roblox shenanigans 4 last 1s for now feat my Favs ! GIVE that mentally ill man an equally mentally ill little sister. NOW! TEENGIRL BESTFRIEND NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD.
Just watched Nightmare on elm street for the first time in a while, and from what I understand, Freddy feeds of fear and killing is just his favorite way to get the fear, so I now can't help but imagine him as an ex-employee of Monsters Inc that they don't talk about.
This is an AU where Reigen and Reagan are siblings. WWWEEEEEEEEEEE!
Serizawa had locked the door when they left to meet the client, he was certain of it. Yet, there was a disheveled foreign man leaning against Reigen's desk when they arrived back at the office. Scruffy, and looking more than a little hungover, the foreigner grinned at the sight of them.
"'Taka, my boy." He held out his arms, as if waiting for a hug.
Reigen stiffened by Serizawa's side, setting off all the visible alarms of prey encountering a predator. "You stay back!" Reigen shouted at him.
"Come on," the other man said. "Can't a man see his son without an interrogation?"
"Not according to the restraining order," Reigen snapped.
The other man threw his head back and groaned. "Don't tell me you're taking Tamiko's side. I didn't see you at the wedding."
Reigen's hands flailed in rage. "Why would I watch my mother marry herself?
Serizawa found himself dreadfully confused. “How can your mother--”
“She’s a narcissist,” Reigen explained. Then he pointed to the other man in the room, his father, “And he’s a sociopath. You have no idea what it was like growing up as the only normal one.”
“Your sister is a fine young woman.” Even though Reigen’s father had said it, it sounded like he didn’t believe it.
Reigen gave Serizawa a look. “The only normal one,” he punctuated. “Anyway,” he said, “Rand, this is my business partner Serizawa Kat--”
“His boyfriend,” Serizawa clarified. If Reigen felt this agitated around this man then he wanted to make it clear that Rand was outnumbered, physically and emotionally.
However, the hurt expression that crossed Reigen’s face told Serizawa this was a bad, bad move. “Don’t give that man any ammunition,” Reigen hissed. “He will use anything against us--”
And he was right. Rand smirked, turning up the charm. “I’m sure your boyfriend would love a few days to get to know his future father-in-law.”
“No,” Reigen said. “Not until you tell me what you’re doing here.”
“Look, kid,” Rand rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m on the run from the Robes and need a place to lay low for a while--”
Reigen slapped his hands over Serizawa’s ears. “Don’t listen to him,” Reigen ordered. “Whatever you do, absorb nothing.”
Serizawa was starting to getting annoyed. “Stop talking like you’re in a spy movie--”
That’s when all hell broke loose. The building trembled as the bass thump of helicopter blades killed all sound. The glass windows trembled before shattering as Black-Ops types kicked their way through. The front door flew open as a woman in a labcoat with a high-tech laser gun stepped on through.
She sneered at Rand. “Hands up, Dad!” she shouted.
Rand rolled his eyes as the Black-Ops creeps slapped handcuffs on him. Once secured, the woman lowered her laser pistol. “Oh, hey ‘Taka,” she said.
“Hey sis,” Reigen said. Despite the chaos erupting in his office he looked more tired than anything else. “So how long is he going to prison?”
“Forever if I have anything to say about it,” the woman said. “Who’s your friend?”
“Serizawa, this is my sister Reagan,” Reigen said.
Serizawa couldn’t believe his ears. “Reigen Reagan?”
“I was named after the President,” Reagan said. “Reagan Ridley,” she corrected, “‘Taka took mom’s maiden name after the divorce.”
“To put as much distance between me and this family as possible,” Reigen Arataka said.
Serizawa couldn’t blame him.
“You’re coming to Thanksgiving this year,” Reagan ordered. “The last couple of months have sucked and I don’t need to spend Turkey Day drinking alone.”
“Are you kidding me?” Reigen said. “I’d have to close the office and inform my clients--”
“The shadow government will let you have a few days off from pretending psychics aren’t real to drink with your sister,” Reagan argued.
“Shadow government?” It was the wrong thing for Serizawa to say.
From out of nowhere, Reagan pulled out a shiny silver pen. “What shadow government?” she asked.
Then everything went white.
-------------------
“How much did you erase?” Reigen asked. He brushed back the bangs from Serizawa’s forehead, worried over the other man’s blank expression.
