Daylight — Conrad Fisher
Warnings: angst, lots of agnst, slow burn.
Word count: 6.7k.
A/N: First time writing for 'The Summer I Turned Pretty'. I have an idea for a follow up, but I'd love to know what you guys think of this. Thanks!
Stanford parties were not that frequent. In fact, it was finals week so it was out of the blue that one of the fraternities organized one, exactly in the middle of such week.
She was dragged by one of her friends to attend. As much as she was into having some fun, she was extremely tired.
For almost two full months, her junior year documentary presentation had taken a toll on her day-to-day schedule as she would work on it at unspoken hours, at a point where even her friend would beg her to take a break.
"Come on! We should celebrate that this semester is practically over." Alessia, her closest friend, said enthusiastically. "You, specially you, deserve a break."
"I know." She said as she put on some lipstick. "To be honest, if I had another friend that wasn't as convincing as you, I'd bail on you even when i'm ready."
"And that's why you've got me." She replied cheekily. "Who knows, maybe we meet people we've never met."
"That's what meeting people means." She replied chuckling. "Let's go before I regret this."
"Well... I wouldn't let it happen, Miss Little Boring." Alessia mentioned laughing.
Stanford had been the dream ever since she first touched a camera. Growing up in New York meant chaos—subways at midnight, sirens blending into lullabies, her parents' lives scheduled down to the second. Palo Alto, by contrast, felt like breathing for the first time. The calm suited her. After her freshman year, her dad surprised her with a small place of her own—not far from campus, but far enough to feel like it belonged to her, not the school. It was quiet, a little sun-drenched studio where she could edit all night and nobody would knock on her door.
As she drove around the frat house, they quickly realized there was more people than they thought at first.
"Do people not want to study or did they just give up entirely for their finals?" She joked as she turned off the engine.
"I guess they gave up." Alessia replied.
As they walked into the house, she thought she was underdressed as she saw some girls in heels and mini dresses.
Alessia noticed her looking at her clothes. She wore a midi crème skirt that went a few inches below the knee, paired with a green cashmere sweater.
"You look fine. Don't worry." She assured.
They went straight to the table where various bottles of alcohol stood. She poured a cup of whiskey for herself, while Alessia opted for some vodka.
Barely minutes after, they saw Agnes. Agnes was Alessia's cousin who happened to be in pre-med at Stanford as well.
Agnes immediately introduced them to some of her friends, most of whom were in the same program as hers.
"There's another one of my friends who you guys haven't met, but it's likely that he bailed for the night." She chuckled. "But anyways, how's it going?"
"It's alright. Definitely not as anxiety-inducing as your program for sure."
"Speak for yourself. I'm fully drained from this semester." she replied. "Agnes, I don't know how you're pulling it off with the med stuff."
"If you give up sleeping, you're set." She joked. "Are you still editing your documentary?"
"Until the day we do the presentation, yes." She said. "I just follow most of feedback my teacher gives me."
"You see why I had to drag her? She'd have stayed home long enough to edit it all from scratch." Alessia said chuckling as the girls laughed.
They were talking about different things, until they mentioned the upcoming summer break.
"Hey, what are you guys up to for these months?" She asked. "My parents still don't know where we'll go."
"I was thinking on going to Big Sur." Agnes replied. "But I might come back earlier to take an extra credit."
"Oh. Well, I'm staying in Boston but I could join you there too." Alessia suggested. "Hey, don't your parents have a house in Cape Cod? Aren't you gonna be there?"
"Cape Cod? Isn't that where Taylor Swift once cosplayed being a Kennedy?" Agnes added.
Most of her summers were spent in their Cape Cod residency which had been a wedding gift from her paternal grandmother to her parents. For the last year, her father chose to renovate it although it had been taking more time than expected to be done.
"Yes. And yes... but they're renovating it, so we can't use it for the summer, unfortunately." She explained. "I'll probably stay here for a few weeks before going back to New York."
They kept talking and drinking. It had been such a long semester that she hadn't had time to properly met some of Agnes's friends. They were mostly med students too, and really fun to be around.
