Jan 4, 2016
Creepy girls do it better.
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Creepy girls do it better.
Nasty money.
Shoutout to all the local hxc scenes, post your links below and I'll check your shit cunts.
Life is so weird. A couple years ago I was addicted to shows and now I'm just addicted to finding neat things. Searching for decent priced wet specimens or taxidermy. What will I like next year or the year after that and so on? I mean I miss going to shows and I'm gonna make a comeback on those but where are all the good bands? Old school shit. Anyways; I'm having a horrible time finding a three bedroom house and it's so frustrating. I want to stay in the town I'm in because this is my hometown but at the same time I want to go somewhere new like I did last time but then that involves switching westleys school and I want to avoid that if I can so I have so many decisions to make about that subject. I want to snag a couple classes at community college so I can get into SUNY Canton but that's three hours away and Andy and I can't transfer jobs so if we move there our income will be nothing so I have to drive three hours to go to an hour long class and drive three hours home and then work all night plus be a full time mother. Life is so cruel.
It would always be really cool if I wasn't such a bitch all the time. I'm sorry I don't appreciate getting called out on things and I also don't appreciate being belittled. The thing about me is that you can't drag me down. You can't make me go any lower than I already make myself. I am true acceptance of my wrongs in my life and I embrace it. I will always fall back and crush your fucking dreams. It's what I was made to do.
I really hate it when people use the phrase "why don't you pawn your kid off on his dad." Like no bitch. He loves his father and his father loves him. I'm not a fucking bitch so I'll let him take him when he wants to. Sorry my child has a father who wants to see him. I have no restrictions with his father neither. Wes is half of him so he has all rights to do whatever with him. I mean when I start hearing things that are unsafe or irresponsible then I will begin to use restrictions. But I'm a mature enough adult to realize keeping my child away from his father will hurt him in the long run, not make his life any easier. I'm not letting his father take him because I need a break or because I want to go put and all that shit. I don't drink. I don't go out when I don't have him. I usually just stay at home regardless. I love my child and my breaks are his naps or when he falls asleep at night. I'm a mother and a proud one.
I have never been in a relationship with someone that is so real. Someone who would go to all ends of the earth to make me happy yet play fight with me and pin me to the ground. Andy literally is the greatest thing ever and I've probably said that about previous people but he literally makes me beyond happy and he's so good for me. He helps me out more than anyone and seeing as I have nobody it is nice to have an extra hand around here. He's so good with Wes, will read books to him and play with us and when we have Hayley it feels complete. I wish her mom would be civil with us because it makes me sad when he has to give her back and go forever without seeing her. She makes it so hard on him. And I wish shed see that's its only hurting Hayley. I understand where she comes from with me being in the picture but I don't even care if I see her or not, I mean I love her being around, her and Wes are so cute together, but I just want him to be able to spend quality time with his daughter. Things will get better. I seriously hope so.
I really just want to feel normal again. I want to be able to enjoy my life without having to suffer a migraine. I want to listen to loud music, enjoy my child's screaming, stop yelling at everybody to stop talking. I can't stand this. I can't stand taking medicine every day a million times a day. I'm so fucking depressed I just want to chop my head off. I want to turn my brightness up on my phone, I want to enjoy the sunshine. I want to listen to volumes on repeat so loud. I want to be me again.