When Love Grows, It Goes | Dean Di Laurentis
summary: 5 times dean said "I love you" and the one time he didn't.
request: yes/no
warnings: mentions of death, drinking, swearing, smut (but nothing explicit)
word count: 3.02k
authors note: if you want this to be a happy fic... stop reading after 5. I ended it on the note that I did because the vibe of the request had me assuming you wanted a little sadness nonnie. the rest of it was cute and fun though for what it is worth.
You knew Dean a lot better than anyone wanted to admit.
Of course with your luck you went to high school with him.
The two of you spoke a handful of times back home, with your circles always swimming in the same pond but never being quite close enough to touch and grab onto each other.
And now you came into the freshman class at Briar U with him, going as far as sharing a handful of your classes with the blonde.
And to really hit the nail in the coffin, you were on the social media team for the men's hockey team.
𝟏. 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐣𝐨𝐤𝐞
It wasn't romantic.
Not at first.
It had started because Dean had looked at you across the basement at a hockey party, smirked, tilted his head toward the stairs, and you'd rolled your eyes before following him anyway.
The next morning was, well, awkward.
Dean was sitting on the edge of his bed, pulling on his socks while you searched the floor for your bra “you've seen me naked," you muttered as you rolled your eyes.
You looked back to blonde who tried to hide his smirk “stop pretending to be a gentleman now." You grumbled as you let the blue mesh hug your tits again.
Dean licked his lips "I'm not looking because I'm trying not to make this weird." He scratched the back of his neck.
You pulled up your thong as you sent the boy a glare “it is weird." You pointed out as he sighed.
"It really is."
You both laughed.
The tension eased.
You found your shirt, tugging it over your head before glancing toward him “you gonna pretend this never happened?" You asked as you knew that this would have been complicated.
You were both trying to make a name for yourselves in your own rights and hooking up didn’t need to do anything with that "I was actually hoping it would happen again." Dean leaned back on his hands.
Your eyebrows raised in surprise “you free on Friday?” He added, not giving you a chance to properly think about it.
You zipped up your skirt “I will think about it.” You mumbled as you tried to smooth out the fabric as best you could.
The boy scoffed “no you won’t,” he whined as you placed your hands on your hips.
You looked hellishly hot in his eyes in that moment “yes I will,” you argued back.
Dean smirked as he gulped “try not to get your dick too wet before I see you.” You winked making the boy laugh.
He ran his fingers through his hair “god I love you.” You couldn’t tell if he was joking or not in that moment “I will see you at practice.”
As you sent him a salute you left his dorm shutting the door as you acted like you hadn’t just had some of the best sex of your life.
𝟐. 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥
Three months later.
Everyone already assumed you were together.
You spent every night together.
Every road trip.
Every party.
Every lazy Sunday.
Because you realised that nobody actually cared if the two of you liked each other.
Neither of you had actually asked.
Dean showed up outside your dorm with a bouquet stolen from the campus gardens “you stole those.” You laughed as you shut your door behind him.
The boy shook his head "I borrowed them permanently." Dean corrected you as went to pull a vase from your shelf.
He beat you as he reached from behind you “Dean." You sighed as the boy grabbed the glass.
You turned to him as he had you up against the table “the flowers aren't the point." He announced as he placed them next to you.
"What is?"
He shifted awkwardly back "I hate introducing you as-”he waved his hands.
"Whatever this is."
Dean pinched the bridge of his nose "I don't know." He sighed making you smirk.
You crossed your arms as you stepped closer to him “you don't know?" You teased him as he shook his head.
The boy rubbed his face “I mean I do,” he hated felt so dorky.
"You don't sound like you do."
He rolled his eyes “you are making this significantly harder." He watched as you caught your lower lip between your teeth with a grin.
"I know."
He smiled despite himself "I want you to be my girlfriend." He let the words hang in the air as you froze.
You stared.
"Officially."
Silence.
"Say something."
And suddenly you laughed “you rehearsed this, didn't you?" You asked as you placed your hands on your hips.
"No."
You giggled again “you definitely rehearsed this." Dean hated how much you enjoyed his misery.
He sighed as he handed you your vase "I absolutely rehearsed this." You laughed so hard you had to wipe your eyes.
Dean looked offended "I'm pouring my heart out." He placed his hand on his heart.
You rolled your eyes "you stole flowers." Dean stuck his tongue out at you "I stole romantic flowers."
"There's a difference?"
"There is."
You stepped into him "I'd love to be your girlfriend." The relief that crossed his face made your heart ache.
He cupped your cheeks "I love you." He mumbled as he kissed you.
You ran your fingers along his collar "so that's why you were nervous?" You grinned as he nodded.
Dean hooked his fingers into your belt hoops pulling you in “I think my heart was almost out my fucking chest.” He laughed into your shoulder.
𝟑. 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐲
Neither of you spoke for two days.
It was over something stupid.
Dean had forgotten dinner plans because practice ran late.
