Coloring Outside the Lines - Chapter 3
Description: Ashton and his family are starting their new life in Wyoming and it will not be easy. Can Ashton really leave his past behind him and start all over again, being a father, lover, and cowboy? Sequel to Red Lines
Word count: 7,304
Skylar’s POV
I was on the way home as I stared at the lines of the road, thinking over everything that had happened in the last month. I wondered how my father was doing. I guess he went back to Bellevue but would he still be police chief? I hoped he was out of the hospital by now but I couldn't be sure. I kept wondering if he recovered well, or did he take a turn for the worse? I know hospitals can screw up. He could be dying now for all I know. I'm his only child. What if he needs me?
Shut up, Skylar, he let you go, he knows how the witness protection program works. He wants you to be safe and happy, he'd understand.
Do I understand?
I would never regret being with Ashton. I love him. But my heart still hurts when I think of my dad. And I think of him a lot. I feel so guilty for leaving him the way I did. I know I had no choice but it still bothers me.
And Ashton. He looked so afraid this morning, looking to me for some miraculous answer that I couldn't give him. I want to take his pain away, all of it. But I know I can't.
He wants me to be his Dr. Skylar. I am so afraid to say the wrong thing, to counsel him in error. Not only is it his life but Katie's and mine that hang in the balance if I fail. But he wants only me to be his therapist.
He's just afraid to open up to someone new. He's chosen us to be in his little circle and no one else is allowed in, ever. He doesn't trust anyone, he doesn't seem to give anyone else a chance. Every time we meet someone nice around here, he finds some reason not to like them. It was a small miracle that he left the house today and allowed Katie to go to school. I think the only reason he did is because I got a little demanding with him this morning before he left. He responds to that and I hate it. I have to be so careful not to use that too much or go too far with it. I don't want to be his Dominatrix.
Well, it might be nice to tie him up and have my way with him once in awhile. Ugh! My mind is so filthy these days. And I know why. Ashton opened this door into a wonderful, sexy part of me…and I changed from shy little geek girl to a woman who was just discovering her wants and desires, dark as some of them may be. And now I feel like that's over or at least on hold for awhile. I love Katie but she's always there. I can hardly even kiss Ashton when I want to. And when she's not there, Ashton is afraid to be too loud or of waking Katie up. I think he's avoiding me.
Even last night, he touched me and I was so thrilled. Then as soon as I came once, he was off of me and said we should go to sleep. He won't tell me his nightmares. And that just hurts me more than I can say. It's like he's punishing me for not being Dr. Skylar by closing off to me completely.
I know Claire is in those dreams, and Katie…I can figure out what that means. But there's something more. Something he's not told me about. I know he needs to tell me but we don't get much of a chance to discuss adult things anymore.
I'm glad, as much as I know I can't really erase Ashton’s problems, that I'll have a session with him tonight as Dr. Skylar. I know how he loves to hide during therapy, and that may never change. But I don't want any secrets between us. No matter how ugly his past may be, I want to know what eats at his heart. I have to know or I can't help heal it.
I say help because I know I can't heal his pain alone. He must have a good psychiatrist. I'm thinking a man might be better for him. I hope he'll listen to me and call someone, at least talk to them and see if he clicks with one of them.
I'm glad I have some good names and numbers to give him. I know nothing about this town's psychiatric care so I hope my counselor didn't steer me wrong.
All my worries and complaints aside, it was a very lovely day. Casper College is beautiful. The huge campus lawns and terraces around every building, the light tan exterior with glass and bright red piping, giving it a modern look. And how many colleges are nestled in the foothills of her town's mountains? Every window you look out of you can see them. It's like the rocks are protecting it, shielding it from the world.
In the information I read today about the college, I recall that there are 28 buildings on campus, on a total of about 20 acres of land. And I think there are about 5,000 students attending right now. And I also believe I know why they put us here in Casper, Wyoming. This college has the lowest tuition in the United States, because of some tax base Wyoming has, due to their exports: gas, oil, coal.
