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monstrous headcanons || @crascd✿ - DECAY - an old memory, from childhood perhaps
memories are tricky things. they can be easily overwritten, mixed up, messed and broken beyond any recognition if one had the right tools and enough motivation. his own memories have always been a confused sea of glitched, corrupted images, always lacking something important--a name, a face, an event. sometimes it just feels like he’s never been through these moments--almost as if his own mind was simply fabricating these things to have something to cling to, to have something to call ‘past’ even if all it could offer him was a bunch of distorted files that would never be complete.
but from time to time, a dream will dare to shine amongst the endless nightmares he goes through whenever he’s too tired to keep going without a few hours of sleep. sometimes, during these oh so rare events he catches himself, young and bright and full of useless hope, standing in a room that would never feel familiar no matter how many times he’d find himself there but that’d still be a place that he enjoyed.
a room that’d bring some feeling he couldn’t quite put a finger on. a deep feeling that almost could resemble nostalgia.
* i’ve had the weirdest dream, y’know
and it never changes, like in a movie that he keeps watching over and over only to forget once he wakes up. and he’d never recognize the man sitting by the desk filled with countless piles of dusty papers and grotesque reports--as if his own mind simply refused to put a face on the tall, welcoming figure, as if the mere thought could ruin one of the last remnants of his true past forever.
* i░ t☟at s░? ░░d w░░t wa░ i░ a░⚐o░?
* i’m standing in a room, just-- looking at som’one who is and isn’t myself * but he’s also standin’ there, lookin’ at som’one who is and isn’t myself
and the man hums, sounding strangely pleased, and all of sudden he’s being lifted into warm, boney arms and it feels comforting--and it’s the only moment he feels safe and protected and loved and he wishes he could stay in that place forever before the dream simply crumbles apart and he wakes up breathing heavily--but those feelings still cling to his very soul for hours, and he mourns the fact he can't even remember why he feels like this for so long.
