” Another boy grins at you from across the kitchen island, “I’m Blake.”
You can feel his eyes on you. Burning into you. Like he was having to convince himself that you were actually there. For the first time in almost a four years the two of you were in the same place at the same time. The last time you’d been like this was when you were saying goodbye to each other before you moved - together, happy, hopeful. Now wasn’t even remotely similar. Everything had changed in those four years. And yet somehow it felt like the two of you were back to everything normal.
“Alright, let’s take these drinks outside! We’ve got games to play!” Taylor encourages, ushering everybody towards the yard.
Within seconds, the boys are distracted, disappearing out into the yard with Belly, Taylor and Anika. And just like that, it’s you and him.
You go to the drawer to find a bottle opener for your beer.
“Oh I think they-“ Conrad pauses, “They took it with them.”
You purse your lips together, turning back to face him, “Of course they did.”
The two of you are silent for a moment, you looking anywhere but at him, him solely looking at you. You looked different now too. You’d matured - body, face, soul. Your hairstyle had changed but the color remained the same.
“Well, I should head out before-“
As you go to walk past him, Conrad reaches to grab your arm, his fingers wrapping around your wrist, pulling you to him.
“Sorry,” He quickly drops it, “I just-“
You turn to look at him, swallowing as the two of you stand mere inches from each other.
“I just…” Conrad shakes his head, “Come on, we haven’t seen each other in forever.”
“Yeah, um,” You drag a hand through your hair, “I’m sorry, I just feel like this is awkward right?”
He chuckles, “I’m glad you think so too.”
In the moment, you realise this didn’t need to be as big as it felt. It was just you seeing Conrad after so long apart. It was just you seeing an old friend. Someone you’d missed.
“Come here,” You reach up onto your toes and wrap your arms around him, your chin resting on his shoulder.
He holds you tightly, his arms around your back, hands splayed across your bare skin around your bikini. You feel yourself relax into the touch, like your body re-molds itself to him as soon as you’re in his arms.
You pull away first.
“God, how longs it been?” You half-laugh, “Too long, right?”
“Almost four years,” Conrad scratches at the back of his neck, “Too long.”
The last time he’d seen you, he could have kissed you. Now, he had to fight every instinct in him to not.
“I feel like I should be asking you how you‘ve been or something,” You laugh, “But I don’t know how to ask that when I’m asking about the last four years of your life.”
Conrad laughs, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his swimming shorts, “I’ve been good, yeah. Still in California. Still not a doctor yet.”
“Well, four years closer than you were when I last saw you,” You joke, wincing a little at your own words, “Is that harsh?”
“No, no, it’s true,” He chuckles, “And you? Still in New York, right?”
“Are you stalking me Conrad Fisher?”
“Your Mom keeps me updated,” He nods, a smirk tugging at his lips.
“My Mom?!” You grimace, “She still talks to you?”
“Yeah, yeah, pictures and everything. I actually got your family photos from last Christmas, they’re still on my phone if you want to-“
“Okay, okay, okay,” You push your hand into his chest gently, halting his words, “I think I’ve heard enough.”
He places his hand over yours, steadying himself. His eyes are on you, his hand still touching yours. Until the moment he clears his throat and the two of you are brought back to reality.
“I just…” You shake your head, dragging the hand that had been on his chest through your hair as if needing to find a way to keep it away from him, “I didn’t know what to expect. Seeing you again, you know?”
“Yeah, yeah, I know, I felt the same.”
“But, come on, it’s been a long time, we’re both adults,” You take a deep breath, “We’re here for the wedding, we can be friends.”
“Friends,” Conrad repeats, “Of course.”
You sounded so sure of it. So why did your chest clench a little to hear him say the word back to you?
You walk out after that, certain you couldn’t spend any longer alone with him for now. Baby steps.
Conrad remains. Frozen in the spot he’d been in when you hugged him. His hands flex as if they’re unsure of what to do in the absence of you. Friends? He wasn’t sure he knew where to start.
