#craploadtaters

[cremefellatio]

                I pulled myself up and through the window of his room, narrowly managing to avoid falling flat on my face when I was through. Nicky didn’t seem all that worried about me breaking and entering (even if I hadn’t broken anything), and I seated myself at the foot of his bed, waiting for the first smart ass comment. When it arrived, I replied as I always did. Although we were on better terms, we still fought like none other but at least now it had the subtle undertones of “you’re good for me, mostly”. I don’t want to sound too much like some schoolgirl with a crush, but Little Nicky really was good for me. He kept me level headed, and I liked him for it -- even when he was being a total fuckwad like he was being currently, pretending to be uppity about the fact I just creeped through his window at an ungodly hour.

                I leaned over and ruffled up his hair, cooing about how he needs to learn how to function with very little sleep. It was a blessing he didn’t shove me off the bed or something along those lines. But he was also tired and in truth, I was waiting for him to lay back long enough for him to fall asleep. After what felt like only a few minutes but in reality was quite some time, he did and I sat still, waiting for his breathing to even out so I could get up. I didn’t want to leave like this, not really, but he was the type of person to make me want to calm down and grow up and if I did that, I’d be stuck in this town. And I didn’t want that. If I stayed in this town, I would never accomplish half of what I wanted to. I would get a job, a home, I’d get married, have seven kids. I wouldn’t live, not really. I’d get by day-to-day. Do you see what I mean? The more time I spent around Nicky, the less I wanted to leave. I didn’t want to leave him, but if I didn’t, I’d never get what I really want.

                                I just hope that one day I’ll find out what that is.

                I got up off the bed, kissing the tip of Nick’s nose before setting to work. Quietly as I could, I flipped all the posters and pictures on his wall upside down, along with anything else that could be set like that without falling over. I wasn’t going to leave without causing him some sort of grief, you get me? Finally, I found a pen and in my usual unintelligible scrawl, I wrote him one last note on the notebook containing most of his homework.

“LITTLE NICKY,

YOU’LL ALWAYS BE MY FAVOURITE HOBBIT,

BUT I HAVE LEFT THE SHIRE IN SEARCH OF GREATER THINGS

LIVE YOUR LIFE

DON’T DO YOUR HOMEWORK

DON’T EAT YOUR VEGGIES

DO DRUGS

DON’T GO TO COLLEGE

LOVE EVERYONE YOU COME ACROSS

DON’T DIE WITHOUT REALLY LIVING

AS MUCH LOVE AS MY COLD LITTLE HEART CAN ALLOW,

MORGAN LE FAG

P.S. IF YOU REALLY DON’T HATE ME DON’T LOOK FOR ME I WON’T BE COMING BACK

P.S.S. YOU REALLY ARE MY FAVOURITE HOBBIT AND I’LL LOVE YOU

UNTIL I GET ALZHEIMERS AND CAN’T REMEMBER YOUR

DUMB FACE”

                Pleased with my final message, I slipped my shoes back on, whispered a good-bye to Nicky and was crawling back through the window in a few seconds. I grabbed the bag I had packed before coming over and hopped onto my bike.

                I didn’t look back.

                Because if I did, I’d never leave. 

[cremefellatio]

put under a read more and tagged with: #personal #dumb sappy thoughts #that one guy i love

my boy has been gone for close to three weeks now, and it feels like he’s a million miles away. if everything goes correctly, i’ll be seeing him in two weeks time, but that’s only if the stars are kind. i miss him more than anything else. the first week without him was almost easy, the second week more difficult, and now it’s almost impossible to deal. the year i spent without any contact with him whatsoever seems daunting now, but that year i spent without him was also one where i thought i would never see him again. before then, i wasn’t the person i am now and i never knew what it was like to be loved as unconditionally as isaac loves me. back then, i could only miss the memory of him. but now i have to miss his presence, his kiss, the way he guides me so easily through tough times.

it’s silly, i know, but i need him to be a better person. this whole thing is hard for me to explain as i’ve never been one to deal out what i’m thinking or how i’m feeling. but i love him. more than anything else. every day i spend with him, i feel myself loving him all the more. often times i feel as if my heart might burst when he smiles at me, moreso when he says ‘i love you, too’.

the thought of being so in love with one person is terrifying for me! he’s the one person that can break my heart and he knows that, but he’s also the one person that can make me happier than anything else. if i had to give up everything i have just to keep him around a day longer, i would do so without a minute pause and happily.

it’s midnight now, three weeks exactly since i’ve last been in the same room as him. i feel my loneliness and past demons starting to crowd in around me, so i plan to finish off this bottle of wine and then cry out all my frustrations over the phone to nole. hopefully she wont mind me waking her up so late.

xx anna

[cremefellatio]

sometimes i write things and i don't know what possessed me to do so in the first place

She looked at him with wide eyes, maintaining awkward eye contact. Then, she blinked rapidly and cocked her head to one side, smiling lopsidedly. "I wish I could unhinge my jaw and swallow you like a mouse. You'd be far more pleasant that way."

[cremefellatio]

"don't smile. cuz it raises the bar and then I have to smile and i can't be doing that. it's exhausting and i have a bad back"

"i don't cry. i sold my tear ducts to an organ donor for cash two years ago"

[cremefellatio]

every so often, anna will have a neurotic panic attack. she'll freeze up, start shaking and believing that everything around her is moving in a type of fast forward. she's used to them and as such, will sense when one is coming and will distance herself from everyone else. there's no helping her out of them and when she was younger, her parents learned to just wait them out and keep her away from anything that was potentially harmful.

