episode 1: pilot - how did we get here?!
summary: you thought zombie apocalypses were supposed to make you feel terror, panic, and a sense of hopelessness. instead, you felt constant annoyance thanks to the five men who decided they all needed to 'save' you. now you're stuck in a camp in the woods with five strong personalities that can't seem to get along- greeaaatt. what will happen first, your campmates killing each other or becoming zombie food?
content: mc!reader, nose bleed, zombie mentioned NO GORE! no scary zombies, arguing between LI’s
wc: 2,700
a/n: happy episode one! i tried to have all of the guys be in character but it’s kinda hard to do so with allll five LI’s in one fic😵💫
click here for the series episode guide!
one would assume that having five very capable and strong fighters defending you in a zombie apocalypse would be great, right? wrong. they were the bane of your existence- constantly quarreling and vying for your attention.
did they successfully fend off zombies? yes. did they build a shelter with a barrier for your group to stay in? yes. did they also bicker like cats and dogs every minute of the day? also yes.
DAY 1
when the alerts went out that there was an outbreak, xavier was the first to show up to your apartment, teleporting into your living room before you’d even finished reading the text.
next, sylus appeared in your doorway, fine red and black mist dissolving around him. then, caleb showed up, barging into your apartment with his spare key.
finally, zayne and rafayel arrive with loud bangs on your door- rafayel banging, and zayne lecturing him about how making so much noise would attract the zombies.
if you weren't already stressed about the zombie apocalypse, it was made one hundred times worse by the five most important men in your life bickering in your living room.
since there seemed to be no end to their arguing in sight and no bags full of useful apocalyptic items on any of their persons, you took to packing up bags full of things you’d probably need. medicine, non-perishable foods, clothing, toiletries, weapons, ear plugs (because you were sure you’d need them), etc.
once you’d stuffed every bag you own full of supplies, you drop one at each of the guy’s feet, silencing their bickering.
“okay, enough! each of you be useful and carry a bag. where are we going to stay?” you ask, crossing your arms.
sylus speaks first, suggesting he take you to his base in the N109 zone, only for everyone else to argue that they were coming too, refusing to let you out of their sights.
“unfortunately my house won’t hold anyone besides mc and i.” he shrugs, watching the group with little interest.
rafayel scoffs and inches closer to you. “oh please, you expect us to believe your house isn't big dnough for us all? aren’t you supposed to be rich?”
sylus raises an eyebrow at the painter's words. “i am rich.”
“then why can’t your home hold us all?” rafayel fires back.
sylus laughs. “i never said it can't hold you all, i said it won't. you can become zombie food for all i care.”
“oh for fucks sake, we’re not going to the N109 zone- and we’re all sticking together, kill us as it may. does anyone else have any ideas?” you ask exasperatedly, shaking a pouty rafayel off of your arm.
xavier speaks from where he stands looking out of the wall to ceiling windows, watching the chaos erupt in the street below. “we could stay here?”
“no, terrible idea. next!”
“maybe we should try the hospital. it would be a practical place to stay, given the equipment there. it will come in handy if any injuries were to happen.” zayne suggests calmly- you were glad that despite his suggestion being no better than anyone else’s, he was calm and not yelling like the others.
you sigh and shake your head, “no, that’s also terrible. sorry, zayne, but the hospitals are going to be one of the first places that get ransacked for supplies. god, did none of you watch apocalyptic shows growing up?!”
then, when all hope seemed lost… “you know I watched them, pips.”
you locked eyes with caleb and smile. finally, someone who knew what you were thinking! you’d grown up watching every apocalypse movie and show together and training for when the world inevitably ended- how ironic was it now that you were going to live those movies out together.
“how much gas does your plane have?” you ask, crossing your toes in hope that it was enough to fly out of linkon city.
caleb smiles at you and picks up the bag you set at his feet. “enough to get us out of the city.”
…yeah, the plane only had enough fuel to take you to the nearest forest. turns out caleb was in such a rush to get to you when the alerts went out that he didn't fuel up.
DAY 7
it took roughly a week to get a routine set up. a week of nonstop arguing, of each guy falling over themselves trying to care for you. an entire week of contemplating if sacrificing yourself to the zombies was a better fate than listening your new groupmates bickering. seven long days stuck together in caleb’s airplane and the small base camp set up outside of the plane.
the guys had all been so desperate to take care of you that it caused huge problems- xavier burnt all seven fish filets you and caleb fished up from a nearby stream and alerted the zombies to your location. sylus and caleb got into an argument over sleeping arrangements in the plane, and rafayel was… well, he wasn’t taking to the new living conditions very well. you’d painstakinfly collected a ton of water for drinking and cooking, only for rafayel to waste three fourths of it trying ti take a bath- which ended up breaking and flooding the campsite.