———
Taylor and Conrad had separately organised the parties for that night, and everyone plans to head out at the same time. You offered to drive the girls, Conrad offered to drive the guys - always creatures of habit, always the first to offer to be responsible.
You were wearing a black mini dress and an oversized red leather jacket with black boots. Belly was just finishing her hair in the mirror, checking that it still curled well.
“So, I overheard something today,” She begins, setting down her curling iron to look over at you.
You turn around, dropping down onto the end of her mattress, “What did you overhear?”
“Well, Blake said that maybe he was interested in you,” She explains, “He mentioned it to Jere, about maybe asking you out whilst both of you were in town?”
“Blake?” You raise your brows, “Well, I’m flattered.”
“So… would you be interested?”
“I-“ You pause, chewing on the inside of your cheek, “I don’t know Belly…”
“He’s actually a really nice guy I promise! He’s funny and he’s sweet and he-“
“It’s not that,” You assure her, “It’s not that.”
She turns around in her chair to face you, “Do you… are things weird with seeing Conrad again?”
Your lips part to speak but you pause again before any words come out, “I don’t know, we spoke a little earlier. But just really to say hi again. We both agreed things felt awkward, and then we just agreed to be friends.”
“Isn’t it weird? You haven’t seen each other since you split up! In fact, you didn’t even see each other when you split up,” Belly shakes her head, “I can’t even imagine.”
“Yeah, it’s just as weird and awkward and strange as you’d expect,” You laugh, “But, come on, it’s been literally years! Conrad’s an attractive guy, he’s probably already seeing someone new.”
“He isn’t,” Belly confirms, “I already asked.”
You grab a cushion from her bed and toss it in her direction, “Belly!”
“I wanted to know!” She laughs, “Come on, you did too.”
“He’s seriously not seeing anyone?”
“Nope,” She shakes her head, “He said he had ‘no interest in dating’.”
“Yeah, well, he’s human, that will only last so long,” You stand up from her bed, “I appreciate you asking and all… but Conrad and I are a thing of the past.”
She raises her hands as if submitting to defeat, “Whatever you say. So you wouldn’t mind if Blake asked you out?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m real desperate for one of your fiancés frat bros to sweep me off my feet,” You laugh, sarcasm laced on your words.
“As far as frat bros go, they’re not the worst.”
“If you say so, Bells,” You shake your head, “Now, finish getting ready - we’ve got a bachelorette party to start.”
———
The first bar you go to ends up being with everyone - Belly and Jere certain that they wanted to at least spend some of the night together. It’s crowded in there, bodies pushing against bodies. You and Conrad are the last to walk in, both parking the cars whilst everyone else had headed inside.
“Hey, I think they’re over by that wall,” You turn around to Conrad at the door, shouting over the music for him to hear you.
“I’m right behind you,” He shouts back, the two of you embarking through the crowd.
As if on instinct, his hand settles onto your back to guide the two of you through. It’s subtle, simple, and yet you’re sure in the moment it feels like all those years ago when you and him were you and him. You both make it through the crowd until you break into where the rest of the group stood.
“Hey!” Taylor grins when she sees you, “There you are!”
“Here I am,” You smile, returning her hug, “Can I get you guys some drinks?”
“Ooooh I won’t say no to another,” Belly grins, swinging an empty shot glass in front of you.
You laugh, taking it from her, “Tequilas?”
They cheer in some form of agreement and you laugh, making your way over to the bar.
“Hey!” You lean over the bar to speak to the bartender, “Can I get three tequila shots and a water please?”
“Make that ten shots, and six beers,” An all too familiar voice calls over you, “And another water, please.”
You turn around and see Conrad stood behind you.
“Let me get this round.”
You smile, leaning back against the bar, “Gladly, I don’t plan on buying any drinks for your frat bro bachelors.”
“Correction - my brother’s frat bro bachelors,” He points out.
“Right, right,” You nod, “So you didn’t move into a frat house in the past four years, good to know.”