You'd assumed he didn't care.
He'd assumed you'd understand.
Instead, you both dug your heels in until Garrett physically shoved Dean toward your apartment "fix it." Dean knocked and you opened the door.
Neither of you spoke.
Then simultaneously, "I'm sorry." You both laughed.
Garrett clapped his hands together “and my work here is done.” He announced as he spun on his heel and walked out.
Dean rubbed the back of his neck "I should've called." He looked at the ground as he frowned.
You nodded as you toyed with the ends of your hoodie “you should've." You mumbled as you had gotten all dressed up and were left waiting on your bed.
The memory was fresh in your memory like a new wound "I wasn't thinking." Dean knew there wasn’t any better answer than it.
A small smile formed on your lips "I know." You did your best to hold back a laugh.
He looked at you and was glad to see that there wasn’t hurt drenching your gaze "I hate fighting with you." He frowned as he just missed having you in his arms.
You scratched your jaw "I hate fighting with you too." You let your eyes take him in as you gave him a genuine smile.
He stepped forward carefully “can I hug you?" You nodded as you had been missing him too.
The second his arms wrapped around you, everything melted away "I don't ever want us to become the couple that keeps score." He buried his face into your hair.
Dean felt bad that it was your concern, “we won't." He mumbled as he kissed your head.
"I love you too much."
You squeezed him tighter.
"I know."
𝟒. 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐤
The rink was deafening.
Garrett had nearly tackled Dean after the empty netter.
The locker room was chaos.
The boys were jumping around all hugging each other.
Someone had started chanting Dean's name.
He was smiling so hard his cheeks hurt.
You were outside helping one of the freshmen with an interview setup.
The second he spotted you waiting outside the locker room, he ignored everyone else.
He jogged straight over.
Still sweaty.
Still wearing half his gear.
He wrapped his arms around you "how’d it look out there?" Dean was glad that you had the job of working on the bench content for the night.
Because it meant that you weren’t commentary box or in the office “trust me baby.” You cupped his cheek as you nodded.
Your free hand ran along the material of his compression shirt “I got your good side for all of it.”Dean laughed as he smothered you in sweaty kisses.
He still felt like he was dreaming "I can't believe that happened." He tucked your hair behind your ear.
The boy leaned down to kiss your lips “I’m proud of you.” In that moment Dean swore that he learnt what it meant to feel giddy.
His thumb ran along your lower lip “had to make sure that I did it when my girl was on the bench when I did it." Your heart bloomed at the way his eyes flashed with possessiveness "and you were there."
In both of your minds you were contemplating how much trouble you’d get into if you disappeared to the nearest supply closet.
You smiled as you cocked your head "where else would I be?" He cupped your face despite the fact that he smelled like sweat and hockey equipment.
"I love you."
The reporters called his name from down the hallway "you hear me?" Dean didn't even turn around.
He walked backwards into Garrett making you laugh "I heard you." You shook your head.
Dean smiled as he looked at you "I mean it." He was deadly serious.
Garrett turned back to his interview "I know." You nodded seeing that Dean wasn’t going to carry on until you did what he wanted.
You rolled your eyes as you blew him another kiss “love you too star boy.” The boy cheered as he made his way back to the reporters.
𝟓. 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐧 𝐜𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐦𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞
Dean and Beau's joint birthday bash had one rule.
Come dressed as an iconic duo.
Everyone committed.
Garrett had some girl named Hannah coming with him.
Logan and Tucker were the birds and the bees.
You'd spent weeks brainstorming ideas with Dean.
Until three days before the party.
He knocked on your dorm door looking guilty “what happened?" You asked motioning to your couch.
You were glad you had gotten the RA room for your senior year “so,” Dean trailed off as he plopped onto the couch cushion.
Your eyes narrowed as you shut your door “no,” you shook your head.
Dean gave you a pleading look "I need you to not be mad." Which only made you more annoyed.
"Dean."
He sighed as he frowned "Beau asked if we'd go as Goose and Maverick." You blinked as your jaw went slick.
You chewed at the inside of your cheek "seriously?" You whined as you joined the boy on the couch.
"I know."
His agreeing tone did nothing for his case "you already told me we'd match." You reminded him as Dean had already told you how much he wanted to get you out of your Louis Lane costume.
"I did."
He rubbed your thigh as he trailed off “but.” He looked miserable.
"It's Beau."
You couldn't even be mad.
Of course it was Beau.
His best friend.
Their joint birthday.
And you also knew that your friends wouldn’t have planned their costumes yet so you could join one of them.
You sighed dramatically “so I'm getting dumped for your soulmate." Dean laughed as you slumped into his side.
"For one night."
He pressed a kiss into your hair “you better make this up to me." You grumbled as you pointed up at him.
"I will."
You folded your arms “so what am I supposed to be?" He grinned.
"Third wheel?"
You smacked his arm as you sat up sending him a gasp "Dean!" He always joked that you were the female version of Beau anyways, so you shouldn’t have been surprised.
