i weep,
though in the name of her prosperity
and her fortification,
still her pupils escape rainwater,
and her blood pleats around promising gashes;
i am afraid,
i am alone,
and though my eyes deny the actuality,
my muscles seep empty ashes at the hilt of her throne –
her happiness is my righteousness,
and her falsehoods are my scriptural notions;
“you can only appeal for the truth,”
she says –
but now there are fleapits in my bullet wounds,
and there are mouthfuls of veins in my warmth;
“but i strain for you,
as i’ve never strained before,
yet you glorify my shame,
my fault, and my pain;
declaring that you will continuously loathe,
and that you are afraid,
you are alone,
and though you know the truth – “
“i will ignore my feelings for you”
i weep,
in the wake of her self-inflicted euthanasia,
“i was sworn to protect her,” i will beg and doubt,
but the placid answer i will gather is only as the stars above;
“how might you have protected her from her own blade?”