“No frat house,” He shakes his head, “Did you become an ‘upper east sider’ since you moved to New York?”
You laugh outwardly, “I live in a flat share in Brooklyn, no fifth avenue for me.”
He nods, saying something inaudible against the music.
You shake your head to tell him you haven’t heard. And he leans down, gently, his hand on your waist with caution.
“It feels like we haven’t changed,” He says, his words warm and sincere spoken to close to your ear.
“I don’t know about that,” You say back into his ear, your hand on his shoulder to keep him close to you, “I don’t feel like I did at nineteen.”
“You know what I mean,” Conrad returns, “You’re still… you.”
You pull away from him, your lips parting to speak just as the bartender sets a full tray down onto the bar. Conrad thanks him and lifts the tray, turning towards the group and walking over. You follow behind, dragging a hand through your hair once more as if reminding yourself to return to reality. This wasn’t four years ago.
———
After the first bar, the two groups go their separate ways. You end up in a karaoke bar with the girls, listening to one group sing an out of tune, out of time attempt at a Kelly Clarkson song. You have a table in one corner, with Taylor going through a list of options for the girls to sing. Every song she suggested was one that Anika hated and every one Anika suggested seemed to evoke the same hatred from Taylor.
“Okay forget about the song for a second,” Anika waves off Taylor, “I have a question for you.”
She points a finger in your direction.
“What was going on with you and Conrad at the bar?”
“Wh-“ You adjust your jacket around your shoulders, “What do you mean?”
“You know exactly what I mean.”
“We were just talking, it’s hard to hear each other in there you know?” You shrug, taking a sip of your water, “Just talking.”
“Right, of course,” She narrows her eyes at you, “I don’t believe you.”
“Did Blake speak to you?” Belly leans in beside you.
You frown, shaking your head, “I figured you told him not to, he didn’t say anything to me.”
She furrows her brows, “That’s… weird.”
You shrug, “Plenty more frats in the sea.”
“Oh I’ve so got it!” Taylor squeals, jumping up from her seat, “I’m putting us on the list.”
———
After the girls do more shots, and Taylor has dragged everyone up for two horrific attempts at karaoke, you all move along to the next bar. On the way, you bump into Steven and officially adopt Denise onto the girls night - convincing her she’d have much more fun than she would with the boys. Though, she didn’t take much convincing.
“So, how bad are the bachelors?” You ask, the two of you walking behind the other girls on your way to the next place.
“Oh, you know, they’re… idiots,” She laughs, “But the good kind of idiots, at least.”
“For the most part,” You encourage, “They’re harmless.”
She grins, both of you hurrying to catch up with the girls as they go into the next place.
All of them flock to the dance floor immediately, singing along to the Ariana Grande song blasting through the speakers. Belly grabs your hand to dance with you, twirling you around with that bright Belly Conklin smile on her face.
You’re oblivious to anyone else around you with this group - not thinking far beyond being there to make sure Belly has a good night. So you don’t notice when a guy approaches. Not until his hand is on your back, leaning in behind you to attempt to talk to you.
“Hey I noticed you from-“
“Woah, woah, woah,” Denise swoops in immediately, locking hands with yours to pull you away, “She’s got a boyfriend.”
You glance back and the guy raises his hands at you as if admitting defeat, smiling sheepishly before walking back over to his friends. You turn around to Denise.
“Thanks for covering for me,” You laugh, “You were quick to it.”
She shakes her head, “Don’t worry about it. Just tell your boyfriend he owes me one.”
“Wh-“ You laugh again, frowning a little, “Yeah, when I’ve got one, I’ll let him know.”
“You’re not seeing anybody?” She furrows her brows.
You shake your head.
“Oh, weird, Blake told me he wanted to ask you out but someone told him you were seeing someone.”
You feel like your heart pauses for just a moment. Like this sort of gut feeling that you already knew what had happened. Surely not. Conrad wasn’t ever a very good liar. But you couldn’t shake the feeling that it was him who’d done it. But why?
“Sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have-“
“No, no, don’t worry about it. I’m just going to get some more drinks,” You squeeze her arm reassuringly, pushing through the mass of bodies in the bar to get into some sort of clearing where you felt like you could breathe.
And all your mind can think of is Conrad.
———
“Okay okay we have place left and then we can call it a night,” Taylor explains, checking the list on her phone, “Sound good Belly?”
“Sure,” Belly beams, swaying a little as she loops her arm with Taylor’s, “This has just been such a fun night, I love you girls so much I just…”
“Okay don’t you start getting emotional on us!” Taylor shakes her head, “I can’t cry tonight.”
“No come on I’m serious I mean I really love… Jere!” Belly exclaims the last word so loudly you all flinch in surprise.
You glance up and see the group of boys all walking towards you, Redbird with his arm hooked around Jeremiah’s neck. A couple of the other frat boys trying to talk to Steven about something - though he looks wildly unamused. And, right at the back, hands in his pockets, Conrad.
“There you are!” Jeremiah grins, running the rest of the way to meet Belly, wrapping his arms around her and lifting her from the ground.
“Ugh stop it’s sickening,” Steven grumbles as he walks up, “Having a good night?”
“Yeah,” Denise smiles softly, “Much more fun with the girls.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever,” He brushes her off, “Come on, we’ve still got three more places on the bar crawl.”
Jeremiah stumbles as he sets Belly back down, his words slurred as he speaks to her quietly, making her giggle and blush.
“Enough of that Jere!” Redbird grasps his shoulders, “Onto the next!”
He pulls Jeremiah away from his fiancé and guides him back onto the route they’d been following, the other guys following behind.
“Yeah we need to go too!” Taylor encourages, linking her arm back with Belly’s as they set off once again.
“Hey, Conrad.”
You’ve said the words before you’ve had enough time to think it through. He pauses in his tracks, turning around in his spot to face you.
“Can I talk to you?”
You look over your shoulder to the girls and motion for them that you’ll catch up. They all look at you a little bewildered, Belly with an obvious grin, Denise looking like she knew what was coming next. But they all accept and carry on ahead to the bar.
“You’ve saved me a bit, I could do with a break from that,” He gestures back towards where the guys were now piggybacking each other across the street.
You giggle, though it’s fleeting and momentary when it feels like your chest is tightening to be so near to him.
He turns back to you, hands still in his pockets, eyes piercing and focused only on you, “What did you want to talk about?”
“Did you… did you talk to Blake tonight?”
“Yeah I mean we spoke a bit about football and college and he tried to get me to drink a few times but-“
“Conrad,” You cut him off, “That’s not what I mean.”
“Then what do you mean?” He half-laughs, “It’s a bachelor party, of course I’ve talked to him I-“
“Did you tell him that I was seeing someone?”
“I-“ He scratches at the back of his neck, “Okay, yeah, I might have said something like that.”
“Why?” You say softly, your voice quiet and timid - annoyingly so.
You don’t want to be so shy in your questioning, but it seemed as if he was bringing the nerves out of you.
“Because I-“ He scoffs, “I just… you’re an attractive girl,” He gestures a hand in your direction, “And you’re in New York and I just figured you’d have met someone.”
“So you just assumed I was? You didn’t think to ask?”
“Why? Are you disappointed that he didn’t ask you out because honestly I figured I’d be doing you a favour by helping you avoid that one,” He stuffs his hands into his pockets.
“Conrad I don’t care about going on a fucking date with Blake,” You snap, “I want to know why you lied to him.”
“Because-“ He blurts out and then pauses, “Because I… I don’t know.”
“You didn’t want him to ask me out.”
Conrad takes a breath, sighing deeply, “Okay, fine. Yeah. Satisfied?”
You try to speak but no words come to mind, both of you stood in the sweeping chill of the breeze, warmed by the tension between you. You felt magnetised to him, convinced that you couldn’t step away even if you wanted to.
“Why not?”