I can't complain, though. This is not some little country college. It has everything. Everything I need. It will take me longer to get where I want to, but I told myself to forget that. All that matters to me is being with Ashton and Katie. They need me. And I need them. Everything else will work itself out. I really believe that. But we have to all work to make it happen. And that includes Ashton.
I pulled into the driveway of our cute little house and felt a smile coming on. I never had a place of my own, I mean a house. I had to admit it was small and not filled with luxuries or fancy furniture, but I loved it. I can look around and see what it can be, and once this trial garbage is over I can help work too and we will be able to afford paint, curtains, and all the little things that make a house a home. I didn't mind waiting. The last thing I wanted to do was put pressure on Ashton to earn this big living right away. He would have to get used to working a regular job. I will try to be patient I said again to myself.
I do try but sometimes it is so hard, watching him struggle. And I can't really help him.
He can't find all his successes in me. He already acts like I'm a superwoman but I'm not. I'm a college student he happens to be in love with, one who stumbled on an escape route for him.
The truth is, I got lucky with the whole Claire situation. Our friends and family helped us…and we squeaked out of it all by the skin of our teeth. My dad was maimed for us. Our friends risked their lives. If not for them, we'd be dead now…or worse, owned by Raven somewhere enduring daily sexual torture together. I shuddered just remembering it, when I was chained up and whipped by those parasites. Ashton is the reason I got through it at all. He was nose to nose with me, making me look into his eyes, taking the bulk of the pain for himself to spare me from it.
And if I am disturbed by my one little experience, I can imagine how Ashton feels all the time. He covers it up, smiling, saying he's fine. I know he's not. The thing I need to do now is get him to admit it.
I turned off my engine and picked up my books, walking up to the front door with keys in hand. I couldn't wait to hear how Katie's day had been. I knew it would take my mind off some of the big things off my mind for a little while. I went inside and found Katie, Ben, and Angela at the round kitchen table. There was a nice stack of paperwork there, waiting to be filled out. I remember my dad grumbling about all the forms he had to fill out for me on my first day of school every year. I almost laughed, picturing his face.
"Hi Skylar!" Angela smiled at me and Katie looked up from what she was writing, her face beaming with excitement.
"SKYLAR!" Katie came running up to me, "I was in school today!"
"I know!" I laughed as Ben and Angela chuckled from their seats.
"How was it?" I asked enthusiastically, already sensing she had a great time.
"It was sooo cool!" she gushed, taking my hand and slowly leading me back to the table, "My teacher is the nicest person! Her name is Miss Betty! She was telling us ghost stories! Do you know there are a lot of ghosts in Casper?"
"There are?" I asked, sitting down as she stood in front of me, "I hope they're all friendly ghosts."
Ben grinned at me, getting my little joke, but it went right over Katie's head. I don't think Casper the ghost is on TV anymore. How sad.
"No!" her eyes went wide, "Some of them are bad!"
"Really?" I asked with a grin, "What do the bad ones do?"
And she told me a few juicy ghost stories. I had to admit I loved them. I prayed she wouldn't tell Ashton too many of them though. I'm already trying to exorcise Claire’s ghost from his life. I didn't need new ones to battle.
For a split second I checked my conscience to see if I felt any guilt about setting fire to that bitch. I hadn't felt any at all since the moment I'd done it. And now? Nope. Still not guilty. I wonder what that says about me.
I used to think that there was no such thing as an evil person. I considered them disturbed, in need of help. Now I knew better. There are lots of evil people out there, men and women. Claire was an evil dog who needed to be put down. I was glad I was the one to do it. But I was sad that it didn't erase the hold of fear she had over Ashton. I was angry that she still found a way to torture him every night. I wanted to step into those dreams and take her fucking head off. But I can't do that. That is Ashton’s right…that is his journey…and once he takes it, he will be free of her someday.
"And did you know that Casper started out with a lot of Irish people in it?" Katie asked.
"No I didn't know that, either." I replied, "You learned a lot today."
"Yeah, and you know what else?" she finally sat down, telling me more about Casper, Wyoming, "We have a baseball team, the Casper Ghosts! Daddy will want to see them play, he loves baseball!"