to combat any more disasters, you made a list of all the jobs each guy would have in camp:
xavier: main guard, camp clean up duty
sylus: second guard, main food hunter
caleb: second food hunter, main chef, laundry
zayne: doctor, therapist
rafayel: tending to the fire, fisherman, sous chef <- (job terminated for stealing food while cooking.)
you: surviving
there wasn’t much grumbling about their jobs, each guy taking on their role with earnest. xavier would perch on top of the plane at nights, scouring the surroundings while everyone else slept and calling for backup when a hoard of zombies came.
sylus was somehow bringing home more meat than anyone knew what to do with. caleb had gawked at two huge bucks sylus drug in front of the ‘kitchen’ and asked how he expected him to cook all the meat. sylus had just shrugged and told him to figure it out.
caleb was cooking all three meals of the day without complaint- well, with some complaints when people (rafayel) complained that the food was bland. it wasn’t caleb’s fault that no one thought to pack some spices. he also started doing everyone’s laundry, though it was a wonder why people started coming up with missing undergarments…
rafayel was taking care of the fire, naturally, because of his evol. when you were struggling to come up with jobs for him, rafayel had jumped up and excitedly proposed he could fish for the group. you were confused at his sudden willingness to work, but you couldn’t deny that it was a good idea given how well he could swim, so you agreed. you should’ve known something was up from the way he rushed out to fish everyday and came back hours later with little to show for it.
zayne was given the job as the group's doctor for obvious reasons. it’s lucky to go into an apocalypse with a doctor! after a long week of the other four guys arguing nonstop, zayne proposed the idea of him being a therapist.
everyone had shrugged it off as a bad idea until you perked up. “that would actually be a good idea! you hear about how people go crazy and kill each other when they’re in apocalypses, so if we can have an outlet that would help us all be regulated.”
xavier, caleb, sylus, and rafayel all nodded and murmured agreements praising you for your idea. zayne just sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, knowing it was his idea.
and thus, daily therapy sessions were born and zayne’s patience died.
FIRST CLIENT: Xavier
zayne taps his pen against a brand new notebook, watching xavier sit across from him awkwardly. “so, how are you coping with the apocalypse, xavier?”
xavier shrugs. “fine, i guess?”
zayne nods and points the end of his pen towards xavier. “you seem a bit tense, is there a reason?”
“...uh, your office is in the plane’s bathroom.”
silence passes between the two as they stare at eachother in the cramped space- zayne sitting on the closed toilet and xavier on a big first aid kit that they found in the back of the plane. the room is so small that their knees are squished together.
zayne clears his throat. “yes, well, this is the only room with a door that closes, and privacy is important in therapy. so, you have no issues whatsoever with the group?”
xavier thinks before replying. “rafayel is messy. three fourths of what i clean up around here is his- i don’t understand how that’s even possible when he didn’t bring anything.”
“yes, i’ve noticed the mess as well. i suggest talking to him nicely about it-”
“i have talked to him about it.” xavier argues.
zayne tilts his head and raises a dark eyebrow. “xavier, telling rafayel to ‘be useful for once in his life and clean up after himself’ is not talking nicely.”
“...i’ll talk to him nicely later tonight.” xavier mumbles.
SECOND CLIENT: Sylus
“so, doctor, why did you invite me into such a small space? if you wanted to get me alone you should have just said so.” sylus says, a cocky smirk on his lips as his eyes trail over zayne’s annoyed face.
zayne takes a deep breath and clicks his pen closed, then open again. “you’re in here for therapy. now, how have you been handling the recent events?”
sylus hums and leans back against the bathroom door, spreading his legs out as far as he can (which isn’t a lot). “fine. zombies are nothing to worry about.”
“good.” zayne scribbles something down on his paper. “are you having any difficulties getting along with the others?”
sylus laughs, the sound filling the tiny space and reverberating off of the walls. “of course not, i’m a joy to be around.”
“there’s not a single person you have problems with?”
“no.”
zayne sets his pen down and pins sylus with his stern, dark green eyes. “sylus, i have personally heard you and caleb bicker from the time you leave camp to the time you return from hunting.”
“oh, that. i wasn’t bickering, he was bickering, i was simply responding.” sylus shrugs, a smirk still on his lips.
“for the sake of keeping the peace and not alerting any zombies, please stop instigating arguments with him.” zayne writes something else down.
sylus nods and stands in the small bathroom, his frame nearly pressed to zaynes. “for you? i would do anything, doctor.”
zayne’s eyebrows wrinkled. “uh.. okay?”
THIRD CLIENT: You
“i am sick of them, zayne! i have a constant headache because they never shut up, and i won’t use up our medicine just for that.” you sigh dramatically. it’s been ten minutes of you ranting to zayne and him frantically writing things down in his notebook.
“you’re the one person here that hasn’t caused any issues. how do you do it?”
zayne’s pen stops moving and he looks up at you slowly. “i… don’t particularly see the benefit of causing a scene, especially in the middle of a zombie apocalypse.”
you snap your fingers and point at him. “see, you’re normal. thank you for being normal.”
