“You’re right,” Betty murmurs, turning from her pale reflection in the blood-spattered glass to eye the strangely balanced stain spreading on the rug, not unlike the one left by the body she’d helped her mother hide not-so-long ago.
It was blooming art—reminiscent of an ink blot the Sisters of Quiet Mercy had flashed in front of her after they’d pumped her full of poison and doubt.
Her scabbed scars shift under the pressure of the wood handle.
A splintered family manifested in cracked skulls and flesh.
She can’t decide who struck the hardest, let alone who had delivered the first blow. Her mother, who stole her inheritance, who made her doubt her self-worth and mind, or her father, who planted the seeds of violence in their homes and hearts with his selfish sickness, the one that almost claimed Betty’s soulmate and life.
No, she decides. It won’t be even. She steps over her father’s body and raises the axe.
One more strike for the Black Hood.
One more strike for Betty Borden.
The impact shivers back through her limbs.
Never again.
—Murderer’s Row // words by @lovedinapastlife, edit by @theheavycrown // Also on AO3
A theheavygarden creative collaboration for theme one: spooky of Tricks and Treats of Riverdale
Send me a setting and/or scenario you would like to see along with one of the following lines:
“I think we should play haunted house. It involves a lot of screaming and moaning.”
“I must be a pirate because I’m digging your chest.”
“Hey, do you know what my costume is made of? ... Boyfriend/Girlfriend material.”
“If you were a ghost you’d still be my boo.”
“Are you an alien? ... Because you’ve abducted my heart.”
“Would you like to be a devil? ... Because I’d love to make you horny.”
“I don’t have a costume. Can I go as your date?
“You’re such a treat that I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me.”
“Will you zom-be mine?”
“I don’t want your candy, but I’d really love your number.”
“Hey pumpkin, I bet I can put a smile on your face.”
“That’s a really nice witch costume, but you won’t be needing the broom anymore. ... Because you’ve already swept me of my feet.”
“It’s scary how good we’d look together.”
“I’d like to bob for your apples.”
“I didn’t know that my favorite Halloween treat came in life size!”
“Your costume looks really great on you! It’d look even better off you.”
“I’m not a vampire, but I’d be more than fine with giving up sleep and biting your neck all night.”
“I went trick-or-treating but I didn’t get any Hershey’s. Could you share some kisses?”
“If I were a zombie, I’d eat you first.”
“Why’d you dress up as royalty? You could have come in your regular clothes and been the most beautiful princess at this Halloween party.”
“If I were a zombie, I’d literally give you my hand in marriage.”
“That skeleton said he’d get your number for me, but he didn’t have the guts, so here I am.”
“Is that a magic wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”
“Are you a zombie? ... Because you’re drop-dead gorgeous.”
“If you think I’m wild now, you should see me on the full moon.”
“Want to go somewhere for a spell?
“I found this great couple’s costume, wanna dress up as the other half?”
“Are you a ghost? ... Because you’ve been haunting my dreams.”
“I may be a fake werewolf at this party, but I’m a real beast in the bedroom.”
“If you were a jack-o-lantern, I’d totally light your candle.”
“There are no tricks under these clothes, only treats.”
“Want to watch a horror movie? I’m looking for someone to hold me during the scary parts.”
“What’s a nice ghoul like you doing in a crypt like this?”
“Are you made of candy? ... Because you look so sweet.”
“I’ve got some wicked feelings brewing for you.”
“I’m tired of this broom. You got anything else I can ride?”
“That pirate costume looks really great on you. Does that mean you’d like to search me for buried treasure?”
“Is it true what they say about the size of a guy’s canine teeth?”
“I know it’s Halloween, but I promise I won’t ghost you.”
“I’d sit in a pumpkin patch with you any night.”
“Are you a witch? ... Because you’ve got me under your spell.”
“I hear this house is haunted, we’d better stick together.”
“I don’t know what the trick is, but you’re certainly a treat.”
“Grrr. Arrgg. I’m a zombie. Can I eat you out?”
“You must love Halloween, you don’t even have to buy a costume to look like an angel.”
“Wanna find out what I turn into at midnight?”
“You’re giving me shivers, and it’s not because of that costume.”
“I wish you were a vampire so we could do some necking.”
“I should have dressed up as a ghost tonight so I could let you under my sheets.”