"That will be great for him." I said, looking at Ben and he smiled, nodding his head at Katie, as if proud of her for finding Ashton some much needed medicine.
"I'll check it out in the spring." Ben made a little note on his post it pad. Ben loved to write notes. I guess because his memory's not what it used to be. It was cute, though, once I found a note on the toilet seat that said "The Mrs. is going to the store today. If you need anything feminine, tell her."
I cracked up for over a half hour on that one. Anything feminine. I wanted to go nose to nose with him and say, "Do you mean feminine hygiene products, Ben? Pads? Tampons?" But I chickened out. Even the thought of his face during my little scenario was enough to make me chuckle now if I needed to.
"Spring is so far away." I sighed, "I wish we could find something fun for him to do now."
"He'll be alright, Skylar." Ben's gravelly voice was like a gentle old bear's. It reminded me a little of my dad’s.
Katie was deep in thought about what else we could do to make Ashton smile.
"Hey!" she lit up inside suddenly, "We're going to put on a play at Christmas time! My friend told me!"
"I know he'll love that." I smiled at her cute little ivory face. I see Ashton there so clearly…a happy, innocent Ashton. One that was never touched by whips or chains or sick women.
"Definitely." Ben agreed, scribbling down the words Xmas Play.
"POP POP!" Katie yelled, snatching his pencil away, crossing out the word XMAS. "That is terrible! You don't put an X – you spell it out!"
And she did. Only trouble was, now the entire post it was filled with her giant words.
I had to laugh at this look on Ben's face. He looked absolutely reprimanded. He liked to growl and look hard but when it came to Katie, he couldn't even raise his voice to her. I was thankful for that. I can imagine Ashton if Ben liked to yell at his daughter all the time. It wouldn't be pretty.
"Sorry kiddo." he nodded, knowing she was correct, "I was just trying to abbreviate. Not much room on these little pieces of paper."
I couldn't help laughing out loud. They were so cute together. It was easy to see their bond, although at first I never would guess that a little girl and a stubborn old man would have such a connection to each other.
"You need a bigger pad." I teased and he looked up at me over his big glasses, as if daring me to go a little further. Then his little mouth tipped up at one side, giving him away again.
"Yeah!" Katie tore off his post it note and wrote herself a new one, "That's what I'll get you for Christmas! A big, bigpad!"
"That would be great!" he said in complete agreement, "Make it a blue one!"
"Okay – blue!" she wrote that down too.
"There you go." he peeled it off and gave it to her, "Save your money."
"I know." she took it and went off to her room.
"You know you're passing your post it note addiction down to your granddaughter." I informed, standing up to go get a cold drink from the refrigerator.
"Oh she loves it." he snickered, coughing a little bit afterwards. I got him a glass of water and placed it down in front of him.
Angela was in the basement, where the washer and dryer were located. I could hear the metal door slam below me. There wasn't much that could happen in this house without everyone else hearing it.
I was pouring a glass of milk when the phone rang. Ben and I tensed at the same time, looking at each other in silence.
Let me explain.
First, we have a strange phone here. Since we're in the protection program, we aren't able to make or receive any calls except to two places, the police station and the doctor's office, if one of us gets sick. If we need to call anywhere else, we tell the officer at the police station and if he thinks it's alright, he'll connect us. We definitely can't call outside anywhere outside of Casper, that's a rule.
So if the phone is ringing now, it's either a police officer or the doctor calling to say hello. We both knew it was the police. Right away I thought of my dad. I knew my paranoia was right. He was hurt.
"I've got it." I heard my voice crack as I went to the little coffee table by the sofa and yanked it up, "Hello?"
Ben slowly came up beside me as I heard a man's voice on the other end.
"This is the Casper Police, Detective Robin here. How are you today?" he asked with a kind voice, as if he actually did care.
"We're fine – what happened?" I snapped back in response.
"Is Ashton okay?" Ben asked behind me and right away I felt horrible. I didn't even think about him, I was so wrapped up worrying about my father.
"Is Ashton okay?" I asked, more urgently now, picturing my baby with a gun in his face…what if they already found him? What if they already…killed him? And I pushed him out the door today! Oh god!