“Only a few minutes,” his sister explained. “He’s susceptible to suggestion right now. Tell him he met your sister and you’re both invited to the States in November.”
Reigen shook his head. “I hate you all so much,” he said, only partially meaning it.
“I hate us, too,” Reagan said with similar sentiment.
At that, they hugged for probably the first time in decades. “I’ll send you plane tickets,” Reagan whispered.
Reigen resigned himself to the future trip. There was no arguing with his sister nor Cognito Inc. He knew that all too well.
I don’t really want to write this because JK Rowling is... *handwaves*. But I got bunnied for it.
Starts at end of GoF because that’s right before the entire series goes to shit. Harry sees Cedric killed and is convinced he’s going to be next, and then time stops and this mysterious glowing woman who introduces herself as Mara tells him to follow her if he wants to live. So he does, and she takes him to Skyrim, telling him he will be safer here than he ever was at Hogwarts. He finds himself on the side of the road in the Jeralls, freezing in his school uniform, and then the Legion pass by.
And here the defining theme of the story becomes clear, namely that Skyrim is messed up in a lot of ways, but one thing everyone with any honour is agreed on is that children should not be fighting. And Harry was always small for his age, is 14, about to turn 15 in a month or so, and does not remotely look like a grown-up. Meaning the Legion take one look and instead of flinging him on the cart with the prisoners are all ‘how old are you? where are your parents? what are you doing out here??’ On hearing the answers are ‘14, they’re dead, I don’t know where I am’, Harry ends up riding behind Hadvar on his horse, and sent into the guard tower while the beheadings happen. Hadvar explains about the war and the Stormcloaks and Empire, and after hearing the Stormcloaks don’t just want the Thalmor out of Skyrim, they ultimately want everyone who isn’t a Nord out of Skyrim, Harry, who just spent his entire childhood listening to Vernon ranting about immigrants and dropping ethnic slurs after a few drinks, and then getting to Hogwarts and having to deal with Malfoy on a daily basis and Voldemort on an existential one decides against ever joining them. And then the dragon arrives.
The entire theme is Harry turning up as a fourteen year old, and every single adult with honour and morals just stopping to ask if he’s all right. The main quest gets very interesting indeed, but he’s not alone because Harry will meet Lucien Flavius early, the two of them hit it off because Lucien reminds Harry of Hermione, is more than happy to be de facto adult to stop Harry getting shipped off to the orphanage while simultaneously letting Harry lead the way, and has both knowledge of this world and money, neither of which Harry really has to start with. We could even add Inigo or Kaidan as someone who can actually fight - Kaidan easier to introduce than Inigo. Maybe Inigo leaves his cell to track Harry down, although even Inigo has to admit Harry wasn’t the one he shot.
Arngeir and the Greybeards are sympathetic but agree the dragon blood makes you restless and can’t be contained for long, only guided, and it is their duty to guide a Dragonborn - they do give him the horn retrieval quest but advise him to enlist help. Delphine is all ‘are you kidding me?? They gave the dragon blood to a kid? Well, I suppose we can’t be choosy. Your friends can fight, right? We’re killing a dragon. You can stay out of the way. When it dies, you can take its soul.’ Harry dislikes her on sight.
A trip to Markarth results in Harry getting arrested, and on confronting Madanach without a wand, Madanach takes one look and is all ‘wait, how old are you??’ and promptly rethinks his entire approach. And then he gets a look at the scar and is all ‘er... do you realise you have a fragment of someone else’s soul in that thing?’ Harry did not realise that but it dawns on him that it makes so much sense. “Voldemort left part of his soul inside me??”
“It, er, would seem so. Who’s Voldemort?” Harry will never get used to a world where people have never heard of Voldemort.
“He’s an evil wizard from back home. He killed my parents and gave me this scar - except the curse backfired and killed him. I’m not sure why, but maybe left his soul in me? Can you fix it?”
“Sadly no... but I bet my sister could. All right. Listen. Never mind our previous disagreement. Neither of us want to die in this prison, right? I’m going to destroy all these confidential documents, then you’re going to wait here while I take care of business. And then we’re getting out of here, and we’re visiting my sister and she will sort out your little soul problem.”