At one point, the music started to wear her down a bit. It wasn't exactly due to the loudness —though it was quite loud— but because her head was still half-stuck in other things. She hadn't mentioned to Alessia, but a few weeks back she found out her Dad's leukemia diagnosis.
It was something that she kept to herself and, through her documentary work, she managed to dissociate a bit from the reality they faced.
She hadn't thought about what was happening back home until she was too comfortable at the party. Maybe it was the guilt of feeling like she should be there, even though she had to attend college no matter what.
She slipped away from the circle of girls without making a big deal, whispering something about having to go to the bathroom, although she didn't go looking for one.
She walked up the stairs instead.
Once on the second floor, everything felt much quieter, as if the music had simply faded. The first door she opened led to a dimly lit room, empty except for a record player in the corner that wasn't playing anything and a window cracked just enough to let the night air in. It smelled like someone had been there earlier—cologne lingering in the fabric of a jacket tossed over the arm of the couch.
She walked in and closed the door just behind her. She needed that second to breathe properly, to get her chest back to normal.
"Are you also exhausted of pretending to have fun too?" a voice said, quiet and warm.
She turned —confused but not alarmed. A brunette boy saw in the corner of the room, half-shadowed, with one leg stretched out and a cup resting on his knee. His expression wasn't smug or performative; it was casual, like he'd been here a while and wasn't surprised to find someone else needing the same kind of escape.
She didn't recognize him, which led her to think he wasn't a film student. Stanford had a small acceptance rate, yet she obviously didn't know everyone. He looked her age—maybe a little older. Soft brown hair, sleepy eyes, and something hard to read in his face. He wasn't trying to flirt, which could've annoyed her. No, he was kind of an observant. At a point where it felt as if he was taking a break from something heavier than the party as well.
"I wouldn't say I'm pretending," she replied walking away from the door, getting close to where he sat. "But I figure I did sneak up here like an idiot."
"That makes two of us." He nodded slightly. "I bailed mid-beer pong. I've been burning my head with notes and bullet points, for god knows how many quizzes, that I didn't have enough energy anymore."
She chuckled. "So instead of leaving, you came up to sneak in someone else's room?"
"I think it's the room of this friend of Agnes. She's a friend." he said. "I think the guy already left for the summer. The record player doesn't work, by the way. I tried."
There was a big silence. Not precisely awkward, but rather filled with an interesting calmness.
"I'm friends with her cousin! Are you in pre-med too?"
He grinned faintly, not looking at her as he took another sip. "Unfortunately. I'm Conrad."
She raised a brow. "Ah. You're the one who she thought had bailed on her earlier" She added, "I'm Eloise."
"Guilty." He chuckled. "Nice to meet you, Eloise." He added with a small smirk. "I got through the kitchen because I hadn't been to one of these parties in so long that I almost got lost."
It caught her attention how soft-spoken he was. As a few thoughts lingered on her mind, she stood there, unsure if her presence was interrupting the peacefulness he was seeking. "Well... if you want me to leave your moody little hideout, just tell me."
He shook his head. "You're not annoying me."
She paused to think for a bit longer than before, with the room being in complete silence. If it hadn't been for the way they'd have been speaking to each other in those few minutes, it would've been extremely awkward.
She ended up sitting near him. "It's weirdly pleasant in here. I kind of forgot what silence feels like."
"Silence is underrated" he added.
She looked at him again, detailing him for half a second too long. "Are you always this cryptic?"
He smiled suppressing a short laugh, not entirely looking at her eyes. "No. Just tonight, I guess."
His voice hinted at something that was holding him back. Perhaps, difficult enough that he'd rather leave it at that. Either way, she knew better than to ask about it.
She looked at him while leaning her back against the wall. A respectable distance between both. "I won't ask you, don't worry. It is... none of my business."
Conrad looked back at her then, like he hadn't expected that. He once was made out to be egotistical for thinking about his feelings without being too vocal about it, but in that moment he just felt peace.
"Thanks." There was another pause. Longer, but quieter.