"Calm down, calm down…" he assured, "Everyone is alright. I'm sorry if I startled you. But you have to realize not every call we make to you is going to be bad news, okay? We check in all the time, we even come over unannounced sometimes. It's for your own safety."
"He's okay." I said to Ben and we both breathed again. I turned and saw Katie standing in her bedroom doorway, she was shaking. I waved her over and put my arm around her as I answered the detective.
"We aren't used to this." I said to him, my voice a little stronger. I'm a cop's daughter and seen a lot of things but I've never been in the shoes of the people who go through it. My dad had sheltered me a lot, I saw that now.
"I know and I'm sorry, Ma'am." he said, his southern accent sounding very nice and old fashioned to me, "I know today was the first day you all ventured out your separate ways, so I thought I'd check on you."
"That's nice." I spoke exactly what I was thinking and felt a little smile form on my lips, "We're not used to the police thinking about how we're doing, you know. We're from New York, where the only time you see the police is when you're being arrested."
I tried to laugh but it came out so forced.
"Well, get used to it." he sounded like he was smiling now, "This is Casper. We all know each other here, we all care about each other. You're one of us now, and we all stick together. So don't be afraid, alright?"
"Alright." I played with one of Katie's braids, and she wasn't shaking anymore.
"One little thing I need to tell you." he said and I tensed again.
"The marshals are coming over tomorrow night to talk to all of you." he informed, "They check in sometimes too. Nothing to be worried about. They should be around after dinnertime, about."
"Oh, yeah." I shrugged, "Sure."
"Alright. You have yourself a good night now, Ma'am." he said politely, and hung up.
"You too," I replied before he was gone.
I put the receiver down and they were both staring at me.
"Everything is fine." I repeated, "We have to calm down and not freak out every time the phone rings. Ashton is fine. Everyone is fine."
I saw Katie looking up at me and little tears were in her eyes.
"I thought daddy was dead." she said and then a second later burst out crying.
I instinctively sat on the arm of the sofa and held her close, her little sobs tearing my heart open. She even cried like her father did. I felt tears in my own eyes, too. Ben turned away, looking angry with nowhere to direct it.
"Shhh…" I gently took off her hat, touching her hair and kissing her bangs, "Nothing will take your daddy away from you, nothing. He's with you now and he's staying with you. I'm sure you won't even get rid of him when you get old and married. He'll probably move right in with you guys…and go on the honeymoon too."
I hoped it would make her laugh but it didn't.
"I want my daddy." she said so small it crushed me. I looked at the clock and saw it wasn't even four yet. I doubted he'd be home that early.
"I'm going to get him." Ben turned and was going to the door, taking my car keys off the hook on the wall.
"Ben!" I turned, "Come back here now! You are nor going to get him! You don't even know where he went."
"I'll find out." Ben went to the phone, about to call the police department again.
"Stop!" I put my hand on the receiver, stopping him, "Everyone calm down! If we go get Ashton now he'll never go back to work again! He'll be sitting next to Katie in her high school classes! Sit down Ben, please."
By now Angela was coming up and I thanked God to have her to help me with Ben.
"Angela, watch your husband." I directed her as she put the laundry basket down, wondering what the hell was going on.
"Come here with me, Katie." I took her into her bedroom, half closing the door. I sat on her bed and put her on my lap.
Here comes Dr. Skylar. I hoped Ashton wouldn't find out she was here for Katie before himself. I just had back to back sessions today, I'm swamped.
"Here, baby." I gave her a tissue out of her little box next to her bed.
I let her take her time wiping her eyes and to take some deep breaths before talking to her. I didn't want to lecture her or tell her she was being silly for being afraid. Katie had been through some hard shit, too, not just Ashton, and she also needed some counseling. I am just not good enough to do all this for everyone. I am going to insist Ashton calls for someone first thing tomorrow. I don't care what he says.
"Tell me what's got you so upset, hon." I began, allowing her to talk and get it out.
"I thought the bad people got daddy." she said simply, her voice so frail, her eyes down. Just like Ashton’s.
