#creator reflection

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2021 Creator Reflection

#1. stand easy

 i could say this piece wiped me out, but it remains one of my favorite things. ive wanted to write it for years. the way it’s come out has continuously surprised me, though, and my daydreams have been accompanied by this gyr abanian segment year round. it’s dense but it means a lot

#2. higher

i did some daveny prog early this year and made aerith’s house in her apartment, but i still want to continue fleshing things out so i can do the uhhhh wedding plot ive been threatening for uhhhhh years.

#3. blow the wind westerly

i did some good l’selle writing this year! i think most of my sel writing is a success, though, and i really appreciate that he makes a good bridge to my turtle friends. i snuck some y’lantaa in, too.

#4. deserter

i didnt reach my goal of writing at least two c’lov things this year, but at least i got this edit done. it would be really fun to play as him more, but i know it’s a waste of time and i need to do the heavy lifting with words. i hope i can do that next year!

#5. revelry

 my writing has been a bunch of lists for the past few years and i can’t tell if its good or bad, but i love the imagery in this one. its v poetic and soft

#6. armistice

gyr abania tiiiiiime. the second half of this isnt as eloquent as id like, but im still happy with it as a first attempt at getting at concepts i havent touched before. i also really love the outlines i made!

#7. sky ghosts

sel doing what sels do best. in reflection, the sea of clouds may have made more sense than the aery for l’selle regardless of what sky nini first thought of, but ksdjhfsd sel’s not going to either place if he can help it

x

this was certainly my least ‘productive’ year so far, but i spent the majority of my free time studying and researching and laying the foundations of my book blog. i def want to get more done next year! this year went by way too fast

im rly happy with my #FFXIVWrites2021 since i kept abt the same word count as last year so i call that a success.

im also working on a massive irreverent powerpoint for an accessible TLDR on nol/eli things, so there will be More then just the cursory intros for nol and elliot.

past reflections:  2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020

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2019 Creator Reflection

Pick a favorite piece for each month to celebrate the year! Reflection under the cut.

January: i dont remember writing another poem this year after this one, and i dont think i could necessarily top it: i think this is one of the better ones i’ve written. it’s tldr abt elliot n his anxiety abt proposing, and why he won’t do it, and i feel that its focus and imagery is tight even tho there’s a few trips in rhythm, which i think help convey his panic

February: i’ve distanced myself from this one a lot, but i think it’s still p strong. nol’s rant is a bit preachy, tho it sources from smth he’s thought abt a lot and which is a thorn in several of his conflicts: self-image, reputation, class, n identity. the undercurrent is also censorship within vulgarity and truth, which is a mega issue in war-related literature

March: honestly one of my fav things. i love writing brucemont, and i love nol’s relationship w the dead, and w elliot, and w bruce. it was difficult as usual to get the fight scene done, and pronouns are a special hell, but im happy w how it turned out.

April: i liked the language in this one. alliteration kept coming to me, which was as annoying as it was a help bc it can easily overload a sentence, but it felt snappy to write even w the long sentences. we also stan the vigil, as always

May (1 / 2): the first was a really excellent exercise, all things considered, and finding a way to combine each route n hone in on each questline helped me remember some plotting basics. thank u wyda! / this one was one of my first sets w separate characters in gpose, rather than taking separate pics and combining. ofc the flashback pics were heavily made up, but the pics w nol n eli were all shot w timing, which was a lot easier than expected

June: this one took a long time, but it’s fun to do frame-by-frame animation n add grime, so that’s what i did. i liked organizing the colors on nol n dav, and the lighting turned out really well. it tells a lot abt them, too

July: ironically, altho this was one of the most complicated puppeting jobs ive done, it went rly smoothly by how excited i was abt it. i blame absolutely everything on this shitpost

August: ah yes. my Novel. i honestly love this thing to death, and im astounded by how quickly i wrote it and how finely done it is. def my achievement of the year, sans college things. its the first project i’ve begun from page one and will finish in order. will!! plz look forward to it!!