She looked up at the ceiling. "You ever think about how exhausting it is to always be fine? I mean, no one is ever truly happy."
He turned his head slowly, eyes meeting hers now—really meeting them. He looked into her light brown eyes for what felt like a lifetime. For the first time, something cracked open in his expression. Simple recognition.
"Yeah. A lot." he said. "I won't ask details but, is there something on your mind that's not letting you be at peace?"
She didn't smile. She gave him a light nod in understanding. She sat with it. And that—somehow—felt much more intimate than anything either of them had said or done.
The air between them felt still. For a moment, neither was a student, or someone trying to forget something, or someone trying to prove anything. They were just... there.
A knock took both of them out that silence they were enjoying.
The door cracked open, spilling light and laughter into the room.
"There you are" Alessia peeked in, eyes flicking between them. "I've been looking all over for you. Are you...? oh, sorry, didn't mean to interrupt."
Conrad blinked like someone waking up. The quiet bubble popped.
"It's okay," she said quickly, standing. "I needed air and I got in the first room I found. I'll come down in a sec."
Alessia nodded, eyeing the boy in the corner just long enough to make a mental note.
"Alright. Don't disappear on me" she said cheekily before closing the door again.
She turned back at him. For a second, it felt like they might say something else —maybe say goodbye properly, maybe not—.
But he just gave her a quiet look. Not cold. Not warm. Just something that would sit in her mind for days.
"I should go," she said.
He nodded once. "See you around."
She left without asking his number.
And she didn't think she'd see him again. Not when she stayed for another hour and he was yet to come down. Certainly, this boy she had no idea about, made her feel like she wanted to know a bit more. Out of the curiosity to see past that mystery look that hung over him.
"You didn't tell me you were seeing someone." Alessia said as they pulled up inside the parking garage at Eloise's apartment building.
"Well, because I'm not seeing anyone. I told you, I was trying to go somewhere quiet and when I went into that room, that guy was there." She explained turning off the engine. "He was kind of dissociating as well so he let me
stay. He's a friend of Agnes."
"Oh, I see. What's his name?" She asked.
"Conrad. I don't know his last name, but he was nice." She added.
"Well, at least you didn't have a bad night." She said, vaguely referring to some of the boys they'd encounter in previous parties. Most of the time they'd deal with disrespectful guys.
"Yeah. But anyways, I need to get some sleep." She said while they walked to Alessia's car, which was parked right in Eloise's 2nd parking spot. "Let me know when you get to the dorm. I'll be waiting."
"I know! See you tomorrow." she said as they hugged.
Once she saw her turn on the car, she walked inside the elevator. She was tired, but at least it had been a nice evening, specially when she managed to get her mind off of so many things.
She thought about Conrad for a bit, knowing his face would be hard to not think about when she went to bed.
It was finally the last day of school, which meant she was about to do the presentation of her documentary —based on the history of California— in front of her entire class.
She sat next to her teacher as some of classmates —and other people— settled into chairs. She tried not to look at the crowd, at least not directly. But then the door creaked open near the back.
Agnes walked in, whispering something to the guy beside her. He nodded quietly, sliding into the seat next to Alessia.
She froze.
It was him.
The boy from the room.
Same soft brown hair, same withdrawn calm, but it was different now. In public, he looked less like a stranger and more like a person who had unknowingly anchored something in her. Conrad. His name came back to her like a skipped beat.
He wore a white shirt under a blue crewneck sweater with some jeans while his hair was slightly messy, falling just above his eyebrows like he'd run a hand through it on his way in. It gave him the look of someone too focused to care and too effortlessly attractive for it to matter.
He didn't notice her at first since Agnes was talking to him about some internship. And then, right before the lights dimmed and the documentary began to play, his eyes met hers across the room.
She had turned back to see everyone that was already sitting, when she met his greenish-blue eyes. It felt as if time no longer mattered as the game of longing stares seemed to began.
He didn't smile, but he didn't look away either. She was flustered as she turned her head back to the screen, not realizing he had a small smile on his lips as he looked.
