These are the least stealthy ninjas I’ve ever seen.
Critical: Thumbs Down
Paper thin plot
Predictable and limited character development
Clearly meant for children
Spectacle: Thumbs Up
Almost as much fun as the first LEGO Movie
Plenty of good laughs
Fast paced animation keeps things lively
What Is It?
An animated movie based on the popular LEGO building system set. There’s also a cartoon series, but that’s only slightly related. This movie is not based on that series.
“The Spectacular” Specs:
Yeah, it’s fun. Pretty crazy most of the time, too. It starts big and keeps up the pace the whole time!
It’s not perfect, though. It’s the kind of action that’s kinda like jangling keys, y’know? If it was just the visuals, this movie would kinda suck. Which is good that it’s got some pretty good comedy, too. It never gets too serious.
The whole point here is to just go and have fun. Don’t even worry about it! It’s better for kids of course. But there’s enough comedy to keep the adults happy for the ride.
Critic MacCritical Esq. III:
The story is clearly secondary here. Paper thin and relying on sight gags to keep the pace moving, there will be precious little here to quench a critical pallet. Every setting is generic, clearly meant more as a means to a joke than to build anything lasting.
The two characters that have any sort of growth are the villain Garmadon and his estranged son Lloyd. This is the true purpose of the film, showing a young audience the concept of forgiveness and acceptance. This is effective enough on it’s own. However, Garmadon never truly becomes likable. He remains the rather awful villain at the end, but now he’s in good standing with his child. Unfortunately this comes off more as a cliché than anything meaningful.
While not a complete failure, it’s also not particularly complex. The film is intended for younger children, and is bright, colorful, and loud. Older viewers seeking something to consider will come away with very little.
The Reviewer’s Thoughts:
This movie tries the same pacing method as the original LEGO Movie, with mixed results. More live action gives the film a weird feeling in a few places, but the quick paced comedy is effective enough on it’s own.
The adults that go to see this with their kids might be a little bored because of how cliché the movie is, but it’s inoffensive fun otherwise.
It’s the 35th anniversary of this movie. What better time to talk about this treasured classic?
Critical: Thumbs Up
Beautiful animation
Simple yet deep story
Spectacle: Thumbs Up
Excellent pace, never boring
Cool action scenes
Keeps the imagination going for decades
What Is It?
The first feature length animated adventure after Don Bluth left Disney. A mother mouse goes on an epic quest to save her sick son, encountering the intelligent Rats of NIMH.
“The Spectacular” Specs:
This movie has tons of action. The quick pace keeps things from getting dull, moving from one thing to the next constantly. It never goes to the babyish levels of jangling keys, either. Everything here has a reason to exist.
You’ve got suspense, too! It’s got great tension buildup with great payoff every time. Even knowing what’s gonna happen, it still works. Even 35 years later.
And who doesn’t love sword and sorcery stuff? Wizards and knights, secretly living right under modern day humans. It just gets the imagination going like none other!
This movie’s awesome. Watch it with your kids. Or just on your own. It’s worth it!
Critic MacCritical Esq. III:
This film showed the world what Don Bluth could do with a good enough story. One that was loved, dearly. To touch so deeply on what a mother’s love truly meant, what lengths she would go to for the sake of her children. To show humility and respect of others through the rats. There are deep layers here that a child will grow to know and love as they grow.
The background holds details and secrets for the keen observer. Particular in Nicodemus’ book. The film knows that there must be many things going on at any given time, that the focus of the story does not mean nothing else is happening. A story told simply but still retaining such depth is rare indeed.
This film is a rare and wondrous thing. It may be intense for very young children, but it will capture the imaginations of young and old alike. This is a timeless, treasured classic, and should be considered as one of the greats in film history.
The Reviewer’s Thoughts:
What’s left to say about this movie that hasn’t been said by others? The animation is beautiful. The story is magnificent, even if it seriously deviates from it’s source material (go read the book if you haven’t, it’s also very good). The music is wonderful. The voice acting is excellent, if a little stiff at times. But most of all, it’s fuel for the imagination and panacea for the soul.