“Come on, we don’t need to do this,” He shakes his head, “Just forget it. I’ll tell Blake you’re single, we can forget it.”
“Conrad it’s not about that, I don’t care about that,” You remind him, “I just want to know why you did.”
He doesn’t say a word, looking down at his feet, back up at you.
“Maybe you’re right, maybe we should just forget it,” You clench your jaw, readjusting your bag on your shoulder, “Have a good night, Conrad.”
“Okay, wait, wait,” He reaches for your arm as you go to step past him.
You look up at him and he looks down at you with a softness to his eyes, like he’s silently begging you to not push him any more.
“You know I’d have thought after all this time we could still be honest with each other,” You swallow the lump in your throat, “But I guess not.”
You pull your arm away from his grip, wrapping your jacket around your torso as you hurry towards the bar where the girls had gone to. You don’t turn around to see him again. But the magnet pull in your heart reminds you that he’s still there - still waiting to find the right words.
———
After the last bar, you drive the girls home, dropping Denise back to the inn in the town. By the time you pull up into the driveway, Conrad’s car is already parked too.
“Come on Belly,” Taylor shakes her friend awake, “Let’s go get you back to your fiance.”
Belly grumbles, slumping into Taylor as the two of them walk towards the house, Anika following behind with her shoes dangling down in her hand.
You lock the car and go to walk towards the house.
“Hey, wait up!” Conrad’s voice calls out, followed by the sound of his car door closing.
“I thought you were inside already,” You say, wrapping your arms around your torso.
“Left my phone in the car,” He holds up the phone to prove his point, stuffing it into his pocket, “Did you have a good night?”
“Um, yeah, yeah,” You smile softly, “I didn’t even drink and yet I still feel like I smell of tequila and vodka.”
He laughs gently, “Yeah I’m pretty sure my car’s going to stink of beer for a good few days.”
You laugh, swallowing the lump in your throat.
“I’m sorry about earlier,” He takes a breath, “I should have been honest with you, I shouldn’t have lied to Blake, and I’m really sorry that I did.”
You nod, shrugging your shoulders, “Hey, for what it’s worth, I think you saved me from having to reject a frat bro so maybe I owe you one.”
“I don’t know, he told me tonight that he won ‘top chugger’ at their awards night last year - you might be missing out,” Conrad smirks, raising his brows to you.
“Wow, you know that was actually what I always wished my future husband would be like,” You scoff, “What could have been.”
“No, no, your future husband was supposed to be a good surfer, taller than you, and at least sort of able to play the guitar,” He numbers the points on his hand, “I still remember.”
“Oh my god,” You cover your face with your hands, “From that stupid video in middle school? I still can’t believe you even found that!”
Conrad laughs, “With your Jonas Brothers poster and the pigtails and-“
“Alright, alright, alright,” You wave him off, “How did we get onto this topic?”
Conrad composes himself, pausing before he says, “I am really sorry I lied.”
“Water under the bridge,” You shake your head, “I promise.”
He nods, looking as if he has a million more things to say.
“I should probably go in and check on Belly,” You say, “Good night Con.”
You hurry inside, once more not wanting to look back at him. The lights are all off in the house, the sound of snoring echoing from different rooms. You turn towards Belly’s room, where you were sharing with Taylor, and slowly open the door.
“Hey,” Taylor hisses in the dark, “We have a problem.”
You look over to see Belly asleep in your place, her dress still on, makeup still remaining.
“Jere’s knocked out on the bed, Belly asked if she could sleep in here instead,” Taylor explains quietly, “I can totally sleep downstairs if you want.”
“No, no,” You return, shaking your head, “Stay with Belly, I’ll find somewhere else.”
Taylor smiles, telling you that she’ll see you in the morning before snuggling back down into the covers, asleep before you have even stepped out of the room.
Cautiously, you pull the door closed, turning around as Conrad comes up the stairs.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah, um, any chance you’ve got some spare blankets?” You whisper, “I’ll crash on the couch tonight.”
“No you won’t.”