It took him by surprise how natural it came off, moving on his seat hoping Agnes hadn't noticed, otherwise he'd be subjected to her teasing questions on what was he smiling about.
It had been almost two years since he felt something for someone. After all, he had been in love just once and that was Belly.
Although the memory of that relationship no longer pained him —and Jeremiah's comments about her when they'd speak on the phone didn't bother him—, he drifted away from pursuing any romantic relationship.
Through therapy, he learned how to work out his feelings without pushing them in his mind and accumulating them. Still, he felt weird about doing the whole dating thing all over again.
As the credits rolled in, applaudes broke out. Not loud, but genuine. Some of her classmates turned towards her, offering small praises about the documentary that some deemed as a 'love letter to California'. Her teacher hugged.
"It was beautiful" she whispered. "Congratulations, Ms. Parker."
She nodded, her heart still pounding, but with the relief that all the effort had been worth it. All the anxiety, all the hours in Premiere Pro, everything had paid off.
As another student prepared to screen his documentary, her teacher told her she was done so she could leave. After gathering her stuff, she walked towards the exit, looking for her friends.
She didn't see neither Agnes nor Alessia, so she walked out hoping they would be outside.
Outside the auditorium, she turned to one of the benches, spotting him. He was standing as if he was waiting for something or someone.
She walked over slowly, part of her unsure if this counted as brave or foolish.
"Hey," she said, voice low.
"Hey" he replied. The same quiet tone from the night of the party.
"I didn't know you'd be here." She smiled. "Did you enjoy it?"
He shrugged slightly. "Well, Agnes said there was free coffee." They both laughed. "It was really nice, congrats."
She laughed before smiling. "Thank you, it meant a lot to me that everyone loved it."
Silence came between them once again, but not the uncomfortable type of silence. It was the one where neither wanted to be the first to move.
Finally, she asked, "So... how have you been?"
He looked at her—really looked at her. No smile, no empty compliment. Just something careful in his eyes, like he was afraid to say too much and mean all of it.
"Drowning in homework. Thankfully it's all over now, so I get the entire summer to do nothing around here." He said chuckling. "You?"
"Working on this and worrying about some other stuff. Thank god we don't come back until September." She said laughing.
Before he could respond to what she said, Alessia appeared at her side with a glowing grin.
"Oh my god, you killed it." she said "I think you will be the best director ever, please don't forget about me when you win an Oscar."
Agnes joined thems smiling. "You should've heard Alessia gasp like she was in a theater," she said to Conrad, bumping her shoulder lightly into his.
He smiled faintly, more to himself than anyone else.
"Thanks for coming," she told them both. She meant it. She hadn't expected it to matter, but it did. Maybe more than it should have.
Agnes looked between her and Conrad, perceptive in a casual way. "We were gonna grab something to eat before I have to run. You guys coming?"
Alessia nodded eagerly. "Yes, please. I'm starving."
Conrad glanced at Agnes, then back at her. "You guys go ahead. I have to go back to my apartment in a bit.
Agnes arched a brow at him but didn't argue. "Fine. Eloise?"
"Yeah... I have to do some other stuff so I'll have lunch at home." She explained. "See you guys."
Alessia mouthed something vaguely teasing as she was dragged away by Agnes —who tried not to laugh as she picked up on whatever that was going on between both of them—, but Eloise pretended not to notice.
Now it was just them again.
She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, eyes flicking to the floor for a second before lifting again. "You're kind of mysterious, you know."
Conrad looked like he might deny it, but then changed his mind. "I'm kind of figuring things out."
She nodded slowly. "Me too."
A few students brushed past them on the way out, but the space between them didn't shift.
After a beat, she tilted her head. "Want to walk with me for a bit?"
He didn't smile, but something in his expression softened. "Yeah. I do."
They walked out into the bright California sun. Not touching, not speaking for a moment, just walking. Slowly. Like maybe neither of them was in a rush to get to wherever they were supposed to be next.
The campus paths were nearly empty now, just a few scattered students trailing in the distance or perched on benches in post-presentation haze. The sun cast long shadows, and the breeze pulled at the edges of her jacket.