“If my fangs catch my lip, would you kiss it better?”
“The Sorting Hat has spoken and it says I belong with you.”
“You make my heart beat faster than a haunted house.”
“I witch you’d go out with me.”
“If this Halloween party goes my way, next year we’ll be wearing a couples’ costume.”
“I know what you should be for Halloween: mine.”
Writers, reblog this post to play our Tricks and Treats mini game! Don’t forget to tag your responses with #riverdaleevents! Want to get even more spooky and sweet? Check out our full event post for Tricks and Treats of Riverdale!
The air burns until all Jughead tastes is ash. He’s gone through so many of them and he still hasn’t found it.
A madame slinks up for the first leg of her shift, not-so-subtly appraising him for potential cash as she fishes out her own dirty habit.
“Need a light?”
With an appreciative gleam in her eyes, the madame places a taste of death between her lips.
Poison does seem like the right way to lure the vultures of this town to a secret floor of the Pembrook. There’s no need to charm or touch her as they continue each of their private games.
“Do you have any girls that are pregnant?”
She blows a plume of smoke into his face. “You into that?”
There’s something in his pocket, long and penetrative, and he cracks a smile at the way her eyes widen, at the pun of the situation.
Murder kink isn’t on the menu—not really. But he’ll do anything for his beloved.
Once he’s wet his appetite for the inner workings of the mind (leaving the intestines to the side), he wipes his knife and swears, taking another drag.
None of the bodies have felt real or right under his hands—not like his precious lover. These serpents in the night try to tempt him into providing blackmail ammunition against his love and his livelihood.
He doesn’t care about their flesh. He’s searching for a baby to give to his soulmate as a present—to close the nightmare chapter of her father’s indiscretions.
With all the clients of the Maple Club, he figures one of them has to have it—Hal’s child, the last living member of the Cooper clan. No more haunting siblings. No more darkness. Not unless she asks for it.
He peels the madame’s skin in a long strip and wonders how much he could get for it. The notoriety is priceless. No one knows what he is. The Register is dead, along with those in its employ—taken by him, by the new games he and his sweetheart love to play. His love, his Betty would never again have to choose between leaving him or risking his blood on her crescent-marked hands.
His knife sinks into soft flesh, carving out a love letter of a strange and brutal design.
Not this one. But I’ll find it.
Don’t worry, Betty.
They won’t catch me.
Not unless I let them.
—Murderer’s Row // words by @lovedinapastlife, edit by @theheavycrown // Also on AO3
A theheavygarden creative collaboration for theme one: spooky of Tricks and Treats of Riverdale and theme four: horror of Falloween.
Though it pained him, the creature had to be killed, and he had to be the one to do it. It was a monster—the killer he was meant to be.
Doctor Lodgenstein had at last acquired the brain of a murderer. His malevolent goal to create the ultimate weapon would finally come to fruition in the twisted facade of a human.
Tightening his white-knuckled grip on the bar he’d ripped from his own cage, Jughead prepared to face his end. Nearly every shred of hope was lost, but if there was one thing he could use his futile existence for it should be—would be—this. He would give into the violence he had been shaped to commit.
Seconds passed in slow motion as the buzz of electricity began to fill the air. He took in a deep breath, oxygen expanding like glass in his misbegotten lungs, as a crack of light sparked to the spires powering the same chair he had been born from.
It was time.
He stepped around the corner, weapon raised and at the ready, only to have the burning air ripped from his chest as his gaze found a pair of eyes that spoke to every fiber of his being. His heart throbbed with a warmth, a pace, a fervor, that he hadn’t felt in all its beats. It wasn’t wicked prey who had been made before him, but the other half of his soul.
Her. She.
His.
Universal Classic Monster Reimagining courtesy of edits by @bettycooper with words by @theheavycrown
and they were roommates getting ready for a Halloween party together~
send a prompt from this list here
“Hey, do you know what my costume is made of?” Jughead asked as he looked in the full-length mirror leaning against her wall, tugging on the material of the very nineties looking faux-silk shirt Betty had rescued from the thrift store a few weeks prior.
She had managed to convince him to dress up as the Angel to her Buffy after a lot of pleading, some begging, and a plate of his favourite cookies- but she had successfully managed to convince him and that was enough for her.