“No, it’s okay, Belly and Taylor are already asleep and-“
“You can sleep in my room.”
Before you can respond, he’s turned towards his room already, and you find yourself drawn to follow him before you’ve even thought about it.
His room remains the same - just as clean, just as blue, just as cool and calm. On his nightstand used to be a photo of you and him together. Now, an empty space took its place.
“I can sleep on the floor,” Conrad offers.
It was strange. He’d seemed so certain and confident when he’d told you to come with him, and now it felt like all of that confidence had disappeared as soon as you were in the room.
“You don’t have to do that,” You say softly, “I’m sure we’re capable of sharing a bed.”
He nods, “Okay.”
You felt like you were eighteen again. With a crush on the boy who lived next door. You could feel the same nerves coursing through you, the same flutter in your stomach when his eyes were on you.
You move around each other in silence, getting ready for bed. He offers you one of his t-shirts to wear and you feel your cheeks heat up at the gesture. He leaves the room when you are about to get changed, the material of his top feeling foreign and new on your skin now. Something that had once felt like it could belong to you too.
When he comes back into the bedroom, you’re already tucked under the sheets, laying on your back, restraining yourself to stay on one side of the bed. Conrad walks around, lifting up his own side of the covers and climbs underneath. He tucks one arm under his head, both of you staring up at the ceiling. Both not knowing where to go from here.
“I still can’t believe Jere and Belly are getting married,” You break the silence first, “You used to always tell me they were going to end up together.”
“My Mom was the one that was so sure of it,” Conrad speaks softly, “She was so sure she knew who both of us would be with.”
She thought he’d end up with you.
“They seem really happy together,” You return, “It’s nice to know your Mom was right.”
Conrad laughs a little, “Yeah, yeah, she was.”
Silence again.
“So do you-“
“Have you-“
Both of you pause as your words tangle over each other, turning to glance at the other bashfully. It was something that had become sort of a habit when the two of you were together - you always managed to say things at the same time. As always before, Conrad lets you speak first.
“So do you think you’ll stay in California after you’re finished with Medical school out there?”
“Maybe,” Conrad says, “I like the west coast but sometimes I just miss being out east, you know? I think if there’s anywhere I want to be it’s just back here, back home.”
You hum in response, “I know what you mean, I love New York but every so often I’m walking home or I’m out at a bar or I’m in these ridiculously tall buildings and I just wish I was out of the city, back in Cousins, same faces, same houses, same beach.”
Conrad turns his head to look at you, “You always wanted a house here.”
“I did, maybe I still do,” You sigh, “But then I figure I need to make something of my life in New York, make it all worth it. I’m just… you know what I’m like.”
“You’re worried the sacrifices you made won’t be worth it if the thing you made them for doesn’t work out,” He says softly, “I know.”
Both of you stay silent for a moment. He did know. He always knew. No amount of days, months, years could pass that would change that. He knew who you were, how you felt, how you thought. He knew what scared you, what kept you up at night, what woke you up in the mornings. And as much as you felt like you’d changed in the years that had passed, you’d held onto those things that he knew of you - you held onto who he knew you to be.
“I lied to you earlier,” Conrad says, his face turning back to the ceiling, like he can’t bear to look at you in his confession.
You don’t respond, knowing there was more for him to say.
“I didn’t want Blake to ask you out.”
You feel your breath catch in your throat, paused in the moment before you knew what was coming next.
“Not because of him, or because I thought you were dating someone, or because I thought you might not like him anyway,” He shakes his head, “It was purely selfish.”
Your voice comes out scratchy, choking around the lump in your throat, “Selfish?”
“I didn’t want to see you with him, I didn’t want to see him flirt with you, I didn’t want to see him make you laugh that way you do when you’re nervous I-“ He pauses, like he hasn’t thought to take a breath until just now.
You turn in the bed, facing him, watching the way his eyes remain glued to a particular spot on the ceiling above him, reluctant to look at you for fear that his instincts would take over.