We had told her about the "bad people" so she'd understand why we had to move, and why our last names were different, why we couldn't say much about ourselves. It was hard to explain and I thought we'd done a fair job of it. Until now.
"No, baby, the bad people are far away from here." I said and wondered if that was right to say. There were bad people everywhere. I didn't want to say she was totally safe – what if a stranger comes up to her tomorrow? This is so hard.
"They don't know where we are." I said, more honestly, "They won't find us, I promise."
"I thought the police always caught the bad people." she sounded confused, looking up at me.
"They try to." I explained, playing with the fringes of her vest, "They want to. Sometimes it takes awhile to do that. So until they do, we're going to be country folks. We're going to fit in and make good friends, and wear the cowboys hats…so we don't attract the attention of the bad guys. Do you understand what I mean?"
"Like a disguise?" she asked. God, she's so smart for her age.
"Yea, like that." I rocked her a little, "Like when Superman dresses up like Clark Kent, remember that movie?"
"Yeah." she smiled, "I like him as Clark Kent. He's funny."
"Yeah, me too." I admitted, "Clark is sweet."
"I would love to see daddy dressed up like that." she smiled more, giggling a little.
I giggled too. "So would I." I just pictured his hair all slicked down to one side, and him tripping over everything, wearing those big black glasses.
After she stopped giggling, a small pause rose up between us. I knew she was still worried, just like him, but I had to make her feel secure in some way.
"Daddy fought through a lot of bad people to get home to you." I felt tears come to my eyes as I said it, "He was so brave but he did it for you, sweetie. He hates that we had to move away so far from everything, he blames himself. He would never want you sad or hurt in any way. But this is what we have to do so the bad people never bother us again. It won't be forever."
Katie's brow furrowed. "You mean we'll move again someday?"
"I don't know. Maybe." I shrugged, "Do you want to?"
"No." she put her hands on my hands that laid in her lap, "I love it here. Everyone is so nice. The whole class said they were my friends. Nobody screams when they see me anymore."
"Kids screamed at you?" I asked, not aware of this.
"When I was little." she said without any pain, like it was a fact she'd gotten used to, "They said I was ugly and they were scared of me. They screamed when I tried to play with them. Then the nurses took me back to my room and said I couldn't play with the other kids anymore."
"Katie." I felt a tear escape my eye now and run down my face. Those were the years her face was burned, during her surgeries. This little person had been through so much pain. Losing her mother, her father, her life almost. Being disfigured, having children scream at your appearance…and yet she's so brave she went to school as if she couldn't wait for it today. This girl is the meaning of strength.
I wiped it away before she could see it and I held her tighter, laying my chin on her shoulder.
"I think you're beautiful, Kate." I whispered to her, "Those kids were stupid. You deserve all the friends in the world. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I wish I was there."
"Me too." she hugged me back, "Skylar?"
"Yeah?"
"If the bad people do get my daddy…" she took a heavy breath, "Will you leave too?"
Oh God, this poor little thing. I didn't realize she was thinking about all this for all this time.
"No Katie." I said without hesitation, clinging her to me, "I'll never leave you. And neither will your dad. He loves you. I love you."
This is the first time I've really said those words to her. And I felt bad about that.
"I love you too." she whispered, and I rocked her some more as I held her.
After a few minutes of quiet, I spoke again.
"Now on a more serious note…" I cleared my throat, "Daddy needs our help now. Adjusting to this life is not going to be easy for him, either. He's no cowboy. Yet. Now, when daddy is at work, you have me, you have Grandma and Pop Pop. And that is all the love in the world times three. We have to let daddy find his place here. Do you know what I mean?"
"Daddy's place is here." she looked puzzled.
"That's true, but…" I thought as I spoke, "Daddies feel good if they can go to work every day and if they like their work, it makes them happier. I know that whatever daddy's job is, it's probably going to be very hard for him to get used to it or learn to love it. He loves you more than anything and if you call, he'll run to you. And that's good – if it's an emergency. But if it's not, I'm afraid he'll never want to leave your side ever if he thinks you need him more. You saw how he wanted to go to school with you today."