If you haven’t seen this movie, you owe it to your inner child. This movie is one of the greats and it would be tragic indeed to have never seen it.
A movie based on the animated text chat characters of the same name. Somehow.
“The Spectacular” Specs:
So, like. I don’t think this was a very good movie. It was just an okay movie, right?
It’s bright and colorful. And it’s kinda fun. The main Meh guy was alright. And I totally dug how much his parents got along.
But, like. Not a lot happens in this movie. You’ve got a couple neat chases from an antivirus terminator program, and that’s pretty much it. They try a bunch of jokes, but most of ‘em just aren’t funny. The whole movie is kinda boring. I’m sure kids would like it, but those of us with grownup taste are gonna be wishing we saw something else.
Critic MacCritical Esq. III:
I cannot even bring myself to care about this film.
There is nothing new here. The story is one part “Wreck-It Ralph” and one part “Inside Out”. Another protagonist that is told he is to be one thing but ultimately wishes to be another? I found the story of the child that owned the phone more intriguing.
There are more moments of shameless cash grab than there are genuine story moments. And the visual disconnect with the videos in the YouTube app portion shattered any remaining suspension of my disbelief.
However, nothing in the movie is truly atrocious. It is certainly bad, but hardly worth getting worked up over. If the young ones wish to see it, so be it. But be prepared for a very dull evening.
The Reviewer’s Thoughts:
I could almost say that it was a stroke of genius to use the “Meh” emoji as the title character for the film. Nothing else here really defines the movie quite as well as that.
It’s an over-marketed, exceptionally bland kids flick. You’re not getting anything from the movie you haven’t seen in the trailers. It’s not good, but it’s also not terrible. Really, it’s just “Meh”. Uninteresting and painfully average. Give this one a skip if you don’t have kids to take to it. And if you do have kids? See if something else is playing.
Grab your popcorn and check your brain at the door!
Critical: Thumbs Down
Shallow story
Bad acting from the leads
Spectacle: Thumbs Up
Gorgeous sci-fi worlds and creatures
Tons of fun
Great action and fast pacing
What Is It?
A movie adaptation of a French serialized comic, “Valerian and Lauraline”, and more specifically the sixth volume story arc, “Ambassador of the Shadows”.
“The Spectacular” Specs:
What a ride! This crazy action movie has these kids bouncing all of the galaxy doing all kinds of stuff! Chase scenes, gunfights, cool ships and technology. There’s a ton here for a bunch of different stuff!
I really liked how things were so different everywhere in the movie. Every place looked completely different from the last place. There’s a desert that’s actually a cool outdoor shopping mall in a different dimension, you’ve got whole underwater ecosystems on a space station, and some really dense city scapes. And all of it looked great!
The two leads are pretty boring, though. Neither of them really pop. There’s supposed to be some romantic thing going on with them but I never felt it. They were fun together, though, so whatever. Still a lotta fun!
Critic MacCritical Esq. III:
The film eschews deep storytelling for the sake of more base things. There is a story here, but it is not very mysterious. It is simple enough to identify both villains and allies from their first onscreen appearance. There is simply not enough depth or variety or even anything terribly new for us of a more critical mindset.
The world crafted within the film is hardly utilized. More locations are used instead of leveraging what they already have. The titular “City of a Thousand Planets” is used as a backdrop, a place for interesting visual things, and little else.
And I must agree with my compatriot. The acting of the two leads is very disappointing. Both come off wooden and uninterested in the events surrounding them, even when faced with the death of their partner.
The Reviewer’s Thoughts:
The very definition of a Popcorn Flick, it’s loud and fast and fun first and foremost. And it is a good movie because of that. The only real miss here are the leads. They feel miscast and simply don’t act well. It’s not a deal breaker, thankfully, since everything else here is so good. But, critics might want to stay home for this one.
