Fucking Furious
Last night, my best friend went on a tinder date. She lives several states away from me but we stay in touch and are very close. The guy is basically a local public figure in her small city. My friend is very sex positive, but I'd say like 90% vanilla with a dash of spice in her life. Their discussion prior to meeting up for drinks and a hookup was that she was "ok with" LIGHT hair pulling and LIGHT, infrequent spanking.
THIS MOTHERFUCKER. First of all, towers over her and just generally outsizes her in every way. Proceeds to pin her down and beat her ass so hard he left bruising and welts from lower back wrapping around to her hip. He pulled chunks of hair out. He choked her so roughly she almost passed out and was so fucking scared she thought he might accidentally kill her. She wasn't restrained. She tried telling him to stop. She tried to pry his hands off her neck. But he wasn't done til he was done.
He tries to apologize in the morning with a Snapchat saying he's never gone that far before. And a follow-up snap asking her "u sure you can't get pregnant?". Class act, this fucking guy. First off, I don't believe for one minute he hasn't ever done that before.
Through some unfortunate experiences of my own, I know the type. These fucking people hide behind a phoney preference for a D/s dynamic in the bedroom, or simply "liking it rough" as a disguise for their predatory and abusive behavior. I'm so fucking furious that he did those things (1.) without knowing what the fuck he was doing - he could've seriously injured her neck, (2.) knowing full well she WASN'T into it or even okay with it, and (3.) disguising it as any remote form of D/s or S/m. What. The. Fuck.
Perhaps the most damaging part of this whole thing is that she is trying to blame herself. I've been texting her all morning trying to reroute those thoughts that she did something wrong or wasn't clear enough with him. There was no safe word. Stop, don't, and no - are pretty commonly used and clear words. She was there for me and helped me break up with an abusive boyfriend when I was 19. She caught me in the dorm showers, bruises covering my pubic mound and upper thighs after a night of being punched to hell and back. He'd been mad but I can't even remember why. She's seen me at the worst times of my life and always told me how it wasn't my fault. She kept him away from me, and looked after me. And now, after all that, she still blames herself when something happens to her. Unfortunately she won't let me fly out there to pour sugar in his gas tank and set his house on fire. She said I'm being reactionary. Fine. But I'm still considering spamming this dude's twitter and making his life Hell in a myriad of other ways that no one will be able to trace back to me. Any ideas? Taking suggestions.
