Aug 3, 2025
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I figured out what one of my issues is with my new work structure.
It’s that the person accusing me of not following rules doesn’t yet know I am (or at least I see myself as) a massive rule-follower, and my struggle is just that the rules have suddenly changed.
What’s coming across when they try to ask me to do something new is “why aren’t you doing this thing (the right way)” and (maybe?) they mean that as “you’re better than this” or with genuine curiosity but I hear it as “you’re lazy”
What’s coming across when I try to explain myself is “no one made me” and I mean that as “I will do anything you make me do, that just wasn’t the rule before” and they hear it as “I will only do things I’m forced to do”
But are those even different things? All part of the same gooey people-pleasing control-needing marshmallow?
Basically I need to set my own boundaries and be strong in my own perspective and stop obsessing over what someone else does or thinks or says.
I keep having half-tumblr-able thoughts just flitting through my brain and then disappearing while I’m scrolling tumblr, so maybe I’ll be back when I have a full thought ready to go!
In summary:
- extended family being suspicious about covid
- family being suspicious (and also great, bc going to therapy!) about mental health
- job being lol while i’m on my way out
- job client being appropriately critical while I’m on my way out and me feeling fully guilty*
- baby not quite wanting to sleep (this is me glossing over the fact that i’m refusing/failing to fully sleep train so i’m up at least 1-2x/night and have been for the past many months!)
___
*after writing this i consulted with coworkers, and it turns out there are multiple possible interpretations of events! especially the part about the criticism and the guilt, aka maybe i should chill the eff out
Lol
I gave notice, and then the boss of the boss of my boss told the boss of my boss to tell my boss* to ask me: if they told me there was talk behind the scenes of allowing a perk they’ve refused to allow (and likely won’t allow), and if they do allow it there’s no guarantee it would apply to my position, but they ARE talking about the possibility of allowing it...so if they let me know about that possibility...would I reconsider?
____
*love how upper management didn’t even bother to offer me a direct phone call to try to make the pitch but instead delegated it all the way down the chain of command! and for such a weak offer at that! love that for her
Me, day one: hi boss, i have a slight fever and a slight cough so i will be working from home today.
Boss: thank you. please keep monitoring and keep me posted. i encourage you to get a COVID test.
Me, day one: cool, i will talk to my doctor, thanks for your support.
Boss, day two: any word on your health and dr clearance to return?
Me, day two: yes, good news, my fever is gone, just waiting to talk to my doctor.
Me, day two: my doctor’s appointment for my return to work clearance request is on day six.
Boss, day two: okay, thanks.
Me, day three: *still working from home*
Me, day four: *still working from home*
Boss, day four: please see attached document [about COVID exposures from a meeting bosses had on day three]. you do not need to wait at home for a positive test result. you can await your COVID result at the office. therefore, we will expect you back at the office.
Me, day four: this document is about COVID exposures. i am not at home because of a [known] COVID exposure. i am at home because of a fever and a cough.
Boss, day four: do you still have the fever and the cough?
Me, day four: i do not have the fever anymore. i do still have the cough. do you want me to come in when i have no symptoms, if that happens before my doctor’s appointment, or do you want me to come in when i have a doctor’s note? just want to make sure i understand.
Boss, end of day four: i consulted with HR. since you have not had a COVID exposure, there is no reason for you to be at home. you are expected in the office.
Me, end of day four, in my head: uhhhh...are you my doctor? are you *a* doctor? is HR a doctor? i *never* had a COVID exposure (as far as we know), so why was i working from home at all?? it seemed like there was a reason for me to work from home, and i haven’t yet had a full change in symptoms (except fever is down, phew) or a doctor’s consultation/approval, so why am i coming back into the office??? there are also other sicknesses that take people out of the office besides COVID???? what twilight zone is this?????
Me, end of day four: thank you. could you please answer these additional questions so i don’t get stuck in this situation in the future? 1. do you and HR really want me in the office while i have a cough and no doctor’s clearance? (i am just making sure you saw that message about my ongoing symptom since you only replied to an earlier email). 2. do you and HR want me to keep my doctor’s appointment on day 6? 3. what symptoms mean we need to stay home and what symptoms mean we need to come in?
Boss, end of day four: *no response*
Corporate tomfoolery meets cosmic justice
The day my boss told me I was “expected back” at the office, and I held off on coming in for an hour until I made absolutely sure said boss was aware I still had a cough — and the response from my boss was “Yes, I was expecting you to be in the office already this morning” — today I found out that that day is the day I got my first direct, significant, known COVID exposure (45 minutes after I had that call with my boss and rushed into that building per the “expectations” they had).
So now I’m home on 14-day quarantine, minus 4 days because we didn’t know the other person at the office had COVID the past four days, but plus the totally unnecessary 11 days because I WAS MADE TO BE IN DIRECT PHYSICAL CONTACT WITH OTHER HUMAN BEINGS FOR WORK THAT COULD BE DONE LONG-DISTANCE.
But, you know, it’s going to be documented as my fault somehow for not following or enforcing every protocol to the letter. I’m just glad no one is having serious symptoms, knock on wood.
Would like to nope my way right outta this building and back to my safe and comfy couch
I’m here in the office and is there a reason for it? Nope.
Is there a screening questionnaire to make sure staff in the building are abiding by the health orders? Nope.
Is the person who flew a bajillion miles to go to a crowded event center and flew back a bajillion miles working at home for two weeks? Nope.
Do I have any clients in the building? Nope.
Do my work pants still fit? Nope.
I am dropping a personal BOMBSHELL on my team at work tomorrow.
Because my new way of addressing drama, conflict, awkwardness, gossip, rumor — no matter how innocent/asinine?
LEAN IN.
Concoct a devious (and harmless) scheme with loved ones and then prepare to snap a pic of everyone’s corporate faces!
Will report back.