Their costumes had been easy enough to construct, the nineties were back in fashion after all, so it had only taken a few different stores in Centerville to find everything they needed. Afterwards, they’d stopped by their favourite bookstore in Greendale for a few hours of quiet celebration.
“Boyfriend material?” Betty teased, only half-joking. She focused on her mascara wand, applying a thick coat from where she was sitting on the floor in front of the mirror; the last twenty minutes had consisted of pretending she hadn’t been staring at her roommate when she should have been doing her makeup for a party they would never be on time for. She glanced up at him in the mirror after screwing the top back on the mascara container, blushing when she noticed his gaze on her. “What?”
He shrugged, smiling as he turned away.
“Hey, what was that look?”
“There was no look.”
Betty huffed. “That was totally a look.”
Jughead sighed, shaking his head as sat down beside her. “You made me happy- can I not be happy?”
She blinked, unsure how to respond as she looked her makeup over in the mirror in an effort to avoid making eye contact. Her eyes slipped closed when he reached up to play with her hair, parting the soft curls over her shoulders. “I make you happy?”
He hummed in affirmation. “Yeah, of course.” His lips brushed along the back of her neck, surprising her into opening her eyes.
She froze when she met his calculated gaze in the mirror, a heat she’d only ever dreamt of flashing along his face.
He reached out to twirl a lock of hair around his finger, making her meet his gaze without the aid of the mirror. “You make me happy,” he repeated more firmly than before.
Betty couldn’t help but smile. “I do?”
He nodded, crossing his legs before resting his elbows on his knees. “Yeah,” he hummed. His smile softened when she turned to face him. “You know something?”
She hummed, staying perfectly still as he reached out to fix the flipped collar of his leather jacket; the one he had let her borrow with almost no begging. The smell of him clung to the well-loved leather, the comforting scent of home assaulting her with very move she made.
“If I didn’t know this was leather I’d definitely have to guess it was made of girlfriend material.”
Betty rolled her eyes, a weak smile on her lips.
“Hey, I’m serious.” One of his hands cupped her cheek, the warmth of his palm on her face capturing her attention.
She blinked, unsure what to say next, but still feeling obligated to reply. “I don’t need a pity-”
Jughead’s eyes slipped closed before he leaned forward to kiss her.
Betty’s thoughts fizzled away at the feeling of his lips on hers and the taste of his mouth. She chased after him when he finally pulled away, whining shamelessly when he rested his forehead against hers. “Again,” she begged softly.
He smiled warmly as he shook his head. “We’re going to be late.”
“We don’t have to go at all.”
“No,” Jughead laughed. “You’ve been talking about this party for weeks; there’s no way I’m letting you miss it.”
“Juggie.” She whined as he pulled her to her feet, straightening out her collar. A shiver raced down her spine as his thumb grazed the side of her throat.
He smiled down at her, cupping her neck in his hands. “We’ll go, have a few drinks and definitely some snacks, maybe get caught making out somewhere-”
She giggled nervously, one hundred percent behind the idea, but surprised at the number of butterflies she felt in her stomach. One delicate kiss already felt like lightning in her veins, making out sounded like trying heroin.
He smiled, leaning down to kiss her brow. “Then we can disappear.”
“Can we still watch The Nightmare Before Christmas before bed?”
He nodded. “And this year we can watch it from the comfort of one of our bedrooms.”
Betty nodded excitedly before taking his hand in hers. “Let’s party.”
Happy Halloween, Buggies! We gladly feast on these mysterious and spooky fics. Below you’ll find a mix of supernatural, horror, dark, and seasonal type fics with Halloween specific ones (marked with a 🎃). Curl up in your favorite costume, pull out the treats, and get your Halloween fic fix here below the cut!
🎃 10.31.17 by @jugandbettsdetectiveagency | T
On that night, when the veil is at its thinnest, he finds his way home.
🎃 A Kiss That Thrills by @lilibetts | E
On Halloween, college students Betty and Jughead go through a Haunted House and finally act on their respective crushes.
And the Ash Shall Rise by @likemereckless | M
Riverdale is actually Purgatory (why else would so many crazy things happen in one town!) Jughead Jones, Shadowman of purgatory level one has been tasked with finding an Awakened soul, one who the Premier Shadowman says jeopardizes the future of their world. When Jughead discovers Betty Cooper’s soul down by the River Styx he finds all is not as it seems and a final battle between Heaven and Hell is on the verge of breakout. *It’s Purgatory so ALL characters are dead. *You will find out how they died. *Get ready for a ride!