"You're from here?" She asked.
"No, I'm from Boston." He said. "I was at Brown for a bit and then transferred here."
"Oh. Is there a particular reason why you transferred?"
"Leaving Massachusetts was a good catch." She chuckled as he spoke. "With a family like mine, you'd be saying the same. How about you?"
"I was born and raised in New York." She replied. "I almost joined Columbia, but Stanford was my dream for as long as I've wanted to study film."
"That's nice." He said softly.
They walked side by side, their footsteps in sync without meaning to be. Not talking, not needing to.
She could feel the silence again—not the kind from the party, heavy and reflective—but something easier now. The silence of two people who didn't mind just existing near each other.
At one point, she glanced over. "By the way, do you always do that?"
"Do what?" he asked, his tone still soft but confused.
"Disappear into rooms at parties. Then show up again at people's screenings out of nowhere." She explained cheekily. "I'm not mad, I just find it odd."
He looked at her sideways, and for the first time, something close to a smirk curved his mouth. "Only when I'm trying to keep the mystery alive."
She smiled at that. Not a big one. Just enough for him to notice.
They stopped at a corner of the quad, where the path forked toward different buildings.
She pulled out her phone without thinking. "In case you want to keep the act going..."
He raised a brow.
"You know," she added, trying to sound casual. "Disappear again, then randomly text me something cryptic at 2 a.m."
Conrad reached into his back pocket, pulling out his own phone. "I can work with that."
They exchanged numbers with no ceremony. No awkward hovering.
Before she could say anything else, he pocketed his phone and looked at her. Not intensely, not dramatically, just long enough for her to feel like he saw her again. Still.
"Are you doing anything this summer?" he asked. "I might stay here, so I'm preparing for a bunch of nothingness."
She chuckled. "Well, I'll go back to New York in August. I'll be spending the entire month here, maybe we can hang out before boredom tries to strike us."
"I think so too." He replied. "Well, I gotta go but it was great seeing you."
"Likewise." She replied.
And just like that, he was walking away.
Not fast. Not slow. Just enough to make her wonder when the next time would be.
The next couple of days went by in a flash. She went out occasionally to the movies or to do grocery shopping, but overall she stayed home doing practically nothing.
"Honey, is nice to see you." Said Mark, her father, as she was on FaceTime with her parents. "How's the summer going?"
"Great. I can't wait to see you guys next month." She smiled.
Her father looked healthy, even when she knew that the illness was inside of him and it was hard to tackle. She wondered how he had the energy to still smile at her like that, while she tried to pretend that none of it was real and, somehow, things would go back to normal.
"I know!" Her mom said smiling. "You know, we were thinking on going to The Hamptons while you're here."
"Yeah, what do you think, Hon? I made sure to get your room repainted since it still had the princess wallpaper." Mark added with an enthusiastic smile.
"Oh... I like the idea. But are the doctors fine with you not being nearer?" She questioned.
"Yeah. They have people over there as well, so I'll still get my treatment there." He explained. "We'll be fine. I'll be fine." Her father had a way of making her believe him, even when he knew he wasn't being entirely honest.
"Fine. I guess I'll pack my bathing suits." She smiled.
She spoke with them for over an hour before settling in her bedroom as she began playing a rom-com on the TV.
One could she chose to do nothing, as Agnes and Alessia ended going to the Big Sur trip, but she ended up not going just in case she had to leave earlier for New York.
The downside of being on her own, was that she'd check her phone from time to time waiting to see a text.
She hadn't heard from him since the day of the presentation. Not even on the day she dropped the girls at the airport, when Agnes swiftly mentioned that he was "probably driving up the coast with a podcast and a protein bar." It was okay, she said to herself. It was just a party, just a documentary, just a shared silence in a borrowed room.
Still, she checked her phone more often than she liked to admit. It made her feel pathetic.
As the night settled in, and the credits began rolling —she had seen The Holiday for the millionth time—, she went to the bathroom to brush her teeth as she had eaten a bit too much of caramel popcorns.
