#cosmiclemon

[cosmic--lemon]

Me in space lol

[lostinursleeve]

loving my final project pt. 1

[lostinursleeve]

My last high school show

This will be long and articulate. Under the jump. 

Last night, I had the final performance of the high school musical in my senior year. I've always had friends in the musical, but this year was so incredibly wonderful that I can't even describe it. I didn't even realize how close the cast was until the last show, but that's how it goes.

We have a tradition. The juniors give roses to the seniors, and they make a speech about each of them.

Julia did my speech, and I couldn't help but cry because I had never realized what an impact I had, how someone could want me at rehearsals, that I could brighten someone's day so much that they could really talk about it. 

Then, even though he was in the pit orchestra this year and not the cast, Jacob spoke. That was when I really cried. He told me how incredible I will be, how I'm going to be famous. How he knows I snuck an anonymous poem into his backpack one day, and he keeps it next to his bed because he loves it so much. How we met 5 years ago. And we cried.

Everyone cried, we had black mascara lines across our faces, and people kept making impromptu speeches about how they had never really had friends before, but now they felt so loved.

To lighten the mood, then we handed out superlatives. Greg and I won "Cutest Couple (But Doesn't Know It Yet)." I took lots of cute pictures with people. I got pumped. George and Mady told me they were coming, and I smiled when I saw them in the audience, right near my grandma, parents, and Jake. 

The show was the best we'd ever done it. My grandmother gave me flowers, and I drove people to the cast party at Jill's house. The party was fantastic. That's all I want to say about it, it was great and it was everything it should have been.

And now I woke up this morning with sparkles in my hair and bruises from my mic tape, and god do I miss everyone. 

[lostinursleeve]

5,10,23,46,63,75,79,94,117--> what the fondest memory you can think of?

5. I was in Jacob's car with him and chris talking about les mis

10. I'm actually not listening to anything??? 

23. jesus christ that's a loaded question. i think so. i hope so. i think he's made me so, he just doesn't know it.

46. only all but 1 sexual encounter i've ever had. (because godammit he was sweet and innocent and he did it because he love/d me)

63. i saw les mis yesterday sooo

75. i love people's hands hair eyes spines collarbones

79. people caring or remembering very obviously. talking to me because they want to and for no other reason. touching me. telling me jokes that make me feel big. 

94. i wish i had: a bigger piano, no blister on my foot, a cleaner room, a cleaner conscience 

117. i don't know. first thing i see is me and him standing in the park, and he rips the little soccer flag from the ground and yells "BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TO" like in that one spongebob episode, and he hurls the flag. then i think of a week ago when we were at starbucks then walked to dunkin donuts instead then walked back to my car and went into the park trails and walked up to the field and stared at the stars together and we could jsut see them through the clouds and it was chilly and  i felt him right behind me and when we came down we were holding hands then a cop car was driving through the parking lot and we pissed ourselves but never got stopped

[lostinursleeve]

Me: WAIT GEORGE IS MADY THERE

Me: WAIT ARE YOU GUYS MAKING OUT

Me: SHOULD I COME BACK LATER

[lostinursleeve]

Mady: are those space pants because your ass is OUT OF THIS WORLD

[lostinursleeve]

it's really nice to have people with whom you can have actual, meaningful conversations. i hadn't realized how long it had been since i'd discussed a book or a movie for fun, and it might sound nerdy, but it's nice to, for once, have conversations that are a little more faceted and a little more grown-up. 

it was just nice is all. 

[lostinursleeve]

omg it's not letting me reply but i love you so much <3 <3 <3

no but i love you more<3

and i'm like serious

legit ok