🎃 Be More Chill by @literatiruinedme | M
Betty and Jughead run into each other in the bathroom at the annual Blossom Halloween party.
body talks by @justcourbeau | NR
Instead of late morning light being his wake up call, Jughead was woken by the horrendous chirp of an alarm clock going off, and, really, that should have been the first sign that something was wrong.
Cooper’s Monsters by @cooperandjonesinc | M
In the darkened halls of an abandoned mental hospital Dr. Hal Cooper has been making monsters.Betty, oblivious to her father’s machinations, comes across a horrifying creature. Together can they stop the doctor and free the others?
Curl of Ash by @darknessaroundus | T
Jughead attempts to save a strangers life in Queens one night. Nothing is what it appears to be.
Darkside by @exmachina187, @itsmarscosta | E
Jughead has had centuries to reflect on his life, but none of it had meaning until she came along.
Dear Angel series by @tory-b | M/E
🎃 Dirty Devil by @thesecretfandom | E
Betty and Jughead are celebrating Halloween, but their costumes seem to be interfering with their fun.
Dust & Desire by @darknessaroundus | T
They have a rhythm to their days, the result of having very little company but each other for years now. When Betty wakes from the nap, they eat mac and cheese before they go hunting. A Vampire Slayer AU.
erase & rewind by @sopaloma | M
When a powerful storm hits Riverdale, five students are hit by lightning as they leave school. The result of that storm will change their lives forever, in ways they never could have imagined. A Misfits AU.
Ever Since We Met by @lilibetts | M
It's almost All Hallow's Eve and witch!Betty has a broomstick breakdown. She lands near werewolf!Jughead's bar and he helps her out...by giving her another broom to ride.
🎃 go home people (the party’s not over) by @grilledcheesusyouredelic | T
“It was your dad’s idea,” Betty chirped. “He told my mom that if people were going to stare at us she may as well make it worth her while.” Jughead bit back a sigh. “And she said ‘like what, throw a party’? And he said ‘sure, Alice, the perfect holiday is coming up’.”
🎃 Howling by @lovedinapastlife | T
Jughead’s working a shift at the Blossom haunted house when he spots a familiar blonde ponytail and decides to try and give her a scare. He ends up smashed in the face, real blood added to his costume. Horrified, Betty tries to make it up to him. She’s nervous to finish the house by herself, so Jughead offers to let her work on a few scenes and scares with him until Archie comes back from his break. There’s nothing quite like method acting with a childhood crush and best friend when hearts are pounding and limbs are entangled in a ravenous display. Something’s building inside of them, a low, penetrating howl.
🎃 I Don’t Have a Lot of Friends by @typing123 | M
Joker Jughead and Harley Betty meet at a Halloween Party. It’s definitely a treat.
Interview with the Coopers by @typing123 | E
What a perfect little family they make
🎃 It’s A Great Pumpkin, Jughead Jones by @alisoncollis | NR
Jughead and Betty go to a pumpkin patch.
i will hang on the hook of your splendour by @jughead-jones/@stark | G
“We have to go up to Woodland House tomorrow,” Betty said, hopping out of the back of the van the night before, dressed in something that she called summer sleepwear and Jughead deemed to be sweet torture. “There has to be a clue there about these abductions.”Mystery Inc AU
Jug the Ripper by @lovedinapastlife @theheavycrown | NR
Murder kink isn’t on the menu—not really. But he’ll do anything for his beloved.
🎃 Let the Right One In by @yavannie | T
When Jellybean talks Jughead into going to a Halloween-themed birthday party in Greendale, she does such a good job on his make-up that not even his best friend can tell it’s him.
🎃 love is kinda crazy (with a spooky little girl like you) by @whaticameherefor | G
Jughead always thought that falling in love would feel like a punch to the gut. It didn’t, of course. It was more like a punch to the face. Right in the nose, to be exact.
🎃 Movie Night on Elm Street by @bettsc | NR
Jughead Jones finds himself at the Cooper household on Halloween night, and it’s not just the scary movies that are giving him goosebumps.
🎃 No Guts No Glory by @thesecretfandom | E
Jughead may have taken their pumpkin carving competition a bit too far, and now it’s Betty’s job to get the both of them cleaned up.
