In a day where Betty discovered not only was Santa Claus real, but through a series of unusual events and something called The Santa Clause, she was to become the new Santa, somehow this was the least believable part of her new life.
“Wait a minute. You’re the Head Elf? You’re not, well, you’re not exactly what I would expect.”
“Spend a lot of time thinking about what you believed were imaginary people in an undetectable world, did you? Wow. Okay.”
“I’m serious. Everyone else looks and acts straight out of every Christmas movie I’ve ever seen, and you’re the poster child– sorry, elf—for every piece of Anti-Christmas merchandise at Hot Issue.”
“I think you’ll find I’m wearing all required parts of the so-called ‘elf uniform.’”
Her head elf, Jughead—ohmygod, those are all words which are now somehow normal, what even is life—pointed first to his boots.
“Boots? Check. While they may not have a bell or be military grade spit shined, they are steel toe and black.”
Next, Jughead grabbed onto the suspenders hanging off of his pants. “Suspenders? Check. On special occasions, you might even catch me wearing them on my shoulders.” He leaned in as though to whisper a secret, “I’ll leave you in suspense over that possibility though.”
It struck her at this moment that she was not the first person he had given some variation of this speech to. Not being liked for who you were and being told to be someone else was something Betty related to on a cellular level.
“Standard issue Christmas colors? Check. I believe you’ll find my flannel to contain several shades of green & hints of coal. My red S shirt? Well, I’m pretty sure ‘Santa’ starts with an ‘s.’ I’m practically walking propaganda for you in these clothes.”
“And I can’t forget the most important elf item: the hat. You’ll notice the brim is even adorned a bit with pattern and pins. I really take the head elf ‘dress code’ to heart.”
While it was true that he was, in fact, wearing a hat, it wasn’t like any hat she’d ever seen in general–let alone any elf hat. At first glance, it looked like a standard grey knit beanie, but when she got closer, she could see what appeared to be a crown-shaped brim with several little pins on it.
Huh. Come to think of it, the little jagged pattern did seem to be prevalent on a lot of Christmas themed hats both here & non-North Pole places. (At this, she made a note to herself to ask what “the real world” was called.)
“Look, I get it if it’s a little weird right now, and you wouldn’t be the first Santa not to like it or me. But—“
“I didn’t say I didn’t like it, and I definitely didn’t say I didn’t like you.”