“It’s been easier - me in California, you in New York - I didn’t have to think about you with other guys, I didn’t have to think about it because I’d never see it happen. I could just pretend it didn’t,” He half-laughs, “Blissful ignorance, or whatever.”
He looks like the soft kind of handsome where he lays - his silhouette softened by the dark of the room, his eyelashes falling over his eyes like another shield from any emotion they’d convey, his hair had the kind of curl that turned into his head, as if cowering away from the world, keeping even more of him out of sight.
“The thought of you being here and this other guy wanting you, I don’t know, call it immature, or insane or stupid or… I just couldn’t do it.”
“It’s not stupid,” You manage to speak, your voice timid, scared of your own admission.
Conrad glances to you, his body gravitating towards you as he turns too, both of you facing each other, “It’s been four years, I don’t think I should feel like this anymore.”
“Maybe not,” You say, eyes darting to his lips as they curve around the words, “But if the roles were reversed, if one of the girls wanted you, I think I’d lie too.”
Conrad laughs a little, “Yeah?”
“I’d do a better job than you did though, I’d at least have a backstory for this so called fake girlfriend,” You comment, a smile tugging at your lips.
“What’s that then?”
“Well,” You adjust against the pillows, “She’d be this girl-next-door type, your age, shorter than you but that wouldn’t be hard. And she’d have been with you for years and she’d just be really really glad that her dream life took her to California, instead of somewhere like … you know, like New York.”
“And your boyfriend,” Conrad swallows the lump in his throat, “Would communicate, a lot, and not let you slip away. And he’d be racking up air miles travelling to New York whenever he got the chance.”
You can’t fight the smile back anymore, biting your bottom lip as you do, “And I think they’d both just be really really annoyed that this hadn’t all happened four years sooner.”
Conrad shakes his head, “No. They were kids before. They’re not now. Maybe four years is what they needed.”
“You think so?” You whisper the words.
“I do,” He replies.
You’re both silent for a moment, both breathing in everything that had just happened, both replaying over in your head, letting the words linger in your mind a moment longer.
“I would love to say that I don’t care how much time has passed,” Conrad leans up into his elbow, looking down at you, “But I’d be lying. Of course I care about how long we’ve been apart. And I convinced myself that we were different people now and that it was this thing of the past. And now you’re back and you’re here and everything is just like it used to be.”
“But we’re still three thousand miles away,” You whisper, tears pricking at your eyes.
You weren’t upset, you weren’t sad, you weren’t angry or confused. You were just overwhelmed by the feeling of having him so close to you, of having him confess that there was still something between you. But the tears crept to your eyes for the fear that the distance would once again drive a wedge between what is and what could never be.
“Then we’ll meet in the middle, we’ll call, we’ll fly to each other, we’ll come here for spring break,” Conrad shakes his head, his hair falling around his forehead, “We’ll make it work.”
“I just-“ You choke out, “We said we’d make it work before.”
“I know you don’t believe me, and you have every reason not to,” He takes a breath, “But just give me a chance to prove you wrong. Give us a chance.”
But you do. You do believe him. Conrad had the ability to say everything you wanted to hear, everything you needed to hear, and everything you’d convinced yourself you’d never get to hear. He made you loved and wanted and desired and adored. You’d give this a chance, because it meant giving yourself a chance. A chance to be happy, to be in love, to be with the boy you always thought you’d be with.
You lift up a hand, cupping your hand around his jaw, smoothing your thumb across his cheek, a smile curling onto your lips, “I do believe you.”
Conrad smiles too, leaning down enough to close the gap between you. He kisses you softly, tentatively, like he’s trying to remember the way in which his lips had fit to yours all that time ago.
You keep him drawn close to you, pulling every piece of you that has belonged to him back into its rightful place, replacing the pieces of him that had been missing from you. Sealing together both of your hearts in the process.
Even with three thousand miles between you, those things would never change. A piece of you would belong to him, and a piece of him would belong to you - only truly and wholly complete when you were back in his arms.
