I’ll probably never write Futurama fics bc I’m a coward but if I did it would 100% be Dwight and Cuebert getting like a substitute teacher or something and the teacher doesn’t want to do shit so they assign some “tell us what you love most about your family” essay. They take it around the Planet Express crew bc captive audience and get some absolutely batshit crazy answers.
Zoidberg is like “Ah, yes, the professor and I have been friends for many years. It hasn’t even been dampered by how many times we have almost killed each other. S’great.” Hermes shreds some tax forms and says job security. Fry talks about how in the 21st Century he was some lame delivery boy and now he gets to be a lame delivery boy IN SPACE and isn’t that sick????
Leela gives the closest to an alright answer which is “well even when I was technically an illegal person the professor gave me a job here and paid me decent, which was nice of him. Also I do enjoy flying.”
The craziest answers are probably Amy and Bender. Amy is like “well, I do like science stuff, and the professor lets me follow my passions” while building her 50th failed death ray this week. Bender leans in and says “you know what’s great about workin’ here? We’re all criminals. Ain’t nobody gonna snitch on nobody here. S’free alibis.” “Bender we aren’t-” “Oh are YOU gonna tell on me, bossy boots? Huh? With the dirt I’ve got on you?” “Fine. Whatever.”
Parent-Teacher Conference night gets pretty fucking wild.