Show Don’t Tell: an overdone topic that I’ve decided to beat yet farther into the ground :)
Honestly, this phrase has been regurgitated so many times that sometimes it feels like it’s begun to lose its meaning, but I’m opinionated about it (more than any sane person should ever be), so I’m going to plaster said opinions onto my blog. Enjoy!
So the first thing is that when a lot of newbie writers (past me is getting lumped in too) hear “Show don’t tell,” what they’re actually hearing is “tell, but with more words.” This is how you end up with phrases like “a small whoosh of air escapes her puffed cheeks, where it condenses into a little cloud, it’s presence a visual representation of her frustration” instead of “she huffs a sigh and shivers.” Both show that she’s frustrated or annoyed and that it’s cold out, but the first uses exactly four times as many words. Also, the first line was more telly than the second. I guess a key thing here is as much as you can, don’t “show” verbs by just saying them in a much more drawn out way. It has the opposite effect of what you’re usually going for.
The next thing is that Show Don’t Tell is most effective when it’s about characters. This is because characters are layered in a way inanimate objects aren’t; their actions can indicate more details below the surface, or can add up to portray convincing and consistant characterization. Describing a character’s room - the place where they can relax and be the most themselves - is showing us about the character. Saying “the curtains were ugly” is showing us about the characterization of the narrator, who is, most often, a character. If you’re talking about how a character is moving through an environment, you’re indicating temperature, feel, etc, but you’re also showing us how your character is reacting to that.
Say it with me people: it’s all about CHARACTERS!
(i told u i was opinionated)
Going into that a little farther, what Show Don’t Tell is really getting at is Demonstrate Don’t Tell. In other words, rather than blatantly tell us that a character is X over and over again, give us the evidence and let us put the pieces together. For example, saying that a character is heroic repeatedly makes them feel about as heroic as that soggy noodle on the cafeteria floor. But having the character save others instead of hirself on multiple occasions, especially when it would be much easier for hir to fit into the status quo looks pretty heroic. Or, if you have a character and you say over and over that xe’s really witty, but they never do anything witty, they’re going to look like a stagnant chunk of wood, humor-wise.
TL;DR: Show don’t tell does not mean replacing sentences with much more drawn out versions, especially if it’s about replacing verbs with their descriptions. Instead, it’s about creating characters based on evidence that’s consistent with who you say they are.