#corpse.ill

[corpse--water]

anxiety: you did do shit all day so your worth has automatically gone down as a person 

me, frustrated and screaming: but i made cool shit today! what gives! 

[corpse--water]

Not gonna lie but this has been a semester of learning to deal with it better. That sort od ever present It that's been settled on my back since day one. So it's cool if my GPA gets a little fucked. I learned some stuff along the way. If I do worse in school as a result of that healing process then oh well. It'll have been worth it.

[corpse--water]

nothing will ever be more satisfying to me than me saying “no” and someone else respecting that and moving on. 

and that’s just with like, anything really 

[corpse--water]

hey uhhhhhhh yelling my name repeatedly doesn’t get me to do what you want

hey uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh calling me by my dead name doesn’t get me to do what you want 

hey uhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH maybe don’t do that. it’d be swell 

[corpse--water]

Some fucking moron: Haha when I was in school 20+ years ago I just paid for it myself. You're just not trying hard enough. Get a job and put the effort in Me, internally: God I cannot wait until your generation is dead and gone so we can fix this bullshit you left us with

[corpse--water]

my worst fear was realized because i just wasn’t in the mood for writing with a lot of people and got shit for it 

[corpse--water]

i have a vent blog but a lot of the content is legitimately concerning 

i need to get a lot out of me and just like... never look at it again

[corpse--water]

you right 

i think as a younger trans man i don’t see a whole lot of older / younger trans men that present the same as me and it’s concerning? i guess?

whenever i hear the whole “you’re young and figuring yourself out” it’s usually used in terms of like dismissiveness? i have my own personal doubts about Stuff and Things (vague for a reason here) but it’s never the fact that i’m a man. i can’t go out without wearing a binder and living with the knowledge that outside peers deem me female is Extremely Upsetting. it is important to me for my mental, physical, spiritual, whatever else health that i am seen and interacted with as a man because like....that’s a part of my identity. 

(at the same time, i think i differ in the way i present myself and act in a lot of cases purely because i was brought up by my grandparents who /did/ bring me up as mostly androgynous.) 

basically: there’s not enough representation for me to know what’s normal in terms of my own personal transition so i’m worried for the validity of it but comforted that i get to make my own path.