“mhm. now, who is causing you the most headache?”
“rafayel. he contributes nothing, uses up all of our resources, and has the audacity to complain about everything! i can’t take it, i would rather swap him out with a zombie.”
zayne nods and writes something else down. “i’ve heard similar complaints, i’ll bring up these concerns when he has his meeting later tonight.”
FOURTH CLIENT: Caleb
“caleb. please, stop… stop talking.” zayne says, exasperated. caleb’s meeting started 20 minutes ago and he’s been rambling nonstop, bouncing from topic to topic and not letting zayne ask any questions.
caleb blinks and tilts his head in confusion. “why-”
“because you blabbering on about the logistics of why the plane bathroom is so small is not what these meetings are for, and, frankly, is a waste of my time.” zayne interrupts and flexes his hand. “who have you had difficulty with so far?”
caleb thinks and counts out on his hand. “sylus, rafayel, xavier, and you.”
“...okay, breifly explain your problems with each person.” zayne gets his pen ready to write, ignoring that caleb has apparent beef with everyone except you.
“sylus thinks he knows best when hunting, rafayel keeps stealing food when he helps me cook and he disappears for hours at a time to fish, but somehow only brings back a few fish. xavier keeps falling asleep in my bed, and you’re… too quiet.”
zayne takes a deep breath. “i’m too quiet? i don’t follow how that’s a problem given our current situation.”
“you’re unnerving me with your silence. i thought-”
a loud crash outside the plane bathroom interrupts caleb and they hear you yelling at rafayel for tipping over the grill.
“see, he’s useless!”
“okay, caleb, i hear you. i’m going to talk to rafayel about his… behavior. i need you to stop arguing with sylus during hunts. the noise is attracting zombies and not good for group morale.” zayne draws a check beside sylus and rafayels names, pausing beside xavier. “have you asked xavier to stop sleeping in your bed?”
caleb furrows his brows. “no, i’ve just been dumping him onto the floor.”
“caleb, that’s rude.” zayne says with his eyes pinched closed.
“it doesn’t even wake him up, he’s fiiiine.”
FIFTH CLIENT: Rafayel
“so, rafayel, what problems are you experiencing so far?” zayne starts, massaging a spot on his head where a headache has already started to form. He hadn't anticipated this job being so draining. he was so close to being done for the day, but so far because he knew rafayel would have too much to say.
rafayel sighs loudly and leans back, nearly tipping over the first aid kit chair. “oh please, what isn't a problem? xavier keeps complaining to me about my clutter- “rafayel, you can’t keep leaving this out, people are tripping over yout things” “rafayel pick up your shit or i’m throwing it in the fire”. he clearly doesn't understand creative chaos!sylus keeps taking his shirt off for no apparent reason- just because we’re living in the woods doesn’t mean we need to act so uncivilized. i have abs too, okay, but you don’t see me showing them off. and caleb- don’t even get me started on caleb.”
zayne scribbles in his notebook and hums, gesturing for rafayel to continue.
rafayel runs a hand through his hair. “caleb is without a doubt going to get us killed. he ‘fired’ me from helping him cook for no good reason-”
“because you were stealing our limited food.” zayne mumbles, but rafayel bulldozes over him.
“-he is trying to kill me! i’m a growing boy, y’know, and he gives me smaller portions!”
“because you eat food while it’s cooking.” zayne holds a hand out and speaks slowly. “okay. enough about caleb. do you have any other problems with anyone else or the camp itself?”
“i do. everyone reeks- and yet, somehow IM the one getting yelled at for taking baths? at least i know how to clean myself. oh, and the food doesn't even taste good! it seems i’m the only one with mature taste buds around here, it tastes like caleb seasons the food with water and dirt.” rafayel tries to lean back in his ‘seat’ and tips it over, falling over onto the floor and getting wedged between the plane’s bathroom wall and the first aid kit chair, his legs failing in the air.
“help me! miss bodyguard, zayne is trying to kill me!” rafayel yells, his cheek smooshed to the floor
you yell from outside the plane bathroom. “zayne do you need any help?”
“hey!” rafayel screeches, a flailing foot connecting with zayne’s nose, sending blood gushing out of it.
if only zayne had his own therapist…
a/n pt 2: special special thank you to these lovies for proofreading parts for me!! @wetforsylus for proofreading sylus (duh) @zaynezone for sylus + zayne, @gardenialily and @rafayelkisses for rafayel and @xinghuisknight for xavier!! i would be sososo lost without you guys thank you so much <3
tags: @colonelkaboom @sweetcalebb @heartyluv @rafayelkisses @wetforsylus @angeleclair @insidious-innocence @xaviersbunny @deepspacenova @silverianni @paintedperidot @luvleixo @peachygelic @lilianleila @kingraspberry12-blog @angelouu @sylusqt @glitterytrashfan
zayne in his office core
dividers from @bhavihelps