Her phone was face-down as she went to grab it. It buzzed once.
She flipped it, half expecting it to be Alessia or her dad asking what else she wanted in her bedroom for when she came back,
Instead, it was an unknown number calling her.
"Hello?" She spoke.
"Hey. How are you?" That voice. Her heart stopped for a second—just enough to feel it—and then started again. She knew who it was.
"Oh, hi!" She replied. "I'm fine. I thought you'd chicken out."
"Me? A chicken? I wasn't born that day." He teased. "What are you up to tonight?"
"Why? Are we crashing a party to borrow another room?" She replied with a bit of banter.
"I guess you'd enjoy that." He said. "I ordered some food, I'll be watching one of my Mom's favorite films."
"Oh. Well, I spent the last two hours watching The Holiday and I'll do a little something for dinner." She mentioned. "What was your Mom's favorite film?"
"It Happened One Night." He sweetly mentioned, reminiscing on the many summers where she'd watch it as soon as they'd arrive at their Cousins house. "She had this tradition with her best friend Laurel, who's kind of an aunt to me, to watch it on the first day they arrived to our summer house."
She could feel both the melancholy and the endearing warmth with which he spoke about his mom's tradition. She could tell by the weight of those words just how much his mom meant to him.
"That's sweet. And that's objectively a very nice film." She added. "You guys have a summer house?"
"Yeah. It's this house in Cousins that my maternal grandfather left to my mom and my aunt when he passed away, but my brother and I got it after she passed." He explained, without elaborating on the heavier details like the tension with his Dad or the fact that he had his first love in that house.
"I've never been there." She said. "Well, my parents have a Hamptons house, but where I've spent many summers is in our Cape Cod house, which my grandma gave them when they got married." She sweetly remembered her childhood running around that house.
"Nice. Are you going there this summer?"
"We're going to The Hamptons. With college, it's been a while since I went, so it's a bit exciting to go back." She smiled. "By the way, I had no idea you had a brother!"
He softly laughed. Talking about Jeremiah was bittersweet at first, but he could enjoy that, in the last few months, they were in a much better place and what happened surrounding Belly was way past them.
"Yes. I've got a younger brother, his name is Jeremiah." He explained. "He goes to Finch with his girlfriend, who's the daughter of my mom's best friend."
He immediately regretted mentioning that. What would she think of him, if he told her that he used to date the same girl?
"That's interesting." She found it endearing. "Would you say they always liked each other? considering you're saying her Mom was very close to yours, so I guess she was around a lot."
Conrad had two options; either he spilled all that happened, or he keeps it simple to avoid saying something weird.
Understandably, admitting Jere and Belly were always meant for each other felt weird, but the truth was that they probably were. He no longer felt that romantic attraction towards, he barely saw her —although she'd occasionally text on his birthday or to send him pictures with Jere— and he learned to let go of the past in a healthy way.
"Yes. I think they've had that complicity since they were kids." He suggested.
"How cute. Well, I'm an only child." She said. "I did ask for a sibling during one Christmas, but it never came."
"I figured. You have the energy of an only child." He said. "In a good way."
"I get that a lot. Don't worry." She assured.
"Well, my delivery is almost here." He began. "But I wonder if you had any plans for tomorrow. If you're free, what do you say about going to my favorite coffee shop?"
It was no brainer.
"I'd be delighted. Let's go in the afternoon, unless you're a morning person." She smiled.
"Afternoon sounds perfect." He replied. "Well. I hope you have a great night."
"Likewise. Goodnight, Conrad." She sweetly said before he hung up.
Conrad sighed softly as he put his hands on his face. He couldn't believe he was actually going on a date, his first one in god knows how long.
The next morning went by smoothly. He woke up to run around for an hour, he grabbed something to eat at local shop, and got to his place to shower and get ready for the rest of day.
He had another date before seeing Eloise, maybe partly being the reason why he even had the guts to ask her out.
"Conrad Fisher?" He looked up, seeing a middle aged woman holding up a clipboard. "Dr. Morris is ready to see you."
