Dec 23, 2020
It's like pulling teeth trying to organise a Christmas day/New years eve card game with my family (we used to play new Market every Christmas eve but stopped for some reason)
seen from Poland
seen from United States
seen from Philippines
seen from China
seen from Spain
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from Germany
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Belgium
seen from Malaysia
seen from Malaysia
seen from Brazil
seen from Poland
seen from Switzerland
seen from Singapore
seen from Philippines
seen from Germany
seen from United States
It's like pulling teeth trying to organise a Christmas day/New years eve card game with my family (we used to play new Market every Christmas eve but stopped for some reason)
What's the deal with these dreams?
Last night I had a series of dreams about Caliah in which she talked me through a lot of my emotional hang-ups regarding my exes in a very succinct, yet insightful, way. A lot of the things she said are things I've already tried to convince myself of, but for some reason never stuck until I had a subconscious representation of the girl I developed a lot of those hang-ups with.
I kept waking up during our talks, falling asleep again, then finding myself in another situation where I'd run into her. While the situations themselves were normal, she was not, at least until I talked to her. It was like in Inception when they stayed in a dream too long or changed too much and all of the dream people stared at them and eventually tried to kill them. For me, however, it was just her. She would show up and start staring at me, and no matter where I went to avoid her she would be there until I confronted her, at which point everything would go back to normal, as if she hadn't been stalking me like some sort of dream wraith.
Aside from that weird bit, the dreams were actually very helpful. Having all this time to myself this past couple days, and spending it sober, has turned out to be pretty productive. Maybe that crazy switch will be dialed down to around 6 or so instead of jumping straight to 11.
Crazy Switch Pt. II
This is all kinds of frustrating. I want to talk to her, but anytime I think about it I turn into this nervous mess. I didn't even want to be in her vicinity today for fear that she would try to talk to me and I'd lose my cognitive functions. It's like when I was trying to ask her out all those years ago, but instead of butterflies, it's soul crushing anguish. I wish I could project these feelings into a physical form, then beat them into submission.
She's my crazy switch
I've discovered an area in my life of what I believe to be hypocrisy. I become a bundle of crazy whenever Caliah is in town. I'm like a bumbling 12 year old and I don't know how to get over it, but "Get over it" is my go-to piece of advice.
On top of that, she's graduating in May, so she'll be here all the time and that terrifies me. Our break up was stupid, but she's over it and I finally let that stupid part of it go, but I also haven't been able to maintain a friendship with her since.
I think trying to be friends with my exes may be a foolish endeavor. I assumed being unable to be friends meant you were still bitter, but that's not the case.
That being said, I'm appreciative of the two relationships I have been able to carry on (for the most part) but the idea behind it was flawed.
Here's a quick game.
Guess who's still stupid.
Hint: It's me.
It's Caliah's birthday. I want to talk to her, but I don't have her new number because I didn't think to save it to my sim card, and I don't post on people's walls for their birthday. This is a stupid situation I've put myself in. I need this girl in my life but I keep fumbling out of it.
Also, this is a lot more concise than when I usually tumbl drunk.
Speaking of tumbling drunk, I got stopped by CHP tonight. Fun story. I'll tell it tomorrow.
P.S. It's cool. I was sober when I was driving. I got the party started again when I arrived home.
mLe - Crazy Switch
mLe mp3 download
DOWNLOAD
Crazy Switch album:
Artist - mLe mp3
Album - Crazy Switch mp3
Year - 2010
Genre- Electronic
Tracks:
crazy switch (jackbots sans synth fidget mix)
crazy switch (original mix)
crazy switch (jquintels crazy drum mix)
crazy switch (bruce dickinson remix)
crazy switch (satori-c remix)
crazy switch (dj hero remix)
crazy switch (jackbots crazy twitcher remix)
crazy switch (ishe remix)
crazy switch (jonas tempel remix)
crazy switch (arete and kaution remix)
crazy switch (dj vanish remix)
Download Crazy Switch
albums Chords - Aaron Smith