[cremefellatio]

despite what she might say to isaac, anna hasn't actually hooked up with or dated anyone since realizing she liked him.

[cremefellatio]

reposting because erica deleted the first one

He looked over at me with a grin, and as cheesy as it sounds, I swear my heart melted a little when I saw it. I liked the way the corners of his mouth titled up and how it seemed to stretch up and hit his eyes. I liked the way the brown colour of his eyes looked in the sun and how the bits of orangey red in his hair seemed more prominant. I liked his freckles and his little scars and the sound of his laughter. And Christ, it was like that stupid grin was contagious and I found myself smiling, only just managing to cover my teeth with a hand.

Was I meant to act like that? To get all silly and poetic and girlish about a boy? Especially Isaac. I wasn’t meant to like him — I was meant to hate him. That’s just how those things worked, right? People like me don’t blend with people like him. It just wouldn’t work out correctly.

I looked away from him, kicking my feet in the water. The water was well over head height at the end of the dock (for me, at least) but I felt oddly safe there with Dionysus’ kid, both of us smoking and drinking and laughing and singing.

Then I felt his hand on my shoulder and with not enough force to hurt me but enough to push me forward, he shoved me into the water and I splashed in with a scream.

Man, what a romantic.

I broke the surface of the water, spluttering and coughing. He was laughing, but held a hand out to help me back onto the dock. I grabbed it, but rather than pull myself up, I pulled as hard as I could manage and dragged him into the water with me. I waited a moment after his head popped up over the surface before I moved up close to him, placing a hand on his upper arm to keep myself from sinking. Then, quite impulsively, I leaned up and kissed him hard on the mouth.

He tasted like strawberry wine and cigarette smoke, and I liked that, too.

[cremefellatio]

The pair walked down the streets of the ghost town, wands drawn and sticking close together. They were the only sign of movement and life on the streets, boots making soft splashing noises in the puddles they tread through. Nervously the shorter figure, the girl, stopped and looked up at her companion.

"We shouldn't be here, Jonathon."

"Our patrol shift is almost over. I want to see if my family is alright. Don't you?"

"Olivia is with mum and dad who are with the Death Eaters. You know that."

The boy sighed softly, then tapped the girl softly on the nose. He could sense her nervousness at being in a familiar place that was so inactive -- it was written clearly on her face, shown through the way her hands shook slightly and her fingers kept curling up around her wand.

"We'll check the houses to see if there's anything here we might need at camp, and then we'll leave right away, alright?"

His voice took on a pleading tone, and the girl looked indecisive for a moment. Finally, she nodded and they moved on through the streets. Neither spoke, both sensing the uneasiness in the other. Though everything seemed empty and lifeless, something about it just screamed wrong, wrong, WRONG. They turned onto a driveway, intending to search Jonathon's old home for things to bring back but

Everything went to hell with multiple POPS.

Three Death Eaters with their wands pulled surrounded them and in unison, the companions turned their bodies so they could fight back to back. Jonathon took on two of the Death Eaters, Anna taking on the single one and giving help when she could. Despite it being two against three, they were beginning to tire out their opponents. But in a stroke of horrid bad luck (though it was only a matter of time before it happened) Anna's wand backfired, hitting Jonathon in the backlash. Caught off guard, he stumbled, and a Death Eater took their chance.

"Avad-"

Anna reached forward, grabbing Jonathon's hand up in hers and spinning on the spot. With a loud pop they were gone, but a bright green flash still illuminated the scene.

---

When everything came back into focus, Anna was blinking up into the stormy gray sky. Raindrops fell down, hitting the girl and streaking down her skin. For a while, she laid there, making sure that she was intact. But then she laughed, disturbing a sleeping bird in the tree above her.

"Shit, Jonathon. That was close."

No response. Curious, she pushed herself up onto her elbows, surveying the area. Her friend was there, but he was still laying still on the ground, faced away from her. Maybe he had ended up being knocked unconscious? Or maybe he was just playing one of his stupid pranks like he always did. Yeah, that had to be it.

Her heart and her head wouldn't let her believe that, though. So she pushed herself up onto her knees and crawled over to him, tugging on his shirt so he would be on his back. No movement, not even a little twitch. Anna frowned. "Jonathon, stop being stupid."

Still nothing. Her heart began to beat wildly and for a moment, she hardly breathed. In a moment of panic, she shook him, trying desperately to make him stop whatever prank he was doing. "Wake up. This isn't funny!"

It's strange how human nature makes us thing we can simply shake the life back into people.

For what felt like forever but only lasted a  few seconds, she tried to shake him awake, growing more hysteric the longer she did. But he stayed as he was, and she gave up, heart sinking with each moment that passed. Nervously, she hovered her shaking hands over his chest, choking out, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I can fix this, I can fix this I promise."

Tears welled up at the corners of her eyes, trailing down her cheeks and making clear spots in the mud. Oh Christ, she hadn't cried in the longest time but no amount of tears would bring back her friend, no amount of apologies would make it alright. Because it was her fault, or her stupid backfiring wand's. It should have been her, not him. And it was her fault, her fault, hers.

"Please, please don't go please I need you I love you please."

But Jonathon was gone, well past the point where he would be able to hear the girls multiple pleas.

The air tasted like guilt. Christ, she had to get away, had to tells the others. Oh Merlin she was going to be sick. With one last sob, Anna shot back, barely making it to her feet before she spun, apparating away. She didn't want to leave him, but she had to. A second longer and she would never be able to leave.

By the time she had made it back to the camp, she had composed herself entirely, no sign of distress on her face. If she covered up everything, if she ignored it had happened at all, maybe it wouldn't hurt as badly.