"Thanks." He spoke as he got up.
For the last year, he had been seeing his therapist twice a month. It had been Laurel who helped him find one through one of her colleagues, whose wife happened to be one.
"Hello, Conrad." The woman said grinning as he sat in front of her. "How have you been?"
Dr. Caroline Morris had met him while he still struggled to open up about his mother's death. It was a great feeling for her that he had progressed positively since their very first appointment.
"It's been great. I'm finally done with this semester too." He said.
"Nice. Last time we spoke you were talking about maybe reaching out more often to your family. Did you?" She asked.
"Well, I've been texting Jere from time to time." He admitted. "And Laurel is apparently coming next week on her book tour, so I promised I'd take her for dinner."
"Oh that's nice. I really loved her book." She mentioned. Conrad had gifted her a signed copy that Laurel had sent. "I'd gladly attend if she ends up coming."
"Yeah, it'll probably be at The Underline." He said, referring to a small bookstore that wasn't that far from the medical center they were at the moment.
"Nice." She smiled. "And what about girls? Or am I still your only constant date?" He laughed at her joke before shaking his head.
"Well, I'm actually going on a date after our session." He said. "She's really pretty."
"Oh! that's wonderful, Conrad." She said with a lot of happiness. "Tell me all about it."
"I met her a few weeks ago at this party. I was actually drifting a bit from everyone and she walked into the same room I was." He began. "I think we were both trying to get somewhere quiet, and we just talked for a bit before she left, and then when I saw her again I asked for her number."
"Oh. That's interesting. I suppose you're getting to know her."
"Yes. But... I have this weird feeling because I'm attracted to her, but I don't want to get too close or else I'll get hurt."
"Con... We've been through this before." She warned. "You can't control nor hold back your feelings due to past experiences... How much time has it been since you and..."
"Belly." He said, finishing the sentence. "Almost four years since we left things for good. And I think I've seen her about five... six times since that." He sighed before continuing "I no longer have feelings for her, but that experience... I don't know If I could handle another disappointment."
"Well, you can." She replied. "We are all capable, within our own boundaries, to manage our emotions. And you definitely have shown that you're capable of it."
He wasn't speaking. It was rather his face the one who spoke for him.
"I tell you what. Why don't you talk me through how you'd want things to go with this girl? Give me everything that you've thought about." She suggested an exercise.
"Okay... We go on our date tomorrow and it goes fine. We talk and talk, and we keep hanging out until she leaves to visit her parents in New York." He began. "And we just keep in touch, and hopefully we date on our last college year."
"Well, don't be afraid in getting to know her." She smiled. "I want you to not be afraid to live life on your own terms due to a bad experience a few years ago."
He was out of the clinic about half an hour later. He drove around town —as he waited until it was time for the date— while he kept thinking on what they talked about during therapy.
As his mind wandered about her, his phone began buzzing.
"Hey!" She spoke. "How are you?"
"Hi. I'm great!" He replied.
"Nice. Hey, could you send me the location to where we are meeting up? I kind of forgot to ask last night." She explained.
"Sure. Do you need me to pick you up?"
"No, don't worry! I'll see you there." She assured.
As soon as she hung up, he sent her the location. Thankfully for him, she mentioned she didn't live that far so they were about five minutes away from each other.
While Conrad drove thinking intensely about her, Eloise could barely think as she approached the coffee place. It had been long since she had a date, and although she kept telling herself everything was casual, something about Conrad felt a bit more special.
She parked in front of the place and, as she got out of the car, she spotted him getting out of the car as well.
He saw her as well and smiled before speeding up to greet her.
"Hi." She said as they hugged.
She felt the warmth of him on that hug. it was the kind of hug that would last a long time, one of those hugs that wraps around you like a warm blanket.
As they walked inside the place, Conrad was kind enough to pull a chair for her while he sat right in front. Their table was at the back of the place, so they were at a much quieter area in comparison to the other tables.
They talked, a little. About nothing.
How finals went. How weird it was that campus had emptied out so quickly. A brief tangent about Agnes' obsession with black-and-white films. She mentioned her excitement to go back to New York.
