Millennial University: Course List
Here at the newly founded Millennial University, we understand that the newest generation of young adults are different. We're looking to build their self-confidence even higher in case Facebook, Twitter, and other social media platforms aren't doing a good enough job. So, MU is offering courses that fit millennial interests and skill sets. We want to ensure that nobody fails, all students pass, everyone is praised, no one feels "icky" or "awkward," no minds are challenged, and everybody feels smart. At Millennial University, we are embracing the future.
1. Anchorman Ron Burgundy 201H
Each of the 25 classes will feature a screening of the classic 2003 comedy Anchorman:The Legend of Ron Burgundy. Please note that shouting out your favorite lines during the filmcounts towards your participation mark. Assignments include forming a group to recreate scenes, and growing out a Ron Burgundy mustache. You will be graded on its thickness and color. Female students will be provided with shots of testosterone to fulfill this requirement. The year will conclude with individual oral presentations about how much you enjoy the film while you dress as, and impersonate, one of the characters. Attendance, like ALL classes at MU, is optional.
2. Bring Your Laptop to a Class But Go On Facebook 300Y
Students will arrive to an anthropology classroom with a droning professor, and are required to sit through an hour of boring lecture. Credit will be earned by fooling around on Facebook. Your ability in pretending to pay attention in class will be tested by seeing how quickly you can switch from your Facebook window to an open Microsoft Word document on your laptop. Extra credit will be given if you can get away with viewing YouTube videos during lecture with the sound turned up. Attendance is optional.
3. Fart Noise - Mouth 400Y
A senior seminar course intended to train students in crafting the ideal fart noise with their mouths. Students will study proper tongue techniques, and will be graded on their analysis of audio-based material. This class will also charge a $50.00 field trip fee, in which students can experience how the fart noise is used in the real world. Trips to local kindergarten classes, male locker rooms, and Toronto city council have been booked. Students, parents, and faculty members are invited to the semester-ending Fart Noise Recital in April. Please note that acceptance into this course is contingent on your completion of Fart Noise - Armpit 300Y. Attendance is optional.
A freshman course dedicated to praising the greatest people on earth - you! The theme of the course is all about how you - yes, you - are the most amazing, yet misunderstood young adults of all-time. As you enter the class, the professor will be sure to acknowledge each and every one of you and give you every single affirmation you require to function in this world, which will totally reciprocate its love back to you! In your essays, which will account for thirty percent of your grade, you are encouraged to compare your favorite music, movies, games, and Apple products. Irony is encouraged. All essays submitted will receive a perfect grade, because the professor is aware that low marks will absolutely break your heart. In fact, if you don’t submit any essay, you will still receive a perfect grade, because the world rewards people who put in little effort! Attendance is optional.
5. Kindergarten Math 120Y
Students can get a chance to brush-up on their math skills from scratch. Assignments include base-10 addition, base-10 subtraction, and naptime. Please note that tattle-tailing, or repeated use of the phrase “I’m telling” against your classmates will result in your dismissal from the course. Famous alum of KM120Y includes former Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, who said he applied the skills he learned from this course in constructing California’s budget. Attendance is optional.
6. “Macarena” Endurance 307Y
Students must listen to the 1995 dance song “Macarena” by Los del Rio on repeat for the duration of each three hour class. Grades will be given based on how long it takes each student to leave the lecture hall - the earlier you leave, the lower your grade. Course is facing possibility of cancellation due to low enrolment.
7. Snarky Reality Show Responses 405Y
A course dedicated to strengthening the quality of a student’s wit, snark, and sarcasm while watching popular reality shows such as My Super Sweet 16, Catfish, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo. The professor’s intent behind the SRSR405Y is to reinforce the notion that reality shows were made for audiences to feel superior, in intellect and lifestyle, to the people being featured on programs such as Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Khloe and Lamar, Kourtney and Kim Take New York, Kourtney and Kim Take Miami, Kourtney and Kim Take Bosnia-Herzegovina, and Brody Jenner: Never Not a Douchebag. Students will be graded based on how classmate's reactions to their zingers/disses/burns.
8. Just Show Up, Sit Down, and Shut Up 200Y
JSUSDSU200Y was designed by a professor that just can’t deal with anyone’s crap anymore. So, basically, all students have to do to complete the course is show up, sit down, and shut up as the professor repeats a lecture he’s had to recite for over 5 years now. Any pretentious questions asked that will waste class time, or take the class over its allotted time, will result in expulsion from the university. Attendance is optional, although the professor has made it clear that at this point, he doesn’t give a damn about anybody who actually shows up.