🎃 Nobody Knows You Now by @bettsc | M
They moved like this for what seemed like hours; neither one relenting to the other; both losing themselves in the intertwining of two souls.
🎃 october 2017 by @elizabethbettscooper | G
“Jug, you’re home!” she glanced up, grinning at him. He nudged off his shoes and started towards her.
“So it seems.” he said, smirking and dropped onto the floor beside her. “What’s up, Betts?”
“Do you have plans tomorrow? I want to go to the pumpkin patch.”
“The… pumpkin patch.” Jughead raised an eyebrow and put his arm across the sofa seat, leaning in to look at Betty’s planner.
Outbreak by @moon--mama | T
The breakdown only took 36 hours.
🎃 Over the Wall by @typing123 | T
The Over the Garden Wall AU nobody asked for.
🎃 Pumpkin Spice (and all things nice) by @itsindiansummer13 | G
Jughead, Betty, and Halloween through the years.
Seek Forbidden Things by @maeve-of-winter | T
Kevin Keller has gone missing from Riverdale, and it’s up to Betty and the rest of the gang to bring him back.
🎃 Self control by @bettyscooperr | NR
Jughead just really hates Halloween
Spirits, Are You There? by @jugandbettsdetectiveagency | T
An abandoned asylum, plus a ouija board, plus Cheryl Blossom? The perfect potion.
Strange and Unusual by @lovedinapastlife | M
AU loosely based on the film Beetlejuice - where a ravenous ghoul and a shrewd teen make a strange and unusual alliance that goes far deeper than convenience.
strange days by @sopaloma | T
His sister is missing, his dad is talking to Christmas lights and Betty Cooper needs his help. November 1983 is a strange time for Jughead Jones. A Stranger Things AU.
Taboo. by anonymous | NR
Death becomes her.
The Beast Within series by @cooperjones2020 | M/E
He likes to watch her sleep.
🎃 the business of being dead (and the curse of virginity) by @thetaoofbetty | M
🎃 The Cooper House by @satelliteinasupernova | T
“Let’s go to a haunted house, Jughead,” Jellybean had said. “It’ll be fun,” she said.
Except, now he was turned around somewhere in a dark hallway; alone. With no source of light nearby, he could barely make out his surroundings. Tentatively, he reached out to use the wall to guide him, taking one step at a time. The surface of the wall was uneven and with each step he felt another notch as his hand moved across one panel of wood to the next. The floor creaked softly under his feet. Here in the dark, it was unnervingly quiet. The only other sound he could hear was of the wind passing through the trees outside the house.
“Hey, JB?” he called out. “Where the hell did you go?”
🎃 The First Halloween Since by @typing123 | G
Single Mom Betty doesn’t think she can face Halloween this year. She just wants a quiet night in with her daughter. Jughead’s not so sure.
THE HOUSE IS NOT HAUNTED by @satelliteinasupernova | T
“For the hundredth time, the house is not haunted,” said Gladys Jones as she lifted another box from the U-haul to carry into the house. “Now, go help your brother carry your things to your bedroom.”
JB huffed, and marched over to Jughead, reaching for her box of vinyl records, “How else did we get this place so cheap? You know it’s because that girl disappeared here.”
Silently, Jughead agreed with her, but he was getting tired of the argument. He knew JB wasn’t bringing this up to stop them from moving into the new house, she just wanted their mom to admit that was the reason they could even afford it. Gladys Jones wasn’t one to own up to her own methods, much less admit weakness.
The Hunger by @mistressofmalplaquet | M
Betty is being slowly starved at the Farm, while Jughead is hungry for blood. Hunger and seductive Blood Lust leads the pair into a swirl of terror, torture, and an inescapable dark fate.
🎃 The Jack-O-Gram by @noorakardemmomesaetre | T
The Jack-O-Gram has become the perfect way for Riverdale High students to express their feelings for someone special before the Halloween Banshee Bash at the end of the week.
Betty can't help but hope she receives one from the only boy who's ever captured her heart, Jughead Jones.
the key to (harm)ony by @lovedinapastlife | E
Everything else falls away, even her mother, sister, and Geraldine, when he steps towards her, untethered and confident with the grace of a circulating fountain. Up close, his eyes are blue - brilliant and deep like Sweetwater River, just on the verge of a knowing wink. His long spider-leg lashes flutter as he exhales in a hum of satisfaction, and the longer she looks at him the more it feels like she’s in the tub, water rising up over her chin until she can’t breathe.
