Fantaghirò was lost in contemplation of the sight in front of her eyes: her husband and son, sleeping peacefully, the boy curled in his father's side with his back to her after tossing a lot of times in his restless sleep.
She had no will to sleep herself, wanting to commit that image to memory, so many times she had dreamt of if she couldn't quite believe it was real, that she could touch them if she just stretched her hand.
«You're staring» Romualdo sleepily reprimanded, eyes half-lidded.
«How could I not? I missed you so much» she whispered back.
«I miss you too» was the immediate reply, followed by a sad: «But you are just a dream...»
She caught a tear rolling down his cheek in the moonlight and didn't resist the urge to wipe it «I am no dream. I'll be still here in the morning» she assured.
Romualdo fell asleep again, more serene than before, the only thing that gave her a bit of solace. She lay on her back, looking at the chipped decor of the ceiling, trying to will herself to rest.
«Did you really miss us?» a tiny voice asked.
She sat up, surprised by Rinaldo's question and the way he sounded fully awake, despite still being in the same sleeping position as earlier.
She leaned on her side and whispered back: «Of course I did. Every single day, every minute, even»
«Then why you didn't come back?» he was so serious, too much for a seven-years-old boy «Is it my fault? You didn't want me?» he curled on himself further, his little shoulders shaking, and he wasn't looking her way.
She got closer, to find out her son was silently crying.
Just how long had he held those questions in his heart? How long did they hurt within him, birthing feelings he couldn't name?
Gently, she took him in her arms, not minding how heavy he was. She half-expected him to protest and fuss, but he didn't, waiting for her answer, soaking in the warmth he missed his whole life long.
«Rin, I wanted you more than anything in the world» she whispered «Since the moment I found you existed, and every moment after, I loved you more and more. It broke my heart being unable to come back to you...»
«I don't believe it. Aunt Carolina said you are the strongest and bravest, and you didn't come back...»
«Sometimes the best of our efforts aren't enough» she admitted, carding a hand in his curls «Some times we have to try and try again for a very long time before we can reach our goals. But I promise: I never stopped trying. I always, always wanted to come back to you» she felt her own eyes getting moist and she hugged him tighter, hiding her face in his hair «I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I couldn't be there for you before. I never meant to leave you behind»
«Is it because you didn't have a mom too?»
«Who told you a thing like that?»
«Some people in the castle. They said you weren't ready to be a mom because yours died and you didn't know what to do...»
«That's something only people who don't know me can say» she interrupted quietly «If anything, I wanted to be a good mom to you because I didn't have one, to give you everything I didn't have. I'll never stop being sorry I didn't manage, I love you so much and wanted to give you all I could. I still want this and I promise you I'll do all I can from now on»
The boy curled further in her embrace «You won't leave me again, right? And dad, he was sad too»
«Not as far as I'll be able to prevent it» she affirmed «Rin, leaving you wasn't my choice at all. I was taken away by people who needed me but couldn't send me home again after. I've been looking for a way back this whole time and now I have it. You won't lose me, as long as I can, I'll be there for you»
«Okay. I believe you, mom»
She almost started to cry all over again at the simple word. Instead, she kissed his head and held him close until he fell asleep again.
