Bein a cash poor crip takes its toll It looks like making do with 2 people on a twin sized mattress in someone’s living room for 5 months. It means no Epsom salt baths no matter how much pain you’re in. It means not knowing where your back and knee braces are or even your cane. It means saving your muscle relaxers for absolute painsomnia emergencies bc if you run out of what’s in your backpack you have to move and dig through heavy boxes to find the prescriptions. It means to get a place of your own to love, you have to pick up 12 extra hours of overtime this week and however many you can manage to get next week. It means contemplating if $40 is doable for a body work appt next week or if you’ll need to pick up more hours and wait til January.
It means disabled body meets Trans body and they both want to kill yourself because you’re struggling in everyday get by and can’t take the extra pressure of hating your existence. Add in relationships, resentment, pain or everyday life to the mix and it feels like a death sentence sitting in your wind pipe. sobbing uncontrollably as your lover snores.
This crip body is losing touch with its ancestor’s power and is aimlessly searching. This crop body is feeling broken.