September: happy ffxivwrite! faith crisis or not (elliot’s always having one of  those) i wrote fluff. i havent done that in like. 3 years. at least. not to this degree. one day ill write all the stuff that’s in exposition!!!

October: this was a slow month bc i was working on everything i’ve posted for november n have yet to complete, but i did hit 80 gnb and got nol his greatcoat!

November (1 / 2 / 3): a big month! the first big segment of wedding au, a nol thing for armistice day, and an eli edit i ended up falling in love with. i think i bled keeping up the pacing in wedding au, but im super glad w how it turned out. the points of intensity work and im grateful for it. then, i wanted to keep the tradition of confronting some military things for 11/11, and tho i didnt hit the date, i finished it. i’ll never feel like it’s “enough” to cover a topic that deserves a book, but for 1k it’s a entry.

December: another slower month bc of family n trips, but i did manage to write--holy shit--smth fluffy. i don’t usually use the ouroboros technique in my writing, but it felt extremely appropriate here w the cycle of death n life in the story.

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overall: this year was stupid, and also really good. i finished my thesis, graduated magna cum laude w english honors, joined phi beta kappa, got working meds, made friends, went to ny twice, read more books than i have in so so long, and sorta learned how to drive. no responses to internships, and no response from potential job yet, but i know 2020 will be the year i get to work and im excited to get started. also first au!!! im gonna do it!!!!

and past reflections, for ref: 2017 | 2018

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2018 Creator Reflection

I picked out my fav pieces from this year like I did last New Years! Lots of rambles abt them all beneath the cut.

January: Miners is one of my fav poems ever--I think I did it some justice. Owen swapped the poem’s meaning from the mine collapse to the war-dead but both apply to Nol so it works perfectly. Fake lighting is rough but I learned a rly efficient (if layer-heavy) technique for it here.

February (one / two): I had to pick two here since both of them always stayed with me. I think the image speaks volumes of them with Nol violently ripping apart these grimy shells while Elliot’s sitting on needles with a dainty white box of pastries. For the second, I know I pick on Nol a lot, but this was one of the key turning points for him. And I used to obsess over his breath--I still do tbh--but here’s where that motif came back in full force.

March: I wanted to make smth soft after Feb’s dark contrast, and Keats gives me the best excuses tbh. At this point, I was really into giving white strokes and painting shadows onto my edits bc art nouveau is such a mood. I think this is also when I started lightening up abt just representing Nol and Eli’s romantic relationship on my blog. I still get nervous abt sharing but I think my best work still comes from them together.

April: I honestly had way too much fun writing this and I still have leftover purple prose lines sitting in my drafts from it. I’d forgotten how to write them until this prompt woke the skill back up in me. Tbh I still go back to it when I need to remember. Also rivi wrote me this in return and I’m p sure cry everyday abt it bc her writing is so beautiful

May: Fam I love this song sm. I rushed to finish this edit and then revisited it a few months ago to adjust the blur n such. It’s probably the most complicated thing I’ve ever edited. The lyrics fit so well with how Nolanel just vice-grips things to hold himself together, so I put the dragoon for war, Elliot for Elliot lol, and the flag/rosary for faith and country. Each of these things conflict and form the core of his struggle as a person.

June: I think smth possessed me when I made this--I started with no idea where I was going and suddenly I had this really beautiful sprawl of light and dark. I think Sae is really fascinating and complex n im glad I got to know the rad person behind her more this year!

July: I spent several days on this and the whole thing is a blur in my memory. I put Nol on the altar on purpose since he’s the more “holy” of the two/has done less wrong, but mostly since he’s the one who gets the most out of these moments away from the world. Elliot still has outside thoughts n he’s not as relaxed, but Nol’s hand on him is kind of all the reassurance he needs. I gotta finish editing the whole album one of these days, too.