A movie adaptation of the Steven King young-adult adventure series of the same name. A boy has vivid dreams of a place he’s never seen and people he’s never met. After finding a portal to another world, he finds out his dreams were visions from another world.
“The Spectacular” Specs:
This movie’s one heck of a trip!
The whole thing feels kinda dreamy. The world we see on the other side of the portal seems all normal but it’s really messed up. There’s demons, and monsters pretending to be humans, and this sorcerer guy that’s behind everything.
But it also has some awesome action sequences! Great gun play from Idris Elba blending practical and special effects. It’s a great mixture giving lots of stuff to see.
Plus, it’s nice and snappy. No slow moments in this flick. It’s straight and to the point and just lets the audience enjoy the ride. Sure, it’s a little dark in theme. But I’d say anyone looking for an action fix is gonna get something here.
Critic MacCritical Esq. III:
I was fairly pleased with the effective, if not simple, story. Here we see another example of the boy who is normal and average being lifted to greatness not by deed but by Destiny and Prophecy. What sets him apart is his proactive approach to such. He doesn’t wait for things to happen to him, he takes charge and makes things happen. Often at great personal expense and danger.
It was also very satisfying to watch The Gunslinger grow as a character and become a surrogate father figure. Starting as unwilling, and slowly growing more fond as the movie progresses. It was done very naturally and was tremendously effective.
I must also applaud the actors, both young and old, for excellent performances. Things felt natural and flowed well.
The story is a bit simplistic and overdone, which is a valid concern with this title. It’s a dime a dozen story. The thing that sets this movie apart is the focus on Elba’s character partway through, allowing the focus to shift away from the Boy Wonder to more interesting things. Also, as I mentioned above, his proactive nature. It’s an enjoyable film with excellent messaging.
The Reviewer’s Thoughts:
It’s a simple story that has been told and retold over and over. This one mixes good action with effective and concise storytelling to make for an effective movie. The pacing is snappy, and at times can feel slightly rushed, but it’s done well for what the movie is. The film leaves you wanting more, but still feeling satisfied overall. Not a bad position to be in when there’s still a series of books to pull from after this story. Hopefully we can see more from Steven King and this series going forward.
The 11th ‘A’ in ‘Traa La Laaaaaaaaaaa’ is very important.
Critical: Thumbs Down
Simple story and visuals belie the deeper sub themes
Be ready for a wave of poop jokes
Spectacle: Thumbs Up
Great characters
Fast paced to keep jokes coming
Actually Funny
What Is It?
The movie adaptation of the long running book series of the same name. This movie is based on the first two books.
The Movie:
Two best friends spend all their time drawing comics and pranking the teachers of their school. Until the principal declares he’s going to destroy their friendship by placing them in separate classes. Desperate, they threaten him with a hypnotism ring… and it works! Now their principal is The Amazing Captain Underpants!
What’s Good:
This movie has so much charm. Every character is great. Background gag characters are oozing with charm. It makes looking at the movie a visual delight from start to finish, and makes even the most minor characters memorable.
And the humor is just top notch. Which is really saying something since so much of it is stupid toilet humor. But a combination of expert comedic timing and unabashed absurdity makes every joke land. Kids and adults will laugh.
The animation style is also great. I’ve been very fond of this particular style for some time now. It’s simple but expressive, allowing for fast motion deformity and dramatic detail in equal amounts.
What’s Bad:
On the surface, it’s mostly toilet humor. Depending on your threshold for tolerating that sort of comedy, this will either be no big deal or a complete deal breaker.
The simple plot might also be a bit of a turnoff for those looking for something a bit meatier to dig into.
Final Thoughts:
This movie is just fun and charming from beginning to end. It’s a great time for everyone in the theater.
As a Critical movie, it’s basic but serviceable. The thin plot and basic characters work well enough, but there’s a depth to everything that isn’t immediately obvious. It’s not exactly a first choice.
