The Art of Socialisation!
It's a curious thing those traditions. So slyly hidden in the deepest roots of our society. Each generation sheds them like unwanted skin and thus they seep deeper inside our invisible pores. Buried but never dead.
Anyway raise hands if you love stories? *raises both hands ( that's how democracy works right)*
Let's have one right here then. Let us be another soul for however many seconds this will take for you to read this. Let's achieve transcendence *DRUMROLL*
"When I moved to London I loved it, I loved how all I had to do was to go out on the street to witness the entire globe. People come from everywhere to live here and freeze :P I digress the story is not about London but just something that struck me one night.
So on that one night me and my husband were discussing plans to meet the mamu's family. And I was like please remind me tomorrow to call them and let them know we are coming. And he was like why would you wanna do that. She'll cook a hundred dishes for you. I had no choice but to agree 'Darn you are right '. And that's where the story ends and the preaching starts my friends. ;)
When we were kids remember how we used to check the time we had known each other, the suitability of relationship (in case we were related), equality of status and all that stuff before we even considered extending our hand of friendship?
I have fond memories of going to visit my cousins and we would first have a six course meal to get to know each other and spend time with each other. The day would begin with the urgency to get dressed. We'd take hours deciding which dress looked good on us and then another couple of hours applying the right make-up with it. I still feel nostalgic remembering my parents trying to make us hurry up so that we could at least be two hours within time. When we finally got there we'd sit and flaunt our pretty little dresses and get lovely compliments. We'd spend quality time gently nibbling at the end of a fruit salad while ignoring the scrumptious fried chicken because it was unhealthy. Our hosts would run to and fro. The women and girls mostly to the kitchen and back making sure the tables were laden everyone was not just served but insisted personally by them to help themselves. And the male members of the host family would be sitting around starting fascinating socio-political discussions, occasionally helping to serve. We'd have small talk. We'd ask each other where we studied and always the favorite compliment 'Oh my! that dress is so pretty. Where did you get it?' or 'That's delicious. I'd love to have the recipe '. Then tea would be served with more snacks and we would say 'Oh why did you bother so much?' and the hosts would say 'Oh its nothing just an excuse to sit together and spend quality time'.
Who could say no to that? Tea would lead to the second level of conversation.
'So how are things with you?'
'Oh you know how life is. Nothing new really. Except my dad just bought a new mercedes'
'Here have some more cake'
'Oh no I'm full. How's your phone holding up?'
'Well I suppose it does its function.'
'You totally need a smart phone dude like totally'
Plus there was the part about being nice to any new guests other than the regular. The all embracing cycle of formal introductions and initiations into circles.
Ok my patience just officially expired. Imagine if we had childhoods like that. I would die. I TOTALLY WOULD. The whole point of having family i.e. close family is to have people who can skip the formalities and just have fun around each other. Scream at them, yell at them. Throw 'andey aaloo tamator' at them. Ok that was a little extreme but you get the point. Cook together, clean up together make a mess together: that's what cousins are for right? Why do we have to lose that when we grow up into 'adulthood'.
It's nobody's fault but forgive me for thinking it sucks out the joy. Always being carefully democratic, always having to cook up a ton of dishes. Another very common factor that can be observed in our interactions is our competitiveness. Apparently there's an invisible crown somewhere for the 'best' family in town. Ambition is a good thing but set your priorities right. Do you want the invisible crown that might most probably have fake diamonds or do you want a real family around you with their glaring faults and much less glaring virtues. Life has two sides, so do families. Why do we need to keep hankering after the perfect ideal of cheerfulness that starts with selfies on facebook to perfected scripted lives?
Me no likes that system. Me is also scared of voicing that opinion aloud because me don't want to offend. But enough of acting cute. I don't feel it's right and hence I shall state it. It's not about letting go of respect and hospitality. It's about realizing what a family is.
Sooo let's take a break from moi preaching and think about solutions. Taking responsibility for criticism, some wise people tell me, is the mature thing to do. And doing a mature thing once a week is also, as I hear, a healthy practice.
We all say we don't care about what people think. One of the biggest lies ever told probably is that one. We all do. I think the next step after accepting that is how much we are willing to let that factor affect our lives. When we let go off that excessive fear of what the world thinks of us or our place in society we reach a place where we are actually free to make some decisions on our own. Decisions that we can truly say we did them because we wanted to! Decisions like saying 'Come over! I literally will let you all the cleaning till you beg me to do it myself'.
