“What do you imagine our future looks like?” It’s a question Ren himself once asked Junichi when they were young. It’s a question said with far less innocence that it had been originally asked with, instead the words are coated in Junichi’s own signature poison (is it spoken with love and affection dripping from every syllable? or is trickery and deceit? both?). A hand, capable of so much pain and suffering, gently rubs along Ren’s side as he awaits an answer to confirm what he already knows.
The future? ... Their future?It’s enough to have Ren shudder!
Question was of a familiar nature, one that he recalled almost as clear as day. He had asked him this so many years back (looked at him with glassy eyes. held him back by the wrist. looked at him directly. asked him in only a murmur.) to little effect, only having received a strong embrace that maybe was too tight with lips pressed to his forehead, murmuring “I’ll be here.” into skin. He remembered having a good, long cry after that and having to stay overnight with him somewhere desolate, somewhat abandoned, and somewhere quiet.
At times, he wondered why he didn’t try to go any further during that day.
It’s put him into an undeniable silence, Ren wondering if the question held any sort of gravity other than to simply fill time and space. Hands were resting on chest, the mayor as close as he could be to Junichi with other male’s hand grazing along (up and down. ren recognizes the touch and dedicates it to his memory.) his hip. He swallowed, eyes now downcast towards their pair of chests that nearly touched. It’s hard not to squirm. It’s hard not to writhe. It’s hard not to simply lose sight and lose control when he’s around Junichi.
There have been times where he wondered if all of these questions were mere made to hurt him-- to dig under skin (claw into flesh! grab at the bones! break them!) and to make him cry. Peering up at him for but a moment, Ren’s already decided that he would be okay with that. If that’s what Junichi wanted then he’d be more than happy to oblige.
In some ways, he knew this was sad but it didn’t matter.Junichi could use him all he wanted, and Ren would smile and laugh alongside him.
At least, in a way, that meant that Ren was useful to him.
“Together? Yeah, together. ... If that’s okay with JunJun.”
At first, it was a simple answer with him peering away once more. Upon lips were a light smile, Ren almost bashful with the very idea. It was partially a show while also retaining sincerity. Hands press harder (but not too hard. he just needs to feel.) before sliding themselves up to loop arms around and hook fingers behind Junichi’s neck.
“I want to marry you,” he admitted seconds later with no shame and no regret. “I’d be the wife, and you’d be the husband.”
Almost like they’d be playing a game of house.
“Or... I’ll be whatever you want me to be.”
(i can be the dog if you want.)
“I just wanna be whatever makes JunJun happy.”
Another slip into informality, something that Ren’s been noticing that’s worsened ever since Junichi returned. He’s slipping and slipping back into carelessness whenever he’s around, like he truly had no control over his life from the very start.
“Whatever you want-- I’ll do it,” he uttered, raising his head to gaze up at him with no hesitation nor reluctance. He tries to shuffle a bit closer, expression flinching at the realization that they couldn’t be any more intimate. However, he could make due. He’d have to. “I love JunJun.”
Shameless. Disgusting. Grotesque.
“I love you,” he repeated, clear and concise with eyes that looked on the brink of tears. He wouldn’t cry (unless that’s what junichi wanted. he’d try to cry in exactly the way he wanted him to.) but looks could and always would be deceiving. Head tilted, somewhat innocently. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”
He recalls all the times Junichi’s randomly inquired of ring sizes. He recalls all the times he caught Junichi’s gaze on the nape of his neck. He recalls piecing together all the puzzle pieces into something... comprehensible.
It could all be a clever ploy, something used to hurt Ren and leave him broken but wanting. It could all be something more, a way to wrap a rope around Ren’s waist and pull him closer. Either way, it’s the perfect trap.
Ren doesn’t want to leave. He likes the pain. He likes the pleasure.He loves everything there is about Junichi.
“Maybe we will be married. A happy one-- with a nice house, a big yard, and cute dates every weekend.” Lips expose teeth in toothy, little grin. “With pretty rings, too.”
All of this should have been embarrassing. He’s never been one to discuss, to talk, and to reveal these precious little details. Had anyone else asked him and promptly mocked (like he expected.) him, he may have actually cried. He may have actually choked on his words and retreated into himself. With Junichi, though...? He felt simply compelled to spill his guts.
“We wouldn’t have to take anyone’s names-- unless... unless you wanted me to.”
Junichi taking Ren’s surname? He wouldn’t even offer it as a joke. His protector (his god!) deserved better. Always in charge and always comes first.
(it has a certain ring to it.)