August (one / two): I think both of these give a brief impression so I picked them. The one about the rosary I find impactful and genuinely cold--I used to get censured by classmates for being too dramatic in the emotional sense (at this point, too bad). As for the second, I was really not feeling well around that time, and finding The Heart’s Journey in school rly got me out of it for a few hours. I think the edits themselves are a bit awkward but I’m fond of the composition anyway and of what I tried to make.

September (one / two): I barely ever think of Elliot younger than seventeen, so fourteen yo Eli crashing into my thoughts w a Calamity flashback was such a sucker-punch. I’m so in love with his rashness and with Jos at the end. As for the edit, it recreated by accident the everybody-cry-on-the-floor (idk if this is mood or goals) pose when Nol proposes--I still dislike the scene but I felt a little better abt it after this (slapping a Pogany heart into it helped)

October: can i just AAAAAAAAAAAAA abt this bc that’s my author’s note (i failed writing smth happy w no strings attached but it reveals some rly intense n important parts and issues in their relationship that i rly loved expressing finally)

November: (one / two) OK i had to pick two from this month because these go together for Armistice Day. It takes within 2 seconds of knowing me to learn that 99% of my braincase is filled w thoughts on war poetry n war culture, etc, will smith poses at my like 8 soldier characters. I still think of Nol as a ltn so it was really cool to approach some of his interaction w his company as a loveable? mob.

December (one / two): I made both of these as leveplates! I’ll post versions w the frames once I figure out making more of them. I’ve attempted stained glass before and it doesn’t usually come out well--I stick to the art nouveau sort of borders much more. Using super saturated colors was new, esp w Nol, but I really love both of their poses (which, for once in my life, I didn’t have to combine 4 pictures to achieve).

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Creator Tag Meme!

Rules: I forgot the rules (they were pick 5 of ur fav art pieces and not pick one from every month) so. do as you like!

I was tagged by @emilyplaysgames and @ahlis-xiv!

Links to the original posts (+ the two writing snippets I didn’t share before) and babblings below!

Jan: bloodborne au helped me get back in the momentum of writing and was my longest coherent/seamless work for a while (since i write blurbs w no order and all over the timeline) so it reminded me that I could still make a complete narrative that wasn’t either of the 'nol dies’ or ‘eli dies’ aus.

Feb: my first time sharing my writing publicly (other than that rothe post)! i felt like this piece did a really good job of revealing some of Nol’s past and his inner workings. i was also able to share this one w my class + mom

Mar: I made this edit when I was really losing interest in the game. that feeling lasted through the year and still persists, but this edit and others remind me that there’s still moments i need ffxiv in my life beyond my fc

Apr: even though i went into this edit w that old poem in mind, the coloring choice in the bg was initially an accident that i rly loved + took me by surprise

May: one of my oldest poems inspired this edit so I let it accompany it, but i think the pictures really took off on their own and i found that super interesting? i also began using textures more often afterwards

Jun: aka the edit that made me start the 'elliot in cold colors’ challenge and why I always fail it bc the gold turned out so well and still does

Jul: I managed to get a really fantastic color scheme for one of my tougher characters to express. i solidified my shading technique here too!

Aug: A bit of the 2nd au that I never put on this blog: WWI au, where Elliot’s a seriously disgruntled assistant to his dad (the chaplain) and a makeshift medic. ft a bit of my ex battle medic, kayden vervloet.

Sep: Typography is my Worst Enemy but I ended up rly liking how the text came out in this edit! I also liked the darker palette and def the shading.

Oct: L’selle’s story has always been a plodding one so I was glad and relieved to finally get some of the bigger scenes highlighted in this set. his relationships with arismont and allen are also ones i refer to often, but never had a visual for

Nov: i dont often write Jos since he’s Nol and Eli’s go-to for “im panicking and need help NOW” so im glad i got to express him in a more relaxed scene.

