seen from China
seen from United States
seen from France
seen from Egypt
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Morocco
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Maldives
seen from Malaysia
seen from Japan
seen from Malaysia
seen from Portugal
seen from United States
Master List - Creativity Help/Art Block Busting for Writers & Artists
Post for AUs & Tropes
Post for Monster-Making (Mundane Items)
Post for Dryad Creation
Post for Fae/Fairy Creation
Post for Random Character Weaknesses
Post for Random Superpowers
Post for Mermaid Making
Post for Monster Mixology
Post for Making a Randomised Centaur/Taur
Post for Winged Creatures
Lovely followers,
I just want to let you know that I’ve been struggling with family issues, to the point where I had to have my psychologist come around today.
I haven’t been okay for many days and I’m still not okay. Today I learnt that the reason Mum doesn’t say anything positive to me about my writing is because she thinks it’s “too gay” and my psychologist phrased this judgement as a good thing I should take on board as important feedback--that, for my own benefit, I should consider being a lot less queer in what I write.
It will be better for my financial benefit, because we live in a world that often doesn’t financially reward queer indie creators.
For my emotional benefit, though? For my sense of worth as a person? How do I find any sense that I deserve to exist as the person I am if I’m editing myself out of my own work? How do I find the courage to have pride in my identities? How do I exist as a real person if I cannot be real in my own creativity?
It’s so hard for LGBTQIA+ people to find pride in who we are. I grew up in a house where my lesbian cousin was The Person We Didn’t Talk About to my Dutch Catholic grandparents. My grandparents died not knowing who I really am because I am something we didn’t speak aloud to them. Those are scars I still carry, this sense that I should not be bold and proud and defiant about who I am, and both the message and the damage it causes all the years after isn’t something the world likes to acknowledge. As aro-specs, in a world where we’re not even seen to exist and our existence is contentious even within spaces that should be safe (like parts of LGBTQIA+ Tumblr) we’re not free from this, even before we consider what amatonormativity says, more directly, about people who live and feel the way we do.
Before now, I’d been feeling positive about being really fucking aro in my writing. I’d been enjoying this process of expressing experiences that I’ve never seen in fiction. Of making myself a little more real, each story at a time, in a world where my existence feels intangible, impossible or undesirable. Of validating my feelings, of doing the radical thing of treating myself as the person I am as though I deserve to be a hero in a story about my identities and experiences, using my words and identity terms.
Privileged people have the privilege of not making their works appear centred on being cis or heterosexual or alloromantically-heteroromantic--in the sense that while their works always centre on these things, that centering isn’t treated as anything but normal. It’s just as obnoxious (depending on how much you like identity centred in a work); the difference is only one of true acceptance. Writing a story about a cishet couple is “normal”; writing a story with a non-binary aromantic character who uses aromantic terminology is “too queer”.
Today, I am being asked to be less of myself in my creativity by two people who think they are being accepting of me in saying this.
Please, please--support your aro-spec creators. Please let them know that they’re loved and appreciated. Please let them know that they’re needed. Please let them know that we’re grateful for the steps they take in making worlds that depict us--both as we are now and as we wish to be in the future. Please let them know that we are grateful for their courage in creating works that depict us even when the world is telling them that they’re only valuable, artistically and financially, when they limit or diminish their aromanticism and/or their queerness. Please let us make sure, as a community, that we can stand together, strong and proud, against an onslaught of messages that demand their erasure and silencing.
Please support your aro-spec creators so they can stand firm in the face of what I heard today and continue to write (or tell or draw or sing or however it is that one creates) the stories we need.
(I don’t know when I’ll get back to normal blog-running. I’m sorry for everything ignored and not responded to, but I’m struggling in pretty epic fashion. Every time I manage to get online for a moment, something seems to go wrong shortly after, and my moods are all over the place.)