"That place still feel like home?" he asked.
She glanced over at him, surprised by the question. He, of course, was oblivious to why she wanted to go back there.
"Sometimes," she said. "But mostly it just feels like going back to my childhood and all the beautiful memories I still hold from that time. And I don't want to take things for granted that, perhaps, I'll regret in the future."
Conrad nodded once, but didn't say anything at first.
"I understand. I used to live with that regret." He admitted, before swiftly changing the topic of conversation. "By the way, I didn't want to forget saying how nice you look."
A short smile formed on his lips as she looked a bit flustered from such unexpected compliment.
"...Thanks." She smiled. "You look nice too. I like the hair."
A few minutes later, the waiter walked towards them to bring their order. Conrad was having a green juice with a bagel, while Eloise preferred an avocado sandwich with coke zero.
They had a bite of each other's food while they spoke about what they liked the most about California, given it had become their home away from home.
"I love everything. Walking by the beach, driving around with no traffic... is everything I've wanted." She said. "And I think my dream is moving into one of those west atheton houses, having that nice garden and maybe kids running around." She explained. "I grew up in a New York townhouse and believe me, It was a bit isolating being on my own."
He smiled as she spoke. His mother came into his mind as she spoke about wanting a family in the future. Susannah would always go on about wanting him to marry someone who treated family like he did.
"I must say I grew up differently." He began. "Jeremiah and I not only had each other, but the kids of my mom's best friend became our best friends since we were born." He thought about Steven and Belly. How long was it since he spoke to Steven? "Steven is my childhood best friend, and then there's Belly..."
"...Jeremiah's girlfriend." She said. "How nice it is that you all grew up together."
"Yes. Until you go to college and then calls become a little less constant." He admitted. "Either way, I guess i'm grateful I had other kids to annoy my mom. Did you annoy yours?"
"Well, my Dad is just a couple of years older than my mom. When she got pregnant, he says he was really excited because he had assumed at that point that he wouldn't have children." She started. "And so when I was born, you can only imagine how easy I'd have it to get whatever I wanted." She laughed.
She remembered the many silly arguments between her parents. Her mom would argue with her dad that he couldn't get her whatever she wanted just because she cried.
"So... Actually, my mom would get annoyed with me because she was the one building character for me, while my Dad told her he didn't bring a daughter into the world to not give her whatever she wanted."
"I mean, your father wasn't wrong." He replied grinning softly. His heart skipped a beat as he looked at her.
"Yes. That's why he's the best." She said.
They spoke for a little while before deciding to leave, not before Conrad took the tab —much to her insistence on paying—. They settled on seeing each other again the following week, mainly Eloise's idea.
"So... see you around." She said.
While they hugged, he held a bit longer onto her. Just as they separated, his eyes fixated on her lips. Soft, pink.
Time suddenly turned into slow motion when he, gently, brushed her cheek with his thumb as he pulled her in for a kiss.
She was taken aback by his action, however, she softly ran her fingers through his thick brunette hair as her other hand gripped onto his arm.
It lasted for a few seconds, but Conrad swore he had felt heaven as he touched her lips. They were soft like velvet, and the way she caressed his hair made him almost melt.
As they broke off the kiss, his smiled at her, clearly, flustered face.
"I wanted to do that for as long as I've been getting to know you." He spoke. "I'm sorry if..."
"Don't apologize. I liked it." She replied with a smile. "...I must go, but I loved today. I really enjoy spending time with you, Conrad."
She kissed him once more before leaving him standing next to his car, completely head over heels for her.
After parting ways and getting to his apartment, he sat on the floor in his room for a while. Just thinking. Not even sure what about.
At some point, he pulled out his phone.
No unread messages. No missed calls. Not that he was expecting any.
He hovered over her name. He didn't text her.
But he thought about the way she made him feel less like a problem to solve and more like a person again.
She was getting under his skin.
Not fast. Not loud. Just enough.
And for the first time in a long time, he wasn't sure he wanted to stop her.