She didn't say anything. I hoped I was doing this right. I shouldn't be doing this.
"You have school and your new friends." I pointed out, "Daddy will have work and have his new friends. And then at night and on the weekends, we'll all have family time together. I like it here, too. We have to help daddy love it here also. Because we may have to be here for a long, long time. And it's better if we all like it, don't you think?"
"Yeah." Katie replied, not adding much.
"What's the matter, Kate?" I asked, recognizing the avoidance her father loved so much.
"I don't like being without daddy." she said, right to the point, not the brilliant hider that Ashton was when he was being counseled.
Katie…she was so afraid she would lose everyone all over again. I read once that what you fear the most is what's already happened to you. Now I understood that. I was also afraid to lose him again, too. I knew I couldn't go through that again, those days he was back with Claire…those days my dad didn't tell me what was going on with him. It was the worst kind of Hell.
"I don't either." I said truthfully, "But he'll be home soon. I know you have a lot of time to make up with your dad, and I understand. I would love to have him around all the time, too. But we have to keep being strong and do what's good for each other. It's hard for me to explain to you, but believe me, going to work every day will be good for your dad. He needs to. Just like you need to go to school."
Please let her understand and not get the wrong message from me, I prayed. Ashton was one thing, but if I ever hurt Katie by saying the wrong thing, I could never forgive myself.
A little knock tapped on the door and I knew that was Angela. Ben's knocks were like angry soldiers about to break in.
"Yeah?" I asked, wiping my eyes.
The door moved open more and Angela was there, smiling sweetly.
"Everything okay?" she asked, looking at me.
"I think so." I looked at Katie's face and she looked at mine, "You okay?"
"Yeah." she sniffed, still holding her little damp tissue, "I guess I just needed a moment."
I almost laughed out loud as she hopped off me and left the room. Once she was out, Angela did laugh.
"I say that all the time." she shared and I chuckled with her for a second.
"Did Ben tell you?" I asked her.
She nodded. "Yeah." she sounded a little mad, "Damn policemen, scaring us half to death."
I looked at her, feeling a little pissed that she lumped all police into that statement.
"Oh, I don't mean your father, dear." she hugged me quickly, letting me go, "I'm sorry. I don't care for the police too much. Long, boring stories."
"It's okay." I said, walking out of Katie's room, "Let's go see if Katie has any homework."
We went into the kitchen again, and Katie was seated at the table, opening her little purple bag.
"Any homework tonight?" I asked, moving my fingers through her bangs that hung in her bright eyes. I felt like I had a beautiful little piece of Ashton with me right now, so it made missing him a little bit less terrible. I had been worrying about him all day long…and I was still worried. I was still shaken from thinking what I was thinking a few minutes ago. It reminded me how real this whole danger is…and how any second we could get a real phone call that would kill us all.
Ben was gone and I looked at Angela.
"Where's Ben?" I felt myself stiffen as if I was about to go on a mission to retrieve him.
"He's here." Angela said quietly, "I hid the car keys. I think he just went out back to get some air."
"I'm glad he cares so much." I said, meaning it completely, thinking how lucky I am to be part of this family.
"He cares too much sometimes." Angela said, "He's got a lot on his mind lately."
I thought about things from Ben's side for a minute. And I found a lot of pain there also.
Their only daughter is gone, they had to care for Katie all those years without Ashton, dealing with the pain she went through every day, not knowing if Ashron was dead or alive sometimes…except for when he called at 3pm every day. And now that they have him back, it must be scary for them too, wondering if something will take him away next.
We all need therapy. I know I sound like a broken record, but I couldn't help it. I cared about all these people. I wanted to see them whole again.
"Ashton is not just our son in law." Angela was washing a dish, "He's our son."
That's all she said and I nodded, understanding. I think Angela was crying but it wasn't obvious to Katie so I changed the subject to her.
"So…sorry, Katie." I grinned at her across the table, "No homework?"
"Nah." she looked disappointed, "It's the first day of school so they didn't give any."