As a Spectacle movie, you will laugh. A lot. This is dumb fun at it’s finest.
This is absolutely worth a view. Go see it. Take the kids. Or don’t. Either way, expect a good time.
Sony’s latest reboot of their Marvel Comics superhero movie franchise, this time with the added talent of Marvel Studios.
The Movie:
After helping out Iron Man deal with Captain America, Peter Parker is back home and back at school, waiting for that fateful call for the next big job. Until then, he’s just your everyday friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.
What’s Good:
Where do I even begin?
The acting is top notch. Particularly for the younger actors. Everyone fit their role and really made it believable. Which was helped along by the writing. Fantastic characterization for everyone involved. The story as a whole was rooted and highly interesting, but was also very well planned. Little hints were sprinkled throughout with plenty of nods to the greater world.
The action was also great. The way Spider-Man moves is so fast, but centered in a way that makes it easy to follow. Nothing was sacrificed here. The visual effects for the suit and his webbing worked as well, making things interesting to look at. The eyes for his suit in particular were very expressive, and the detail work showed the audience that it was a series of mechanical apertures.
The comedy in this movie was also great. Often enough to keep a light tone, and backed off when the movie needed to be serious. Starting and ending on a good comedy note really helped as well. And, when the movie wants to get serious? It gets serious. The contrast helps immensely, and I give particular props to Michael Keaton for his superb acting in this movie. There is one scene that will send chills down your spine. It’s just that good.
What’s Bad:
In a movie where child actors are written to behave like children, where villains are layered and dynamic, where visual effects are used in subtle ways to enhance what’s already there, and where established characters are portrayed accurately and respectfully?
There is one thing that is also a bit of a spoiler. There’s a certain romantic interest for Spiderman that makes an appearance. And she’s heavily changed. I don’t know if I could call it good or not. She’s so different that it doesn’t feel like the same character. She’s fun in this movie, but the change is massive and might put off longtime fans. Your mileage will vary.
Final Thoughts:
I feel like I got my childhood hero back. This Spider-Man is everything that makes the character great re-imagined in spectacular fashion.
As a Critical movie, it’s a solid hit. There’s plenty to dig into for the story here, as well as some fantastic acting.
As a Spectacle movie, it’s also a solid hit. Great comedy, great action, likeable characters, and flawless pacing keep the hits coming.
This movie is a must see. Seriously. Go out and see it. Take your kids. Take your parents. Don’t let this one pass by.
The worst parts of two bad movies and somehow still worse.
Critical: Thumbs Down
Pointless nothing of a plot
No character development
The worst cinematography I have seen to date
Spectacle: Thumbs Down
Basic and pointless action
Too busy to make anything out
Terrible jokes that don’t land
What Is It?
The fifth movie in the live action Transformers series directed by Michael Bay. You don’t need to know anything about the other four movies because this movie doesn’t even remember.
The Movie:
Merlin of King Arthur’s court is given a staff of power by an ancient Autobot. That staff is a key and forces movie goers to waste two and a half hours of their time.
What’s Good:
When I started this blog, I told myself that I would strive to find something good about every movie I talk about, no matter what. But this movie pushed me to my limit. I struggle to find good things to talk about here.
In the spirit of fair play, I will state that twice during the run time a joke was uttered that actually made me laugh. Not chuckle, not merely smile, not roll my eyes and give the movie a pass. Twice the movie pulled an actual laugh from me. Similarly, the movie successfully made me gleeful inside for the sheer awesome that was on screen precisely once.
And, finally, the baby Dinobots were adorable. Baby Slag was adorable. I want one. Hasbro? Make a plushy. Seriously.
What’s Bad:
EVERYTHING ELSE.
I could rant for days about specific overly nerdy things the movie got wrong, or just screwed up, but instead I’m going to focus on problems from the movie series itself.
