A little Lord John....6/3/17
**this is just a little thing I’ve had going through my head for forever. while The Duke of Pardloe and Lord Grey AREN’T my favorite characters since reading “The Scottish Prisoner”, and I vaguely dislike his tongue hanging out continuously over Jamie throughout the “Outlander” books, I’ve never once thought that John didn’t have a support system. Minnie and Hal have, over the years, JUST seemed to KNOW about his preference for men. They generally don’t seem very surprised about ANYTHING that John might be involved in. They love him for who he is. And he IS a very honorable man.**
Harold, Lord Melton, Duke of Pardloe…Hal…to John, sat down on the edge of the wall with a heavy sigh. He steadied himself with his hands to the wall, and stretched his legs out before him with another heavy sigh.
You see, John…he started to speak. “I’ve known you my whole life”…..John thought this odd, and chuckled quietly…..
”I’ve known almost from the moment you were born, that you were mine to care for. Watch over. You were young yet, a toddler no less, when I decided I was going into the military. I knew it would be the best thing for y…..”
Here John raised a hand for silence. “YOU went into the military FOR ME?” it came out more a high tone than his usual voice. “Why do you place that burden, THAT decision at MY feet?”
“Well….John, you were….different, brilliant…amazing, compared to your other friends. But there was no question, you WERE different. As your older, privileged brother, I felt it my duty to watch out over you. Surely you ‘KNOW’ you are different than other men, by now?” Hal looked up from the tip of his boots at this question; watching his younger brother’s face for signs of recognition,…for signs of understanding, comprehension. And he found it; quietly, in the back of John’s eyes, it was there.
“Do you know what you are saying, brother?” John whispered, looking about them for listeners, unable to help himself. Even IF they were in a field of oats, the urge for silence, secrecy, was too strong. Too violently driven into him through life’s experiences.
“Yes,” said Hal just as quietly. “I know your preference is for men, and I know of your unrequited desire for our travel partner. For as long as I can remember, I’ve known this thing. I say what I say about my military career, because it was. ‘I’, not pressed with desires like yours, was at a loss as to how I could guide you. It came to me, that starting you out there, was the best way ‘I’ knew to teach you how to behave, regardless of your predilections, regardless of your upbringing. And who is in the military? OTHER men. it was the only thing I could think of to do, to try to keep you safe, yet let you go, and live. I say I know ALL these things, but your question leaves one thing out, one thing that I would have on the record for future reflection.”
John, floored by the admissions of his older brother, walked agitatedly back and forth in a straight line, mowing down oats as he heard Hal’s words. Just WHAT could he have possibly left out?! Hal even knew of his passion for Jamie! How was he ever to face Hal or Minnie again, with this between them?
“John…John?…JJOHHNNN!”
Hal brought Lord Grey back to the moment at hand. He brought his hand out to John’s face and lifted it up with grace and kindness. “Do you KNOW what that one thing is?” Lord Grey, still mute before the pile of evidence, unable to speak, slowly shook his head ‘No’.
“We are brothers; first and foremost. In all your imperfections, your dalliances, your rash decisions. In your serious relationships, active service, broken ~hearted times….we have always been friends. I have always loved you. I WILL always love you!