Dec: ok i finished this on new years day and not eve but i started it before then so it counts. i completed the ‘elliot in cold colors’ challenge!

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2020 Creator Reflection

Pick a favorite piece for each month to celebrate the year! Reflection under the cut.

March: i talked abt this one here so hell yeah, i love me some angst and revving up elliot’s fatal flaw to ruin his life

April:  Oh God, Nol Antagonized The Feral Possum Too And Now Everything Is Going To Become Bad. it was really hard for me to commit and let nol be the idiot he is to one of my friends but im rly glad i managed it. i expected a lot of tauntness in his character from removing him from ishgard but i wasn't completely sure how i would express it beyond his fragmented thoughts. he never says or thinks quite what he wants to in the order he intends. his impulsivity is damning here n i like that a lot

May:  next year for sure im gonna write at least two clo stories. i dont like that he's That Aesthetic Cat Boy on this blog when he's my vehicle for horror. his voice is also one i haven't figured out yet so id rly like to get that done. shout out to the little pharos in the back.....ilu

June (one): trench warfare trench warfare trench warfare, aka me rewriting what square was too cowardly to put thought into, plus a good dose of sucker punching nol. its much overdue but im working on another sb thing too based on brave's IR so i rly rly wanna finish that soon next year.

June (two): i already talked abt this one here but noise good boys cute

July (one):  this one reminded me that oh. yeah. i CAN photoshop things if i have a vision. bc halone knows i havent in a long time. im a bitch for arr and i love the calamity, but i dont write much abt my boys' childhoods so never get to directly address it. i rly love the one of elliot, who is definitely not eating a piece of bread

July (two):  this bitch wrote FLUFF and POETRY in ONE STORY so thats p cool. i rly like elliot getting smacked by the piano.

August:  spinny. the combination of cute pastels and nols dead anger face is p funny tbh

September (one):  i looooove showing nol's perception against elliot's. nol has an interesting relationship w eli's room, too, as a place of comfort but also massive change, so it's always fun to get him to interact w it. still, elliot operates almost mockingly here--id like to change that vibe bc while his actions are deliberate, they're not cruel.

September (two):  this one was fun to write and fun to read. I've missed writing nol n eli in that awkward period of their early friendship a lot n this let me revisit it. their fondness for each other is clear but theyre evidently not quite *used*to each other. also "a fair trade, he considered, as nol manhandled him through the window" still makes me laugh.

October:  FRUMPY CLOTHES FRUMPY CLOTHES FRUMPY CLOTHES. v happy w this outfit. good clothes this year even if i didnt play very much at all.

November:  i loooooove writing jos and nol. they have so much tension its beautiful. mentor characters are one of my favorite ways to push another chara to do smth uncomfortable, so jos' prodding is the perfect combination of understanding and advice to get nol to reflect on what he needs to. even if that's calling elliot a bitch

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i didnt get to do anything for three of the months this year, which is kind of weird for me, but also. its whatever. bc this is 2020.

i rly didnt get to create much at all tbh for 2020 reasons, but also for job reasons--i v happily began working at a public library halfway through this year. adjusting to that time sink was p difficult.

i also really. didn’t play ffxiv much. i did start playing a couple other video games tho, like animal crossing and a few zeldas, and i started tw3 a few weeks ago and im enjoying it. ill take that as progress, too

im working really hard on starting a book blog so i dont expect to return to the game very quickly next year. but i really miss my characters and my friends so i def want to put more time into ffxiv. i have an industrial revolutions wip that i should be done with in the next month, plus another marriage plot wip that i can begin tying together too.

i would really like if i could finish the rp plot for marriage plot im cooking and contribute it to my fc a little. who doesnt need a little more ishgardian drama in their life, duh,

but we made it! to the end of the year! even if it feels lonely and the festivity is really out of me, im glad to move into 2021 and take the little good parts with me.

past reflections:  2017 | 2018 | 2019