#create 2013

[sofilledwithfeeling-blog]

So this is what happens when I get When will my life begin stuck in my head while playing Mass Effect. Commander Rapunzel.

I imagine Pascal is a powerful little biotic not above tossing mechs and Finn around.

[sofilledwithfeeling-blog]

"I couldn't do this without you, Garrus."

"Sure you could. Not as stylishly, of course."

001. Mass Effect 2: Garrus Vakarian. Pen on paper, with reference.

[sofilledwithfeeling-blog]

Okay, here's the situation. Having read David Wong's article about getting off my ass to create instead of consume, I've decided that spending hours a day on tumblr just reblogging isn't doing myself any favours. 

So here's my new year's resolution for 2013: I'm going to create. I'm going to make a post a day with something that I've made - gifs, art, photography, music, fic, whatever. I'm not going to let myself browse my dash until I've made this post for the day. And I'm going to start today, because I'm tired of giving myself imaginary starting lines that I eventually just forget about. 

I've still got a few posts in the queue, but that should run out by today or tomorrow. After that, if you catch me not doing what I said I would, please call me out on it. Remind me that I want to be more than what I am right now, and the only way to do that is to do something different from what I'm doing right now. 

That being said, if that's not your cup of tea, if you don't think you'll be interested, feel free to unfollow. Seriously, I'd rather you do it now than later, because I'll just think my stuff is that bad, and I am very easily discouraged.

Okay thanks for your time.

[majorprogress]

Biting Off More Than You Can Chew

On October 16, 2012 I wrote a blog post about living the moment vs. capturing it. This all revolved around the fact that I have a cool point and shoot camera and my cell phone and I never seem to take a picture or record video as much as I would like, in a way too document my adventures. Showcase my growth and the everyday mundane, exciting and different goings on. The things I go through. I told myself I would focus on telling stories. That my tumblr blog would revolve around my life as a photographer/cinematopher and the adventures I lead as a freelancer. I’ve been doing a pretty good job over the last month, but recently I had this anxiety hit me. This anxiety is a familiar one. It is one that hits me every now and again and it is as much anxiety as it is a frustration. A frustration with myself… that I’m not doing enough. I’m not using my camera or computer or editing software or lights or any of my tools and equipment and over active imagination, enough. That I am not firing on all cylinders and that I am failing to succeed. I need to be doing more. This has always been an issue of mine and this anxiety has usually ended in me actually not following through with something often time anything. I get so anxious and frustrated I just don’t do a single thing I had in mind or had planned to do. It is a sick and silly problem to have. I am getting better though. I am trying to focus on small bits and pieces of my life and ambitions. Don’t try to do too much at once. Like your mom use to say. “Don’t eat too fast or you’ll choke.” At the time she was saying this because I would trying to stuff two spoonful’s of whatever I was consuming, in my mouth at one time, when a mere single spoonful would serfice. And even though she would warn me I would still do it and end up choking and coughing. Then try to catch my breath. I was anxious, or to keep with the theme, “too hungry”. Now that I am an adult I take that simple warning my mom spoke as a metaphor for life, especially as a warning for what I am going through now… I need to slow down. Take smaller spoonful serving of life. Do a little now, a little later, and a little more tomorrow. But enjoy what you are doing now, take it in, taste it, enjoy it and then decide what you want to take a bite of next and how much. But never take too much or you’ll choke. It’s a plate of life… nom nom nom to your hearts content, but don’t over eat or put too much in one bite.

  So with that being said I am doing just that. I am going to cleanse during the month of December 2012, fast if you will. And prepare for the 12 course meal that is to be the year 2013. I will do a little bit more each month. I will continue to stay busy as I did this year but I will manage my time and my ideas better. I will find time to get more done because I will be organized and I have things worked out and ready to be conquered. This weekend I worked on a web series titled Entangled. It will probably premiere early next year in January or February but I’ll speak more on that once I have an idea of when it will be released. But I mention it because I was on set the last 3 days and I could remember stressing out three days before our first shooting day on Friday. I kept thinking I wasn’t ready, I had not planned or prepared enough and I was again biting off more than I could chew. Then I remembered I didn’t need to worry this time. I committed to just being the cinematographer for the project. I didn’t have to edit or art direct or produce or anything really, just shoot and light the project. Once I put that in my head the anxiety washed away. I regained my confidence and knew I could get it done. I could tackle just this little bite and there was no need for more. Now excluding the previously mentioned project, this leaves me with 4 projects for the end of 2012 to complete. Only 1 is a big project I have to wear multiple hates for because I am co-producing as well as shooting but the other three I am only taking part in the process in smaller roles. I just need to do my part and not let the rest faze me. I will try and end 2012 on a relaxing frustration free setting, and get back too it for 2013. My pre-years resolution:

  1.  Produce the Major Progress Report weekly

2.  Write a single sketch or an episode for a series every 2 weeks

3.  Update my website and continue to update my tumblr.

4.  Do the 100 things challenge and collaborate with others on Photography projects

5.  Start doing music again, even in the smallest way but don’t put yourself on a time line. Let it happen organically.

6.  Continue to learn and better yourself in any and all ways as time permits but don’t forget to make time for it.

a.  Working out/Eating right

b.  Bettering your craft

c.  Learning French

d.  Study a subject you know little about.

7.  Travel!

Not too large of a list if I don’t say so. There are sub-bullet points required for each of these but I can’t clutter up the list with that stuff. I need to keep it simple and just tackle each item one by one. The rest will work itself out as long as I keep my mind focused on the end goal; Eating small spoonful serving sizes of life until I am full.