The first core problem of the movie was a failure to respect continuity. And I don’t mean from Transformers as a whole, I mean just from the previous four movies. This is nothing new for the series but it finally goes past the breaking point. Transformers during Arthurian times? Used extensively during World War 2? A Transformer killed Hitler? Where did this come from? Where were the government spooks coming out to defend these individuals DURING THE FIRST MOVIE!? This historical retcon actually causes serious problems for the first four movies. When constructing an ongoing story, you need to BUILD upon what’s already been done, not try to rewrite everything just so you can have a stupid pocket watch for no good reason.
The second core problem is visuals. The transformation sequences for all the Transformers has been overly busy in every movie this series, and I will concede that as a stylistic point. That isn’t the real problem here. The problem here is making every scene they’re in too busy. Every time they move, there’s a dozen other things moving. Transformers can’t stand still and talk, they have to be hand jiving, or blowing flame for effect, or just giving the audience The Crazy Eye. Or, they’re bumping into things in the scene that are clearly not computer generated, just to make it look like they’re in the scene. Which is also hard to look at because of how often the movie cuts. You will see continuous filming for no more than 20 seconds during this film. It is CONSTANTLY cutting to better frame whoever is talking, or to get a reaction, or to show a robot giving the audience The Crazy Eye (seriously, that was creepy and dumb). It also doesn’t help that the movie is shot in three different aspect ratios and will jump between them seemingly at random. And the first time you notice those sudden black bars on the top and bottom, you won’t be able to not notice them. There is no reason at all for this to happen. It’s just plain awful movie making.
The third core problem with this movie is the story itself. This whole movie is an unfocused mess with no point other than to waste your time. There are three false starts, and any one of them could have made a good movie. First, we’ve got Transformers in Camelot helping King Arthur, and Merlin is just a drunk that gets the robots to help him. That is only used to establish the existence of Merlin’s Staff, an important piece of Cyberton’s history. The second one is in present day with a quartet of high school kids who sneak into an exclusion zone looking for “robots”. They find some military drones that looks suspiciously like Metal Gear REX, but then a girl their age saves them! With two soda bottles! And her robot helper! And she takes them to her safe cave and even THAT’S a Transformer! And that whole idea is shot when her Autobot guardian gets shot and killed. Mark Wahlberg to the rescue! All the boys are shuffled out of the movie. This entire sequence was only to set up the girl. The third false start is all about Wahlberg and his misfit band of Autobots. They get found out and end up having to fight Megatron and his new robots! That’s great, that’s what we came for! And then it’s over and no, the movie ACTUALLY STARTS when English Butler Transformer shows up to whisk Wahlberg and Bumblebee off to England. The rest of the movie doesn’t fare any better. The plot jumps from idea to idea so rapidly, there’s no chance to build anyone’s character. Established characters get no defining traits. New characters end up bland and one dimensional. And by the end of it all, the movie ends with a sequel bait ending.
And because of these things, everything else comes off as flat and boring. Action sequences have no impact because the characters fighting barely have names and are then killed off. Jokes fall limp because the delivery tries way too hard to be as entertaining as the actual joke should be, making everything come off with a thick sheet of cringe. There are no quiet moments in the movie. The one time there nearly was a quiet moment, Butler Transformer ruined it twice. Because that’s what’s funny.
Final Thoughts:
Take every terrible design decision and bad joke from Revenge of the Fallen, then take every dull point from Age of Extinction, and combine those moments into one messy ball of a movie. And somehow make that worse. That’s The Last Knight. That’s what it looks like when a movie is actively wasting your time.
As a Critical movie, it’s an infuriating mess. Nothing works. You’ll walk out of the movie before the credits roll and you will be fuming mad at the sheer incompetence on display.
As a Spectacle movie, it’s a dull and pointless ride. You might as well jangle your keys for two hours.
This is not a good movie. This movie is a straight bomb. There is nothing in this movie for anyone, and you would only be doing yourself a disservice by seeing it. I implore you, do NOT go see this movie. Not even ironically. It’s not worth your time.