Cue an escape that is less violent than it could have been what with Madanach staying by Harry the whole time and shielding him, and once Harry gets his gear back, he’s calling Lucien on the resonant sphere, and soon his mates are there as well, all of them hanging out at Hag’s End looking around very uncomfortably. That doesn’t change when they meet Keirine either but there’s too many Forsworn around for combat to be an option. Fortunately Keirine is as good as her brother’s word and is able to soul-trap the fragment out and heal Harry’s scar up. It’s still there but a lot fainter and Harry feels lighter for having done it and realises this lot can’t be all bad. Keirine and Madanach invite them all to stay as guests, and Madanach asks more about Voldemort, eventually getting the entire story off Harry, plus all sorts of things about the wizarding world in general. Why, Harry isn’t sure... until a few weeks later when Madanach sends him a letter to visit and Harry arrives to be introduced to Madanach’s youngest daughter Eola and her new boyfriend Cicero, who are going to go on a mission to the wizarding world and track down this Voldemort guy for you, Harry. What, you thought stopping him was all down to you. Kid, you’re very talented but you were completely reliant on that twig to even cast a spell until you landed here, and you’re fourteen. Killing evil liches is not a job for a kid but these two are old hands. (Cicero at this point squeals ‘stabbing!’ and Harry decides to leave them to it.)
Cue sideplot where Cicero and Eola go to Hogwarts, intercept Umbridge who arrives at the same time, kill her and steal her paperwork which is easily forged so it’s got Eola’s name instead of Umbridge’s, and Professor Eola Umbridge is all set to infiltrate with her teaching assistant Cicero. No one is really fooled by Eola’s accent or by her claim to be Canadian, but seeing as they were expecting a Ministry plant and are getting a competent combat teacher instead, no one is actually complaining. Because Cicero and Eola are actually competent, three books get condensed into one year as Dumbledore finds out Harry’s not a Horcrux anymore and these two can track down the others easily enough and Eola can soul-trap them safely thanks to the ritual Keirine taught her. Bonus DADA lesson involving Eola stressing the need to cope without your wand and not to underestimate non-mages and Mr Malfoy, would you like to help with a demonstration. Just cast a spell at Cicero, anything you like. Needless to say, Cicero dodges it, drops and forward rolls, tackles Malfoy, gets the wand off him and pins him down in a headlock with a knife at his throat in about ten seconds. Draco is shrieking like a baby but the rest of the class is delighted. This particular plotline ends up with Harry being invited to Madanach’s again a year later only to see Voldemort’s head on a wall and Madanach proudly asking if that was him. Harry’s not sure how to react but yes, it is. Eola’s got letters from Ron and Hermione too, who she ended up working with after they kept trying to foil her evil plans *eyeroll* seriously Harry, what is it with you people and expecting teenagers to hunt down dangerous lich lords.
“Look, I’m literally having to hunt dragons because no one else can kill them permanently.”
“Only because no one else can do that soul-taking thing on them. If a competent adult could do that, they’ll be retiring you, kid.”
Speaking of which! Solstheim is horrifying, Apocrypha worse, but on first meeting Miraak, Miraak gets halfway through “WHO ARE YOU TO-” before stopping and examining Harry closely in silence, before realising that a) Harry’s Dragonborn and b) he’s fifteen. Which is young even by Atmoran standards. Cue a few questions from Miraak who listens carefully and hums to himself before telling Harry that as a gesture of good faith Harry’s friends will be released from the mind control, and that Harry should return to Raven Rock and wait for a week, not opening the book again. Miraak needs to research something first. “But if you see everyone released from their labour early, I have found what I was after and you may return to speak with me again.”
“What- what are you after?”
“I wish to know about the potency of dragon blood. Mora knows my own and has bound it to his realm. But he doesn’t know yours at all. Lend me a little of yours and I can be free without needing the shrines.”
“What are you going to do when you’re free?”
“I don’t know,” Miraak chuckles. “Perhaps I shall rule all Solstheim again. Or perhaps I shall investigate that little civil war over on the mainland. Or perhaps I shall deal with the World-Eater who I hear is troubling Keizaal once more. Forgive me, krosis, but I do not think it is a fitting job for a fifteen year old boy.”
“I’m not scared of Alduin!”