"Oh." I shared her disappointed expression, "Sorry."
"You know, sometimes I think this town is just too nice all the time!" she exclaimed, looking very hostile. I had to laugh.
"I know what you mean." I grinned, "The only cranky person here is POP POP!"
She laughed more at that and I hoped I wasn't making Angela angry at me. It was just good clean humor. I wanted to see Katie smile some more. Especially before Ashton got home. If he came in and saw that she'd been crying…
"He's not cranky, he's just old!" she chortled.
I put my hand over my mouth and tried not to laugh as hard as I wanted to, afraid I'd spit out the milk I'd been drinking.
I was relieved to see Angela smiling over at the sink.
"Wanna help me make dinner, Squidge?" I asked, it was my thing to call her something new every day. I just made up all kinds of weird names, sometimes they just came tumbling out of my mouth. My favorite one so far has been Ooop Ooop Ooplefski.
But today was rough on all of us so Squidge was the best I could do.
"Okay." she shrugged, not looking too enthused.
"You must be the only kid who doesn't like cooking." I tossed a dishtowel at her as she followed me.
"Sorry." she said.
"It's okay." I opened the fridge, looking around inside, "This is 2013. You can make your husband cook while you go to work every day."
Angela was on her way outside and laughed at my comment. I guess she was going to talk to Ben and I was glad about that.
"I don't want a husband." Kate informed calmly, watching me take out a defrosted chicken covered in plastic wrap.
"Oooh, a modern woman!" I said, "I like that. You go, girl."
I wasn't stupid enough not to see there was more behind her words, but I wanted to keep tonight as light as I could, especially after that damned phone call. I vowed to go deeper with her about this another day. I would do all I could to investigate every inch of Katie and what pained her.
Was it the heat of the oven that scared her? She had been horribly burned. Was it that she used to cook with her mother a lot? Maybe she cooked with Ashton all the time, and only wanted to do it with him.
Maybe she just doesn't like to cook, my inner brain rolled her eyes at me.
Later, as I was cooking, and Katie was on the floor watching Spongebob, I smiled, remembering the day I first heard Ashton watching Spongebob in my apartment. It's too bad he was missing it now. I remembered Ashton saving me when I was stuck in my bathroom, and us in the shower. He was so playful and alive then. It seemed so long ago, but it wasn't. I can still feel his lips on mine, so hungry…as if I were the only woman he'd ever kissed before. Was that really him…or a part he was playing? Does he really love me? Or is he confusing that with the thrill of being free?
And just then, something inside me started to hurt.
Yes, I know, I need counseling too. Shut up Dr. Skylar.
A little while later, a honking sound blared outside and I heard Katie racing to the window by the front door.
Then a war cry – "DADDY'S HOOOME!"
I put my spoon down and ran to the door too. I heard a deep thud and by the time I got there, Katie was screaming and Ashton was on the floor right inside the doorway, face down.
"Ashton!" I went to the floor, clutching at his arm to turn him over, fearing I'd see blood.
But he was on his back on his own and was shushing Katie, trying to calm her down.
"I was kidding!" he said, "Just kidding! I'm alright. I was just tired, that's all."
"That's not funny dad!" Katie yelled at him and then threw her arms around his neck.
I prayed she wasn't crying.
"Sorry baby." he held her gently, kissing her cheek, "It was a bad joke, I'm sorry."
He looked at Katie's face, free from tears, and Katie smiled, putting out her lips like a duck.
"There's my ducky lips!" he sounded so happy, as if he'd won a million dollars. And he picked her up, kissing her on the lips.
"How was school?" he asked as if he couldn't wait to hear.
He walked right past me, not saying a word. What the hell?
I spun around and went back to the kitchen, slamming around everything I could find. Is that what I am now, the little woman in the kitchen, making her man his dinner? I don't even get a hello? Why doesn't he just call me fucking Wilma Flintsone?
Maybe I see now why Kaela had to get out of the house. There was no room for her between Ashton and Katie.
Stop it, Skylar – my inner shrink said to me. You're just suffering from lack of sex, get control of yourself woman.