He laughed before he pulled you back against him "I love you." You tried to stay annoyed.
Lasted about three seconds when he kissed you.
"You’re lucky I love you too.”
Looking back you were grateful that you let the boys dress up together.
It was the last birthday Beau would ever celebrate.
+𝟏. 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧’𝐭
After Beau died everything became quiet.
Dean stopped laughing.
Stopped eating with everyone.
Stopped sleeping.
Stopped answering texts.
Some nights he'd disappear for hours, sitting alone at the stadium or outside the rink.
You stayed.
Long after everyone else stopped knowing what to do.
You sat beside him in silence.
You made him food he never ate.
You slept in his bed alone in case he ever came back.
Because you knew he hated sleeping without you there.
You waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Until one evening you realised you hadn't had a real conversation with your boyfriend in nearly three weeks.
He was sitting on the couch, staring at a hockey game that wasn't even on.
The television had gone to the menu screen nearly twenty minutes ago.
"Dean."
No answer.
You crouched in front of him “we need to talk baby.” You pleaded as you didn’t think that anyone was going to be ready if Dean continued on like this.
The boy practically paid no mind to you “okay." He huffed like having to talk was painful.
Having to do anything felt painful to him “I miss you." Your forehead pressed against his fingers.
You wanted to know that he was still real.
That your Dean was still on this earth.
With the opportunity to live his life now for both himself and Beau.
And for a moment, you didn’t think that you had it.
He nodded once “so do I." His fingers toyed with the tv remote that sat next to him.
You hated that you were almost surprised, “you miss me?" You furrowed your eyebrows as hope ran across your eyes.
His eyes stayed steady on the screen behind you "I miss everything." His voice was flat and almost defeated.
Part of you wanted to throw up you were so nervous “I know you're hurting." The truth was that Dean had felt this pain for what felt like so long, now that he didn’t actually remember what it felt like to be normal, to be happy.
Nothing.
"But I'm hurting too."
Nothing.
You sighed as you placed your hand on his knee "I lost Beau too.” His jaw clenched at the mention of his best friend.
Beau always did have a massive soft spot for you with how Dean used to talk you up to the brunette “I know it isn't the same." Because how do you compare your loss to the person who was grieving the man he thought would be the best man at his wedding?
Still nothing.
Your voice trembled, "but when he died I think I lost you too.” He finally looked at you.
His eyes were empty.
Not cruel.
Just gone.
Dean leaned back against the couch "I don't know how to fix this," he whispered.
You were quick to shake your head "you don't have to fix it." You spoke softly as if you were going to spook him.
The boy let out a harsh laugh "what then?" He spat almost trying to push you away again.
You exhaled as you shut your eyes "you have to let me in." Dean needed time but you would have been lying if you said that you weren’t growing tired.
Silence.
So you mustered on “you’ve been shutting me out for weeks D,” you knew you shouldn’t have taken it personally.
Nothing.
You cried out “and I keep knocking." You knew death was hard, but what you didn’t expect to have to learn so young was how to get someone else through it.
Nothing.
You were close to praying at this soon “and even day,” you swallowed hard "you let your pain consume you even more."
His eyes filled with tears.
"I can't."
He shook his head “you can." You nodded as you reached for his hand.
But he pulled away "I don't know how." Dean shook his head again.
The boy refused to look at you “then let me help." You pleaded, almost begging at that point.
"I can't."
The words were barely audible.
You closed your eyes.
There it was.
The answer.
Not because he didn't love you.
Because he couldn't reach it anymore “I think,” you stood slowly as you rubbed your lips together.
You wiped your tear-stained cheeks. "I think that I can’t do this anymore." Dean looked up so quickly it almost hurt to watch.
"No."
You hated how much it still stung, “I love you." The words came out broken.
"I love you so much that I've stayed here while you've disappeared."
Dean stood too.
"I.”
He took one step toward you.
You waited.
Every part of you waited.
Say it.
Please.
Just tell me you love me.
Tell me I'm still here with you.
Tell me there's something left to save.
His mouth opened.
"I.”
Nothing.
His face crumpled with frustration.
He couldn't force the words out.
Not because they weren't true.
But because grief had wrapped itself around his heart until even love couldn't find a way through.
A tear slipped down your cheek as you nodded "I can’t spend every day worrying that you won’t be okay." You picked up your bag.
His voice cracked, "I'm sorry,” you looked at him one last time.
"I know you are."
Then, with tears running down both your faces, you whispered the words he couldn't.
"I love you, Dean."
He broke completely.
A sob escaped him as you walked to the door, his hand lifting instinctively toward you before falling back to his side.
The door clicked shut.
And for the first time since Beau’s passing Dean properly cried.
His body fell to the floor as he hit his hand on the wooden boards.
Because deep down inside he knew that there was nothing that he could do about Beau being dead.
But you on the other hand?
He felt like he personally signed your goodbye.