“Niid? You should be. Regardless, I can sense your strength as Dovahkiin. It is not enough. They are not training you properly. Do you even know the full fire breath shout? No. You do not. My immediate path is clear at least. Alduin has returned. A Dovahkiin is required to deal with him. The one Vus has is not going to manage alone. I will return, train you properly, and then we will fight him together, yes?”
Harry is immediately mistrustful, but on the other hand Madanach has so far proved reliable and he’s heard reports the Reach is quieter these days, less Forsworn attacks. It likely won’t last, but Madanach did cure his scar so there’s that. Still, Miraak is Dragonborn. So Harry agrees and Miraak hands the book back to him and tells him to read it again to leave.
True enough, Lucien emerges from somewhere inside the temple, looking mildly traumatised and far from being shackled to a stone, it turned out he was in a bedroom in the Temple, remembering a voice saying ‘this one is too delicate for manual labour, I shall keep him in my Temple, awaiting my return’. Lucien is a bit weirded out, and poor oblivious Harry has no idea what’s behind that. Inigo and Kaidan’s raised eyebrows and odd remarks also go right over his head and he has no idea why Lucien’s blushing.
Miraak keeps his word, releases everyone else after three days and Harry visits him again. A short ritual later, and the First Dragonborn is free, and keeps his word regarding training Harry. Even if Lucien is blushing constantly and Miraak keeps smiling at him and paying him extravagant compliments and offering to keep him warm.
Meanwhile Sirius and Remus aren’t letting this stand, and the Last Marauders manage to find a way to Tamriel, possibly with insider assistance from Eola. Sirius and Remus are explicitly boyfriends. None of this Remus/Tonks rubbish. The two of them cause chaos all over Tamriel (Night to Remember is involved) until they finally track Harry down and reunite. Sirius ends up as Harbinger of Jorrvaskr and lives there with Remus, who thanks to Aela, now has control over his beast form, and they both decide Skyrim is a better home than England.
TL;DR - Alduin is defeated by Miraak and Harry working together, Miraak Bend Wills the Blades into sparing Paarthurnax, and ends up as Archmage of Winterhold, because not even the College is mad enough to put the teenager in charge. Harry is surprised to see Miraak and Lucien having private conversations with each other, and a few public ones over dinner enthusing over ancient Nordic history, and next thing he knows, Lucien is moving in to the Archmage’s quarters. It falls to Kaidan to break the news to Harry that same-sex relationships are a thing. And suddenly Harry has questions about Sirius and Remus too.
Harry splits his time between Jorrvaskr and the College, training in magic and the Thu’um, and determinedly staying out of the politics, even when Lucien discovers a sentient Dwemer ruin, at which point Harry realises Lucien is in fact not normal at all but a deranged little man who just marched an army of Dwemer robots on Windhelm along with Miraak and several mind-controlled dragons. It did sort the war out, granted, but Harry wishes his friends were, well, normal.
Harry returns to Hogwarts to take OWLs, which he passes with flying colours thanks to all the lessons from Madanach, Keirine, Sirius, Remus and Miraak, and then rejoins for his sixth year. With no Voldemort, he’s never going back to live with the Dursleys... and for the holidays, Miraak and Lucien pick him up with Sahrotaar and Relonikiv, much to everyone’s horror, apart from Ron who’s very impressed. There is much posturing between Miraak and Snape, and for that matter Dumbledore, who Miraak loudly greets with ‘ah, so this is the man that thought destroying a dangerous lich was best served by grooming a teenage boy for the job’. Awkward.
Romances - Ron/Hermione still a thing, but Ginny’s gone off with Luna instead. Luna’s trans. So are McGonagall and Snape. Harry... Harry went vampire hunting with Sirius and Remus, and developed a crush on Serana. She patted his cheek and said he was very sweet but a bit young. Harry’s determined to come back when he’s twenty one and sweep her off her feet. It may work yet.
Lucien’s parents eventually meet Harry and spoil him rotten. Lucien’s letters apparently won them over before Harry ever set foot there. Harry’s now got more parental figures than he knows what to do with, what with Lucien as his foster-brother, Inigo and Kaidan as his unofficial brothers, Sirius as his official legal guardian and Remus as official step-guardian, and now Uncle Miraak too, and then there’s Madanach and Keirine who send regular birthday gifts, and occasionally prank gifts to Draco.
Praise be to Sheogorath, the epilogue never happens, and kids with unimaginative names like Albus never grace this earth.
