đŒ Would my muse prefer a big wedding or a small wedding? + any headcanons about elf marriage you might have
i talked about solasâs desires in a wedding here so iâll take this ask as a place to discuss marriage in elvhenan.
first i should say that elvhenan was a huge empire that spanned most of thedas. the chances that they would have one streamlined set of customs is unlikely, so even if my headcanons clash with othersâ itâs a big enough place and time period that thereâs room for everything. so here we go.
marriage existed for many of the same reasons it exists in modern thedas: to establish family ties, economic liasons, political alliances, and also for love.
i think the one distinction is that in elvhenan marriage is not quite as tied to having children. people certain did marry to start a family and raise one, but things such as single parenthood were quite normal. children were something that could be created without sexual intercourse, with elves such as jolyâs miraen being more or less wished into existing.
as an addition to this, even tho idk if it needs to be said, marriage was never something conceived as being strictly between a man or a woman.
also, i feel that there may either be an adjacent ceremony or a shared one for close platonic relationships. we know a term exists for it-- twin souls-- so there does seem to be recognition of intense platonic relationships in the language. so i could see one existing officially/legally.
for solas specifically, it wasnât something that existed as he was growing up. couples existed, but official recognition of them did not. marriage is something he was introduced to later, likely when he began to serve as mythalâs guardian. which contributes in part to his initial interest in it. itâs new, and he enjoys getting to understand it.
to the dalish, sylaise represented the family, but i donât think it was so clear-cut in elvhenan. given how the gods became more likely to argue and war as elvhenan went on, i imagine ceremonies were specific to whichever evanuris you or your family favoured. perhaps joint ceremonies if those evanuris were not the same.
the feasibility of a divorce likely depended upon status and the reasons why the marriage happened. a marriage arranged for economic or political reasons would likely be harder to break than one for raising a family or love. yet at the same time, with âtil death do us partâ not being much of a concept in elvhenan, divorce existed. elves might last forever, but relationships didnât necessarily.
polygamy was probably a thing, although how common it was likely depended. we have no indication that sylaiseâs marriage to june or mythalâs marriage to elgarânan are anything more than dalish myth, but i feel if sylaise was in a monogamous marriage then so, too, would her people be encouraged to do so. just as an example.
now onto some ceremony headcanons.
vows included no mention of âdeath do us partâ and emphasized instead a promise to love the other or support them depending upon the emotional weight behind the coupleâs bond.
the ceremony itself likely had two levels based upon the division between earth and sky. we see in a codex entry that elves would occasionally take physical form for physical intimacy, and i think the whole land-sky dichotomy would play into wedding ceremonies, as well
they could take place in temples or outdoors, depending. i think for those loyal to mythal or fenâamelan/solas, outdoor ceremonies would be favoured. for mythal specifically weddings under trees because mythal fuckin loves her some trees. but a wedding between those faithful to sylaise would likely involve a fire, something as simple as a hearth or potentially something stupid extra. iâm talking dresses made of flame
those in service to the evanuris as priests or acolytes likely performed the ceremony. i also imagine that while people could downplay non-religious aspects, it would be difficult to remove it entirely unless you were beneath notice
weddings would likely be years, maybe decades, in the making especially for those of the upper class. and the event would likely be a long one, most likely a week long or more, although iâm sure the record for longest wedding is obscene
among lower class and slaves they were simpler affairs, the former likely still longer than weddings by our standards. marriage between slaves likely wasnât formally recognised
and also, weddings happened between members of the rebellion
like the weddings before the rebellion began, these unions arenât legally recognised by the empire (obviously) and were not drawn out affairs. the rebellion in general is marked by moving quicker than elvhenan, in love as well as battle.
the ceremony involved handfasting, the tying of hands with ribbon or cloth, before the vows were spoken.
vows DID include references to death, referencing the precarious situation of warring with the gods, but with a hopeful slant so as not to appear dour. they were bright spots meant to be celebrated, but to not mention the potential for death only brought more attention to it.
ceremonies were overseen by whoever the couple wished, typically friends. solas married a few couples that he was personally close to and who he trusted saw him as only a friend, but would often turn down requests for those he feared still saw him as something more than elven.
they were held wherever it was most convenient, be it the crossroads or the sanctuary or in a camp. whoever happened to be there at the moment were the guests, unless the couple wanted to wait so someone particularly important to them could attend.