“Hello, Betty,” he says with a soft, secret smile, and her heart rattles.
~~~
Betty resents her drunken mother's attempt to replace the recently deceased Charles with a stranger, his enigmatic half-brother Jughead. It's almost like he's waiting for the right moment to please her, to slink into her latest mystery and submerge her in something foreign: Freedom.
🎃 The Mouse by @typing123 | G
A hungry Jughead is lured into the woods on Halloween by a hungry vampire.
🎃 The One That I Want by @dreamersshouldknowbetter | T
Betty and Jughead meet at a Halloween party where they accidentally form two halves of a couples costume
the strange death of Elizabeth Cooper by @wolfofansbach | T
Betty Cooper, after a long struggle with illness, has passed away. Except–she hasn’t, because against all rhyme and reason, she awakens on the coroner’s slab, hale and healthy. The illness is gone, and she couldn’t be in better condition, to the weeping relief of her friends and family, not least of all her longtime boyfriend, Jughead Jones. No real explanation is forthcoming, but what does it really matter, when Betty is alive? And he can discount the occasional oddity in her behavior. She’s been through a lot, after all. Except, as the days go by and the strange happenings pile on, Jughead begins to suspect that whatever it is that crawled out of the grave that day isn’t really Betty Cooper.
🎃 the unexpected perks of being a pumpkin by @thetaoofbetty | M
Jughead Jones has a damn good Halloween.
🎃 Things that Go Bump in the Night by @createandconstruct | T
Are sometimes things that also squeal…
Thrill Me, Chill Me, Fulfill Me by @ms-maj | T
The gang does Rocky Horror.
Time Honoured Tradition by @jugandbettsdetectiveagency | T
When Cheryl dares Betty to spend some time in the abandoned house across the street she gets a little more than she bargained for.
What Happened on Elm Street by @tory-b | M
When Jughead Jones moves to Riverdale with his family, he uncovers a few mysteries this simple small town has been trying to cover up–specifically the murder that occurred in his house during the late 1950s that was never properly solved. Unable to keep his curiosity away, he teams up with neighbor and fellow mystery lover Betty Cooper to uncover the truth.
🎃 what we pretend to be by @sylwrites | G
It’s his little sister’s first Halloween, but his parents don’t have money for a costume or the time to take her trick-or-treating. The answer to both of these problems comes in the form of his best friend’s neighbour.
🎃 What’s Your Favourite Scary Movie? by @gellsbellshead | T
Betty Cooper doesn’t do scary movies. However maybe she could be persuaded by some cuddling from her boyfriend Jughead. This is a continuation of the fic “Movie Night”
🎃 when things go bump and grind at night by @rainystripe | M
Betty dresses up and Jughead is her slave.
Wild Creatures by @lilibetts | E
Neither Betty Cooper or Jughead Jones were particularly hopeful about their soulmarks; the inky black First Words seemed custom built for their hole-hearted selves. But with a mysterious game ensnaring students on campus, and killing some, it was a question of whether they would learn to work together before them being at cross-purposes destroyed everything.
🎃 Wish Fulfillment by @lilibetts | T
On Halloween, the core four meet up to go Trick-or-Treating, only to find themselves turning into their costumes. Revelations are had for Jughead and Betty.
🎃 won’t you tell me what you’re thinking of? by @flwrpotts | G
Betty enlists Jughead, Reggie, and Archie to help her set up for the annual Riverdale middle school Halloween dance.
Still haven’t satisfied your itch for Halloween fics? Check out our fanfic tag on @riverdale-events! Our Halloween event, Tricks and Treats of Riverdale, is going on and you can find fics posted exclusively to Tumblr there!
Betty and Jughead are mutants trying to survive a dangerous world that wants to destroy their kind, while also trying to figure out the love they feel for one another in spite of their differences.
Read it here
__
A gigantic thank you to the ladies running this event, @bettycooper, @jughead-jones and @theheavycrown, because without their extensions I wouldn't have managed to finish this (college life is hard, guys), and as always, a shout out to @shrugheadjonesthethird, the best beta in the world. ❤️