I could hear Katie near the TV in the living room and I peeked out to see Ashton was sitting on the floor with her, watching Spongebob and listening.
His head was leaned back a little on the sofa behind him and his hat was on Katie's head now. You could hardly see her under there.
"And Mrs. White, who owned the hotel, comes out at night and goes up and down the halls…" Katie was telling her ghost stories to Ashton, who looked like he was enjoying it immensely.
"And some people said they heard a knock on their door and then the doorknob turns, like she's trying to come in!" Katie was going on and on.
"No way!" Ashton breathed. And in a second, I fell in love with him all over again. But I was still pissed and he'd be hearing about it later.
"Way!" Katie responded, "And then when they went to the door – NO ONE WAS THERE!"
"We're not staying at that hotel." Ashton shook his head, looking back in my direction.
"No duh!" Katie said, her eyes huge.
"Hey, I'll be right back, okay ducky?" he asked, trying to get up. I withdrew and hid back near the stove, half of me hoping he was coming for me, the other half hoping he wasn't.
Oh who am I kidding? All of me wants him.
"Help me up, help…push me…" he was groaning like an old man, "Ughh, thanks kid."
Katie giggled and I could hear cowboy boots coming, clicking on the floor, coming in my direction.
I put on a face of indifference and checked on my chicken in the oven.
He came up behind me and I pretended not to hear him….oh god– or smell him! Whew, what was that?
I inhaled my chicken and hoped we had strong enough soap in the shower.
I felt his hands, both on my back, moving down me…and my eyes closed right away. This man's hands were pure magic and I was trapped in their spell.
He moved them down and they stroked down each side of my legs, on the outside. He leaned his mouth down and kissed a bare spot of my shoulder, moving my sleeve a bit to the right to get more.
"Skylar…." he whispered, "You have no idea how good you feel right now…"
He kissed closer to my neck now, and I could feel his tongue…Jesus.
"You can see me now, can you?" I wanted to sound angry but it came out so sexual…my damn voice betraying me.
"I always see you." his voice was deep and dark and he had his hands around my stomach, pushing me back against him…so hard. Wow…this reminds me of the fun we used to have in my kitchen when we first met.
Then his tongue licked up my jugular and I felt his teeth softly move into my skin there.
"Oh God, Ashton…" I nearly cried, "I missed you…"
And I wasn't just talking about today.
I turned to him and dived on his lips, grabbing his hair so hard he let out a sexy little grunt. His hands held me so tight to him and I felt myself moving and pushing against his rock hard erection, wanting him right then and there. To hell with the odor, I didn't care.
"Hey!" Katie's voice cut in like a knife.
Ashton pushed me off and I frowned before I could hide it.
"There's children in the house, you know!" she glared more at Ashton than me.
Uh oh. Ashton, you're in trouble. He started it.
Ashton cleared his throat and folded his hands, placing them in front of his enormous penis.
"Sorry." was all he said, not having much else to say in his defense.
"Spongebob is back on." she waited, her arms folding like she was a school marm.
"Okay, I'm coming." he said, making a confused face at her and then to me.
I shrugged and he silently followed her, mouthing an 'I'm sorry' to me as he went.
I nodded and stuck my face in the freezer after they left, gritting out a little scream into it.
I hoped that I would have my time with him tonight. Katie had to go to bed early now that school was in session. And Ben and Angela could watch 24 together, as they usually did on Monday nights. I would give him Dr. Skylar…and then he will give me Dr. Frankencock.
His voice was in my head now…'You may have your way with my brain…and later, my body. Although I think you may enjoy one more than the other.' I could see him laying on my old couch….seductively displaying himself for me….his arms up around his head, his eyes closing softly. His mouth is so beautiful…all of him is so beautiful…
I felt my eyes close, dizzy with lust and a loud 'BBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZ' almost gave me a heart attack.
Oh, the timer on the stove. Stupid timer. Shut up. I flipped it roughly until it stopped buzzing, glad I had killed it for messing with my memories.
"Dinner!" I tried to call out in my cheeriest voice, picking up the pan of chicken with my oven mitts and walking out to the table.